"So did you and Sehun really broke up?"
Lucy poked her head in my room, looking even smaller than usual in an oversized pink sweater. Her dark hair stuck out of her ponytail, making her head looked oddly shaped. She'd done her own hair this morning. At least she got an A for effort. I turned away from the bookcase, dropped the dust rag on the floor, and sat on the bed. "What are you doing? I thought you went to the store with Eomma."
"She had too many errands to run, and I told her I'll just stay home with you." Without an invitation, she came into my room and jumped on my bed, making me bounced a few times.
I didn't mind. I was happy for her company. Any company, really. I had talked to Soyeon a few times over the weekend, but she was always busy with something. And she said she could only take my moping in small doses. She promised to be back to lend a sympathetic ear tomorrow at school, but not a day sooner.
When Lucy leaned her head toward me, I pulled on her pink hair-tie and combed my fingers through her hair. Separating her hair in three sections, I braided it, concentrating on keeping each section even.
She played with the ruffled throw pillow. "So did you? Eomma told Appa that you did, but I didn't believe her."
My hands paused at the neck. "Yeah. I did."
"Oh."
The room got quiet as she rock back and forth on the bed, waiting for me to finish. I took my time tucking in each strand that tried to escape until the braid was perfectly trailing down her back. I finished the braid and tied the ends.
She scratched the bottom of her chin with the end of her braid. "Was it his fault?"
"No, not really. It was - we couldn't -" How was I supposed to explain our relationship to a nine-year-old? Ugh, even I didn't understand why we couldn't be together. I mean, I knew the reasons, but I couldn't help thinking they were stupid now. I was stupid. "It's complicated."
"Did you want to break up?"
"No," I admitted, unable to lie to her.
Her lips pouted. "Then it has to be his fault."
I couldn't argue with that logic. "Maybe."
She leaned back against my chest and let me hug her. "Suzy?"
"Yeah?"
"I miss him. He was nice. I don't think any other guys would let me put makeup on them."
I laid my chin on the top of her soft head and closed my eyes. "I miss him, too."
After Lucy left to watch TV, I finished rearranging my bookcase by genre and favorite authors and went to my closet. I'd already divided the clothes that I would bring to college, the ones I'd leave behind, and the ones I'd give to charity, but there was no harm in double-checking. Maybe there was something I was missing. Something I'd need in the future.
And that's why I was kind of buried in shirts and sweaters when Appa when in with a plateful of cookies. "Do you want to take a break for a minute?"
"Sure." I carefully moved around the piles and came over to sit with him on the bed. "Do you have -" Without waiting for me to finish, he slipped two extra plates from beneath the plate of cookies and handed one to me with a smile. "Thanks, Appa."
"No problem. Wouldn't want any crumbs to fall on your floor, now would we?" he asked, leaned backward against my pillow. "Who taught you to be so clean?"
I stifled a laugh. He was such a dork sometimes. "That would be you. Remember? As soon as you married Eomma, you taught me that organization and structured plans were the key to happiness."
"Yeah, I forget how brilliant I am sometimes."
I laughed and was about to bite the cookie into my mouth when I realized that it was homemade. "Uh, where did this come from? Did Eomma bake?" I asked, sniffing the cookie. It looked safe enough. And it was my favorite - white chocolate chip.
Appa grabbed one for himself and set it on his plate. "Goodness, no. Do you hear the smoke detectors buzzing? I think someone gave a whole basketful to your mom. She didn't tell who, though."
With a sigh of relief, I took a huge bite. It was delicious. Sweet and chewy. Within a minute, I had eaten two more. I swear, I didn't even need to chew. I just blinked, and they were gone.
Chocolate really is the key to happiness. I was feeling better already, although the sugar crash would probably get to me later. The cookies did make me feel kind of wistful. They reminded me of the desserts Sehun's mom used to make for me. And of course, that made me think of Sehun, and bam! We were right back where we started.
Appa had a major sweet tooth, so I was surprised that he only ate two of the cookies. He dusted his hands over the plate before setting it aside on my nightstand. "So, are you ready to leave this house?"
I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Graduation's not for a while, Appa. And I'm not moving until the end of July. Believe me, there's plenty of time."
"It's one month, three weeks, and two days until graduation. I have a feeling time is going to fly by." Appa pointed at the overflowing chaos on the floor. "Why are you packing so early if there's still plenty of time? Are you that anxious to leave?"
"No, of course not. I just . . ." I shrugged. "I just didn't have anything else to do today."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Is it because of that Sehun boy."
I shoved another cookie in my mouth to delay answering him. If I lied and told Appa no, he'd just interrogate me some more and find out the truth. But the thought of talking to him about boy problems made me want to throw up all the cookies I'd just eaten. This was one time where having a lawyer for a dad sucked.
Finally, I just nodded and kept my eyes down.
"I can't say that I'm sad that you two broke up. I mean, he seemed all right at first. But that was before you two - I'm not saying that you - hopefully you didn't. It's just that I know boys are into, hmmm . . ."
Omo. Now I was considering to throw up for real to distract him. I'd never seen him stumble over his words so much. Not even when he accidentally ran over some lady's dog and ended up having to pay for the cremation.
Appa let out a sigh. "You're my little girl. To be honest, I don't want you dating anyone. Ever. At least, not while I'm still alive. Or while I can't see."
"Well, that's not really a problem now . . ."
"But I don't want you to be sad, either." He swept a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen up. Organization and structured plan aren't the key to happiness and success. It might make life easier if things were perfect all the time, but they won't be. You can plan everything. Things happen. And that's okay. You shouldn't do something just because it's easy and neat. Because sometimes messy isn't that bad."
My eyes widened, and I gaped at him. "Can you say that again? I think I need to record that as evidence that you've gone crazy." I pulled out my phone and held it up.
"No way, I already told you I'm only saying it once." He gathered the plates and headed toward the door. "Besides, you know that in order to use the recorded conversation as evidence, both parties would have to be consent, and I already said I wouldn't. Therefore, this conversation would be inadmissible in court."
I smiled sweetly at him. "And you know that rule only pertains to certain states. And a good lawyer could always find an example in the conversation and obtain it as evidence if needed."
He laughed and shook his head. "I don't know if it's such a good idea for you to go to law school. Please help me if you get any smarter than you already are. I'm just saying that if it's something or someone worth fighting for, you should fight for it. It's not called a fight because it's easy."
As usual, he was right. I munched on another cookie as I considered his words.
Appa paused at the doorway. "By the way, your mom wanted me to tell you that she bought more ingredients to make tuna. Should I tell her that you don't need it anymore?"
"Tell her to put it away. Maybe I'll need it later, but I'm good right now." I smiled. It was better to be prepared. There's no telling what would happen next. Life was unexpected like that.