gildthelily has been absolutely incredible with supporting this story, so to thank you for being so kind and just truly one of the most amazing people, I dedicate a chapter to you x
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Foible (noun) ~ a minor weakness in someone's character.
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The morning light shone through my bedroom window, the gap created by the curtains allowed the sunshine to sneak in and awaken me. Even the the clouds were dark and the snow was still evident, the sunshine was that kind of bright and slightly warm when it hits your skin. Before I could really take a second to yawn and stretch out my limbs all of the memories from last night rolled back, replaying like an absolutely tragic monologue.
All of last night could've been totally different if I had just been nicer and understood Harry's very driven passion at being the best he can at his workplace, rather than act selfish and only guilt trip him due to me feeling lonely. Sure, he was the reason I felt lonely, but we haven't known each long enough for an argument like that to occur, it shouldn't have even occurred in the first place.
The silence that overthrew my apartment was deafening, it was loud — even though not a sound rung out. I knew he was gone, I gave him the option and I made him think that's what I wanted... He took the easy route out and I practically gave him the key. I sat up and rubbed my fingers under my eyes, collecting any smudged mascara I cried off last night and ridding my inner corners of sleep dust that settled there. I left my bedroom and once again I heard nothing, proving my point, he left because he couldn't see himself being with me in the long run. He left like I told him he could, I pushed him away like I seemed to push everyone else away. That's all I ever seem to do, that's the only thing I am good at – anyone could vouch for that.
I already miss him.
Suddenly a scream bounced out my throat as a head of messy brown gentle curls popped up from behind the marble counter of my kitchen. He's still here. He stayed. He never left me like I assumed he would. He placed his hand over his heart as he gasped loudly, utterly shocked that I was awake and that I screamed basically in his face.
"Jesus Luna! What's wrong?" He panicked.
"I thought you'd be gone," it took a moment for the words to register in his mind, before his hands pressed against the countertop to help him up from his kneeled position.
"You really thought I'd go?" He sighed sadly, making no attempts at getting closer to me as he pressed the front of his hips into the counter, leaning against it. The large gap between us managed to feel like an ocean. When I said nothing it almost seemed like he couldn't quite believe me, as though the fact that the thought crossed my mind was absolutely ludicrous. "Do you remember the first time you kissed me, and we kissed again, and again," he chuckled, a small smile remained on his lips as I nodded, a blush creeping up into my neck and settling in my cheeks. "The same day you told me your favourite shade of lilac, how you wanted a brother, your parents deaths, Bella —"
"What's your point, Harry?" I snapped, not in a rude way but because I remembered all of this, is was just over a week ago I wouldn't have forgotten already. Although I must say, I'm very pleasantly surprised he still remembers the list of things we spoke about, I'm sure if I let him continue listing off he'd have possibly recited the entire night we spoke.
"I told you I liked you and you said I didn't know you," he still remained stood behind the kitchen counter, my fingers itching to touch him. "I think I know you well enough now to understand my feelings, and I do like you Luna, a lot," he smiled warmly, making my insides flutter.
"But I was I horrible to you," referring to last night. I've just noticed how I never speak my mind when it comes to feelings, besides last night of course. But whenever the opportunity arises for me to confess my not so secret crush on him, I blow it off and hide it all over again. He frowned, did he not see how mean I was being last night? "Yesterday, I was being selfish and I'm sorry. I don't accept your apology because you did nothing wrong. You're job is important to you, I should've understood but I was just scared..."
My voice trailed off and Harry moved from behind the counter but still ensuring a reasonably large gap was kept between us. The urge to take one giant step forward and place my hand on his chest was burning away in me, begging for me to proceed with the idea, but I couldn't push myself to do so. We needed to talk this one out. "Why were you scared? And you don't need to apologise. This is all new to us, of course me basically not speaking to you is going to hurt your feelings, but just in that moment I didn't think about you at all because I'm so used to doing things that concern me and nobody else. Friend or not, you're in my life now and I need to remember if I want to focus on work I should at least reassure you that I'm going nowhere and that I'm just busy. But I didn't, I didn't think you cared as much if I just stopped the amount of times I replied, so I'm sorry."
Friend or not. What does that mean? What was he implying? I'd ask but the nagging fear of humiliation soon threw me off wanting to know.
"No please it's not your fault. I overreacted, I was scared to be alone again like I have been for so long. Nobody ever cares about me Harry — and I know you don't want to hear it but it's true. Nobody cared enough to speak to me or see how I felt about things, I pushed my parents away and suddenly they died just as things were getting better between us. They're gone and I felt like I had nothing and nobody anymore, I didn't see the point of continuing this life on my own. And then I saw you, by a complete and utter accident I saw you," I rambled.
Out of all the places I went that rainy night it just had to be the small, quiet cafe. The same cafe a lonely, struggling young man was sat all alone putting on a fake smile for the owner as she topped up his tea as he fought through the messy yet intriguing mind of his. If the weather was dry I'd have never went to that cafe, if I was let off work later than six I'd have never gone to the cafe and seen Harry. If Lynn didn't make him laugh he'd have never captured my attention. I can't even imagine what I'd be like without him anymore, I'm used to his company, his stupid texts and calls at ten PM to talk about something funny that happened to him. I'm so used to this new change I don't want it to ever switch around and shatter away, ruin me and ruin the gorgeous image that I managed to create. That someone can make you happy, that someone can take the lonely away from you. That I, Luna Everdeen, could actually be happy.
"I'm scared to be pulled back into my old lifestyle; being lonely and sad all the time. I hated it and I don't want to go back, now I know what it's like to be happy and genuinely laugh with somebody I won't put myself back to that place I came from," I whispered, my eyes stinging with tears as they threatened to spill and cause a scene. He stepped closer to me, one of his hands at his side limply and his other hand resting on my shoulder, thumb sliding over the bare skin as my baggy top had slipped slightly down.
"You don't need to be scared about being alone, I'm not going anywhere, isn't me staying after you basically told me to leave enough to prove that I want to stay with you?" He asked, tilting his head to the side so his eyes could meet mine. His green eyes blazing into mine, his hard gaze was somehow soft and managed to warm my insides as my eyes felt almost like a magnet connecting with his. I just couldn't look away from him. His green eyes, sweet sun-kissed skin, curly brown hair that looked so soft and contrasted beautifully with his skin.
Before I could even debate my next actions I had swung my arms around his neck and pulled him into my body, my face tucked in the crook of his neck as his arms wound tightly around my slim waist. I was on my tip toes as I held him tightly never wanting to let go. Yesterday I was so close to being sucked back into the lonely life that I've always been in, but today feels like a new start, like a promise that I won't go back to being alone.
Some may think I'm over dramatic, that being alone isn't that bad. But some people can handle that, I just can't. I have never been able to cope with being alone, now I have no parents I know I couldn't handle that emotionally painful suffering of feeling as though I'm completely and utterly alone. Drifting on a piece of wood out in the ocean, completely stranded and abandoned.
It's crazy how one person can change so much in so little time.
"You don't think I'm pathetic do you?" I whispered, my lips brushing against the warmth of his neck, string of goosebumps arising from my breath fanning on his skin.
"Of course I don't," he said, pulling back but keeping his hands tight on my waist holding me still. "I don't have any idea what's it like to be alone, all your remaining family in another country, both your parents gone and without people around you that you can trust and stay with. I wouldn't know what that feels like, but I can promise you I'm not going anywhere I like you," he rambled. "I don't think you're pathetic," he repeated. "You being scared a lot is just a foible."
"A what?" I frowned, twisting my fingers in his top as I rested my hands against his chest. He chuckled, looking rather impressed by his choice of vocabulary.
"A foible, it's like small flaw in someone's characteristics," he explained briefly, he saw my fear of being alone as a flaw, but just a small one. "I happen to like flaws, I have a whole bunch myself."
His statement seemed rather unlikely in my eyes, what flaw could this absolutely drop dead gorgeous man possibly have?
"Like what?" I smiled amusedly.
"I'm also scared of being alone," he admitted sheepishly, my smile dropping from my face in zero point two seconds as I stared at him. I knew we were similar people, I just didn't think we were this similar. "So I know what it's like to constantly fear that you'll be lonely all your life, nobody will love you and nobody will want you. I don't know what it's like actually suffering that like you did, but I know what the feeling is like," his green eyes filling with sadness, my heart snapping with each of his words. My heart resembled a broken mirror, endless amounts of shattered pieces in all different sizes. "It's an awful flaw to have; being scared. But I think you and me will be just fine."
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A/N; another update fml
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