i was screaming.
the next thing i remember is yoongi shaking me awake.
"areum! areum, wake up!"
my eyes shot open and i immediately clutched yoongi into a hug.
"i'm sorry-y. it's my f-fault."
i was shaking.
"hey, it was just a dream. breathe."
he rubbed circles on my back.
but i couldn't breathe.
"it felt real. so real."
i shivered as memories flew at me.
"it's my fault. it's my fault. it's my fault."
i murmured.
yoongi took a step back to sit in his chair, taking my hand in his.
"what's your fault?"
he asked quietly.
"the fire. that's what nari s-said."
yoongi appeared unfazed.
maybe he didn't know.
what if he did.
"fire?"
stop.
don't you dare.
he needs to know.
no, he doesn't.
honey, he's just trying to find new ways to hurt you.
he'll be so disgusted with you.
after all, it is your fault.
please stop saying that.
why?
it's the truth.
no.
it can't be.
well, it is.
just shut your mouth.
"i-i don't know."
"it's okay."
but it wasn't.
as much as i try to pretend,
i'm not okay.
it's not okay.
and i haven't been since i was twelve years old.
nari is never going to let me get better.
because, to her, it will always be my fault.
she's like sooyun and chaeyoung.
but much worse.
she never leaves me alone.
she's always there, in the back of my head.
she always there, beside me.
taunting me.
reminding me.
"it's my fault."