{we're gonna try minimise the fluff, I hate that you's may find it cringe :( }
Harry has been quite quiet this past week, since I slept over at his place to be exact. The headmaster of the school he works in warned Harry about the cuts yet again, and due to Harry's lack of optimism he shut himself off from the world — from me — to focus on his work. Whenever we'd send each other selfies of whatever we were up to just to let each other know we're still alive and whatnot, he always had dark bags hung under his eyes, proving his lack of sleep. I told him to come over and stay the night, watch a movie or two and go to sleep with me. But nada. He had to create a slideshow to present to his class about chimney sums and that was far more important than sleep apparently.
I wouldn't ever fight him on his decisions to put all his effort into ensuring his work was the best it could be, to prove to his boss that he was worthy of keeping his job over the other teachers. But now, exactly a week later, Harry's still depriving himself of sleep and I have yet to see him properly. We accidentally bumped into each other at the local Tesco two days ago, where we awkwardly danced around the fact we actually knew each other really well — we practically acted like damn strangers.
It was currently ten p.m, and I patiently waited by my phone for a text from Harry, my last text was sent but still remained unread, 'hey fancy coming over?'. I had a bowl of popcorn, the bottom of the plastic bowl contained a few kernels that hadn't popped and small crumbs. The sweetness from the soft warm popcorn tingled on my tastebuds as I shuffled further into my couch. Lolita playing on the screen as I eagerly watched the film, the aesthetic scenes becoming pleasant as I continued watching. As the film finished and I was left with the reeling thoughts of the film a loud thud was heard from the hallway outside my front door. I froze at the edge of my couch, slowly standing up and cautiously waiting to hear anything else. Which I did. Another thud, except this time it was on my door, a soft gravelly sound was heard making me frown confusedly. I quietly made my way around the small table in front of my couch and to stand in front of the door, peeping through the small glass hole to see who was outside — nothing.
As I turned on my heel choosing to ignore the noise I jumped in alert as another thud sounded out, louder than before due to me standing so close to the door. Whoever it was was now beginning to piss me off, I threw open the door and a head dropped to the ground at my feet, shoulders nudging against the wooden floor and a thud from the unexpected body made me cringe. Harry. He was groaning in pain and swaying as he sat up, his body wouldn't stop swaying side to side resembling someone on a boat. When he opened his eyes they were bloodshot red and his pupils were dilated, his cheeks were rosy red from either the chilly air outside or the fact he was drunk. I could practically smell the alcohol reeking off of him, lingering in the air and irritating my nose.
"What are you doing here?" I frowned, holding my hands out to help him up. He pushed my hands away mumbling something incoherently, pushing himself off the ground and leaning against the frame of my opened door. "Harry?" I pressed again, a frown evident on my face as he looked up and down the hallway as if checking he didn't disturb anyone.
"Everdeen?" A voice groaned from across the hall, as I looked away from Harry's intense gaze I saw Joseph, he was a single father of two kids. "Your friend just woke up my kids."
"I'm so sorry Joseph, I didn't," I paused, unsure of how to explain the situation. "I'm sorry," I decided to apologise for Harry instead, Harry was causally leaning against the wall opposite me, eyes closed as his head softly leaned forward, like he was falling asleep.
"Just take him inside, it won't be good if Catherine comes back and finds this drunken mess in the hall," he sighed, turning around and walking back inside his apartment. Catherine was the wife of the man who ran this building, she practically stalked the halls to ensure everything and everyone was in there right place. Harry's eyes fluttered open as he looked at the now shut door of Joseph's apartment and back to me again.
"Get in."
My tone was clipped, I didn't want to be mean to him but he's ignored me all week and suddenly shows up out of the blue and completely drunk. He stumbled over his feet and he moved past me, careful not to touch me or brush his skin with mine.
"You just woke up his kids," I said harshly, shutting the door behind me. Anger bubbling within me as I looked at him, my harsh gaze made him look everywhere else but at me.
"So?" He shrugged causally, finally looking at me. "They'd have woken up at some point," he stated with a pointed glance.
"Those kids go to your school, if he recognised you he would have spoken to your boss and you'd lose your job for being so reckless in front of students."
"I'm gonna lose my job anyway," he mumbled, his voice was so low I almost missed it, but I didn't. I heard him loud and clear, his lack of optimism was almost irritable.
"Why are you even here?" I snapped folding my arms over my chest. He slumped down on the couch covering his eyes with the palms of his hands before a rumbled groan escaped his throat.
"To see you, what's it look like?"
"It looks like your drunk off your ass and you don't know where you are," referring to his confused face just moments ago as he looked at me and then down the hall. "Why do you want to see me?"
"I missed you," he pouted. I scoffed, shaking my head, which made Harry's bright, yet slightly red, eyes flash to me. "What?"
"You don't get the right to miss me, you stopped to talking to me not the other way around. You only spoke to me because I'd message or call you first," I stated. "I text you to come over tonight and you ignored it, why show up now."
"I didn't ignore it, I saw it but I was drinking."
"Was this before or after you got absolutely hammered?"
"Before," he blushed, his thumbs twiddling together in his lap as he realised he should've came over to see me before. "I just didn't want to see you then."
"And you want to see me now? Two hours later?" I frowned. This makes no sense, he didn't want to see me two hours ago but now he suddenly does that's why he is here, what could happen in two hours to make someone stumble up to someone's apartment — a certain someone they claimed they didn't want to see.
"I got drunk, I was thinking about you and now, here I am," he held his arms out as if putting himself up on full display for me to stare at. He was in tight black ripped jeans, of course, a tight white t-shirt that hugged his upper half that was slightly transparent as I could just make out a butterfly tattoo. I still hadn't seen him topless, I only knew he had some inked up arms that was all. "Also it's very selfish of you to say I don't have the right to miss you. I told you this week I was focusing on my work, I couldn't have distractions."
"Selfish?" I raised my voice. "Do you know how many times people told me they wanted to focus on their jobs or their work so they could get good grades?! Do you know how many times people told me they were too busy for me? To see me? To even speak to me?" I yelled, tears blurring my vision as I remembered every family member, so called friends or not so official boyfriends blowing me off to 'work' or 'study'.
I didn't doubt Harry, nor did I want him to focus on me rather than his work, but that pinching pain in my heart, that never failed to remind me of the previous times people left me without reason or without warning, kept popping up. I was constantly reminded that Harry would easily sway away from me and block my number, never speak or breathe near me, never kiss me or hold me... I've known him now three weeks and I'm completely infatuated with being around him, just in his presence. I looked at Harry with big doe eyes and saw a flash of hurt flicker across his green eyes like a lightning bolt. And I was the thunder, rumbling with anger and frightening him as he had all these new emotions flashing away inside of him.
"I didn't mean it like that," he whispered, standing up, his drunken state slowly easing away but still present as his words almost morphed into one messy line and his speech was slower than usual. "My job is important to me Luna. All my life this has been my dream, I didn't want to race cars or drive trains, I wanted to teach. That's all I wanted," he said sadly, realising his point wasn't fully across just yet. "I adore the fact my students come to me for advice, they have family problems and they cry to me — they come to me Luna! That's all I wanted in life, not only to be their teacher but somebody they can trust and rely on to help them through hard times. They may be seven or eight years old, but they are all I have. They put a smile on my face before I found you — or better yet, you found me."
"I understand how important your job is to you, I haven't once seen someone so passionate about their job, besides my dad," my words low and steady as I remained impassive, I couldn't allow him to see me cry again, I just couldn't. "I'm sorry if I seemed selfish, but you have no idea how hurt I have been because of you. I have nobody left in my corner Harry, until you! You came along and I didn't feel so alone anymore, and this past week I've been forced back into that lonely lifestyle I suffered before you," I paused, staring at him to ensure he was still following along. "I'm fragile Harry, maybe you haven't realised that yet, but I am. All my life, even when I was trying to be a bigger person and show people they can't walk all over me, I was still fragile. People took advantage of my big heart and my happiness and now look at me! Look at me! What do you see?" I whimpered.
"A beautiful young woman —"
"No!" I yelled weakly, he jumped back in fright not expecting me to speak up. "I'm lonely, an orphan, my family doesn't like me, I have no friends, nobody to stand up for me and help me. Nobody even wants me around them. You easily forgot about me for a week —"
"Stop it! Just stop it!" He shouted, cupping his ears with his hands and blocking out my voice. Like it pained him to hear me be so negative, I guess I'm not so optimistic with life either, there's a similar trait we share... "I'm sorry Luna, you're not alone anymore I'm here I'll always be here, just please... I'm sorry."
I wanted to accept the apology but I realised he didn't do anything wrong, it would be horrible to accept an apology that isn't needed. I'm the selfish one, I knew his job was important yet I made a big deal out of him being drunk and showing up, and telling him he couldn't miss me. I made him feel guilty for my loneliness, and that is the worst thing I could do.
"You can take the couch."
"No Luna! Please I'm —"
I held my up to silence him, I couldn't hear his apology again. "Just listen to me for a second Harry," I said softly, I pushed a pillow and thin blanket into his arms that were always sat in the corner of the living room for whenever I decided to sleep in here rather than my bedroom. "If you aren't in this for the long run then I want you to be gone by morning, I can't handle getting more attached to you only to end up getting hurt in the end," I saw an emotion I couldn't decipher flash across his beautiful green eyes, suddenly worry washing over me. Stop Luna, you're giving him a reason to leave you, stop! "But if by any chance you want to stick around, and you promise you won't hurt me like I promise I would never hurt you, then by all means stay. Goodnight," I ran in the opposite direction, slamming my bedroom door shut as I crashed onto my bed and hid under the soft blankets. My ears covered so I wouldn't hear any noise and my sobs muffled by the pillow my face was smothered against.
I sat up quickly and allowed my room to be engulfed in the darkness as I shut off the small table lamp and cocooned myself again in the bundle of warm sheets, hiding my body from the cool air around me nipping at my skin.
Silence was all I heard, gusts of wind whipping against the glass window of my room, the thing I loved about my apartment was how small it was, you could hear anything and everything no matter where in this place you stood. It had been twenty minutes of rustling noises from outside my bedroom door, it was Harry tossing and turning on the couch, I myself was tossing and turning, shutting my eyes and then reopening them to stare at the darkness above me. I couldn't sleep and clearly neither could he.
He was so close to me but yet, he felt so far. I grew overly attached to him so soon and now I'm practically craving the affection and the attention that he gives me. I'm not out seeking for his attention, in fact at this point in time I don't want it, I don't want him to look at me or talk to me. It'll make everything harder. I have nobody, I thought I had Harry but it looks as though I really don't. He thinks I'm selfish, he doesn't understand my loneliness isn't a facade. I wanted to finally believe I wasn't alone in this world, floating along like a tiny spec dwelling on all the loss and grief I never truly faced. Up until Harry floated past, displayed as his own tiny lonely spec I realised I wasn't alone anymore, our specs conjoined and we laced ourselves together and enjoyed the feeling of being whole with one another.
Up until now that is, I gave him his get out of free jail card and he's used it, out he goes now making rounds around the board whilst the monopoly man holds me hostage behind those metal cell bars.
I finally heard the sound of his feet on the wooden floor, panic flooded through me as two thoughts crossed my mind; one, he'll be leaving or two, he's coming to wake me up. But as seconds passed I didn't hear the front door shut and I didn't hear a knock at my bedroom door, but I did hear him talking. Is he talking to himself?
"I'm such an idiot, she won't accept my apology," I couldn't hear whatever else he whispered as some words were harder to pick up, but what I caught next was enough to break my heart. "I don't know what I did to deserve her, all I know is I can't lose her so soon..."
Maybe I did have Harry after all, maybe I am being selfish simply just craving his attention as though I am thirsty. I was too stubborn to just tell him that I missed him too, that I didn't mean to seem selfish and that it was all okay because he isn't an idiot and he didn't really hurt me. All I had to do was walk out there and tell him I overreacted because I was scared to be alone again, that I didn't grieve the way I should have for my parents or Bella, that I pushed my friends away and continued to do so until I was alone because I thought life would easier alone.
Now I know what it feels like to want and need somebody, I don't want to lose that feeling. Harry and I may have only known each other for something like three weeks, but as I got to know more about him and the many days and nights we spoke and connected together, I realised how bad I wanted somebody in my life — but I didn't just want anybody, I wanted Harry.
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A/N; another update whoop :p so you's maybe like WHAT THE FUCK?! But it's important to see their lives, so Luna has been extremely lonely and that's why she is so angry with Harry because she doesn't want to be alone anymore and she thinks Harry doesn't want to be around her. Now she's had a taste at being with someone that's all she wants. Vote and comment x
Lmao okay READ THIS PART!!! I realised in chapter 4 I made her drive a car and every other time I've said she can't drive, so pretend she can't and never has legally driven car and ignore my flaw in checking before I wrote something 😂😂😂😂