Camila.
After spending so much of my time in school, it was finally over...well sort of. I'd still be in school just not as a student. This would be my fifth and last time wearing a cap and gown, well sixth if you count my kindergarten graduation. I should have been happy to have two degrees and a promising career, a wonderful family and of course my incredible girlfriend but instead I felt discouraged. I'm sure being a professor will be great but it wasn't what I set out to be when I first decided to become a writer. I wanted to write about love and travel the world. I didn't want to be confined to a desk for the next 40 years. I was bringing myself down again and I couldn't let that happen, today was a happy day.
Think happy thoughts.
Lauren entered my bedroom and said, "Camz, we should get going if we want to be there on time." She looked absolutely gorgeous as always. I found it a bit odd that she was overly dressed up in a navy blue suit with a pink button down shirt underneath, Her hair looked great not a single hair out of place and her eyes looked the lightest shade of green today. I guess professors in attendance were required to dress up.
I asked her, "Okay, how do I look?" While I looked at myself in the full body mirror. I was wearing the Oglia Loro Long sleeve white lace design Evening Couture Dress with a pair of Christian Louboutin Cross Me Platform Sandals that Lauren bought for me. It was way to expensive and I asked her not to but she insisted, she said this day was going to be a great one and that I should feel and look great throughout it. My mother agreed because she had taken me out earlier to get a pedicure and manicure along with getting my hair and makeup done. I didn't get what the big fuss was, I was literally going to be on that stage for 12.5 seconds nobody was going to notice my hands or my feet. But they insisted so I went along with it.
She walked up behind me, we made eye contact through the mirror. "Stunningly beautiful." She places a light kiss on my cheek.
Five months ago when Lauren took me to the cemetery to introduce me to Kinsley and her father, things changed for the better. Our relationship was already great and that trip only helped us become closer. She had improved so much over these past five months she was happier, and more sociable. It was a side of Lauren I'd never seen before. Of course like any normal couple we had fights, mostly petty ones but nothing we didn't resolve at the end of each night.
My mother always had sort of baby timer on me and last month it ran out. She expected me to be married with children or at least pregnant by the time I turned 26. Last month I celebrated my 26th birthday and I wasn't sure what to expect from her these day considering she'd spend most of my adult life trying to get me to find a good man and settle down and when I found Lauren, she spend her time trying to get us to get married and have babies but as of late she had yet to mention any of it, which I found strange. I was almost certain she'd say something to me that day, but when she didn't I was shocked to say the least.
We had no time to enjoy our few minutes alone because we were already running late. We held hands throughout the drive to the area where the ceremony would be held. It was a cleared out grass area with a great view of the ocean. When we got there Lauren walked me to my designated seat.
"I'm so proud of you camz," she leaned down and kissed me. "I love you baby." She whispered into my lips.
I whispered back. "I love you." I captured her lips in a small kiss.
She pulled away and smiled at me, then went to take her seat next to our families.
If you've ever attended a graduation ceremony you know it's boring and long as hell. I won't put you through that suffering so I'll skip to the important stuff.
"Camila Cabello" my name was called, and while I walked up to receive my diploma I heard the cheers and claps of my family and the attendees. See what I mean all it took was 12.5 seconds.
After it was all over I met up with my family, and Lauren's family. They all came out to support me and it made me happy to know I had that many people in my corner. After receiving tons of hugs and kisses, I was finally able to get to Lauren. Save the best for last right?
Lauren's hugs were the best, they were like snuggling up with your favorite blanket. When she held you, you felt loved , and you felt safe. I loved being held by her.
"Congratulations baby, I'm so proud of you." She kissed my temple, then pulled back far enough to get a good look at me. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of telling you how amazing you are." She sighed. "You Camila Cabello are amazing." The way she never broke off eye contact made it clear she wanted me to know she meant it.
"Thank you." Just as I was going to kiss her, we were interrupted.
"Dr. Jauregui?" It was the voice of a young woman, both Lauren and I turned to face her. She was in a cap and gown just like I was which meant she too had just graduated. "I'm sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to come by and personally thank you for allowing me to join you on your research trip to Cuba. I've already started packing, Friday can't come fast enough." Why does this feel a little like deja vu? Lauren has not mentioned a trip to Cuba to me. I can feel the hand Lauren has on my lower back tense up.
"No need to thank me, your work was interesting and refreshing. It stood out above the rest and I'm excited for you to show me what you've learned when we are out on the field." Lauren must have collected herself because the confidence in her voice made it seem like I wasn't about to kill her for not passing on this information to me.
"I won't let you down, Dr. Jaur–"
"Just call me Lauren please." A while ago Lauren had mentioned to me how she felt weird being called Dr. even though she wasn't a medical doctor technically she was designated the title because she had her doctorate.
"Okay see you on Friday Lauren." The woman smiled at us before she left.
Lauren instantly turned to me. "Don't be mad. I was going to tell you." She gave me her best puppy dog eyes just for good measure.
"When? Moments before boarding the plane?!" My tone was quiet but still harsh.
"No of course not! I was going to tell you today. It was supposed to be a surprise."
"Well I'm definitely surprised." I couldn't talk to her right now so I walked away. I thought we had this whole communication thing down but I guess I was wrong.
After the ceremony everyone was to go back to our place for a small celebratory party courtesy of Dinah. She was honestly a real life supermom. Just a month after giving birth and she was already back in shape and back to work. And On top of that she was still throwing parties.
Baby boy Kaiden James Kordei was born over a month ago. They made sure the sperm donor had similar characteristics to Normani but he was still the spitting image of Dinah. Everyone fell in love with this little boy, including Lauren. If Lauren was around and you were looking for the baby you'd most likely find him in her arms.
The drive back to our place was quiet, because I was upset and Lauren knew to leave me alone and let me cool off before we start shit up again. When we finally did get home, Lauren kept the car locked not giving me a way out.
"Please just hear me out? I want to fix this so you can enjoy the rest of your day." She turned to face me, I did or said nothing and she took it as a sign to continue." I was going to tell you tonight, it was meant to be a surprise because I was going to ask you to come with me. I know how much you hate the fact that you can't travel, so I figured a few months in Cuba would be a good start. And I know what your going to say, that you can't go because of all the work you'll have to get done before the semester starts up again but I want you to forget about all that. I want you to do what you love Camila and being stuck in a classroom is not what you love." I don't think her words were actually making any sense to me because My mind went blank. "I've been working with a new research company and they want to send me to explore a few of the 7 seas and stay in beach towns around the world to do some studies on major differences between sea life and reefs. There is no time limit to how long we stay in one place or what other places we visit as long as the study is finished by the end of the year mark. I want you to go with me. I want you to travel and see the world and I want you to write the greatest romance novel there has ever been. I just want you to be happy, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I just wanted to surprise you on your graduation day."
I was still shocked. "So you want me to go to Cuba with you?"
"Yes"
I asked her, "How long is this trip?"
"Three months." She answered casually.
"You do realize if I go to Cuba with you I'd lose my job at the university right?" I ask just to make sure she understand the consequences of what she's asking of me.
"Yes I do, they weren't too happy with me when I told them I'd be taking some time off." Oh right, then there was the offer to travel the world in a year.
"Are you sure about doing this? Because I'm completely fine with staying put and teaching." I wanted to make sure she wasn't risking her job at the university just because of me.
"I'm 100 percent sure about this." She gave me her million dollar smile. "You should pack soon since we leave to Cuba on Friday." She casually added, before she leaned in and kissed me.
I guess we were going to Cuba.
The rest of the afternoon went by fairly quickly. And I enjoyed the company of my family and friends, I also enjoyed the view of a baby in Lauren's arms. It was unrealistic of me to hope that one day she'd be holding our baby because even though she was more comfortable around children she still felt the same about having children of her own. Well as far as I knew anyway. Kids were not a topic we discussed considering we were still in a relationship and not engaged or married. As of right now I was okay with my decisions and I really hoped I felt the same years down the line because there would be no one to blame but myself.
"Camila?" I was in my own head when I finally heard Lauren calling me.
Almost everyone had gone home already because it was late. Lucy and Shawn were getting ready to head inside, Archer was asleep on Shawn's lap and Lucy was tired, I would be too if I was 8 months pregnant with twins. It was kind of ironic how they were trying to have another baby soon after archer was born because they wanted to do that whole only 9 months apart, Irish twins thing but instead they got an actual set of twins. They decided, well more like Lucy decided, on not finding out the sex of the babies until they were born. Shawn was a bit terrified about having three kids under the age of two.
"Camz?" I heard her say, I kept on getting side tracked.
"Sorry, I was just–"
"In your head." She fished my thought for me.
I nodded, "Did you need something?"
"Yes, I need you to...kiss me." She said, gesturing with her index finger for me to go to her. I laughed but did it anyways. After a good smooch she pulled back, "I also need you to come with me, I have one last surprise for you."
I was a very impatient person so surprises weren't really my thing. Lauren's surprises were always these pretty grand gestures like having an amusement park, and aquarium to ourselves, like a trip to Cuba, like traveling the world. I couldn't imagine what she could possibly give me that could top any of that. The entire 5 minute drive up to our destination consisted of me asking for clues and hints and of her telling me to just be patient. Patience? Who is she? I do not know her.
When the car came to a stop, I looked around the area but it was a little too dark to see much. We were definitely parked in some sort of neighborhood. Lauren got out of the car and walked around it to open my door and help me out.
"Laur? What are we doing?" Nobody seemed to be around, all the houses looked huge and spaced pretty far apart. She entwined our hands together and lead us up the driveway of the house she had parked in front of. Once we were at the front door, she stopped and turned around to face me, holding both my hands in hers. The light from the porch was bright enough to see her clearly.
She cleared her throat. "Since I've met you, I've watched just about every chick flick out there. They almost always end in the same way, the man and the woman fall in love, the man proposes, there's a wedding and then it's over. You've told me time and time again, that you've already seen the movie. Yet you cry when they break up, knowing they'll end up together. You cry during the sweet sappy scenes while you recite what they say word for word. And during the wedding scenes you sigh, it's like a hopeful sigh. A one day it'll be me type of sigh. Since you were a little girl you've had this great fascination with love. You've wanted to find your soul mate, just like your parents. You've wanted the Prince Charming just like every Disney princess. You wanted to give and receive love. Your happily ever after is the wedding, and the 2.5 kids and it's everything after that. I told you once before I don't want to be the reason you compromise, or the reason you don't get everything you desire and...I won't be." My heart stopped at this moment.
She let go of my hands and reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small, square, black velvet box. Then slowly lowered herself on one knee.
And as she spoke the box slowly opened. "Camila, will you marry me?" Now my heart was beating out of my chest.
Tear in my eyes, and a frog in my throat I could barely answer but a shaky "yes." Left my lips. I took a deep breath to try and compose myself. "Yes, of course, yes." She stood up and embraced me in a hug, kissing the side of my head while I mumbled yes over and over again into her shoulder.
I couldn't believe this was happening.
After holding each other for a bit longer and sharing soft kisses every once in while Lauren pulled back enough to get a good look at me and use her thumbs to wipe away my tears. My happy tears. The ring is still in the box, and when she holds it up between us. I can see it clearly, a beautiful princess cut halo diamond engagement ring. She carefully take it out and slides it into my ring finger. Bringing my hand up to her lips and giving it a soft kiss.
"You probably think it's weird that I proposed to you in front of this random house." I nodded because it was true, it was weird to be standing in front of a strangers house. "It's not random at all, this was my childhood home. After my father passed away and my mom remarried, we moved into a new house with Jerry and ally. Nobody has lived here ever since. The house is mine, and over the last few months I've been coming up here with Danny to renovate it. I kept it a secret from you because apparently women love grand gestures like these. Danny says that the guy in the movie "the notebook" built the girl a house and Sofi said this is your favorite movie. They both agreed I should propose here. Your mother has also been pretty involved with the whole remodeling thing, as far as bossing us around and picking the designs for most things. Unfortunately we can't go inside the house just yet." I'm confused and it shows.
"What? Why not?" I ask her.
"My dad carried my mother through this threshold on their wedding night. That was the first time she set foot in the house. I would like to do the same for you. I want you to be my wife when you first enter the house." She's so romantic she doesn't even know it. "Plus it will make force us to have a short engagement. Of course long enough to give you time to plan your dream wedding which I'm sure won't take long considering your mother gave me a brief overview of the two giant binders she has labeled Camila's wedding." This explained so much. First it confirmed what I already suspected, my mother is nuts. And second it explains why she was so chill about me getting married and having kids. She already knew it was happening.
I shook my head and chuckled. "Of course she showed you the binders"
"You know about them?" She seemed a bit surprised.
"Yeah, they started off as my sweet 16 binders and after that was over, she turned them into my wedding binders." I told you she's nuts. "She's a little over the top but she means well."
"I agree, she scolded me until I was finally able to explain to her that I agreed with her and was asking her and your father for your hand in marriage. Then she threw her arms around me and cried fairly loud." A gush of wind blew past us and I shivered a little, even summer nights were a little chilly because of the ocean breeze. "We should probably head back, I want to celebrate with you all night long." She pulled me closer and nuzzled my neck with her nose leaving a few feathered kisses behind.
And we definitely celebrated all night long that night.
--
Being in Cuba was like going back in time, everything looked like it belonged in the past. The old cars, the worn down buildings, the worn out murals on the walls, the smell of smoke. Ever been to little Havana in Miami? Yes? Well Everyone always says it's a little corner of Cuba and I might have to agree. These past few weeks for me have been some of the best, exploring Havana with my fiancé. I love the way that sounds. Cuba has about the same climate as Florida does so I'm comfortable with the humidity and the heat but Lauren isn't doing so well. She prefers the cold, and isn't enjoying the humidity. Since arriving here she's showered every time she steps inside our little rental house. She says she sweats a lot and after it drys up she feels sticky. The hottest and most humid weather she's had do deal with was during her research trips to Mexico but even then she says it wasn't as bad as this. She says most islands she's been to have hot weather but it's the humidity she can't stand. It's the cutest thing in the world to watch her pale cheeks turn bright red as we walk through small farmers markets during the afternoons. Have you ever seen a chubby cheeked kid run themselves out? Afterwards it looks like they have tomatoes for cheeks, that's basically Lauren all the time now.
We usually only spend the afternoons doing stuff like this, and exploring the city because during our mornings Lauren's at the beach with her students and colleagues. I've met Zara and her boyfriend Richard. I realize that She's actually a nice person once I got over the whole you used to sleep with my fiancé thing. I don't usually go out with them while they work because they take small boats out and dive, collect what they need, place cameras where they need them, measure the reefs and such. Not only do I not know how to do any of that stuff, I have almost zero to no experience diving. A tank is one thing but the actual ocean is another thing. Plus Cuban waters seem to be infested with sharks, and you all know how I feel about them. I don't actually mean infested but they seem to enjoy being closer to shore unlike the sharks back home. From the footage Lauren has shown me of their dives, they basically swim along side the sharks. That's right I said shark's as in more than one. She claims most are harmless but it makes me feel a lot safer seeing her put on the chainmail shark suit. It probably won't do much if anything were to actually happen but it still gives me some sort of comfort.
I've tanned a bit since I usually lay on a beach towel, at the beach. I've FaceTime my family a few times, every time I talk to Sofi she tells me how much she hates me because I'm basically living next to a beach in Cuba. Violetta is constantly asking for Lauren or for me to send her videos of all the things Lauren sees underwater. Classic cars are a big thing here in Havana, well not just Havana but Cuba in general so basically it's my fathers heaven. Aside from nagging me with the wedding planning my mom is also eager for me to visit her and I's birth place.
Cojimar is very close to Havana and Lauren and I plan on taking a trip there today. She gave herself and everyone the weekend off so that we could make the trip out. It's a very small and impoverished beach town. I spent the first few years of my life here but I don't have any clear memories of my life here. The little I do know is from the stories my parents have told me, and from the few photos I've seen. My mother gave me the names and address of people to visit while we were there, Some of distant relatives and other's of family friends.
It's still really early in the morning because the sun isn't even out yet but I couldn't get much sleep, I'm really excited to show and share with Lauren an important piece of me. That is where my ancestry comes from, the town that made my mother the woman she is today, the woman that raised me and my sister to be the way we are. I'm proud of my land and of my people.
"Camila it's like 4 in the morning why are you awake?" Lauren mumbles into the pillow she has her face in. I keep telling her she'll suffocate in her sleep if she continues to sleep like that but she tells me she can still breathe just fine.
I hadn't moved or made any noise, which made me wonder how she knew I was awake. "I'm too excited to sleep." Why lie? "How did you even notice I was up? You were snoring pretty loudly not even two minutes ago." I joked, it's always fun to mess with her.
"I do not snore! And I could practically hear your brain going on overload." It sounded muffled because she had yet to lift her beautiful face from the pillow.
I feel bad that I woke her up, I know diving can be tiring and solving equations in a hot stuffy room crowded with other people can't be fun. I know how hard she's been working this week and the last thing I want is for her to be even more tired and sleep deprived during our trip because of me. "I'm sorry I woke you up, I'm just too excited. I keep on adding things to the list of things I want us to see. I'm just trying to fit everything into this weekend." I sigh. She finally looks up, Lauren's sleepy face is the cutest thing ever.
I'm starting to say that a lot, but honestly everything about Lauren is cute. Well she's more than cute but moments like this, when she's in between being awake and sleep, the tiny furrowing of her brows, the squinting of her eyes, the scrunching of her nose, the slight pout of her lips as she looks at me is completely adorable. She's trying to figure out what to do to solve this, but her Brain isn't awake enough to comprehend what's actually going on which is why she has that adorable confused look on her face.
Her sleepy voice was probably the sexiest thing ever "Baby if we need more time to see everything you want to see then we will go again next weekend. Don't stress yourself out by trying to cram it all into two days. This is important to you and we'll take our time with it." Her eyes were slowly shutting, but she was awake enough to pull me into her. She threw her leg over mine, wrapped her arm around me and rested her head on my chest. "My favorite pillows." She mumbled into my skin before she fell back asleep.
Like I said before Lauren holding you is like you curling up with your favorite blanket so of course I fell back asleep.
Have you ever seen a place or just been in a moment where you stop and it feels like Deja vu? Like holly shit I dreamt this before. Or it just felt so familiar like it was something you should know or remember, almost like a memory. Like when your trying to remember the name of that persons face you saw, and it's at the tip of your tongue but you just can't seem to figure it out? God I hate that, it's so annoying.
I feel all these things right now, the place feels so familiar, the people look familiar. There names are at the tip of my tongue but my mind is blanking. I feel like I should know all this stuff, but I don't. My family members tell me story's I have no recollection of. Some even line up with the story's my parents have shared with me.
While I'm dying out here, Lauren is thriving. Everyone seems to love her, which I don't blame them for because who doesn't meet and fall in love with Lauren Jauregui.
Even though she's Cuban herself, she grew up only speaking English but eventually learned Spanish along with a few other languages. She has a slight accent when she speaks in Spanish but other than that I'd say she's got the language down. And my family members seem to love her all the more for it. They praised her on the ring she bought me and they congratulated me for casting out and getting a great catch. They gushed about how good looking she is, about the great body she has, how respectful she is, about the fact that she's Cuban and about how smart she is. To them I had hit the jackpot and I honestly couldn't agree more, Lauren was perfect.
One thing was always certain, you couldn't keep Lauren Jauregui away from the ocean for long. We ended up at the beach with a few family members, as we strolled through the town. Lauren left all her jeans at home, since we arrived she'd been either in shorts or swim trunks, and easy slip off tees and a bikini top. I made sure I carried a bottle of sun screen in my purse. My mom would die of a heart attack if Lauren was as red as a lobster during our wedding photos.
She and a few of my...let's just call them cousins of some sort because its all too complicated to figure out, went to a nearby swim shop and rented out snorkeling gear. She was going to teach them how to free dive apparently. They all seemed eager to learn from her.
They all seemed to enjoy getting up close and personal with things they hadn't seen before. I would have tried it if I wasn't terrified of getting eaten by a shark. After they got tired we decided to go for ice cream, well except Lauren and one of my younger "cousins" he wanted to continue snorkeling and Lauren didn't have the heart to tell him "no".
When we finally walked back to our spot in the beach I did not expect to see what I was seeing now.
Lauren was dripping wet, along with the small child in her arms talking to a pair of nuns. Okay what the hell happened while we were gone? I know it sounds like those stupid jokes people tell but it isn't one of those.
As I got closer I could hear the nuns thanking Lauren repeatedly. Lauren must of heard me because she turned to the direction I was walking from and we made eye contact. As she turned to face me so did the small child in her arms. A little girl to be exact. The curliest of brown curls and watchful green eyes, she was the lightest shade of tan and looked small and very thin. I didn't have to ask Lauren anything because my face said it all.
"Me and Carlitos were diving and as we came up for air, I noticed the tiny little shape near the water. I didn't think much of it until I lifted my goggles and notice it was a child. Nobody was around her and she kept on getting closer and closer to the water. We started swimming back to shore and luckily I got to her just before a wave dragged her into the ocean. She got knocked down and that's why she's all wet but I picked her up just before the next wave crashed. Then I noticed the nuns running around like chickens with their heads off for something and I figured they were looking for her so I called them over. I was right. They said they accidentally left the main gate to the orphanage open and Eli here likes to cause a bit of trouble every once in a while so she must of walked out and nobody noticed until they did a head count and found that she was missing." She explained to me, I looked from her to the little girl to the nuns who looked at us like we were aliens speaking an unknown language.
I'm shocked, and speechless. My instincts was to ask if the little girl is okay but by the goofy grin on her face and the relaxed look on Lauren's face tell me she's good. "I–wow. That's incredible. Now I'm really glad Carlitos asked you to stay with him. If you would have gone to get ice cream with us, you wouldn't have been here to save her." This is me talking more to myself than her.
The nuns seem to not care, what I have to say because they make a move for the child. "Vamos Eli. Ven aquí." (Let go Eli. Come here.) she extends her hands out to her but Eli makes absolutely no sign of leaving Lauren's arms. I don't blame you at all kid. This time she tried to pry her out of Lauren's hold but Eli only seems to grip on to Lauren tighter. And then she burst into tears, and her cry is very loud and dramatic. As ones should be. The nuns surrender and Eli nuzzles her face in the crook of Lauren's neck. The nuns apologize and try explaining to us that she's not normally like this. They tell us how she's not really good with people and it takes her a while to warm up to them. I should be surprised but then again it's Lauren we're talking about here. Everyone loves this woman.
Lauren assures them it's okay and tells them that we'll walk her back to the orphanage with them.
During the walk we learn that she's 18 months old in simpler terms she's a year and half old. Her name is Eliana and she's been in the orphanage since she was two weeks old. Her parents abandoned her behind a restaurant trash bin and never looked back. She's a perfectly healthy little girl. Now you would think that all this information makes her a perfect candidate to be adopted and I would agree with you but things aren't always that simple. See people from the US or many other countries were not permitted to even visit Cuba with good reason let alone file for adoption for one of the many orphans in this country. Well what about other Cubans? People think Cuba and think paradise but really it's a very poor country. They already struggle enough as it is to feed themselves let alone earn enough to adopt and care for a child. Which means she's stuck. She's stuck growing up without parents. She's stuck growing up with shared everything. She's stuck feeling unwanted. She's stuck with the shitty life that's been forced upon her. And it sucks because there's nothing you can do about it, and Because you know she's not the only one.
The conditions these kids are being forced to live in are horrible. They sleep on mats and are overcrowded. I wasn't okay with leaving Eli here and I knew Lauren was having an even more difficult time with it.
When we finally made eye contact I knew what she wanted to do. I wanted the same thing but one of us had to be realistic. There had yet to be a person from the US to successful adopt a Cuban child. The few that did submit the paper work were forced to jump through hoops and even then after years of waiting and having hope they were denied. With the way things were now, even if we did submit the paper work we'd end up being denied no matter what. Children like Eli would suffer because of ignorant proud people. It didn't make your country any weaker to let someone else from a different country care for one of your orphan children.
One nun in particular seemed to notice our inner turmoil.
"La adopción nunca pasaria, El odio que tienen contra los estados unidos no dejaran que se la lleven legal mente. Si deverdad quieren alludarla yo les puedo alludar." (The adoption would never go through, the hate Cuba has for the United States would never allow you to take her legally. If you really want to help her, I have a way to help you.)