I woke up feeling his warmth. I snuggle closer to him.
I stare at his T-shirt. It was black like his soul.
I don't talk to bullies !
Every thing kyle said kept running through my mind.
You deserve everything Mateo's doing with you.
I did deserve everything he is doing to me.
I hate you Evan because of you I lost my best friend.
His best friend ? I don't even know his best friend. I only bullied one person.
Kyle's words running through me.
His best friend.
He only had one best friend. His neighbor. Mateo was his best friend.
I lost my best friend.
Kyle told me he lost his best friend because of a boy. Not Jacob but..
I immediately sit up. He moves around searching for my warmth.
Mateo was his neighbor. Mateo was his best friend. I bullied his best friend.
I bullied Mateo.
He isn't himself anymore. You destroyed him
I did this to him. The way he is. It is all my fault.
I can't believe the boy I pushed from the stairs was Mateo.
I suppressed a sob. I bit into my knuckles to keep from making a sound.
Everything makes sense right now. Everything he did to me. I deserved everything.
I stare at his face. His actions told me he was out on revenge.
Were his feelings real ? Did he truly like me. His bunny?
I quickly get of the bed and go downstairs.
I walk into the kitchen.
"Jamie ?" my mom calls for me.
"Mom" I answer my voice hoarse.
When I come in sight of her ,she frowns.
"Baby what's wrong ?" she asks walking closer to me.
I hug her instantly.
"I hurt him mom" I sob holding her tight.
"Who baby ?" she asks pating my back
"Mateo. I use to bully him" I croak.
She lets go of me and lets me sit down on a chair.
"Breath for me " she said soflty.
"Mom I bullied Mateo" I whispered. I can't believe I did those awful things to him.
"Calm down Baby. Where is he? Did he say something ?" she asks bringing me a glas of water.
I took a gulp, wiping my tears.
"Now tell me what happened " she said sitting down.
"Mom remember when I use..." I couldn't finish. The disgusting taste in my mouth didn't let me.
I took a deep breath.
"Mom the boy I use to bully is Mateo. Remember when he didn't came to school after the incident. He is that boy mom" I said. She looks shocked.
"Then you deserve everything he's doing to you" she said standing up.
I look at her knowing she was right.
"Do you know what impact you make on someone you bully? You ruin their lives. You destroy them." she tells me.
He isn't himself anymore. You destroyed him
"I admire him. The way he's giving you a taste of own medicine " she continues.
We stare at each other. I couldn't say anything I know she's right.
"Bunny?" I hear Mateo's voice.
"Jamie?" He calls out again. I break eye contact with my mother.
"In the kitchen Mateo" I say standing up. I walk out to see him standing where the staircase is.
His hair is a mess. He had a sleepy face. Grey eyes softer than normal.
But it doesn't last long they change and become more hooded.
He walks over to me.
"Bunny where you crying ?" he asks.
I shake my head.
"You were crying " he states coming closer to me till he was standing infront of me.
"What happened ? Who dared to make my Bunny cry?" he asks playful but I know better .
"Your bunny himself " I whisper.
"What did you do?" he asks cupping my cheek.
"I accidentally hit myself " I said kissing the inside of his palm.
He chuckles, muttering something under his breath.
"Mateo would you like to have dinner with us? " my mother asks standing in the door opening of the kitchen.
He looks at me, as if to ask my permission for once.
"He'll have dinner with us mom" I tell not taking my eyes of him.
"Okay then dinners ready in two minutes " she says before leaving.
She isn't even gone properly but he pulls me in for a hug.
I melt away in warmth. I inhale his musky scent, as if it were oxygen.
"Don't ever go away" he mumbles in my hair.
"I won't " I said. It was a promise and I would keep it. After everything I did to him, I owned myself to him. Everything I am he owns.
He pulls away looking down at me.
"You won't leave me right, Bunny?" he asks almost vulnerable.
"I'll never leave you" I whispered.
He kisses my forehead.
"Do you want to sleep here?" I ask.
It was late but not that late, I just wanted him here, with me.
He looks at me, hesitating a bit.
"I'd love to" he said leaning down giving me a peck on my lips.
He wanted to kiss me again but I pulled away. Somehow I felt guilty about kissing him. I'm kissing the boy who I bullied. Who's life I ruined.
But the worst part is that he knows I did this to him. And yet he shows me affection.
"Mateo" I said. He looks at me humming.
"You won't break my heart, right?" I ask soflty leaning against him.
"As long as you don't break mine then we're fine" he whispers.
"Dinner" my mom screams from the kitchen.
We walk into the kitchen and sat down. Well mateo is still himself so I have to sit down beside him.
"I hope you okay with Mac and cheese with fried chicken." my mother said.
"I'm okay with it" he said almost graceful.
We start eating but I didn't have an appetite.
I just stare at my food, even when my whole mind wants me to look at him.
I bullied him and he knows it. Him knowing it makes me feel sick. But even though he hurts me I am somewhat proud of him. Proud the way he handled it. Proud that he's even teaching me a lesson.
I can't believe the things I did with him. The kissing and everything.
I can't believe that, I wasn't gay. Even if it's him. Even if he kissed me by force. But I just loved it. By force or not.
But everything was happening so fast. Sexuality change. Emotional change.
I even slept with him. How could I be so stupid ?
"Bunny start eating " he said laughing at something my mom said.
I shook my head. And took the fork in my hand. He kept looking at me to look if I would.
"I'm not really hungry " I said pushing away the plate.
"Do you want to eat something else?" my mom asked. I shook my head.
"I just don't want to eat dinner. I want to rest" I lied. I was obviously looking forward to resting seeing as mateo would be there.
"Bunny are you sure you're okay?" Mateo asks frowning.
"I'm fine" I said resting my hand on his thigh.
My mother cracks open. She laughs like a hyena.
"What do you call him ?" she asks through her laughing.
He hesitates for a second, his face becomes a little pink. He was blushing.
"Bunny?" he said but made me look at him instantly.
"Why ?" my mother asks. He gulps down.
"I..I..uh...." he trailers off. I started laughing, I've never seen mateo speechless or nervous.
He glares at me, but it's playful, his eyes held amusement.
"I'm just teasing you. " My mother said giving him a smile. He relaxes and drink a little.
"Mom can he sleep here tonight?" I ask giving her the my sad eyes.
She looks at me almost caving in, almost so I pout at her.
"Fine but leave the door open" she says.
I grin at her, making both mateo and her chuckle.
"Oh mom and one more thing." I said giving her a smile.
"Mateo asked me if I wanted to go with him to his father's lake house " I said.
She stares at him. He just stared back. What a contrast between blushing mateo and the mateo who was now staring confidently at my mother.
"Yes but no funny business. It doesn't matter I'll know it by the way you'll be walking " she said taking a sip of her water.
Mateo chuckles but I don't get what's so funny about it.
"So Mateo I have one more question for you " my mother declares. I look at her.
"What's your relationship with Evan?" she asks. He stares at her.
"I can't answer that. I'm mean I would love to be his boyfriend but That's for him to decide. Everything's new for him, so he's going to take some time to adjust" he said.
Me? his boyfriend ?
Why didn't he just ask me? I mean I would love to but I can't. Who am I kidding I would have said no.
"Oh I get it" my mother said looking at me.
But the most confusing part of my relationship with mateo was my sexuality.
I wasn't gay. I would look at porn. Straight porn.
And now all I can think about is my skin against his skin.
The way it would feel. The way everything would feel with him.
I felt pain with him. I felt pleasure with him.
During dinner he kept squeezing my thigh and stole glances at me.
I stare at him as he lays down on my bed. He looked like a pig on a platter.
But I was having second thoughts. Was I really going to let him sleep beside me? I did it already but now he was going to stay the whole night.
And we had school tomorrow. Plus we were going away this weeknd to his father's lake house.
Might as well get use to it. I was going to spend two whole days with him.
But Tonight I wanted to be alone. Put my thoughts together without him being near me.
"Jamie" he said standing up from the bed walking over to me.
My heart was beating. It was happy when ever he would near me.
"What's wrong. You've been acting weird " he said pulling me to him. I look up at him.
"Mateo" I called him.
He looks at me.
"I think you should go home. I want to be alone " I said. He was going to protest, I could just see it my the angry look in his eyes.
"Listen Mateo It's not that I don't want you here. It's just that I want to be alone. I want to think clear " I whisper putting my head on his chest, he instantly wraps his arms around me.
"Think clear about what ?" he asks.
"I want to think clear about us. I want to know what I'll do next." I explain softly. For him to agree with me, I get on my toes and kiss his neck.He groans a little.
But he pulls away looking down at me.
"Fine but it's not like you have a say in it. You're mine" he said.
I roll my eyes making him slap my ass.
"See what I mean Mateo. You always do this" I whine. He let's go and starts walking to the door.
"Come on I'll let you out " I said walking up to him.
He takes a hold of my hand and we start walking.
And I just look at him. God why did I get him? He looked like a greek god. His jaw, his grey eyes. His smile the way his eyes would light up.
"I'll see you tomorrow " he said as I open the door.
I nod, he was about to leave but I hold him back and hug him. He hugs back.
But he pulls away kissing my forehead and pats my cheek.
I stare at him as he makes his way to his car.
The truth was that he wasn't my nightmare. I was his nightmare when he was younger.