"Why? Why am I always like this lately?"
"I'm really sorry for whatever I did Jemza. I guess I got too excited, but really I was just trying to do what you asked of me." Jayce stared at the ground as the two walked through the streets of Urbus.
"Good..."
"Stop. Why am I saying these things?"
"You should be sorry."
"I need to shut my mouth."
"It's because I touched you isn't it? I was out of line. I swear it won't happen again." The shame in his voice was more than she had heard before. No, not shame...heartbreak. To make things worse, rain had begun to pour down soaking them both. It seemed fitting for the current mood.
"Whatever."
"Maybe it's better like this. Keeping a bit of distance would be best for now. If he knew...everything would fall apart. I'll just apologize later and things will be back to normal. It's just...why does it hurt?"
"So, would you prefer not to do the Thieves Guild quest line? We can always just stay in town for awhile until you feel more comfortable leaving. Would give me some time to try and learn something about that player who confronted us the other day. We can do whatever you want to do." His heart really was set on doing those quests. The dejection was obvious, but he was trying to put on a stronger front for her sake. Like usual he was sacrificing his desires to make her happy.
"I don't really care what you do."
"I didn't mean to say that. At this rate I might push too hard and push him away. That's not what I want. This mouth...please stop talking or else I'll end up..."
"Should I leave?"
"Alone." Jemza kept facing forward fighting the urge to turn towards him. His question tore at her heart, but her mind continued to battle against what her heart felt.
"If...if that's what you want then fine." Of course it was impossible, but nonetheless she felt like she could hear the last piece of his resolve shatter. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his hands shaking. He was scared.
"This is what's best right? We were getting too close. Even though he opened up to me and I thought I could do the same it's not that simple. He's suffered enough; I would only cause him more pain. This wasn't supposed to happen. I just didn't want to be alone anymore."
"Alright." It was barely a whisper, but she heard him and he stopped walking beside her looking around slowly. After looking down one of the side streets he stared at the back of Jemza's head who now stood still in the middle of the street. He hesitated for a moment, but then turned and began walking away.
"Don't leave me! Why can't I say it? No one would care if I died today. There's no one waiting for me. I don't deserve someone like him. I'm too broken and he shouldn't have to deal with a girl like me. A girl too selfish for her own good."
"I would care." Jemza reached up gripping her breastplate over her heart remembering the words he said to her. Her breath became more ragged with each passing moment.
"That man knows the pain of losing someone he loves more than many others. Perhaps more than anyone else in this game, so here's something on the house because we're good friends. He's prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure it doesn't happen again." Argo had told her that which began this whole thing. Since then she always felt at war with herself, snapping at him more frequently for things that seemed so frivolous. Never once did he treat her badly and he took her abuse without complaint.
"He doesn't know the real me. He only knows Jemza, the pretty white haired dagger wielder in SAO. He would never want the real me. No one does. I'm protecting him."
"It's just...I thought you looked...pretty." Tears were already streaming down her cheeks and she raised both hands desperately trying to wipe them away. No matter how much she tried they wouldn't stop. They mixed with the rain water on her face and she sniffled against the slight chill of the weather.
"I'm not though. I'm ugly. Nothing about me is pretty. I'm just a lie...a sham. Why did this have to happen? If Argo hadn't said that to me I wouldn't have started thinking about it. We would still be smiling and having fun."
"We can do whatever you want to do." She clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of her cries. Her knees shook violently, threatening to make her collapse on the cobblestone road.
"Whatever I want? Do I have the right to want something after all I've done and said? Why were you so nice to me? Why do you risk your life for me? Why do I feel the need to save you from whatever you've been through? If you don't stop...I won't be able to..."
"Don't..." He was already a few dozen feet away, but where they were was devoid of anyone but them. As such she heard his footsteps stop over the sound of the rain after she spoke.
"There's no going back if you do this. He will hate you. You'll only hurt him more and then you'll be alone. If you selfishly choose to do whatever you want for yourself it'll only bring more trouble. Just run away and never look back."
"What?" He called back to her sadly unsure what to do.
"I'm selfish, rude, and horrible. Nothing about me is pretty...and yet...whenever he's around, I feel different. The moment we come too close to one another I panic and say stupid things. I yell at him, hit him, and threaten him. I'm not a girl worth the time and effort. So why won't I just run away? Why can't I let go? Why did I fall in love?"
"Don't let me go!" She fell to her knees splashing in the water that had pooled up on the street. There was no hiding her voice any longer and she cried hard grasping at her chest again. A pain unlike anything she had ever felt pulsed through her. Her body hunched over, her hair falling down in front of her face. She couldn't stop the screams coming from her throat while gasping for air.
"Hey!" She heard Jayce hit the ground next to her no more than a few seconds later, his knees sliding on the road. He reached out towards her, but stopped inches before touching her, hesitating. After what had happened she couldn't blame him, but just as she thought, there was no turning back now.
"Just touch me!"
"Uh...alright sorry." The moment his hands tentatively touched her shoulders she spun and buried her face against him. Just like on the savannah she let everything go, but for very different reasons this time.
"Please, don't let me go...ever." Her fingers dug into the leather of his chest piece and she could feel a hand on her back, the other stroking her hair.
"It's not too late. Don't say anymore. You can still go back to how it used to be. Nothing has to change."
"I...want it to change." Her words were a mess between breaths of air and she could feel Jayce shift, looking down at her no doubt in confusion.
"I don't understand what's wrong. I didn't mean to hurt you just tell me what you want to change and I'll do it." She only pushed her head harder against him as he spoke. He didn't understand at all. How could he? He thought this was his entire fault and the way she had been treating him who could blame him?
"Apologize and tomorrow everything will be alright. Don't say anything more."
"What do you want?" Jayce asked her quietly. She swallowed and placed the palms of her hands on his chest pushing herself back just enough so she could look at him. Thanks to the rain her hair half covered her face sticking to her eyes and mouth. With a shaking hand she reached up and pushed his hood back off his head, his eyes shifting back and forth nervously.
"I'm sorry. Nothing more than that."
"I'm sorry...but I love you." Jayce stared back at her blankly before chuckling awkwardly.
"Um, I'm sure I misheard you. What was that?" She knew he hadn't misheard her, but he couldn't believe it. He needed confirmation to make sure. She took a deep breath to steady herself and rested her head on his shoulder wrapping her arms around the back of his neck.
"You heard me." Both his hands found their way around her back, pulling her tighter against him.
"This...I don't deserve this, but I don't care. This is what I want."
"Jemza, I just...I mean I..." He stuttered making her smile as they continued to cling tighter to one another.
"Yeah? I'm waiting." She responded playfully laughing against her tears.
"Sorry, I'm no good at this. Let me try again. I...what the..." A bright blue ball formed between them followed by a quick rushing noise before Jayce's body was launched backwards several feet skidding along the ground. He rolled and tumbled away violently leaving Jemza to watch in shock. A blinking window appeared and she closed her mouth quickly trying not to laugh as Jayce struggled to move a dozen feet away.
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