3 Lies about still being single:
1. There are no good men/women left.
While it's easy to blame yet another Saturday night home with Rover and an NCIS binge-athon on the apparent lack of great options, it's just not true. And I don't care where you live or how old you are. Statistics show that an estimated 107 million Americans aren't married. That's a lot of single people!
According to , a CTRD Research Fellow with The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, at any given time, nearly one-third of the adult U.S. population is single. And there is a constant turnover of people going into and coming out of relationships at all times. So maybe it's true what my mom always said, that my husband is still married to his first wife. Or .
I truly believe we see what we expect to see in life. Are there lying men and women out there, just trying to get into your pants or wallet? Absolutely. But there are also a whole bunch of nice alternatives that are looking for you. Believe it to see it.
2. You're too picky.
Here's the thing about this one: I don't think anyone really chooses who they fall for. You can tell yourself that you need a guy who is six feet tall, devastatingly handsome and drives a Porsche all you want. Then one day, you find yourself head over heels for the 5'8" balding but oh-so-charming bartender at your favorite restaurant. Think Charlotte and Harry in "Sex and the City." You can't help it — it just happens.
When I was 25, I had a huge crush on the adorable, Jewish restaurant manager where I waited tables. He was a shameless flirt and I was a welcome participant. So when the older, Mexican sous chef suggested we go out sometime, I was less than enthused. I remember begrudgingly following him up the escalator on our first date thinking, "What am I doing...?" But later that night, after a surprisingly fun night of dancing, I was making out with him on the hood of his car. Four years later, he proposed in front of both our families. We called the wedding off at the last minute, but I don't regret a thing.
I've also made the mistake of sleeping with amazing men that didn't quite do it for me. There's nothing worse than knowing you've hurt someone you care about. Just don't do it. Chemistry is a wonderful and unpredictable thing, and you can't fight it or fake it. Regardless of what does or doesn't sound good on paper.
3. You haven't made it a priority.
This is the doozy. The one that makes my blood boil. Love is the one thing you can't "make a priority" and check off your to-do list. If it were, I'd be in Greenwich right now, curled up on the couch in front of the fire with my sexy architect husband and our adorable fraternal twins. Not sitting alone at the bar writing about being single.
There is nothing I cannot accomplish if I set my mind to it. Overcome an eating disorder, check. Move to NYC, check. Get my first job in advertising at a global agency, check. Compete in ballroom dancing, volunteer, become a creative director, write a blog for Huffington Post? All within my control. But love — love is not.
Notice I said love, not just get married or have kids. I have the audacity to want real love, great love. Or nothing at all. Which leads me to the real reason you're still single:
And finally...
The Truth about still being single:
A real connection is beyond rare. And if you know (or even just long for) what that feels like, it's impossible to settle for less.
I believe that I was blessed and cursed to have discovered love at a young age. Something I was reminded of this Christmas as in my parents' basement. Down there, amongst my Alpha Phi paddles and Singer sewing machine were boxes — each with a boy's name on them: Andrew, Noah, Nino and yes, the sous chef — Luis. Note to parents: Never underestimate the reality of young love.
Each box was filled with momentos of love and desire: love letters, breakup letters, pressed roses and fading photos of romantic dinners. All reminders of what it feels like to feel something for another human being. Which is why to this day, if I don't feel something for a guy, I can't even kiss him. No matter how wonderful he might be. My mom and I share this trait. Along with long eyelashes, a love for knitting and the bad habit of picking our cuticles, we both have an "on" or "off" switch when it comes to men. The last adorable and talented guy I dated was amazing: smart, cute, funny and passionate about the earth and animals. We had so much in common... and I felt nothing. Which totally sucked. But as a wise, drunk woman once told me at Blondie's Sportsbar, "Honey, you gotta wanna kiss him." And sadly, I did not.
All I'm saying is, finding real love is hard enough without the voices within and without that make it worse. I actually think that maybe I just skipped my first marriage because I knew what I didn't want. There should really be an award or something for that. At least somewhere to register for presents.