Does it make me a coward for wanting to get away? For not actually standing up for myself? I really hope not because I'm not a coward, I just need a break and I'll be back soon. Everyone deserves a break from time to time.
I throw in another cardigan and pair of socks into my gym bag which holds other items of clothing. My bag isn't huge but holds enough clothes to last a week, right now it's slowly filling up. I stand back, staring down at it with a hand on my neck, wondering what else I'd need.
Instead, my mind decides to start yet another internal debate about if I really should go. It's not right for me to just pack up and leave without telling anyone, right? Although I don't know if anyone would care seeing as they actually do just want me out of this house. But what if it just makes things worse for me? I mean what if-
Alvina, just stop!
It's fine, I need to relax. It's alright, it's not for long so I'll be back in a flash, they won't even know I'm gone, right?
Anyway, after a few more persuasions and begging, Hudayfah finally agreed to have a little road trip. He didn't ask me as many questions as I thought he would yet he seemed hesitant and anxious to actually accept my idea. I don't know how long we are going for or even where we are going, but anywhere is better than this house.
I sigh as I decide to take a little break away from packing our clothes and walk out of my bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. I fix my headscarf and make sure that I'm fully covered from head to toe as I tip toe into Nafisah's room, the door wide opened. I peek in and frown when she is no-where in sight.
She needs to be with me if this little 'escape' is going to work. As an elder sister, I cannot take any chances by leaving my little sister behind seeing as I don't know how many days I'm going for nor do I know what happens when I'm not here with her. Which means I'm taking her with me yet I haven't bothered to inform her about our road trip or else she'll blurt it out to the world within an instant.
Little miss blabber mouth.
I huff, closing her door and turning to walk down the stairs. I dread another encounter with either Kamil or Rimsha, not knowing how to behave in such an awkward situation. I should have mastered this by now seeing as it's been years that I've been living with them but due to being a nervous wreck who likes to overthink, that isn't what it's like for me.
I bite down on my lip, my hand holding the banister on the stairs, wondering who exactly is where. I hear voices and a giggle coming from the kitchen and nod my head to myself before creeping towards the door. I can't help how my palms begin to sweat and my heart picks up it pace as I grow nearer to the slightly opened door, a hand holding the handle softly as I listen in on the conversation taking place on the other side.
Nafisah and Kamil speak to one another about many things ranging from food to theme parks, both joking around as siblings do and I can't help the way the corners of my lips lift up slightly at Nafisah's giggles. That's until my ears perked up at a certain topic which Kamil decides to steer onto.
"I don't like him," I can practically hear Nafisah's frown and her puckered lips as she must be fidgeting by now. "He's not nice-"
"Why?" Kamil forces out a laugh and I roll my eyes, my teeth grinding against each other at the sound of his nasally voice which decides to grow harsher.
Why did he have to begin talking about it in the first place if he's going to get frustrated at my sister's answers? He better not brainwash her into holding certain disgusting beliefs.
"I like Hood Hood," Nafisah sighs sadly and I almost snort at the tone of her voice. Strangely, I feel my cheeks begin to burn slightly when I realise why she mentions Hudayfah but I quickly brush it off. "Hood hood is nice because he likes me and buys me things!"
I stifle a laugh and shake my head at my sister. I've always secretly admired the way she and Hudayfah have been close to one another, always excited when they meet. He treats her like royalty and it's evident that he's always happier when she's around: it's cute.
I hear the scraping of a chair and I stiffen, hearing loud footsteps begin to walk but then sigh in relief when I recognise that they aren't heading my way. I bite down on my dry lips, hoping that Nafisah doesn't let anything silly slip out of her mouth.
Little miss Blabber mouth.
"Zach is nice." Kamil says from further down the kitchen and I draw my head closer to the gap between the door and the wall, straining my neck to hear him clearly. "He's better than Hudayfah. He can buy you things-"
This guy really gets on my nerves. Why is he so adamant on making Nafisah like Zach? Does he really think that I'm marrying the guy and that he's going to become her brother-in-law?
"No!" Nafisah moans in a low voice, huffing at her elder brother. I see her jump off her chair to move towards her brother who stands at the sink, leaning against the counter with his arms across his chest. "Zach isn't nice! I don't like him!"
I sigh softly, running a hand down my face. My head leans against the wall and I begin to bite on my nails, wondering if I should just end this conversation now or wait to see the outcome of it.
"Whatever," I swear I hear Kamil mutter under his breath and I raise an eyebrow. He never talks to Nafisah in a rude manner, why the sudden change?He pulls open the fridge, his straight face and torso being covered from my view.
Knowing my sister very well, I know that she won't just leave this topic alone. She's one to get her point across and in this case, it's that she doesn't like Zach (I have no idea why) and that Hudayfah is better...for me. As a husband.
Woah. That sounds weird.
Husband.
I shiver at the thought of getting married, especially at seventeen years old. I don't know how some people do it. Well, it's all good seeing as it shouldn't be taking place and I'm going to be getting away from this chaos in a matter of a few hours. I really should hurry up and get ready to escape this house without anyone noticing, which means I need to grab Nafisah and go.
"I want Hood Hood to marry Alvina!" Nafisah cries, her head thrown back as she throws her hands in the air in exasperation. My face burns slightly and I roll my eyes at myself for looking like a fool over what Nafisah wants. "Please, Kamil! Please can she marry hi-"
"Shut up!" Kamil suddenly yells at Nafisah, slamming the fridge door shut causing the contents inside to shake. He towers over her, a finger pointing down at her. "Just shut up."
Nafisah jumps slightly, her bewildered eyes staring up at Kamil in shock. He bears closer to her, his index finger shaking in front of her little face. "Just shut up about that guy and your stupid sister, you brat!"
I've never seen this side of Kamil with his little sister, he's never yelled at her and for this reason? Such a petty topic got him riled up and screaming at her, scaring the poor soul?! I honestly don't care who he is to her and how authoritative he can be over her, he cannot be scaring my little sister like that!
I find myself barging into the kitchen, my teeth gritted and my eyes glaring at Kamil. My hands are clenched into fists by my side as I breathe heavily through my nose, trying to tame my anger.
How dare he yell at my sister in such an absurd way?! How dare he think that he can do such a thing and get away with it?!
I glance at Nafisah who stands back, her wide eyes still staring up at Kamil who has now turned to face me. I feel empathy for her and I want to hold her and take her away from her horrible brother. Speaking of him, I scoff at him when he raises an eyebrow at me, smirking at my expression before chuckling. He then crosses his arms across his chest and makes his way towards me slowly, tilting his head to the side as he observes me. This only angers me further and I have the growing urge to break his face.
I'm sorry, but the guy unleashes violent Alvina. I can't control her.
"Hm..." Kamil purses his lips as he stands a few spaces away from me, his gross cologne invading my senses. His raises his finger to run a hand past his upper lip which has what looks like whiskers. "Are you Muslims allowed to eavesdrop? You're religious enough to know that for yourself, little sis."
I grit my teeth in fury but can't help the way my face begins to burn from the realisation that he knew I was standing behind the door. I try ignore the guilt that forms within myself for actually listening in on their conversation as my mind begins whirling, wondering if I should confront him about 9 his temper with Nafisah or if I should just drag her upstairs with me without another word. Doing the latter would be much more sensible, avoiding a fight with the guy would cause less trouble in this already broken house. I'm a mature, young woman who knows that it is right to just walk away and leave it be.
"Who do you think you are?" I spit, crossing my arms across my chest. I scoff when he snorts, gritting my teeth again. His arrogance just enrages me further. "Don't you dare speak to my sister in that way."
At this, he takes a challenging step forward, causing my body to tense up. "What are you going to do about it, so-called protective elder sister?" He mocks at me and I have a stronger urge to break his nose.
Be calm, stay calm.
"You dare yell at her again-"
"What're you going to do about it?" He mock gasps, bringing a hand over his mouth and widening his eyes. "Hit me? Scream at me? Pin me down?"
Bile rises to the back of my throat and my stomach churns as I recall the feeling of his body pressed against mine. I take in a deep breath through my nose as I scream at myself to not break eye contact with Kamil. He cannot make me feel helpless.
For some reason my mouth decides to stay closed and I have no idea how to reply to his mockery. I flinch a little, about to grab Nafisah's hand who is standing away from the two of us but stop to refrain from looking like a weak being who can't stand up for herself. I need to give him a good fight back, right?
I bite the inside of my cheek as I debate whether or not to bring up the topic which he was talking about with Nafisah just minutes ago but that would just rile my anger up even more. Talking about the proposal in any way messes with my emotions and just makes me fume.
"How can you have such thoughts?" Kamil tuts at me with a smirk, making me confused. What is he going on about now? I'm so sick of this guy. "Your fiancée wouldn't like to hear them, now would he, little sis?"
I raise an eyebrow, wondering what he's talking about until his smirk grows wider, his eyes scanning my body. I immediately gasp and step away from him, making him bellow out in laughter. I swallow, my mouth becoming dry and my hands becoming clammy.
"You're sick." I state the obvious, raising my voice in order to keep it flowing without shaking. "You're really sick." I quickly turn to grab Nafisah's hand and take her towards the door however she moves hesitently but then tightens her grip on my hand when Kamil suddenly growls from behind us.
"Running away?"
My eyes bulge out of my sockets and I come to a standstill, my back facing Kamil. My breathing quickens as my heart does the same, my hands shaking slightly.
Running away?! He doesn't mean...
How did he find out?! I made sure that no-one could find out, I was extra careful! Hudayfah definitely wouldn't tell him because I made sure to warn him not to let anyone know about our road trip...he wouldn't have! No, he can't have! Wait, what if?
It feels as if time stands still and my feet have been glued to the floor, scared to make a move. Nafisah looks up at me yet I don't turn to look at her as my eyes stay firm on the door in front of me. Seconds pass slowly and neither of us move.
"This is a first," Kamil finally says and I feel him take a few steps toward us. I tense up as I feel his presence getting closer to us and I tighten the grip I have on Nafisah's hand. "Alvina walking away without arguing back? Wow."
Wait, what?
Arguing back...? Oh, for God's sake.
I immediately sigh in relief when I realise that he's talking about me turning my back on him right at this moment instead of putting up a good fight. I silently laugh to myself, shaking my head. Thank God it's not what I thought he was talking about.
I spin around to face Kamil who has his eyebrows knitted tight. His jaw is clenched and his hands are balled into fists beside him. I take notice of his rigid stance and fear for Nafisah and I.
No doubt, Kamil is a bipolar guy. His mood switches drastically within minutes,especially if he wants something. In this case, I think he wants me to argue with him...which is kind of weird. I guess arguing with him gives him some sort of thrill whilst living his boring, lazy life. The useless guy needs to get a job and move out of my house.
"Hm..." Kamil smirks, clearing his throat after giving a quick glance down at Nafisah. "So, you're having a little affair with Hudayfah, now are you?"
Another random outburst.
I scoff with a roll of my eyes. "Yeah, totally." Sarcasm drips through my mouth as I speak, too tired to play his pathetic games by denying his false accusation. "We're getting married, don't you know? His father is giving me away too, make sure you're there."
The sides of Kamil's jaws tighten and he huffs through his nose. His skin becomes visibly crimson albeit having dark skin whilst his nostrils flare. He glares at me, fuming at my reply, only making me want to laugh however still being cautious about Nafisah's safety.
He wouldn't harm her due to her being his sister, I'm sure of it. Although he did just snap at her only a few minutes ago. Anyway, as bad as it sounds, I made sure to remind Nafisah to inform me of anything that happens between them which she knows is wrong.
"I'm giving you away to Zach." Kamil says through gritted teeth, anger seething out of his body.
My eyes widen in shock whilst a smile plays on my face. Is he being serious right now? He wants to give me away? Does he really think that he has the right to do so? Has he kept me under his arm ever since we met and protected me from harm like a 'brother' should do? Albeit not being related by blood, many step siblings get along however in my case with me and my step brother? Well, he scares the living day lights out of me and now? Now he thinks that he can become my so-called big brother and hold my hand before placing it into the hand of a man who desires to take me under his wing.
"Don't be so pathetic," Anger drips from my mouth as I glare at Kamil in disgust, taking a step forward and shocking even myself. "You-"
"Kamil," Nafisah suddenly speaks and our heads snap to her as she slowly comes to stand in between us, her face tilting up to look at her brother. She glanced at me with fear yet determination dancing in her eyes before turning back to he brother. "Baba was going to make her marry Hud-" She immediately stops and smacks a hand onto her mouth before trying to rethink her sentence. "Make her marry,um...Z-Zayn-Zach!"
I'm thrown aback when Kamil suddenly groans through his teeth before storming to the back of the kitchen, pacing around the room in a psychotic manner. He punches a wall and cusses when he feels the pain, his voice raising a few octaves and vibrating off the corners of the space we are standing in.
I find myself watching his temper rising faster with every second and for some reason I want to scream at him to raise it higher, mess with his head. Except that's not a good idea.
Nafisah has never witnessed any kind of violence in this house probably because when it does take place, she's not in. Which is a good thing because I would hate it if she'd see myself being aggressive towards someone else; I need to be a good role model for my little sister.
I look down at Nafisah who holds onto my hand, slowly trying to walk towards her brother, probably in hopes to calm him down or apologise. I immediately tug her back and she looks up at me with her eyes glistening, fear evident in her face. I swallow before opening my mouth to tell her to go upstairs but I am suddenly cut off from doing so.
Nafisah and I jump in shock rhythmically before our heads snap towards the sudden harsh sound. Kamil stands at the sink, fragments of a plate scattered across the floor around him. His eyes are extremely bloodshot and beads of sweat have formed on his forehead. He shakes slightly as furious cries escape his quivering lips.
I'm convinced that I'm dreaming and that this isn't really happening. That I'll wake up and we wouldn't be in this situation. Kamil wouldn't be this angry for a something so petty, if at all he'd curse but that's about it. I have no idea why he looks as if he's having a mental breakdown in the kitchen.
"Shut up!" He suddenly roars before his hand swings back and my eyes widen when a mug is flung across the room. "Get out of here!"
The mug soars it way down to Nafisah's face and I have no time to stop it from hurting her. The glass smashes into pieces and I gasp at the harsh sound, wincing when I hear Nafisah's cries. I peel my eyes open which had closed on instinct, my hands shaking from fear. Jumping in front of my sister, I look down, grabbing her face but furrow my brows in confusion when her face looks intact. My eyes snap besides her to realise that the glass had hit the wall and narrowly missed her causing a sigh off relief to wash out from my mouth.
"It's okay," I push her hair quickly behind her, trying to calm her down but she carries on weeping. Her breath hitches in her throat as tears flood her eyes, her lips puckered out. "Go, go upstairs, my room, sleepover!" I say through quick breaths, trying to hide my anger. I peck her forhead and wipe her tears before pushing her out of the room and watch as she runs upstairs with the key I hand over to her.
Once she's out of sight and I hear my bedroom door being shut, I spin around to face an enraged Kamil. He nearly hurt my little sister and hit her face. If it wasn't for his stupid aiming he would have caused blood to seep through her skin and her to be taken into A&E. He would have caused her agony which he wouldn't take blame for because he's a pathetic excuse for a human.
Kamil punches the wall again and I tighten my fists, ready to defend myself. At this moment, I'd quite enjoy beating the living daylights out of him but I'm sure that wouldn't do me any good.
"You almost hit her," I growl, my mind losing control with all the dark thoughts swarming around. How dare he do that! "You almost hit my sister!"
Kamil instantly charges towards me, his pupils swimming in red whilst his face drips with sweat causing my body to immediately tense up. His hands crash onto my neck and they tighten their grip but I instantly lower my body enough to be able to spin around, loosening his grip and elbowing him in his stomach. He stumbles back with a cry of curse words, only increasing my rage. Gritting my teeth, I take his kneeling position to my advantage and grab his greasy hair, the oil running between my fingers. My knee hits his nose and I hear a crack, this time I stumble back in regret.
Why do I feel bad?
He deserved it, Alvina. Stop being a push over.
"You stupid brat," Kamil seethes as he glares up at me, his eyes watering as he holds his nose in pain. My heart lurches at the sight and I want to apologise but his mouth decides to stop me in my tracks. "Didn't your precious Baba ever tell you to respect your brother, hm?" He spits with disgust, tears escaping out of his eyes.
I tense at the mention of my Dad, especially because it comes out of his mouth.
He takes a few steps forward, his hand moving away from his nose which looks perfectly fine which is odd. I could have sworn I heard a crack and I was sure there'd be blood. "His pathetic daughter never learns. Why did he bother raising her- oh wait, he didn't! Poor, poor Alvina," I scoff, wondering where he's going with this.
My breathing shakes as he speaks about Dad. He knows how much it gets to me so he is using this as a way to get under my skin but I cannot let him win.
"No more attention for poor Alvina when we came along, hey? She felt lonely so resorted to violence instead of talking to her precious Baba...guess it was too late for your little time together, hm, Alvina? Seeing as you helped kill him."
My breath hitches in my throat and I stand shell shocked, unable to form a coherent reply. I helped kill him? How could I have done that? No, I didn't! It was just...it just happened and it was meant to be that way, right? I mean, it was destiny that Baba would leave the way he did, right? Right?!
"Either way..." Kamil smirks at my shocked stance, clearly satisfied with his wrong sayings. He's now standing a few inches away from me, his fingers trailing up my cheek but I don't do anything to stop him. His face is close to mine and his eyes roam my features, chuckling at my frozen state. "He's gone and there's no-one to help you. The useless guy left you behind and now? Now, Alvina, you really can't escape-"
Within an instant, my fist collides with his neck and he bends down in pain, groaning. I growl through gritted teeth as tears pour their way down my burning face, adrenaline causing my body to shake rapidly. His words, his attempt to hurt Nafisah and his behaviour towards me replay in my mind like a record causing broken cries of anger to soar their way out of my dry mouth as I throw random punches at his body. Words fly out of my mouth but I can't seem to make out what I'm actually yelling but I'm saying something.
Kamil staggers backwards, his hand on the wall as he looks up at me with a smirk. He laughs at me for some reason only causing my fists to tighten besides me and I wince when my nails dig into my skin. It becomes hard to breathe as the room begins to spin before me, my tears not helping to clear my vision.
He laughs at me, his face contorting when he does so. I glare at him as he walks towards me, a mocking pout on his lips as he eyes my tears. He snorts into his fist yet within a millisecond, his face hardens and he is no longer smiling. His jaw locks and his eyebrows tighten before he's making his way towards me faster.
I don't know whether to stand my ground but at this moment all I need to do is escape. I don't know what he is capable of and I really just need to get out of here.
So that's what I do.
•••
filler chapter but hey it's with out fave Kamil! Yay...uh..
Anyways! I need help with a pseudo name! Any ideas?
P.S where do you think Hud and Al will be going?