this chapter is so messy, it has a lot of different scenes and honestly you won't understand a part until you read the next chapter i think ?? anyway listen i sUCK at writing in a guy's pov i'm so sorry in advance.
zabdiel's pov
she looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. held her left hand between mine, the coldness of the metal on her finger was a sour reminder that i let the best thing that happened to me slip right through my fingers.
"i'm so sorry, princess." i kissed her hand. "i know you love when i call you that. at least you used to."
i wanted her to be awake and listening to me, but i also knew that i wouldn't have to courage to say it when her glistening eyes were looking at mine.
"i should have never lied to you. but i knew that you would get all crazy when i told you that anne stayed here. you look so cute when you get jealous. especially when you try to deny it." i let out a chuckle. "when you were yelling at me..." i clenched my teeth. "it hurt you see you so broken once again. i was seeing fifteen year old you crying when i told you about anne and i. she's a good person, you know? not my type, but i do hope the best for her."
i swore i saw her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks, but i brushed it off. "she told me to fight for you, for your love. i regret not listening to her sooner. i realize this now, six years later. look at you now, happily engaged to christopher with a baby on the way. you're so clueless sometimes. i thought you were a wait until marriage girl. but hey, that's none of my business."
i looked down at her hand, rage filling my system as i looked once again at her ring. "i love you, baby. i only want to see you happy, even if i'm not the source of your happiness."
~ ♡ ~
"what's it like to be so close yet so far away from the love of your life?"
i threw the glass that was in my hands against the wall. i watched as it shattered into a million tiny pieces, much like my heart was shattering right now.
"no need to get violent." anne sipped her wine. "it's not like you even tried to gain her love and trust back. honestly, who's idea was it that guys had to be total assholes for girls to like them? it was probably a guy."
"it doesn't matter anymore. she's engaged."
"exactly!" she exclaimed. "she's engaged, not married. she's still available."
"why would she leave christopher for me? he actually knows how to treat her right." i stood up and kicked the table in front of me. "he's right, all i do is hurt her."
"at least you know that you were wrong, you can still fix this, zabdiel."
"she's pregnant with his child." i wanted to pull my hair so hard that i would end up bald.
anne looked at me skeptical. "she's pregnant?"
i ran a hand through my hair, probably messing it all up. "when she came with her mother she said she felt nauseous and tired, and she even threw up. my sister's pregnancy symptoms were exactly the same."
she nodded slowly, still in shock. "maybe she's just sick, zab. we also don't feel well when we're in that time of the month." i glared at her and she sighed in defeat. "there may be a possibility. did she say anything else?"
"no." i should've tried to get more information out of her. "she slept for a couple of hours and then we went for a walk. it slipped my mind afterwards." i punched the wall, but i barely felt any pain. anne quickly got up to stop me. i ignored her and pressed my back against the wall, sliding to the floor. "i lost her. i really lost her this time. how could i be so fucking stupid."
she kneeled down on the floor in front of me and hugged me. "i'm not going to fight you on that last part, because you are, not stupid, but kind of dumb at times. wait what's the difference? it doesn't matter. anyways, let me ask you something. do you love her?"
i nodded and whispered, "with all my heart."
"then you better get up and go get your girl back." she moved her hand under my chin to make me look up at her. "understood?"
i have to try. at least i will know that i didn't give her up easily if she does end up marrying him. she's my everything, i am not throwing her into someone else's arms just like that.
~ ♡ ~
i knew that i wouldn't be able to say what i wanted to say once her bright eyes looked directly at mine. although, catching her with christopher's tongue down her throat did play a part in leaving me dumbfounded, i couldn't get a single word out.
"zabdiel." rose said so hushed that i almost missed it.
but once again, i found myself speechless. i knew that she was engaged to him, i knew that she was having his kid, so why the hell does it hurt so much to see them together?
i stepped back when i realized she was walking towards me. she freezed, as if i had just slapped her and she couldn't believe it.
she teared up, "what are you doing here?"
i shook my head and smiled at her. "nothing important. i'm sorry to interrupt the lovely couple."
i turned around and made my way outside. i should've never came. i shouldn't have listened to anne. she's gone. i have to let her go. i punched the wall and instantly regretted it. but i decided to punch it a second time, because why not?
i could hear her heels running after me, but i just ignored them the way she ignored my feelings.
"zabdiel." she said breathless."what's going on? you can't just burst into my home and yell at my servants, and then expect me to dismiss it like nothing."
her long hair was pulled into a messy bun today. she always used to tell me how she hated to put her hair up because she looked ridiculous. i would always reply that she still was the most beautiful girl in the entire world to me.
"it's too late for me." i shrugged.
~ ♡ ~
vianney's confused face gazed up at mine as she opened the door. "zab? what are you doing here?" she stepped aside to let me in. "not that you can't come, it's just rare seeing you here. last time you came you were so happy about your engagement and now i heard around that she's engaged to someone else? what happened? i'm rambling, aren't i? i'm sorry." she laughed nervously and bit her lip.
i tried to smile, but it quickly dropped. "she loves someone else now. i think i never had her heart to begin with."
she embraces me in a hug as i tear up.
"i'm so stupid. why did i let her go? she... she deserves so much more than me. i always hurt her. i don't mean to, i love her so damn much. why wasn't i enough?"
"zab..." she trailed off. "stop putting yourself down. dad wouldn't want to see you like this."
"you talk about him as if he was dead."
vianney pursed her lips together and spoke so softly that i almost didn't catch it. "he almost is."
"he's going to get out of this one." i nodded, but i didn't know if i was trying to convince her or myself.
"you mustn't get off subject." she cleared her throat. "i know you came to talk about rose, not our father."
she doesn't want to talk about him anymore. she never does, not since he got really sick.
she should be living at the castle with me like the rightful heiress to the throne that she is. she shouldn't be out here, far away from the village, in a small house my dad built for her mother when they were in love. if her mother married my father, things would be so different for her.
"right, rose. there's something i do need to talk to you about."
"what about?" she furrowed her eyebrows in a way that reminded me of rose.
i told her what happened the other day with rose and what she had told me. my sister watched me as i rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head in my hands.
i couldn't tear rose and christopher apart. their child would suffer, much like my sister has. the kid doesn't deserve that.
"maybe it's a false alarm, it happened to me too." she said.
"a false alarm." i repeated. "could it be?"
she grinned. "of course, i mean if she's not suspicious by now it's probably not a big deal."
"you always know what to say."
she laughed, "i definitely got that from dad." i laughed along for what felt like the first time in ages.
maybe she was right, i have nothing to worry about. rose is not pregnant and she could still love me.
♡
anyways my point with this chapter, which i'm scared whether i do get yall to understand it or not, was to get where he's coming from when he's like rose i love u bby come back and then he goes i DONT deserVE YOU L EAVE ME he has a battle with himself because he has too much pride but at the same time he's very smol and beats himself up over the smallest things and honestly protect zabdiel if rose doesn't want him i can gladly keep him lol
i had so many ideas for this but i couldn't put them all together and i love throwing new characters into the story when i'm around 10 chapters away of finishing it and this didnt come out like i wanted BUT I WILL EDIT IT LATER im honestly too lazy rn