Chapter Fifty-Five
Dani
I can't help but be nervous as we pull into Don's driveway. I'm extra cautious, looking around for anything out of place. Eli must notice this, because he reaches for my hand before he gets out of the car. He quietly says, “It's ok, Dani. My dad has spoken to Ty and told him not to visit tonight. He said they have guests, so Ty won't be here.”
If only it were that simple. If only I was just worried about seeing Tyler again. I don't want to tell him. I don't want to worry him, but if I'm putting him in danger, I need to warn him. Surely he knows these people will kill us if they find me. He's a good cop and he sounds like he was a good soldier; he must know without me telling him. I shake my head, and he knows there's something else on my mind. Ash must realize as well, because he says, “I'll meet you in there. I'm sure Momma C wants to give me some love without your jealousy...”
Eli smiles, shakes his head and mumbles, “Whatever.”
Once Ash is gone, Eli asks, “What? What's going on in that head of yours?”
I just blurt it out; there's no other way to do it. “They'll kill us if they find us, Eli... They'll kill us all...”
He looks taken aback at first, probably from my outburst. He recovers quickly and says, “I know. I've already thought about that. We're being careful, sweetheart. I promise you we're doing everything we can to keep you and us safe.”
“We?”
He sighs, “Yeah. I had to read my dad and Ash in a little bit. They just know that there's people out there that will kill you and us if they find you. I couldn't ask for their help and put them in danger without telling them what the danger is.”
I can't help but ask, “And they still want to help?” That stupid filter between brain and mouth needs to come back.
“Of course they want to help. They care about you. I care about you. Of course we want to keep you safe.”
“But its dangerous...”
“And? Every day we put our lives on the line for people we don't even know, how much more do you think we'd do it for people we care about? I don't want you to feel guilty or anything for us helping you. Even if you told me to go away, I'd still watch out for you. When I told you to make life choices for yourself, this wasn't one of them. I'm afraid you get no choice in the matter on this one, and I don't want you to think I'm just bossing you around or being a jerk. I'm only trying to keep you safe. I promised I would that and I intend to keep that promise...”
“But what if they kill you? I couldn't live with that...”
“And I couldn't live with it if they killed you. So, we either face this together or we hit a stale mate. We can't exactly do nothing, can we? So, we have to face this together. We will face this together. I promise I am not going to leave you to deal with this on your own. And don't you say it's your problem to face. It wasn't your fault, so it's not your problem. It's their fault, not yours. As long as we keep our heads down and stay out of their way, then we'll be ok.”
I don't know if he actually believes that, but I know I don't. They won't want to leave me as a witness. That guy knows I recognized him, so did Viktor. One of them is bound to tell the Mob that I'm still alive. It's only a matter of time before they come looking for me. If they find me, I don't even want to think about what they'll do to me before they kill me. Somehow that prospect seems a whole lot better than going back to the dungeon they had me in. I'd go through hell if it meant I didn't ever have to go back there.
Despite my fears and my doubts, I decide to just trust Eli. He seems to know what he's doing, so for now, I'll go with it. I simply nod and then whisper, “Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you.”
“Same here. You've helped me without even knowing it. Shall we see what my ma is cooking up?”
“Yes sir.”
He slowly reaches for my hand as I get out of the car. I take an extra leap of faith and entwine my fingers in his as we walk up to the house. For once, I am determined to try and forget about what's going on in my head and in the outside world. Eli wants me to trust that he has everything covered, so that's what I'm going to try to do. I know I can't face this on my own so it has sort of forced me into trusting Eli a bit more. That little voice, my poppa's voice, whispers, “That's it, my little svetlyak. That's my girl.” I'm getting used to hearing this voice, so I don't let on that I've even heard it.
As we get to the front door, I hesitate and take a deep breath. Eli gives my hand a quick squeeze and whispers, “It's going to be ok, I promise.”
As we enter the house, I hear the sound of laughter; something I haven't really heard in a long time. Just the sound brings back memories and has me hoping I can become part of this family. Not just because I think they won't accept me, or because I feel like I'm not worthy, but also because I don't know if I can open myself up to the risk of getting hurt all over again.
Eli
Even as the words left my mouth while Dani and I were sitting in the car, I was hoping I can actually make good on my promise. I know I'll do my utmost to keep us all safe, but whether or not I can achieve that is a completely different matter. For now, it seems to have lessened Dani's fears and that's what I wanted to do. I will talk to my dad and Ash and see if we can come up with a plan of action to make sure nothing happens.
As Dani and I step into the living room, all heads turn to us. There's still laughter in the air and there's a lightness in the atmosphere, despite the real reason I'm here. Dani's hand is still in mine, and I have to admit, I cherish these moments. It seems like she's trusting me more with touching her, which is definitely progress. I love that something as simple as taking her hand can now calm her down. My mom's voice brings me out of my thoughts, “Hey Elijah. Ash was just telling us how Dani shot him down this morning...”
I see Dani's cheeks turn pink and Ash chuckles.
“Yeah, she basically told him he has the same sized brain as every other adult in the world. I think he finds that hard to believe...”
He scoffs, “Er, of course I do. This is me we're talking about...”
I just shake my head in disbelief. I know he's only messing. He's trying to lighten the mood.
“Sure thing, man.”
“How's your mother, Ash? We haven't seen her in a while.”
“She's good thanks, Momma C. The school has been keeping her busy. Too many regulations now, so she says anyways.”
“I can only imagine. We need to have a get together soon. I'm sure Tyler and Maria would love to join us.”
I feel Dani tense up at the mention of more people, so I give her hand a reassuring squeeze. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to and I try to convey that without speaking. I think she gets the message because I feel a slight squeeze on my hand in return. I try to keep my expression passive, but I'm sure everyone notices the exchange. My dad must have warned my mom to behave because she doesn't comment about it at all. Instead she says, “Why don't you boys go and have your training session and Dani and I will cook up something for dinner.”
“Sounds good to me. Boys, you ready to get beaten?”
“Pops, you're funny...”
“Yeah, Eli tells me that all the time...”
My eyebrows shoot up in question, “I do?”
“Of course. I'm hilarious, don't you know.”
I mutter, “That's where Ash gets his big headedness from...”
This is the kind of banter my dad and I have; we often joke around with each other.
I give Dani's hand one last squeeze before I release her hand. I whisper, “If you need me for anything, you just give me a shout. Ok?”
“Yes sir.”
I give my ma a quick glance and whisper, “Take care of her, Ma.”
She smiles and replies, “Always, son.”
Ash, my dad and I don't say a word until we are in the gym room and the door is shut. My dad starts the ball rolling, “So, what's new?”
Ash's eyebrows shoot up and he quips, “No wasting any time there pops, huh?”
“No sense in beating around the bush, is there? So...?”
Ash and I bring my dad up to speed with what we found out tonight at work. He lets out a long, heavy sigh before saying, “We're dealing with some serious stuff boys. You think maybe we should report it?”
I'm horrified at the prospect of reporting this. My first thought is that Dani won't want anyone to know anything, but I don't voice this thought. I just say, “And you think they don't have cops in their pockets? How do we know it won't get out of our department and then get to them? If that happens, we may as well just hand Dani over ourselves.”
Ash nods, “He raises a very good point, sir. We have to be very careful with this information.”
“I understand that, but this is too big for us to deal with on our own.”
I voice something I've been considering all day, “What if he hasn't told anyone? We don't even know if he will tell anyone. If he's smart, he'll keep the information to himself until he needs it as a bargaining chip. Being the only one who knows where she is will almost certainly get him out of most situations, right?”
Ash continues with my thought, “And that's even assuming he's still active in the Bratva. He might have taken a back seat role after becoming an attorney. They may just have him as an informant on the law side of things.”
My dad nods and says, “We can't risk that though. We need to see what he's up to. Any chance you can get a tail on him? Even if it's just to watch him for a few weeks. You know anyone good enough to not get seen?”
Ash and I look at each other before saying the same word at exactly the same time, “Arrow.”
My dad looks confused, so I explain, “He was in Afghan with us. He's almost invisible. If you want a tail, he's your man. I'll give him a call later. He owes me a favor or two anyways.”
“Good. Well, this guy's name is Artur Babkin. Ty says he lives in Brooklyn. That should help you find him.”
“Great. Thanks dad. What did you tell Ty?”
“Nothing really. Just that if he's bringing work people over, he needs to warn us in advance and introduce them properly. I don't want to only know someone's first name. He knows this already, but I think he forgot himself. I swiftly reminded him all about it though. I doubt it will happen again; at least not any time soon.”
“Good.”
Ash looks at both of us seriously before asking, “So, what's our plan?”
I think for a few seconds and reply, “Get Arrow to tail this guy for a little while, see what that throws up. We find a way to bring him in and see what he knows. In the mean time, we need to see if we can help Greggson with this bank robbery case. That might get some arrests and help us out.”
“We also need to find out as much as possible about this section of the Bratva. Do we know if they're even sanctioned by the head of the real Bratva?”
“They are, dad. We checked it out. They're like the hard core middle of the Russian Mob. That's why no one can get to them and why no one really recognizes them. They're very well protected by all of their other regions. I don't quite know how this is going to play out, but we need to try something. We can't just be sitting ducks.”
“Agreed. I'm sure we won't get them all, but we might be able to get the guys that know who Dani is. If we can do that, then she'll be safe.”
I nod, “We just have to make it look like they get caught without throwing suspicion our way, otherwise none of us will be safe.”
Now that we have a bit of a plan, we get down to some training.
Dani
Connie and I work in silence. An extremely awkward silence at that. I don't know what to say to break it. I'm not very comfortable in these kinds of situations and it seems like Eli is the only person I can actually hold a conversation with, and even that is limited. Connie asked me to wash the rice, so I'm standing by the sink with my hands in a pan full of warm water and rice. I jump when Connie says, “Oh no, dear. Cold water. Use cold water to wash the rice off...”
I quickly turn the tap off and apologize for my mistake. “It's quite alright, dear. My Abuela taught me to use cold water. It makes the rice fluffier.”
I drop my head and apologize again before saying, “Cold water, yes ma'am.”
I briefly look up and Connie sends me a smile. “So, how has work been? Eli says you keep busy.”
“Oh, yes ma'am. There's always so much to do.”
“I can imagine. Eli doesn't really talk about what he does so much. Well, not in detail anyway.”
“I'm sorry ma'am.”
“It's not your fault. I'm guessing he's not allowed to discuss cases outside of work. Am I right?”
“Yes ma'am.”
“You don't have to call me ma'am, Danica. Just call me Connie.”
“Sorry. I've just been taught to be polite and respectful.”
“It's ok. I should be used to it, having 3 Army boys in the house. Ash is like another son to us.”
“I can tell.”
“Do they talk about being in the Army with you?”
I frown, but she can't see it because my head is turned downwards. I don't know where that question is coming from, but it doesn't take long for her to explain.
“They don't talk about their time in Afghan or Iraq. Even my husband doesn't talk about his time in combat.”
“I'm sure it's not a nice thing to talk about, ma'am.”
“No, I appreciate that. Just feels like they have another life sometimes. You've been good for Elijah, Danica. He's different. You've changed him, in a good way of course.”
“I don't think so ma'am.”
“You don't think you've changed him in a good way?”
I shake my head slightly and whisper, “No ma'am. He's a good man; there's nothing I can do or have done to change that.”
“He is a good man, but you're also a good girl and you've helped bring that out in him even more...”
As soon as she says I'm a good girl, tears sting my eyes. I feel awful for deceiving this woman. She doesn't deserve my lies and she doesn't deserve to have her son tainted by me. A few tears escape before I can stop them and Connie appears in my line of vision. She reaches out and touches my shoulder. I quickly back off, dropping the pan and spilling rice and water everywhere. I manage to grind out, “Don't touch me...! Please.... don't touch me....”
My breathing is ragged and I start panicking. The memories are fresh in my mind's eye, especially after hearing the tapes, seeing Artur and now having someone touch me. I don't even process that I've just shouted at Eli's mom right now. I can't stop the sounds of the tape from filling my ears and all I can hear is that breathing. Immediately, I'm taken back into images from the past.
I'm scared, so scared, standing on a stage in front of what feels like 100 men. I'm dressed in a school uniform, like it's some sick joke. The man standing next to me says in Russian, 'What will you bid for this pure little thing? Come on, she's worth at least $30,000. She's never even been touched before.' I hear a gruff voice answer, 'I'll pay $60,000.' The man next to me smiles, a wicked smile, with his eyes twinkling like a demon. He says, 'Sold. I'll show you to a nice little private room.' My stomach fills with dread. This can't be happening. It's not real, it's not real. I keep repeating this to myself as I'm taken to a little room at the back of this dingy building. I hear the lock click shut from the outside and I know there's no escape. The man with the gruff voice looks me over hungrily and says, 'You can call me Petrov.'
I don't want to call him anything. I just want out of this horrible room. The man, I refuse to call him by his name, makes his way towards me with a sickening smirk on his face. He reaches for my clothes and pulls them off, before picking me up and throwing me onto the bed.... The pain is so intense that I actually think I'm going to be sick. I keep chanting in my mind, 'This isn't happening; it's not real...' but the pain and fear assure me that this is cold reality. This man smells. I can smell the filth on him, and it's not just a smell of dirt. There's the stench of sweat, smoke and something else I can't quite describe. I only know that it fills my nostrils just as much as the fear and pain fill my mind and body.
Eli
Just as I'm stepping off the mat after going a few rounds with my dad, I hear a loud bang come from downstairs. I bolt out of the room and down the stairs before my dad or Ash can even question my movements. As I reach the kitchen, I can see my mom standing in front of Dani, trying to talk to her. From the look on Dani's face, I know she's lost in her memories, so I slowly approach the two women and whisper, “Ma, I got this. Just give her some room...”
“Elijah, I don't even know what happened. She just started to cry and then she screamed at me to not touch her... I don't even know what's wrong...”
My mom is scared, and I have to remember she's never had to deal with anything like this before. I sigh and gently squeeze my ma's shoulders before whispering, “It's ok, ma. Honestly. Just let me deal with Dani.”
She backs off, but I don't wait to see if she leaves the room. I don't want Dani to stay in her memories any longer than she already has been. I slowly walk into her line of vision, but I know she can't see me. I start calling her name, just to try and get some form of recognition out of Dani. She's gone, completely lost in her mind. Those drugs aren't working quick enough.
“Dani? Baby, it's me. It's Eli. Can you come back to me? Just listen to my voice and come back...”
I start to sing 'Gravity'. As I reach the second verse, Dani screams and then drops to the floor in a sobbing heap. She mutters, “He... He... He...”
She can't get anything else out, because she's crying too much. “Dani? It's me. I'm right here. No one is going to hurt you. I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you. It's ok, baby. I'm here. ”
“Eli?”
“Yes baby, it's me.”
“He....”
“Shhh, it's ok.”
I slide down the kitchen cabinets and sit next to Dani; my knee just grazing her's. “Baby, you want my hand?”
I hold out my hand for her to take if she's comfortable with it. She quickly puts her hand in mine and then places it over my heart. I'm a little shocked by the action, but I quickly recover when I notice she's struggling with her breathing. I slow my heart rate down and I hear Dani counting softly. Once she has got her breathing under control, I expect her to snatch her hand away, but she doesn't. She keeps it over my heart and just keeps working on her breathing. I use my free hand to run through her hair and I see Dani shut her eyes briefly. This makes me smile a little, knowing that she's more relaxed in my company and with my touch.
After a few minutes of quiet, I nudge Dani's knee with mine and whisper, “Hey.... How you doing?”
She quietly replies, “Ok, sir. I'm sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You want to talk about what happened?”
She quickly looks up and sees my mom standing in the corner of the room, which stops her from saying anything more. I notice her hesitation, so I say, “Ma? Could you give us a minute please? I'll come out and see you in a little while.”
She nods and leaves the room. I think she's quite shaken up by this whole thing. “What happened, sweetheart?”
She takes a deep breath and just starts talking, like she hasn't realized she's doing it. She's never been quite so open and forthcoming with me, so she's either really rattled, gotten really comfortable all of a sudden, or she doesn't notice she's doing it. I'm guessing she doesn't realize.
She explains her conversation with my ma, including something about fluffy rice and cold water. That must be why there's water and rice everywhere. I frown when she tells me my mom's comment about not talking about my time in the Army. I frown even more when Dani tells me that my mom tried to touch her. It seems like there's something missing. My mom knows not to touch Dani, and I don't think she'd do that without a good reason.
I voice this, “You holding out on me, Dani? What happened before my ma tried to touch you?”
She sighs and drops her head even more before speaking. “She said you're a good man and I'm a good girl...”
“And that upset you?”
“Yes sir.”
“Why?”
“Because I'm not a good girl. I'm lying to everyone; I'm deceiving everyone by pretending I'm good...”
“No, you're not deceiving anyone. You are a good person. Just because you had a bad start in life and had some bad experiences, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You have morals, you know right from wrong and if you have a choice, you'll choose right over wrong. If you had a choice, you wouldn't have done any of those things they made you do, so you're not a bad person. Is that what made you panic?”
She shakes her head and whispers, “I couldn't stop thinking about the tape and the breathing... It made me remember.... Eli, he was..... the first one......”
My heart literally stops at those words. One, because she freely admitted that piece of information and two, because I want to rip his head off. If she means what I think she means, then I actually want to kill him. I need to be sure that's what she means, so I quietly ask, “The first one, what, sweetheart?”
She starts picking at her fingers, she's nervous. But I don't stop her from this bad habit right now; I know it's a coping mechanism.
“The first one... When I was 15.”
She chokes back a sob, and I know I will never fully understand how difficult it is for her to reveal this stuff to me. I will also never know how hard it must be to remember every detail of that moment for the rest of her life. I'm not saying rape victims ever fully forget that moment; I would never belittle their trauma like that. I only mean that with Dani's memory, things are always fresh in the vault of her mind.
“I'm so so sorry, baby. I wish I could make it all go away. I wish I could take back all of your bad memories and turn them into good ones. Unfortunately, I can't do that, so I have to try to make it as manageable as I can. Does talking to me help?”
She shrugs and whispers, “Sometimes. I can't always do that though.”
“I know. Just as long as you know I'm here whenever you want to talk. Doesn't matter what time it is or what it's about. You can tell me anything. Nothing is going to change how much I care about you. Ok?”
She simply nods and puts her hand back in mine. My heart is doing its own little dance right now and I'm trying to get control of myself. Dani's nearness is doing nothing to help the palpitations my heart is currently giving me. Beneath that though, there is a layer of anger at this whole situation; at this guy, whoever he is. Just as I'm thinking of a way to get back to the gym room, Dani scoots closer to me and tucks herself into my side. I carefully wrap my arm around her and hold her against me. I take a few steadying breaths and I hear her murmur, “Don't be angry, sir. It's not your fault.”
“He hurt you, baby. I can't not be angry about that. It comes with the territory, I'm afraid. I care about you, so I'm going to want to hurt anyone who hurts you. I know that's a foreign concept to you, but that's the way it is. I can't help but want to protect you. I don't want you to worry I'm going to hurt you though. I can control my anger and I won't ever take it out on you.”
She simply says, “Ok.” and then rests her head on my chest. I don't know where any of this is coming from, but I'm not going to question it or fight it. I tilt my head back and rest it against the cabinets. I shut my eyes and just live in this moment right now. Just being in Dani's embrace like this, in this moment, makes everything seem alright.