Dylan continues to stare at her phone then pops a piece of gum in her mouth as she walks toward us while I watch her like a hawk.
I try not to notice how cute she looks with her favorite hat sitting on her head backward.
My heart drums in my chest and I try to will it to stop. Obviously, my heart never listens to my brain. In this moment, I desperately want it to.
"Hey, guys!" Derek says with a wink at me. I glare back at him, wanting to let him know that I am in on his plot. He just smiles and fist bumps Paul.
I don't know if I should say anything to let Dylan know that I am here, assuming she doesn't know this was some type of set up either. I just elect to stay quiet and scuff my shoes.
"Isn't this exciting? We having been out like a group like this in a while. " Erin says clapping her hands happily. Then with an evil look, she looks at me and goes " Right Wren?"
Dylan looks up then. Her eyes lock with mine and for some reason, it feels like the world stops. It's like those movie scenes when everyone disappears and it's just us. I know it sounds really really dumb but when she looks at me I feel like anything is possible.
My god, I can't believe I'm saying this crap.
Then I remember the crushing pain I once felt when I thought of her. I want to remember that pain so that when I'm faced with her I don't get sucked into everything that is her like before.
I wave meekly, "Hey guys." Camille grins then give me a crushing hug.
" I'm so glad you finally came to hang out!" I realized that it's possible that I have been spending too much time at work and not enough time with my friends. But work wasn't the only thing keeping me from them
I always felt left out when I hung out with Derek and Erin. With them always being stuck to their significant others side, it's hard to feel included. But also I never want Derek or Erin to have to pick between me and Dylan. So I made the choice for them and left myself out of the picture.
I never thought it might be hurting them. " I'm sorry Camille. I know I don't hang out as much as I should. I'll try more." I grin and hug her back. Derek gets in on the hug then, kissing me on the cheek.
"We missed you!" He says with a child like voice.
Camille all but growls, showing off her green eyed monster. She breaks from our small group hug, crossing her arms over her chest, and I honestly can't tell if she is being serious or not.
Derek immediately starts groveling. "Okay, I'm sorry babe. It won't happen again promise." They must have had some type of conversation about Derek and I's relationship and I suddenly felt awkward.
" Good." She says pulling him to her then kissing him on the lips. The kiss last longer then it should in front of others.
" I think I'm going to puke," Dylan comments behind them.
I raise my hand. " I second that."
Paul speaks up then. " I think we should go inside the movie is going to start and it's kinda cold out here."
Everyone automatically starts to pair off to go instead which I know what is going to happen. It's funny how I didn't know when the night started that I would find myself paired off with Dylan.
As we go inside to get in line for our tickets, she says to me "You're here."
"In the flesh," I respond with a small smile.
" Of course I didn't know you were going to be here. Derek just asked me to come to a movie." Dylan adjusts her hat that's on her head, which she always seems to be wearing these days. Which I will admit it does look good on her.
"Obviously we have been set up. I didn't know you were going to be here either." I pretend to be distracted by something near us then I say. " I was going to invite you but I didn't know if that would have been okay.
" I would have said yes," Dylan answers, staring with her endless eyes again. My heart flutters in my chest.
I clear my throat. We at the front of the line so we split up to buy our tickets, for whatever action movie we were seeing, from the two separate box office cashiers and then somehow without my knowledge we come back together again to head over to the concessions.
Derek and Camille bought a large popcorn and drink to share. While Erin and Paul were still debating on what they wanted and out of instinct I looked at Dylan to ask her what she wanted to get like we were supposed to make that decision together.
It scares me how much it feels like we are on a date right now. It scares me more how much I think I want that to be true.
But at the same time, I'm happy with the way things are.
"I'm not buying anything. It's way too expensive."
I decide the same remembering that I need to be frugal just in case I need the money later. " Yeah, I don't want anything."
Dylan winks at me then like she was hoping I would say that. I give her a quizzical look, not really getting what the wink was for but she just grins and says nothing.
Derek looks at his watch and tells us that the movie is about to start.
Paul and Erin finally decided on nachos and candy.
Of course, as we went into the theater I knew I will have a spot next to Dylan since technically everyone else was on a date.
Like I predicted, I am seated in the middle of Dylan and Erin. Erin probably set it up this way so she can see all the action that she thinks will be happening between us. Obviously, that's all in her head.
As the lights dim, I can faintly see Dylan starting to rummage around in her jacket for something. But then my focus turns to the trailers for movie.
When the movie finally begins to play, I begin to hear the crumbling of plastic which I assume to be coming from Erin, because she bought candy so I pay it no mind.
Then I feel a hand lightly touching mine. My eyes widen and my heart begins to gallop like a field of horses.
I know that it's Dylan's hand touching mine.
I sit rigidly still as I feel her flip my hand over with my palm facing up. I don't dare turn my head toward her. I just wait for her to slip her hand into mine.
That's when I feel skittles tumble into my palm.
That's when I look at Dylan with a questioning look. Of course, I'm wondering where she got them but it doesn't take a genius to know she snuck them in.
She looks at me with the very amused face and a huge grin. Then Dylan winks. I realize that this is what she was trying to tell me at the snack bar.
I start stifling my giggles that are rising in my chest, not wanting the other people around us to hear me laughing like a idiot. Leave it to her to sneak snacks into the theatre. Honestly, I don't blame her for those prices.
Then my breathe catches and my giggles stop as she leans into me. I can smell the vanilla lotion that she never stops using. The smell of mint left over from her gum also runs over my skin and I try not to shiver as her body heat enters my atmosphere.
Dylan whispers in my ear, " I got more snacks if you want them." I can hear the mirth in her voice. I just mouth thanks back because I know if I turn my head we will be face to face.
Honestly, it fucking sucks how much Dylan still effects me when I thought I had gotten over her. And what sucks, even more, is that she probably doesn't care an ounce about me beyond friendship.
Even after all my heartbreak that I went through I still let her affect me. The hurt is catastrophic.
I can't even focus on whatever is happening in the movie anymore not with Dylan sitting next to me and all I can think of is how I want to be closer to her.
Over the course of the movie as I finished my skittles, which I am using as a distraction, Dylan notices when I finished them and she flips my head and deposits more.
Every time she does this motion I feel my throat closing up with oncoming tears.
I'm so glad that it's dark or else everyone would see the emotions playing on my face.
I whisper quickly, " I have to go to the bathroom." Without giving Erin or Dylan a chance to reply, I jump out of my seat, rush out of the theatre, and then I got straight to the bathroom where I plant my hands on the counters.
Okay, I'm going to break the third wall here.
I'm sure you guys out there have felt the pain that I am feeling now.
That feeling when you know that there is no
possible way that the person you like likes you back yet they are still constantly your entire world?
That's what I felt and it was crushing me.
Dylan was just being Dylan and sharing her skittles with me. What a simple act right? For her anyways.
For me, it was lingering touches that could lead to our hands melding together between the seat. Or like this surreal situation was very similar to a real date. But that would never happen.
I don't even know if any of this makes sense. I should have bolted as soon as I saw her walking toward me. I knew hanging out like this would not be good. But I'm so stupid and my heart feels so desperate to be around her I stayed.
What and idiot.
But this situation was also very confusing for me because if this is how I'm feeling at this moment what do I feel for Caroline.
I do like Caroline yes. I know that very much. But do I also still have feelings for Dylan as well? Is it possible to like two people?
I try to shake my thoughts away feelings I have been standing in this bathroom for way too long. I splash my face with cold water to make myself feel a little less overwhelmed.
I look myself in the mirror once more and I tell myself to remember what Dylan did to me to remember that she wouldn't ever like me the way that I might like her.
I tell myself to remember that she could easily hurt me again.
Us being friends again was not about starting a relationship that's more than friends.
I tell myself to forget about her and go for someone who will like me back.
That's easier said then done but I can try.
I take a deep breathe and then I make my way out of the bathroom.
That's when I run directly into someone.
"Oh! I'm sorry!" The person exclaims. Then I finally realize who it is a bumped into and all I can think is I really don't need this right now.
Caroline looks at me with a large grin and of course, every inch of her looks amazing. She is wearing a blue tank top with some shorts (really short). Her legs look really tan and the blue makes her hazel eyes pop.
I was going to comment on the fact that I thought she looked beautiful but I didn't even know if she would feel weird about me complimenting her.
What surprises me is that she actually compliments me instead.
"Wow, you look really pretty." Then she looks me up and down. I immediately start blushing.
Being frazzled makes it hard for me to find something to respond with. I always get tongue tied around her.
"You're welcome Wren." She grins, I guess she could tell I was drowning.
I speak up then with a returning smile. "You look pretty yourself. Are you here on a date?" I didn't really want to hear the answer to this question but I didn't know what else to say and I always had to put salt in my wounds.
" No, actually I'm just here with some friends. You know girls night out."
" Yeah, I get that." A silence then fell between us and we just stood there staring at each other with smiles on our faces. Honestly, it wasn't even awkward. Mostly it was comfortable.
She looks away from me then and I can tell that Caroline wants to say something. " Come on spit it out," I say jokingly.
Caroline just smiles softly then reaches okay to grab my hand. Our hands are links between us, and all I can do is stare at them.
It felt nice that our hands were joint together like this but it felt different from the way that Dylan's hand felt against mine but I still really liked it and I want us to stay this way.
"Look, Wren, I have been trying to ask you something but I can't really tell if you would be okay with me asking you." She seems really shy now, which makes me smile with confidence. I squeeze her hand. I feel like I know what's she wants to ask me.
"Ask me."
She beings to open her mouth when Dylan come rushing around the corner near us. I drop our hands instinctively. The loss of warmth is weird.
But Dylan already saw our hands linked together but as expected she just gives us a blank look, the one she uses when she doesn't care. I'm not sure if I want her to care or not.
Dylan just shoves her hands in her pockets and strolls her way over to us.
She gives Caroline a wave, and then she looks at me. "I was coming to check on you. You were gone for a while."
"I'm fine." I try to sound reassuring but I'm not sure if it's working.
Caroline then raises her eyebrow at us. " Oh.. are you guys here together?" She says slowly.
"No, we aren't," Dylan says quickly. Each word that comes out her mouth stabs me in the chest. I wish I didn't care that she responded with a no so quickly but I do.
"We are here with some friends," I add on to Dylan's comment so that I don't seem so stunned.
" Oh, that's great," Caroline says with a grin seeming overly happy about that. " I mean like great that you are doing something else besides working Wren. Well, I'll let you guys get back your movie."
She looks at me, then lays a hand on my arm before leaving. " We will talk later okay?"
"Yeah sure," I respond. Caroline lingers a little bit longer giving me a almost flirty smile before leaving.
Then Dylan and I are left in silence. This silence, however, didn't feel comfortable but tense more than anything.
Dylan just continues to stare at me, with a furrowed brow and eyes search all over my face. I begin to feel nervous like I was caught doing something I shouldn't have been. Which is ridiculous.
"What was that about?" She finally speaks nonchalantly. Dylan doesn't even look me in the eye. She just scuffs her foot on the floor and tucks the loose strands of hair back into her hat.
I no longer feel nervous instead I feel really annoyed. I don't get why she thinks she has the right to ask me what I was doing with Caroline. She doesn't care about me but Caroline potentially does. So why would she care. So I ask her.
She looks dumbfounded at first like she didn't expect me to ask her that. But it could have been because I might have sounded really bitchy.
"I was just curious." Dylan then takes a deep breath. " Okay look, I know our friendship is new and I guess I don't have a right to ask about your possible relationship with Caroline. Honestly, I just wanted to see if you were okay. You rushed out I didn't know why."
I can feel my anger subsiding after her words. I don't know why I suddenly felt so hot-headed toward her but now I felt bad for snapping.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"It's okay, really. Are you okay though?"
" Yes, I'm fine." I smile to reassure her of this. She smiles back so I assume she believes me.
"Well come on then or we are going to miss more of the movie." I didn't want to admit that I had no clue what was happening in the movie anyway because all I could pay attention to was the girl sitting next to me.
"Alright."
Dylan bumped shoulders with mine with a grin. So I shoved her back. This is what we used to do. It felt nice to be able to just hang out with her like old times. I needed to just remember that this was about a friendship.
I thought it was funny that as soon as I start complaining about being forever alone, I start having girl problems.
It seemed like Caroline was interested and Dylan was not. But I felt more for Dylan then I did for Caroline. It was a mess of a situation.
Clearly, I knew I had to just forget about Dylan.
I was really getting tired of hearing myself say that. I never I was trying to convince myself. I really didn't want to admit that maybe I still had feelings for Dylan when I wanted to have feelings for Caroline.
Dylan and I had to be over because the fact of the matter was that it wasn't happening.