Hailey's POV
I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, feeling the warmth of Harry next to me before I remembered where I was. I smiled to myself, keeping my eyes closed as I tried to savor the moment. His arms were wrapped tightly around me as the sun hit my face, and I couldn't think of a more perfect way to wake up. I could feel his breath fanning against the skin of my neck as his chest pressed into my back. I felt so safe, so content, and I knew I could have laid there forever.
I felt Harry move behind me, and a few seconds later I felt him press his lips to the bare skin of my shoulder where his t-shirt had slid down.
"Good morning." He said softly, his voice much deeper and full of a sleepy rasp as he spoke.
I rolled over to look at him, smiling as I took in the way his hair was pushed down on one side from resting against the pillow. His face was a little puffy and his eyes were heavy from sleep, but he looked even more adorable than normal as he smirked at me.
"Hi." I smiled as I rested my head on his chest, starting to trace the outline of the butterfly tattoo on his stomach with my fingers. "I like waking up with you."
"Me too. I like falling asleep with you too." He said as he kissed my forehead. "I don't wanna get up."
"Let's just stay like this all day." I sighed, wanting nothing more than to just laze around with him for the rest of the day, enjoying being that close to him.
We laid like that for a while, dozing in and out of sleep and just enjoying each other's company. I thought about the night before, when somehow Harry had taken one of the most humiliating things that had ever happened to me and given me a completely new way of looking at it. I still hated that he'd been there to hear the things Brad had said about me, but as usual he took care of me in a way that nobody else did and made me feel like I had nothing to be embarrassed about.
I looked out the window as Harry played with my hair, completely relaxing me as I laid against his chest and breathed him in. I don't know how he always managed to smell so good and look perfect no matter what the situation, but I didn't mind. He was literal perfection in every aspect, and it was like some cruel joke that he would have to be leaving in a couple of months.
"Did you sleep well? You fell asleep pretty fast." Harry asked as he looked down at me.
"Probably the best sleep I've ever had." I smiled. "Did you fall asleep okay? Having me here didn't bother you did it?"
"Not at all, I loved falling asleep with you. I did watch you for a while after you fell asleep last night though, like a total creep." He chuckled.
"What?" I laughed. "Why?"
"Just couldn't help it." He shrugged. "You look so peaceful when you sleep, like an angel."
"Someday." I smiled.
"Huh?" He laughed, confused. "What does that mean?"
"It's just something I've said since I was little, kind of an inside joke I guess." I said, recalling the memory. "Whenever someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said I wanted to be an Angel, like my Mom."
He smiled down at me, running his fingers across my cheek and brushing my hair over my shoulder.
"My brother used to tell me that I couldn't be an Angel because it wasn't a job like other grown ups, so I had to pick something else. I just always told him I'd be one someday, he'd see." I laughed. "As we got a bit older, when my dad used to work late and Ry used to tuck me in he'd say 'goodnight angel' and I'd say 'someday.'"
"That's actually really fucking adorable." He laughed, probably picturing me running around as a small child telling everyone I'd be an angel one day.
"Well, of course now that I'm older I realize that I was walking around basically telling people I wanted to die when I grew up, but at the time I think it was probably cute." I smiled.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better...I think you did grow up to be an angel."
He brought his hand up to the side of my face as he smiled down at me, and I felt myself blushing. Harry and his stupid dimples always knew how to make me feel special, and something inside of me kept reminding me not to let myself get too attached. I'd been doing my best, but that magnetic pull I felt towards him didn't seem to be something I could control, and fighting it was exhausting.
I looked up at him, his green eyes gazing down into mine as I laid against him. Our legs were intertwined as I laid on his chest, and there was something very intimate about the way our fingertips explored each other's skin. It wasn't necessarily sexual, just familiar, as if we were both admiring each other and trying to memorize each freckle or scar.
"Haz, you up? We gotta-" Niall said from the hallway as he opened the door and stopped mid-sentence, his eyes going wide as he saw me laying there in Harry's bed. "Oh, shit. Sorry, I-uh, I didn't know you were...uh, I'll be in the kitchen."
He quickly turned around and started to head down the hall as Harry and I laughed out loud, Harry calling out after him.
"Niall! Come back." He laughed as Niall timidly reappeared in the doorway, standing there awkwardly. "We're just cuddling, relax."
"Well, Jesus. I don't know. Fuck." He chuckled. "One never knows with you two."
Harry and I just looked at each other and smiled as we sat up and rested our backs against his headboard.
"Aw, you wanna come cuddle too? We have lots of room." I said as I patted the space beside me.
Niall just laughed as he sat at the foot of the bed, looking over at Harry and shaking his head.
"I'm always down for a good cuddle, but I'm not getting in the middle of whatever this weird vortex the two of you've got going on." He laughed as he motioned between us. "That shit has disaster written all over it."
Harry and I each threw a pillow at him, knowing that he wasn't wrong, and laughed when he fell off the bed trying to dodge them.
"See, I've already got hurt just being in the same room." He laughed from the floor as Harry leaned down and helped him up.
"Sorry, bro." Harry smiled.
"Anyways, I'm starving. What are we doing for breakfast? What kind of adventure are we going on today? Or...do we have plans...?" He asked carefully as he looked at Harry, who got a strange look on his face.
"No plans." He replied simply. "We're not busy till tomorrow."
"Alright, well why don't you let us get up and we'll go for breakfast. I'll think of somewhere to take you guys today since I'm not working." I suggested and they both nodded.
Niall headed downstairs to make coffee while Harry and I pulled ourselves out of bed, neither of us really wanting to leave the comfort of laying next to each other.
"I gotta hop in the shower, wanna save some water?" He smirked at me before bursting into laughter.
"You wish, Styles."
"I do." He laughed as I threw a pillow at him and he headed into the bathroom.
I laughed and shook my head as I pulled on my shorts, leaving Harry's t-shirt on as I slid on my flip flops. I smiled to myself as I heard the shower turn on, picturing what the look on his face would have been if I had actually agreed to shower with him. He'd been extra flirty with me lately, but that just seemed to be the nature of our relationship. One minute we were bickering like an old married couple, the next we were flirting and cuddling.
I said bye to Niall as I headed out the front door and walked across the yard to my place, heading straight to the bathroom to shower. I couldn't stop thinking about Harry as I stood under the water, wondering what he would look like as the water cascaded down his ridiculously nice body in the shower. He had no idea how sexy he was, his body was toned and chiselled in all the right ways, like some kind of underwear model that was almost too perfect to not be photoshopped. He just oozed sex without even trying, I mean even the way he slept was sexy.
I let my mind wander to the way his fingers felt on my skin, the way his chest looked as it rose and fell as he laid next to me, the morning sun shining in from the window and lighting up the tattoos inked onto his skin. He was a work of art, everything about him was perfect, and somehow I'd had the pleasure of waking up next to him.
I thought about what he'd said the night before, when I was pouring my heart out to him about one of my biggest regrets, and a smile crossed my face at the thought of it. For the first time since it happened, I felt like maybe I didn't need to regret it, because it obviously didn't mean anything. Harry was right, anyone can physically have sex, I'd done it many times since Brad, but I'd never felt that thing he talked about either. I thought it was just because my first experience was so bad that I just didn't really let myself enjoy it that much, but the more I thought about it the more I realized Harry was right.
When you do it with someone you really care about, it must be completely different. I was surprised to hear that Harry had never been in love either, he was such a loving person that I assumed he'd be someone who falls easily. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bring me a strange comfort to know that he hadn't really shared that with anyone either, although I wasn't sure why.
Growing up, when I'd thought about having sex for the first time I'd obviously imagined it completely different than it went. I pictured it with someone that I loved, who loved me, and I thought it would be romantic and special. I think part of me had just told myself that real life wasn't like that, that that kind of love only existed in movies and fairy tales, but the more time I spent with Harry the more I began to understand it.
Harry was the kind of guy I wished I'd given it to. I felt the kind of connection to him that made me wish I had waited, that reminded me that there was more to relationships and life than just doing it because it felt like you were supposed to. Harry and I weren't even together, and I felt more for him than I had ever felt for anyone I'd actually slept with. I found myself wondering what it would be like to be close to him that way, how it would feel to have him wrapped around me while we explored each other's bodies and found pleasure in an intimate way.
I was turned on just at the thought of it, but I was quickly snapped out of it as the water suddenly became freezing cold and made me jump.
"Jesus." I muttered to myself as I reached over and turned it off, wondering how long I'd been in there.
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself before I headed to my bedroom just in time to hear Niall bellowing at me from the bottom of my stairs.
"Blue eyes, let's go! I'm starving!" He whined.
"Give me five minutes!" I called back down the stairs.
I guess I had been in the shower a lot longer than I'd realized, and now had five minutes to get myself together and ready for the day. I knew better than to keep a hungry Niall waiting, something I learned early on.
Five minutes later, I was hurrying down the stairs as I tried to tie my hair up and put my shoes on. Niall and Harry were lounging on the couches in my living room, looking relieved when I appeared.
"I never took you for high maintenance." Niall smiled as he stood up. "Took you forever, let's go."
I hurriedly grabbed my purse and keys and headed out the front door, both of them eagerly following me to my car. We headed to the diner for breakfast, a spot that Niall had come to love since he'd arrived due to the large portions. We were just finishing up when my phone rang on the table and I looked down to see it was Finn.
"Finnsy! What's up buddy?" I answered, Harry smiling over at me.
"Haaaiiillsssss," He laughed. "What you doing?"
"Just finishing breakfast, why what's goin on?"
"I was just seeing what you guys were up to, I was thinkin I might put a ball game together. It's a nice day, we should head to the park and have some beers. Thought you might wanna grab Niall and Harry and come play."
"That could be fun, who's all going?"
"Well I just talked to your brother, he's gonna grab Kev and Blake, then there's me and Sam obviously and you three, and then I'm waiting to hear back from Bones and Cody. That gives us a team and then Chase is rounding up his own team. We were thinkin we'd start in an hour. You guys down?"
"Hold on." I said as I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked over to Harry and Niall. "You guys wanna go play some baseball and drink some beers?"
"You had me at beers." Niall laughed.
"Sure, sounds fun." Harry shrugged.
"Yeah, we're in." I said to Finn as I smiled back at them. "Which field?"
I got the details from Finn and told him we'd meet him there in an hour, before we paid our bills and went home to change. I threw on a pair of shorts and a tank top and grabbed my glove, making sure I grabbed my spare one and texted Ryan to bring his so Harry and Niall had one. He'd offered to pick us up so we didn't have to drive, and an hour later we were pulling up to the field to find Finn and everyone else had already arrived.
We hopped out of the truck and grabbed our stuff, heading over to the dugout to find the rest of our team enjoying cold beers while they warmed up.
"Yes! It's about time you guys showed up." Finn smiled as he came over and gave me a hug. "Hey, I haven't officially met you yet. I'm Finn." He said as he held his hand out to Niall.
"I'm Niall, nice to meet you mate." Niall smiled as Finn handed him a beer. "Thanks."
"No worries, I'm glad you guys could come out. Any friend of Harry's is a friend of ours." Finn laughed as he playfully shoved Harry.
I smiled to myself at how close the two of them had become after only hanging out a couple of times, but Harry seemed to have the same effect on everyone. I had yet to come across a single person who didn't love him after hanging out with him, and I knew it would be the same with Niall.
"Alright, so I'm just gonna do the line up. Do you guys have a particular position you like to play?" Finn asked as he looked around trying to figure out where to put everybody.
"I don't play much baseball, to be honest. It's not too popular where we're from." Niall laughed. "Football and golf are more in my wheelhouse."
"Yeah...can't say I've played much either." Harry chuckled.
"That's true, but Harry's naturally athletic and annoyingly good at anything he tries." Niall said as he clapped Harry on the shoulder, who just shook his head.
"No worries, it's all for fun anyways...where do you feel comfortable playing? We'll put the superstar over here at short." Finn smiled, motioning to Ryan who just shook his head.
My brother was an amazing athlete, he always had been. He'd played baseball since he was a kid, probably could have played in college if he'd chosen to. I often wondered what would have happened if my dad never got sick, if he would have pursued a career in some kind of sport. He'd told me time and time again that he had no regrets, that his plan was always to take over the business, but his passion for sports wasn't something that seemed to fade.
"I feel like you're both probably pretty fast?" Ryan asked as he stood up from the bench.
"Yeah...I can run." Harry laughed.
"How's your arm?"
"It's alright, I think." He shrugged.
"You putting Hails in Center?" Ryan asked Finn as he looked around at the other options.
"I was thinkin about it, she can play anywhere though so it doesn't really matter."
"Why don't you put the three of them in the field, Sam at 1st, Kev at 2nd, you take 3rd and Bones can pitch. Then put Cody at the plate and Blake can sub out for whoever cause he can play anywhere too."
Finn looked down at the lineup, jotting down the batting order and nodding along with Ryan's suggestion before he looked back up at us and smiled.
"Alright, take the field then. Go warm up."
We grabbed our gloves and Ryan, Niall, Harry and I went out to warm up. I could already tell Harry was much better at baseball than he thought he was as we threw back and forth, he had a strong arm and seemed to be able to catch pretty well. Niall was pretty coordinated too, although he seemed to worry about where to put his beer in between throws.
Finn announced it was time to start the game, and the three of us jogged out to the outfield to take our positions.
"I like those shorts, Robertson." Harry smirked as he jogged beside me.
"Why?" I laughed.
"Your ass looks phenomenal." He chuckled as I shoved him over towards left field.
"Shut up, Harry." I laughed.
"Can't help it. Sorry, not sorry." He called over his shoulder as he ran over to his position.
I helped guide him and Niall as to where to stand, all three of us holding a beer in one hand and a glove in the other as we waited for any balls to be hit our way. I was doubled over with laughter as the two of them did some kind of weird dance they both obviously knew, casually singing some song I didn't know and dancing while the game went on in the background. Every once in a while, Ryan would turn around from shortstop and laugh, shaking his head at us as we had a laugh in our own world.
A few minutes later, we were jogging back off the field and joking about how thankful we were that no balls had been hit our way. Kelsey and Cash showed up a few minutes later to watch, and Cash came barrelling into the dugout to see Harry.
"Harry!" He said excitedly as Harry scooped him up and ruffled his hair.
"Hey, buddy." Harry smiled. "Come to watch your dad play some ball?"
"Yep. And you and Auntie, and Niall! And Finn, and Sam, and-"
"So everyone then." Harry laughed as he sat down on the bench as Finn went up to bat, nodding over towards Kels to say hello.
"I practiced my guitar today!" Cash said excitedly and I looked over at him, confused.
Harry, however, did not look confused as he nodded and smiled down at him.
"What guitar?" I asked. "You have a guitar?"
"Yeah, Harry got me one! Niall brought it all the way from Disneyland!" He said excitedly. "It has my name on it and it's a real one just like Harry's but my size!"
I looked over at Harry, rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of him. Of course he would buy Cash a real guitar that he has no idea how to play and make Niall bring it all the way up from LA with him.
"You bought a three year old a guitar?" I asked, chuckling softly.
"I'm almost four!" Cash defended.
"Yeah, he's almost four." Harry smirked. "Besides, now we can jam out when he comes to my house. Right, little man?"
"Right." Cash nodded in affirmation.
I leaned over and kissed his little head, finding his affection for Harry adorable.
"Where's mine?" Harry asked with a smirk as I sat back up.
"Your what?" I laughed.
"My kiss on the head."
I rolled my eyes at him, doing my best to pretend that I wasn't completely loving how flirty he had been with me all day. Harry had a naturally flirty personality, but he seemed to be a bit more forward with it since this morning, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because we had woken up together and he'd enjoyed it just as much as I did.
It was hot out, and by the time we finished the game most of us were drunk or at least on our way. Niall, of course, had made friends with everyone there and was the life of the party as I expected him to be. Harry and I just laughed and shook our heads at him, being used to his antics. Everyone was gathered in the dugout, going over details of the game and telling jokes, when Harry grabbed my hand and started to pull me out towards the field.
"What are you doing?" I laughed.
"Just come lay with me, don't be difficult." He said as he threw me over his shoulder and started to jog out to the field and I tried not to spill my beer as he threw me down on the grass.
"Harry! What the fuck?! That hurt my ass!" I laughed as he plunked down beside me, both of us laying flat on our backs in the grass of the outfield.
"Want me to kiss it better?" He chuckled as I shoved him.
He settled in beside me, both of us laying there as the sun hit our faces and immediately relaxing me.
"See. Much better." He sighed as he looked up at the sky.
"What is?"
"Laying here. Just us." He smiled over at me.
"What has gotten into you today?" I smirked over at him, admiring his jawline as he closed his eyes and tried to absorb the sun.
"I don't know, really. Maybe it's the beer." He chuckled.
"Nice try, you've been acting weird since this morning."
"I'm not acting weird!" He defended. "Just...happy. I'm really fucking happy."
I looked over at him, unable to contain my smile as I watched him take a deep breath of the fresh mountain air that was always available in Lily Ridge. I loved that he was happy, he always seemed happy as far as I knew, so it was a bit strange to hear him say he was happy as if it was a new thing.
"Why so much more today than any other day?" I asked as he turned his head to look at me and smiled.
"I guess you could say I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning." He smirked.
Before I could respond, I felt a heaviness crash down on me as Ryan and Finn jumped on top of me and started to tickle me. I squealed as they continued their assault, until it became difficult to breathe and they finally got the hint.
"What's goin on over here, lovebirds?" Finn smiled as they finally got off me and I tried to catch my breath.
"Nothing, just being attacked by you idiots." I laughed.
"Well, we're gonna have a barbeque at our place and I brought you here. So let's go." Ryan said as he held his hand out to help me up and Finn did the same for Harry.
We gathered up all of our stuff and hopped in Ryan's truck, and a few hours later we were all sitting around the patio at Ryan and Kelsey's after finishing dinner. Kels had gone up to give Cash a bath, and people were slowly starting to leave as Ryan and Finn chatted it up with Harry and Niall about the golf game they'd planned for the weekend.
"When you heading home, Niall?" Ryan asked.
"Um...a couple days I think." He responded, looking over at Harry almost as if for confirmation.
"You can go home whenever you want, mate." Harry laughed.
"In that case I don't really wanna leave." Niall chuckled. "But I have work to do, so I have to be back by next week I think."
"Well, I told you you're always welcome here. I've got a spare room with your name on it any time you want." I smiled over at him and he nodded.
"Yeah, maybe I'll find some time to come back before summer's over. I'll have to see how it goes." He smiled.
"Even if it's not summer, you guys can both come visit any time. We've got extra room here, too." Ryan said as he smiled and they nodded.
Both of them seemed to appreciate the idea that they were welcome in Lily Ridge with us any time they wanted, and I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that they could escape here. I had no idea what their lives were like normally, but I gathered they didn't really get many opportunities to just hang out without being bothered.
It gave me a bit of peace to know that they were enjoying themselves, that they seemed to find the oasis they'd been looking for, and I hoped that they would both find time to come back at some point. For more reasons than I wanted to admit.
*****
Harry's POV
I couldn't seem to stop myself from stealing glances at Hailey as she laughed with her brother over some dumb joke Niall had told. Seeing her laugh was one of my favorite things, and it never failed to make me smile. If I was being honest, I'd been stealing glances at her all day and no matter how much I tried to stop myself I just couldn't.
I don't know if it was the fact that I'd slept next to her the night before, or that I felt like I was really settling into a different kind of life, but I think I just realized that I was losing the fight against trying to deny my feelings for her. I still knew it wasn't a good idea, and felt like I still needed to keep my boundaries, but why couldn't I just enjoy my time with her without worrying about it? We both knew we felt things for each other, so why deny it? Why not just be honest about it and come to an understanding that there was nothing we could do about it.
"What time is it?" Niall asked as Hailey pulled out her phone and checked the time.
"It's almost 11." She shrugged. "Why? You got a hot date?"
"I wish." He scoffed. "I think we're getting up early tomorrow."
"For what?" She laughed, finding it amusing that anything we could have planned would require us to get up that early.
"We've got plans." I said simply, hoping she wouldn't probe any further, but knowing her well enough to know she would.
"Why are they so top secret?" She laughed. "I'm working tomorrow, it's not like I'm gonna try to tag along."
"Well if you're working tomorrow you should probably try to get to bed early too then." I smirked.
"Nice attempt at changing the subject, Styles." She rolled her eyes at me. "You two are up to something, you always sneak off during the day when I'm working and don't tell me where you're going."
"It's just a project I'm working on. Niall's helping me." I shrugged, really hoping I wasn't about to have to lie to her.
"A project like...your new album perhaps?" She smiled.
I looked back at her, hating the way it felt like her eyes could see right through me. I hated the idea of lying to her, and technically I had played some of the new stuff I wrote for Niall so it wasn't exactly a lie to say he'd been helping with my album.
"Something like that..." I said as I looked over at Niall, wishing he'd come up with someone to help out.
"Harry's got some really good things in the works, we've been playing each other our new stuff." He added.
"Then why is it such a secret? I'm not gonna make you play it for me or anything if you don't want to." She said, almost sounding annoyed.
"It's not a secret...I just only have Niall here for so long and I need his help on the project while he's here."
She eyed me carefully, obviously knowing I was keeping something from her, and I could tell she was irritated by it.
"Anyways...let's talk about something else." I said with a fake laugh, trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.
"Harry wants to change the subject, shocking." She said as she reached forward and took a swig of her beer, her tone full of sarcasm that I wasn't used to from her.
I looked over at Ryan and Finn who just shot each other a look, knowing her well enough to know that she was pissed about something. I looked at Niall, who just looked back at me helplessly, and tried to ignore the seemingly backhanded way she'd said it.
After a few very long seconds, I decided I just couldn't.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, trying not to sound too defensive.
"I think you know exactly what it means." She scoffed before chugging the rest of her beer and standing up from the table and heading inside.
"Sooooo what the hell was that about?" Finn asked as he looked over at me confused.
"She's pissed." Ryan sighed. "I'll go talk to her."
"No, I'll go. I'm the one she's pissed at." I said in frustration as I got up from the table and headed inside after her.
I wasn't exactly sure why she was pissed, but I definitely wasn't ready to find out. The thought of her being mad at me wasn't something I liked, but I knew I needed to talk to her and not just leave it. I searched the house for her, trying to be quiet so I didn't wake up Cash, when I passed the window in the living room and saw her outside walking, almost to the end of the street.
I immediately ran out the front door after her, not only because I needed to talk to her, but because I wasn't about to let her walk home by herself.
"Hailey!" I called out after her as I ran towards her, doing my best to catch up as she continued walking. "Hails, wait up."
She didn't slow down, and when I finally caught up to her she didn't even turn to look at me.
"Bear, talk to me." I said as I grabbed her arm and turned her to face me.
She glared up at me, and I was taken back by the anger in her eyes I'd never seen before. I'd seen her annoyed many times when we would bicker, but this was different. She was genuinely pissed at me and I didn't know why.
"Oh, now you wanna talk?" She snapped. "Or am I just supposed to talk and you don't have to say anything, as usual."
I just looked at her, unsure of what to say, until she scoffed and continued walking.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." She said as she picked up the pace, her anger fueling the speed in which she walked.
"So you're mad that I wanted to change the subject? You think I always blow you off when you try to talk to me, is that what this is?"
"Good skills, Sherlock." She spat.
"Hails, stop." I said as I turned her to face me again. "I know you're pissed at me, but I can't fix it if you don't talk to me."
"I'm sorry, is it annoying when you try to talk to someone and they just keep blowing it off?" She said sarcastically, and I really wished she didn't look so hot when she was pissed.
"Alright, I deserve that." I said, swallowing hard as she continued walking.
I followed after her, the fact that my legs were so much longer making it easier for me to keep up. We turned down the dirt road towards our houses, and I made one final attempt to make her stand still and talk to me.
"This isn't about the project, and you know it." I called out after her after I'd stopped walking and let her get a couple of steps ahead of me. "This is about us, whatever this is."
She stopped walking and turned to face me, the anger still written all over her face as she glared at me.
"And what is it, Harry?" She asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.
"I...I-I don't know." I stuttered, wishing I had words to explain it.
"Yeah...I figured." She sighed. "I'm a little tired of trying to figure it out on my own."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I've tried to talk to you about it, about a lot of things, and you just say you don't wanna talk about it or change the subject."
I stared at her, admiring the way the moonlight washed over her face. I felt horrible that she was upset, that I'd obviously been avoiding the subject for too long and this had been building. She'd been holding this all in and trying to let it go, but it seemed that she just couldn't anymore.
"Maybe it's not that I don't want to, maybe I just don't know how." I said as I took a step towards her. "Maybe I just have no fucking clue how to explain what you do to me."
She looked up at me, her eyes softening a little as I hovered over her.
"Maybe I can't explain it because there are no words. Maybe I can't kiss you because I'll never stop. Maybe I'll just keep doing it, trying to make up for all the years I haven't been kissing you when I feel like I should have been. You think I don't want to? You think I don't spend every fucking second of every day wishing things were different? It fucking terrifies me how much I would do for you, what I would give up just to stay here with you, but I can't. And I can't know what it feels like to kiss you and then have to walk away, because I know I won't be able to."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what this feeling is that rushes through me every time you look at me. All I know is that I don't wanna lose it, and the idea of you being pissed at me right now is killing me. I have no idea how to fix it."
"I hate this." She said, barely above a whisper as she looked down at the ground between us. "It's not fair, Harry."
"I'm sorry. I wish I could explain it better but I'm obviously fucking shit at this."
She brought her hand up to the side of my face, immediately bringing me comfort as she looked up at me and sighed. The feeling I got when she touched me was like no feeling I'd ever had, and I didn't ever wanna stop feeling it. I would have stood there forever in the darkness of that small dirt road with her if I could have.
"All I know is that when I look at you, when you touch me, what I feel...it's...it's not like anything I've ever felt before. When you look at me, the same way you're doing it now, I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's like all of a sudden, the only thing that makes sense is being here with you."
"Then just be here with me, Harry. I'm right here, it's just us. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I know I can't stand you keeping this wall between us anymore. If you don't wanna be that close to me, then fine, but tell me why. Talk to me about it, help me understand. That's all I want, if we can't be what we want then fine, but let's at least be open about it."
I looked down at her, her big blue eyes gazing up at me as I realized what she was asking of me. She wasn't asking me to marry her and live happily ever after. She wasn't even asking me to be any more than friends. All she wanted was for us to be able to talk about it, to come to an understanding as to why it wasn't a good idea. Still, I had no idea how to have the conversation when I had no words to explain what I was feeling.
I racked my brain for a response, and realized I couldn't think of a single reason in that moment why I shouldn't kiss her. There she was, looking up at me and waiting patiently for me to tell her why it wasn't a good idea for us to be more than friends, when it dawned on me. It didn't matter what I said, because whether I liked it or not, whether it was a bad idea or not, we'd been more than friends since the moment we met. We were just too fucking stubborn to admit it to ourselves.
None of it made any sense, not a single fucking thing about it. The only thing in the entire universe that made sense to me was that we were together, standing under the stars on that warm summer night, and her eyes were looking into mine.
So in that moment I did the only thing that made any sense.
I leaned forward, grabbed the back of her neck, and crashed my lips into hers.