(Oh boy... get ready to hate Juliet and Zayn. I apologize ahead of time for how much dialogue there is in this chapter!)
Funeral - Band of Horses
Almost Lover - Fine Frenzy
I Don't Wanna Break - Christina Perri
High Hopes - Kodaline
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Juliet POV
The words hit me like a train. My mouth drops and I feel my anger leaving my body, my drunken thoughts and feelings sober up as I stare at him. I glance down at the ground and back up at him. He in no way looks like he is about to apologize.
The tension grows between us and I'm not sure what my reaction will be. I won't cry - not over Matt not because of Zayn. So what choice do I have but to let my anger and frustrations out?
"That's not fair for you to ask." I growl quietly. Why does he do this? Why do I do this? Why do we push each other until we're stuck in a war?
"How is it not fair?" He demands with anger walking towards me. I no longer have my high of being happy and drunk at the party, I can feel myself being able to process every little thing happening right now.
"Why are you bringing him up?" I demand with more force. The mention of Matt stings more than the firs tonight he brought him up when he was drunk. Not only do I have the sinking feeling about Zayn and Erica, I had Harry's confession, and Zayn's secrets about Eleanor filling my thoughts.
"Why are you bringing Erica up? It's none of your fucking business!" He snaps at me. None of my business? I was his girlfriend - I knew that didn't mean I got to know everything but it meant he had to be open or at least try to be.
"Going through my stuff, asking Louis about Eleanor? Seriously Juliet? Leave it the fuck alone! It's not your business!" He rages, shaking his head with disappointment - as if I had disobeyed his orders. I wouldn't tell you what to do, Harry's words play in my head, like the way Zayn constantly commands me around...
"Do you realize if I had agreed to your idiotic and irrational request about moving in I would be going through your stuff constantly? It would be OUR stuff." I shout at him. He was truly blind, the question of me moving in wasn't even thought out. He didn't have a plan except what he wanted right that moment.
"Well thank the fucking lord you said no!" He laughs with anger shaking through the apartment. "So you feel like answering my question about that cheating ass liar?" He demands, his eyes staring at me with pure anger, his temper rising every minute.
"It's none of your business." I shoot back. I didn't want to be in this apartment anymore. I just wanted to go home... home to Loveland.
"Just like how none of my stuff is your business." He growls back. "How does it feel Juliet? To be on the receiving end of the endless questions you don't want to answer? Not very great huh?" He taunts me, stepping closer to me.
"I only ask the questions because you hide things from me! You constantly seem to be lying and hiding things." I explain with a scoff.
"What did I lie about this time?" He laughs, running a hand through his hair as he looks at me- waiting for me to answer.
"Eleanor, Erica... Liking kids!" I list with a shaky voice, my anger taking over again.
"Why does me liking kids matter?" He shouts. His eyes wide with confusion but his face twisted in anger.
"Because if that isn't true, then what else did you tell me the first night that isn't true?" I demand. "What lies did you feed to me the night we met? It was supposed to be an honest open conversation and I trusted you because I thought 'hey it's a stranger, he gets that I won't see him again so he'll tell me the truth'." I clarify my thought process.
It was true... If he had lied about liking kids - or had not told the complete truth about it. What else wasn't true from that night? Was that night even how I remember it in my head? Could it even be seen as an honest and open conversation or a boy who lied to a girl to toy with her?
"Well thank God I didn't tell you the truth." He shouts with laughter shaking his body. A cruel smirk taking his lips, I narrow my eyes and speak up.
"What else did you lie about? Did you lie about even growing up in Bradford? Did you lie about how you want someone in your life? Because the way you act makes me think that that's not true! Did you lie about that?" My voice raising an octave as I step towards him. The distance between us diminishing, the anger building up to a point we wouldn't be able to hold back anymore.
"Well why don't you tell me Juliet? You seem to know everything already." He sighs, glancing down at the ground then back at me. Oh I would tell him. I would tell him every single thing on my mind.
"You probably don't have nightmares! I don't even know if you're dad is real or your family because that's how much you keep me in the dark! I've never seen a picture of them or heard a story about them." I growl knowing I'm playing with fire. His eyes flash with fire and pure hatred.
"Want to talk about my dad? Then talk Juliet! Talk about how I have a fucking horror movie playing in my head at night of him beating my mom senseless. Beating her until she can hardly breathe and then apologizing to her because it was all a misunderstanding!" He shouts at me, his voice echoing through the apartment.
I feel my tears brimming, threatening to come down my face. I shouldn't have talked about his dead, the hurt and anger was real enough. I knew his story of his family was real but... the lies. All the lies he tells me, all the secrets he keeps.
"Go ahead talk!" He demands with a louder voice - if possible. I take a deep breath and shake my head.
"You lied about how you don't like mistreating girls! You mistreat me all the time! You take me for granted you constantly attack me with everything I hate about my past!" I shout at him.
"And that's not what you're doing to me Juliet? Fuck you're talking about my dad for Christ's sake! You're talking about my dad!" He shouts. "I haven't talked about him in years!"
"You talked about him the first night we met!" I shout back at him.
"Obviously a fucking mistake." He breathes, turning around and taking a few steps away from me. Giving us some distance.
"Yeah I guess I'm some big mistake to you Zayn!" I shout at him. He doesn't answer as he continues to keep his back to me. "You constantly lie Zayn and I'm sick of it!" I shout.
"What else is there left to lie about?" His sudden booming voice causes me to jump a little. "You basically listed everything that I've said since I've met you!"
"What about this one?" I laugh so I don't cry. "You told me you would never cheat on a girl like me." I hiss with so much anger and hurt. "And yet you did tonight!"
"That's what you fucking think isn't it? You assume the worst in me?" I shake my head; it's not what I think. I know... he went to his old room with Erica for crying out loud. What else would those two need a private room for? What could they possibly need it for?
"I should have listened when you said I wouldn't like the real you! Cause you aren't a good guy Zayn! You're the epitome of fraternity assholes!" I shout at him and his eyes snap, growing colder than I've ever seen before. I shake my head again and reply to his earlier comment.
"I always assume the best in you! I always fight to prove that everyone's assumptions about you are wrong! And then you always turn around to prove me wrong!" I shout. We stay quiet for a while, my words hanging in the air to be processed by him. I let out a light laugh and shake my head.
"Harry was right."
Zayn POV
She assumes the best in me, she hopes for the best in me... I knew she did. She always fought to prove people were wrong... and then I prove her wrong. I always fucking prove her wrong - that there is no 'best' of me.
"Harry was right." I hear her laugh lightly. Just like that all my enmity returns. I turn to her with my eyes set heavily on her sad face.
"Oh do tell. Tell me what the fuck Harry said to you!" I shout at her. She should have listened to me the first night; if she got to know me she wouldn't like me... I warned her. Her eyes glare at me and I can see the stubbornness taking over.
"What did he say?" I yell walking towards Juliet who doesn't move but raises her head.
I feel the anger building and I can't control it as she just stares at me. What did he say to Juliet? What did he fucking say to my Juliet? Was this why she was smashed? Why we were having this fight?
I know this fucking fight is my fault - I let Erica get to me but she was right. This wasn't me. Holding a girl and telling her I cared about her. It was always the other way around, girls begging me to stay around for longer than one night.
"Tell me!" I shout, grabbing the glass of water and slamming it against the wall. Juliet jumps at the action, taking a step back but doesn't scream as she continues to stare at me.
"He said you haven't changed... that you'll always pull stuff like this. That you don't care about the chances I give you." She says calmly.
"You know what? He's fucking right then! If that's what you think than why are you still here?" I shout at her. I see her look at the door and see it flash in her eyes. She wants to go, she wants to get out of this apartment so badly.
"Because I have hope!" She says turning her eyes back to me. "At least I used to. I used to think you were changing that you wanted this - if you never wanted this then why? Why Zayn? Why would you continue to drag this on?" She demands with desperation in her voice - desperate for some answers.
I stare at her for a moment. Trying to hold back my anger and the words I'll say. I stare at her breaking soul, the soul I'm breaking into pieces. I see how she's fighting it - fighting my words, refusing to let them get to her.
"Because it's what I want. And I'm Zayn; I'm not fucking Matt. I do what I want, I take what I want, and I don't give a fuck about anything." She shakes her head and laughs, blinking back the tears I know I'm causing.
"That's not true..." She mumbles, she takes a deep breath and stares at the ground. "You're Zayn - you hurt people until you don't hurt anymore." She quietly speaks. "And I've landed the lucky position of your scapegoat." She says, her eyes meet mine and I see the tears she holds back.
I feel the words ring through out the apartment. I'm Zayn... I hurt people until I don't hurt anymore. Juliet - the girl only a few days ago I considered my angel, was my scapegoat. The one who got to deal with all my anger and pure hatred for everything.
"How would you know? You went running into the arms of a guy you knew things wouldn't work out with!" I refer to myself with my hand on my chest. "You just wanted to forget about your perfect life, be a little rebellious. Be adventurous instead of pathetic! And now that's coming to an end!" I shout all my thoughts at her. Everything I thought - everything I knew was going on.
"You know what?" She laughs hysterically and shakes her head - her beautiful brown hair shaking with it. "You're not Matt. Not even close." I think she's about to end this fight, do what she always does. Assure me she wants me; she wants this life, that she doesn't want Matt or her old life.
"He's a better person than you and you can only wish to be like him." Her words dig into my soul, into my heart. Erica was right - I was whipped, fucking whipped. A girl could never hurt me like this until now.
"You think I want to be like him? Alright!" I laugh with so much anger. "If he's such a great person and I wish to be like him, then maybe I will go fuck Erica! Because you seem to think I already did. And maybe after I fucking cheat on you, then you'll care about me as much as Matt." I snarl his name.
Juliet stares at me with pure shock. I'm in as much shock that I've said those words to her. I can hear her shaky breaths; it's taking everything in her not to cry in front of me. I see her glance at the door again and then back at me.
"You don't get to throw Matt in my face! You don't get to do that!" She shouts walking towards me.
"And you get to throw Erica in my face? My past mistakes? The ones I'm trying to keep from surfacing because they're in the fucking past!" I shout right back at her.
"Only because you haven't changed Zayn!" She steps towards me again.
"Neither have you! Is that what I am? Some proof of how you've changed form the perfect small town girl to this?" I demand.
"I care about you Zayn! I do! But right now I wish more than anything I had stayed with Harry at the arena when you came." She snaps at me, her eyes growing cold - the way mine would, the way mine are.
"What did you fucking say?" I whisper with hate behind it.
"I wish I didn't leave." She repeats slowly. "Because this is miserable! I'm miserable right now!" She shouts at me.
"You're fucking miserable? Then go!" I wave my arm at the door. "Run off to Harry." I shout at her. She looks at the door again before closing her eyes and shaking her head.
"I care about you so much and it hurts to see you act like I don't. To see you act like you don't care. To see you act like nothing has changed or happened between us!" She shouts.
"I care about you so much that I don't know what to do. I care about you so much that I can't just go, that I can't just walk out the door no matter how much I want to. I care about you-" I cut her off as I yank her towards me.
I shut her up with a kiss; I feel her object to it at first. Not wanting to kiss me back. Her anger still building. After a moment though her body softens in my arms and she kisses me back. The anger we both have releasing in our breathless kisses.
I open her mouth with my lips, my tongue slipping into her mouth as she moans. I pull her closer - clawing at the fitting dress she wears. I feel her warm and soft hands against my stomach, pulling at my shirt. I break away to pull my shirt over my head, pulling Juliet back to me.
Sliding my hands down her back to her butt I pick her up. Her legs wrapping around my torso with ease, her body fitting in my arms perfectly - like it always does. Our fight disappearing with our raging passion we are sharing right now.
Her kisses aren't healing - they aren't soft or careful this time. They're rough and demanding as they break from my mouth and attack my neck. Her lips find a sensitive spot by my jaw line and I let out a groan as I drop us onto my bed.
"Fuck Juliet." I growl, running my hands up bare thigh and gripping high on her thigh as my thumb rubs her hip causing her to moan. Her legs tighten around my body as I kiss her neck. I feel her fingers rake down my back and into my hair as I suck at the sensitive spot at the base of her neck.
I feel her pull me back to her, connecting our lips. I press my hips into her, needing relief on the pressure. I feel her gasp but she doesn't say a word as I grind my hips into hers.
I feel Juliet's grip loosening around me and I pull away as her kisses grow sloppy. I look at her as her eyes are closed and she's quietly breathing. She's passed out - the alcohol and the fight taking everything out of her. The making out, putting her at ease enough to fall asleep.
I let out a heavy sigh as I put her under the blankets. I stare at her for a moment. What were we going to do? What were we going to do when morning came? This fight wasn't going to just stop because I got her to make out with me.
This fight was fucking awful. Matt, Erica, Eleanor, past and present issues. This was the worst fight we've ever had and it was my fucking fault. No it wasn't only my fault, it was Harry's, and it was Erica's. It was everyone's fault...
If I ever saw Harry again... well he better run; he was the reason for half the things that occurred in this fight. Matt... Fucking Matt. I growl as I rub my face. Juliet assumed the best in me, she hoped for the best and I always let her down...
Juliet groans as she rolls over, frowning. She lets out a heavy breath as wrinkles create in her forehead and I hear her let out a quiet whimper.
"I'll get you some water..." I trail off quietly, touching her face gently before getting up and walking to the kitchen. I walk past the broken glass and stare at it. This was the first time I had broken things since Juliet. Once I met her I hadn't smashed anything - but before when I would get raging drunk or angry it was an all out party of breaking things.
I grab the broom and sweep up the pieces of glass. The apartment felt strange. You could feel the anger still lingering in the air but it wasn't thick as it was. It's a strange calm - like standing in the eye of a hurricane. Chaos all around you, you know more is coming but right now it's calm, peaceful, eerie...
I throw the broken glass into the trashcan and find another glass. I fill it with water and set it on the counter. I let my hands grip the counter as I stare at the cup of water.
I didn't want to be Matt for her but who else could I be? I wasn't going to become Matt... I wasn't the kind of guy who does what I've recently done. I don't go to great lengths to make a girl happy or feel safe. I do what's best for me.
What the fuck was I going to do? I knew I couldn't leave Juliet; I could never leave or forget her. What choice did I have then? If I continued this it would destroy us both. These fights would become more insane, more hurtful, more damaging.
I walk back to the room slowly. She would want to talk about this - I know. She'll want to have a civilized conversation and figure things out. I'm not sure if I can handle that to be honest.
I sit down on the edge of the bed by her; her face is facing the opposite direction. I set the cup of water down as I hear her heavy breathing. I run my fingers through her hair and down her back, slowly rubbing her back.
"Sorry about that fight love..." I whisper the pet name I know she adores. She groans, waking up slightly as she flips her head towards me, letting out a sigh. Her eyes stay shut as she talks.
"Read my favorite story to me?" She mumbles sleepily. I laugh at the sound of the words. She sounds like a little girl asking for her bedtime story.
"I don't know what your favorite story is." I chuckle. She's more wasted than I thought - she's becoming delusional.
"Please." She mumbles again.
"Juliet I-"
"I love you..." She grumbles something again that I can't quite catch it. But the sound of it is making my heart race. It sounded like 'I love you'.
"Juliet." I mumble, touching her back again. Was she talking about me? She loved me? I feel my heart beating faster than it ever has.
I've never told anyone I loved them... I've heard girl say it to me. Telling me they loved me, begging me to stay with them to date them. This was the first time those words have my mind and body racing. A lump in my throat forms, twisting in my stomach as I try to get her to repeat it.
"Please read it..." She begs quietly with a whimper.
"Juliet." I mumble, touching her back to wake her up enough to have her repeat what she said earlier. She groans and rolls back over and away from me. The words I wanted to hear come out of her mouth. Striking me like lightening - stopping my heart and shattering any hope I had.
"I love you Matt." She quietly whispers words that hurt more than anything I've experienced in my life.