"You know I'm on tour, yeah?" He looks up at me from his slumped position on the couch for an answer to his obvious question. His eyes are guarded, and his hair is swept off to the side a little. He looks so fucking good though.
"Yeah, obviously." I attempt a smile but it fades somewhere in the middle of it being formed.
"It means that I can't really see you Lily. At least not until the tour is over." He slouches and rests his head on the couch, as if it's too heavy from what he's saying. He looks so distressed to be telling me this, but I don't know why he would. I guess I saw this one coming. Didn't he?
"Yeah, I assumed as much. Does that bother you?" I'm treading lightly here. I don't really know his take on the kiss. I haven't talked to him since then so how could I know what he's thinking?
"Of course it bothers me. Doesn't it bother you?" It seems like I caught his attention with my question, because he's sitting up straighter now and he's staring at me so expectantly that I feel like I might cave from the feeling of his eyes on me alone.
"Well, yeah but I mean - nevermind."
"No, please." He urges, the expectant look he wears intensifying drastically.
"I don't know this is so crazy for me. I don't really know how to process it." It's true, my mind reels every time he's around and I can never connect the right wires from my brain to my mouth.
"I know, I'm sorry. Luckily you'll have a break from it anyway. I can't come see you while I'm on tour, it's just not possible." He looks dejected by his own words. Like he's thought of every possible scenario, but there just isn't one that works.
"It's fine Harry, really. I wasn't expecting anything. You don't have to worry." I laugh it off as if it's nothing, but the laugh isn't genuine. Harry knows it too because he stays silent.
"I'm sorry." He looks down at his feet that rest on the carpet in the living room. The beige swirls from the carpet contrast his white socks while he continues to stare at them.
"It's fine, really." I feel this uncontrollable impulse to comfort him. Even though he's apologizing to me, my body registers the opposite.
It's that impulse that pushes my body closer to his. He stares down at me as I sit closer to him, ignoring the incessant beating of my heart that comes with the closeness. I stare back at him, and I'm so acutely aware of the space between us. Barely four inches. Three inches. He's moving closer.
I see his eyes flicker from my nose down to my lips, and he stays barely two inches from my face. I sit still, forcing myself not to give in to the impulse of grabbing him and kissing him right now. His eyes move back up to stare at me and he gives a weak smile. We're so close now, I can hear the air that flows in and out through his nose. His breath smells like sweet mint, and it takes me back to the night in front of the subway station.
I feel his hand cup my cheek, and then he pulls me to him. He closes all the space between us as his lips come crashing against mine. This kiss is different. Feverish and frantic. He holds my head in his hands as his soft lips move against mine. This time I slip my tongue into his mouth, showing him that I want this as much as he does. He breathes heavily as he moves his hands from my cheek, to brush his fingertips against my shoulder, and down my arm. I place mine around his neck again, grasping at the chesnut curls that I can reach with my hands. I weave my hands further into his hair and I hear him groan into my mouth. The sound causes every fiber of my being to ignite with so much force that I can barely register it. The tingling that I remember feeling from his touch is amplified by so much that it's almost numbing.
I scoot my body closer to his, and his hand reaches instictively to my thigh. The gesture causes my heart to beat even faster, and my cheeks are hot with the intimacy I wish we could share. As if reading my thoughts, Harry leans into the kiss so that I have to lean back on the couch. My head rests on a pillow and I can feel the weight of his body while he strokes my thigh. He's careful not to break the kiss as we both lean into each other, and I almost groan from the lack of contact when he begins to kiss my neck. He pecks at my jawline, softly with his lips until he reaches lower down my neck and begins lightly sucking on the tender skin. The heat that flows through my veins at the feeling of his lips on my skin causes my pulse to increase even more.
Instinctively, I graze my fingers along his back and he quickly removes the plaid shirt so that his upper body is only covered by the white t-shirt underneath. My eyes revel in the sight. His arms are busting out of the sleeves and I can see the lean muscle of his abs underneath the fabric. I don't have time to think before his lips connect with mine again, and he sucks lightly on my lower lip. Surprisingly, I let out a moan and he pulls away to stare at me, smirking.
"What?" I smile, chuckling at myself and him.
"That was pretty sexy Delcourt. You alright there?" He retorts, all the while that smirk still plastered to his face.
"Are you?" I say pointing to the area between his legs, which seems just that slight bit tighter in his already-too-tight jeans.
"Barely." He replies before kissing me again.
I laugh into the kiss and run my fingers underneath the white t-shirt. The skin on his back is hot and smooth as I slide my hands further towards his shoulder blades. He grabs my waist and then flips me on top of him so that I'm straddling his hips and his head is now on the pillow. He leads his hands from my waist to my stomach and stops right before they reach my breasts. I don't know where this could go, and it seems like he's deciding how far to take it.
Fueled by the haze and intensity of the moment, I lean down to kiss him again, which causes his hands to graze my chest.
"Can we maybe go to a bedroom?" He asks through breathless kisses.
The question causes my already unsteady heart to skip a couple beats. Can we go to a bedroom? Should we go to a bedroom?
"Umm, no. No... - wait." The minute the words leave my mouth, I remove my body from his and I stand close to the couch opposite from him.
He looks at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips swollen from our kissing. His eyes are searching my face, trying to read what I'm about to do.
"I can't - we can't. I'm not..." He sits back up and gestures for me to come closer to him with his hand.
When I do, he puts his arms around my thighs and looks up at me from his upright position on the couch.
"I didn't mean to have sex." He smiles at me so reassuringly I almost melt in his arms right there. My knees already feel weak from standing this long after what just happened.
"Oh." Is all that can escape my own swollen lips.
"Harry can I tell you something?"
"Anything." He leans his chin onto my stomach and looks back up at me, his arms still wrapped around my thighs.
"I'm... - well, I haven't... I'm... - I haven't had sex before." I look away once my confession is out in the air. Harry doesn't pull away from the hold he has on me, which is a surprise since I thought he'd call me a baby and then leave or something.
"That doesn't bother me Lily. In fact it's kind of a turn on." After he answers, he pulls me by the legs onto his lap. I put my arms around his neck again and stare down at him, heart pounding out of my chest all the while.
"Really?" I question, raising an eyebrow at him.
"I'm dead serious." He smiles back up at me and pecks me on the cheek softly.
"But wait, what about not being able to see me because of the tour and shit?" I seem to bring myself back to Earth with the question, and slide partially off of his lap, leaving my legs in place over his.
"Fuck." He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his curls. "I don't know what to do about it. I can't come see you anymore, I know that. And that fucking article made management go ape shit about me seeing you again."
I cringe at the mention of the article. I really didn't need to know that management doesn't even want Harry and I to be near each other.
"Sorry." He looks over to me with an apologetic smile.
"No it's fine." I smile back at him.
We both sit in silence for a few seconds. I can tell that he's going through ways in his head that might work for us to meet up before the end of the tour, and I'm doing the same. But with my getting ready for university in September, and his tour ending in October, I'm not sure there's any time in between. October is only two months away, that's not too bad, right?
"Fuckkk." He draws out the word in frustration.
"It's fine Harry, seriously. The most we'd be apart is like two months and that's not bad considering this is technically the second time we've spent together. It'll be fine." I try to console him but he doesn't seem to be buying it.
"No, but it won't. I don't know about you but the past two weeks have felt like a year and it makes no sense, but I had to come see you." His confession shocks me.
Although I had a pretty crappy two weeks since I last saw him, I put it down to my boring ass life, not his lack of presence. Maybe it was? Fuck, I don't know anymore. His confession keeps ringing in my ears: I had to come see you.
"Oh, you did? But don't you have fun on tour?"
"Of course I do, but it's not the same. When I sang knowing you were there that one night, it was like this rush that I keep craving. Fuck I'm so sorry I must sound like an idiot."
His continual confessions are continually shocking me, but he sounds like the furthest thing from an idiot. It just makes me feel more... alive? Woah the thought reminds me of one of their songs. Fuck, I always will be a fan won't I?
"You don't sound like an idiot Harry," I laugh before continuing, "Here's what we'll do. You'll go back on tour, I'll get ready for university, and then when you're not crazy busy, you know where to find me."
"And I will definitely come find you Delcourt. Count on that much." He smirks at me again before leaning in to brush his nose gently against my cheek.
"I will." Is all I can think to say.