I was driving back to my cousin's crib, Straight-up. Of course his name wasn't actually Straight-up, that was just his nickname. His real name was Coriyon. That's my long time, no see cousin so I'ma call him by his government name. As I was walking to the side door of his crib, I sighed before pulling out the house key and going inside. I appreciate my cousin for allowing me to stay here while I was out. My mother—she was ecstatic whenever she found out I was bailed out. I know she's been trying to get me out, but it is what it is now. Fixing me a cold glass of red kool-aid, I sat down at the kitchen table and sipped it like it was liquor, which I preferred having right now. Coriyon hides his drinks and I wasn't going to question him about it. I wasn't much of a drinker anyway. I sat the glass down, looking around the dimmed room as the sun was shining through the blinds. As of right now I have no phone until the bill gets paid. Until then, I went to the photos in my phone and scrolled until I seen a picture of Jasmine and I. Shit just about made me tear up when I seen her smiling as she had her head laid against my chest. I truly loved this girl. I don't understand why she doesn't see that. Girl had me in the cell carving tally marks on the walls to the days I'll see her again. I've never pictured myself doing no crazy shit like that before. Sad part is, I admit to acting crazy. I didn't try to kill Trevor. Nah, I did. He was one dude I called my bro. Probably was dumb for killing him over a female who didn't even love me—yeah, I'll admit.
I'm starting to think he was the wrong person I killed.
Gulping down the rest of my drink, I washed out the glass before leaving out the house again. This time, leaving the car. I just needed time to myself. Everything seemed a little different to me. Kind of dryer before I was arrested. It's been a good minute, and I'm sure I looked different with this hair grown on my face. Something told me to walk back to Jasmine's house. I wanted to apologize to her for my sick ass actions, even though she was the cause of it. I just needed to talk to her, but she wanted to tend to her family more than she wanted to talk to me. I understand that, but she was mine first. I still want to make her mine. Why even bother? She's already proven that she didn't want me anymore. I don't give a fuck, though. I'm smarter than what I may seem. For me to have her again, I can't get into any trouble. Something's gotta go down, though, best believe.
I patted my back pocket for the roll of cash Coriyon lend me just to make sure it was still in there. I needed a cut, some extra clothes and some more shoes. I had to fit in some way. My eyes brighten as I came upon a stop sign. It was my birthday. Too busy having Jasmine on my mind, I done forgot. Bet she forgot all about it, but I'll never forget hers. I continued to walk and found a barbershop not too far away. There wasn't a lot of people so I was able to be looked at as soon as I walked in. The barber shaved the hair from my face, leaving me a patch of it on my chin. I didn't like it at first, but I was a grown man and it was time I started acting like one. Fuck Jasmine. Fuck her family. I'll be good by myself with whoever the lord bless me with in the future. I paid the barber after looking in the mirror. "Appreciate it. I gotta stop by again," I compliment the barber before leaving. I checked my phone for the time, and I had about three hours before I had to be back at Coriyon's house. I walked to a nearby Walmart. I didn't drive, so Walmart was the quickest place I could go for clothes. It was like nobody ever seen a black male walk into Walmart before. Every female—I mean every female—was looking at me. I didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing, but I kind of didn't like the attention.
"Hey, excuse me," I heard a girl's voice from behind me and turned around. Girl was short as a midget trying to talk to me from the floor. "What's up?" I asked her, giving her a look of confusion.
"What's your name? I've never seen you here before."
"Why? How old are you? Like twelve?" I asked and shook my head. "Why you wanna know my name?"
"I'm actually eighteen," she rolled her eyes and laughed. "You just look very familiar."
"You said you've never saw me before," I tell her. I was being respectful right about now, but my inner self was telling me to just walk away.
"I know, I'm just nervous. I know your name starts with a J. Right?"
"Hell nah," I said and stepped back from her a little. "Look, I got errands to make," I left her standing there. Fuck was wrong with her? Females bold now? I always had to speak to a girl first to get their attention, even if it was someone who wasn't attractive in my eyes. I walked to the men's section of the store and picked me out some basic tee's, a couple pairs of sweats, a pack of socks, and some underwear. I could feel someone looking at me, but I ignored it.
"Damn," I heard someone say, and it sounded like a female so I looked quickly. It was a woman and she was actually approaching me. "Hey. How are you?"
She smiled and I glanced at her teeth. She had pretty white teeth. She was much more attractive than the first girl who approached me, and actually taller. Short females always gave me a hard time so I feel like every short girl will annoy the hell out of me. I like my women tall.
"I'm straight, how are you?" I asked her, licking over my lips. "Was there a problem?"
"No, not at all," she shook her head quickly and backed up a little as if she felt she was too close to me. "I'm just a sweet person."
I looked over her body and nodded, glancing in between her legs. "I bet."
She smiled again then pulled her hair back as if she was going to put it in a ponytail. "I'm Anaya," she held her hand out, wanting to shake mine. I slowly shook hers and smiled back at her. "Da—" I stopped. I didn't want her to know my real name for an odd reason. I had to think of something quick. "Diggy. Call me Diggy."
"That's unique. Nice to meet you, diggy," she said and pulled her hand away. She looked away quickly then looked back up at me.
"What made you come and speak?" I asked out of curiosity.
"I don't know, I just got that feeling that I had to speak. I've always been that way since I was little," she said and smiled lightly. "Did I seem weird?"
"Nah," I shook my head. "I mean, not really. I wasn't paying much attention to that."
"Good. I know a couple of good looking people I've approached that would think I was trying to get with them when it's nothing like that," she said and sighed. "I just moved in this town about a year ago."
"For real? How you like it?"
"It's okay," she nodded and sighed. I watched her cross her leg over the other as she stood. "Pretty quiet. It's how I like it."
"Agreed. It seems quieter, though," I tell her. As much as I would like to continue this conversation, time was still ticking. "Well thank you for coming to speak. You seem pretty cool."
"You do as well," she said and locked her wrists in front of her. She seemed classy and I loved class in a woman. That's why I was so in love with Jasmine, but what she did showed no bit of class. "I'll see you around? I'm alway wondering around. Still trying to get used to some of the things out here."
I nodded quickly. "Sure thing. I would give you my number, but my phone's off as of right now," I laughed, kind of feeling embarrassed. "I have to pay the bill some time. Maybe tomorrow."
"That's absolutely fine. Here, take mine."
I pulled out my phone and went to my notes to save in her number. I nodded as I locked my phone and stuck it back in my pocket. Anaya was really a beautiful lady in my eyes and I didn't mind talking to her another time. Maybe it'll help me get over Jasmine. I still feel like I'm obsessed over her and I do not like this feeling. "I'll see you around," she smiles one last time before turning around and walking away from me. "Alright. Take care."
Anaya had such a perfect shape and I peeped some of her visible tattoos. "What a beautiful girl," I whisper to myself before walking to the self checkout and paying for the items. I decided to wait until tomorrow to pick up a pair of shoes or two. Time was really flying. I have to take one more stop. Got to.
I walked to Jasmine's house. Instead of seeing two cars, I only seen one. One of them were gone. Trespassing into her property was disrespectful, but I just needed to talk to her. I ringed the doorbell and waited until someone came to the door. It took a few seconds then the door pulled back. It was Jasmine. She was dressed in the same thing as she was before, but it didn't make her any less attractive. She acted like she was stuck on words. "I wanted to come and apologize for bringing up the past when I stopped by earlier," I tell her and she shook her head, smiling very lightly.
"It's fine, Daniel," she said and sighed. "You want to come in?" She asked me and I nodded quickly. Her husband must've been gone. I clenched my jaw a little whenever I saw a selfie of her and her husband in a picture frame, but I had to let that shit go. I sat down on the couch, still looking the direction of the pictures. I seen a newborn baby boy and I took it as it was her son. The door shut which made me look at her.
"You walked here?" She asked and sat across from me with her arms crossed. I nodded.
"I had just left Walmart," I say, lifting up the bags. "Had to get some clothes."
"Are you okay?" She suddenly asked me.
"Hell no I'm not okay, Jasmine. I'm still tripping over the situation that happened about seven years ago," I say, trying to keep my voice calm. "Whether you want to hear me out or not, I think you should."
"You should not be the one talking, Daniel. I should," she said and her voice cracked a little. My face softened before I sighed and listened to what she had to say. "I hurt you. You didn't hurt me. Why aren't you understanding that? You keep trying to apologize for something I was the entire reason for. It's annoying."
"I understand completely. I'm a apologetic person. You know that shit," I tell her and ran a hand across my hair. "I'm apologizing for not, supposedly, showing you enough love. I'm apologizing for killing a person I called my bro that you decide to fuck behind my back," I said feeling my breathing increase. I refuse to show out in this woman's house. "I just want to know what I did wrong."
I could see the tear fall from her face. I wanted to hold her, but I didn't budge. I knew she was wrong and I needed to act upon it. I was letting her slide and it wasn't fair for me.
"Trevor was my just my ex boyfriend. I didn't initially try to have sex with him, Daniel—"
"Man, you did though."
She shook her head and sighed. "I went over his house because he said he had something on his mind. You know what? I was wrong, Daniel. There's no point in explaining something that happened years back. You did nothing wrong to me. You treated my like a queen and I should've respected you more. Showed you more appreciation. I was the reason for everything and I'm sorry. Truly sorry for everything," by then tears were just flowing down her face and all I could do was look down at the floor.
"I got to go," I say lowly, thinking of the time and how it could be very close to my curfew. Before walking out of her house, she sniffed loudly which made me glance at her. "Oh, and happy birthday," she tells me.
"Thank you," I say before opening the door and leaving her house, shutting the door behind me. I have to move on. It's been too long. Tomorrow, I will be taking a visit to my mother's.