~ Selena ~
"So how was tonight's show?" The voice that broke through my phone speakers snapped me back into reality for the hundredth time these past few days. Nick had cleared some time in his schedule to face-call me as I gave him my best genuine smile.
"The show was amazing." Which was true. Demi hopped off stage and swerved through the crowd, causing her team a headache. While I on the other hand, sung my heart out. I always gave it my all for every show. At this moment in time the bus was bumping along down the road towards the next city. Our final day off would be in the morning.
"Any new song ideas or are you still working on it?"
"I haven't really given much thought to my music. My mom hasn't called back to check up on me either."
"She trusts you'll get it done."
"And I will." There seemed to be less to talk about with Nick lately. He was content with mostly speaking business with me. Normally I would find things to tell him and we'd go on for hours. "How is everything going with planning out your tour?" I questioned him.
Although he began answering me, I sort of zoned out. He was laughing and telling me jokes about certain songs and how he was trying to organize his set list. The only thing I really wanted to do was speak to Demi. After laser tag we didn't really have time to talk much. She went her way and I had gone mine. Her bus even left the lot first, which was a little odd on her end.
"Selena!" My name being called caused me to face the screen.
"Yeah?"
"What's going on with you?"
"Nothing." I lied.
"Nothing as in 'something?"'
"I'm just tired that's all." I could feel a bubble form in my throat. Lying wasn't my best quality and I usually felt guilty about it. But at this very moment, my mind and my heart were playing tug of war, and my heart was starting to sway my head. Oh no. I was beginning to understand the confusion going through me and I wasn't sure if I was ready to accept the outcome.
"You weren't listening to me were you?" I hadn't noticed he had still been speaking.
"I'll call you in the morning." I sent my love, closing the app before lying against my headboard. My chest was drumming as my ears warmed. There were parts of me that still wanted Nick, and my heart was definitely a fighting contender. But there was something about Demi that slowly began to sway my heart and take over what was happening in my head. I grabbed my phone once again, flipping though the contacts as fast as I could. My finger hovered over the woman's name, my eyes studying her picture just as the bus slowed down.
"Just a shortcut!" I heard Nancy yell from the front cabin. I settled down, cupping my phone between my hands. After kissing Demi during laser tag she allowed her fingers to wander down my back. An action that sent chills through me, as if she was breaking down every wall I ever had. But reality always set back in. In a sense I belonged to Nick. After a few minutes of allowing my mind to wander, I pressed Demi's name on the screen, calling her. I had never once felt nervous hearing the pause and ringing tones through the speaker and yet now, it paralyzed me. I wasn't going to confess having feelings for her, but they were definitely there. She knew it because we at least spoke out loud clearly stating we wanted something from the other, but we knew we were off limits.
"Pick up." I whispered, placing the device against my ear. Nothing. The dial tone soon clicked on as I rolled my eyes. Whatever she was up to, I would have some select words for her. I smiled at the thought. It was as if we were each other's little secret and as long as we were on tour, no one else would have to know about it. I fell asleep sometime between gazing at my phone and studying it's clock. I awoke after hearing a group of voices fill the air. I quickly sat up, stumbling out to where Nancy should have been sitting. Bright lights filled whatever space we were parked in. As a few voices died down, shadows began to linger past as I pressed my nose against the door's window. It was our crew members, making their way out into the distance as I realized we made it to the next hotel. I pushed open the door, finding Nancy chatting with one of the other driver's.
"Oh, Selena darling, did we wake you?" The woman studied me.
"No, not really." Between the row of buses and the chatter which bounced off the walls, I made out one particular voice. Demi's laugh was hard to miss, she was cheering someone on. I was still dressed, making my way through the few parked cars. The brunette had been leaning against her bus, sporting jogging pants and a tank top. Of course her faithful little sidekick was at her side, causing her the joy I heard moments ago. The butterflies that flapped against my stomach were slowly being torched just by seeing the guy. I didn't have anything against him, and I was going to continue to say that until my mind began to believe it once again.
"I'm not joking. Blake fell over the drum set and blamed the inanimate objects for being in his way." Robert's eyes lit up as Demi shook her head in disbelief. I made my presence known, crossing my arms while smiling at the two. It was slightly chilly out.
"Hey guys." Smooth.
"Sel." There had seemed to be this gleam in the brunette's eyes. The way my name rolled off her tongue intrigued me.
"What are you two still doing out here?" My voice low.
"We could ask you the same thing." She tilted her head as Robert wrapped his meaty arm around Demi's shoulder. She rolled her eyes at his gesture but hadn't pushed him away.
"I heard a lot of noise...so..." I glanced around the white polished lot before facing the two. "We should check into our rooms for the night."
"We will." Demi assured me. But she hadn't moved. And neither did her little flying monkey.
"Are you guys going to hang out here for a while?" My question caused a slight grin to crease Demi's face. Her eyebrow raising.
"We want to be alone for a bit." She stood upright, finally brushing Robert away. "You know...business."
"At this hour?" I was annoyed. If she was doing this to get under my skin, it was definitely working.
"Selena, don't worry about us. I'll check on you before I go to bed."
"What if I don't want you to?" I angrily replied as the blonde next to her glanced between us.
"Oh... you definitely want me to." She began to sound cocky, confusing the hell out of me. I sighed, facing Robert as he too began leaning against the tour bus. Silence engulfed us for a bit before my driver strolled by.
"Let's get you inside Selena." Nancy cooed at me as if I was a child. I was not a baby. Demi wanted me to get upset with her, because she enjoyed torturing me with that circus clown she let stand by her side. Without much of a fight, I allowed Nancy to lead me out of the lot and into the hotel building. We strolled past the front desk and made it up to the eighth floor where my room lay.
"You know, I'm not one to pry..." Nancy began.
"Then don't." Okay, I was annoyed at the world because Demi enjoyed hanging out with the one person who now brought the worst out of me.
"Use these feelings to push your song writing."
"What feelings?" I faced Nancy as she held her hands up in surrender.
"Whatever it is, I'm just giving you suggestions. Goodnight Miss Gomez." I watched as the woman disappeared down the hall and into her own room. For a moment or two I stood questioning what she meant but strolled into my room trying to clear my head. There was a small notepad with a hotel pen sitting next to it, waiting for me to scribble along it's pages. After a few seconds, I grabbed the items and walked out onto the balcony. The city lay in silence. Light's hardly polluting the air as the stars sparkled through the night. I sat on the cool tile below before raising my pen. Crazy enough, words began falling onto the page with ease.
'You got me scattered in pieces.
Shining like stars and screaming.
Lighting me up like Venus.
But then you disappear and make me wait.
And every second's like torture.....'
Although the lyrics aren't nearly complete and where they should be, I found myself scribbling out something I wouldn't of dared to create before. But with every drip of ink that hits the page, my chest begins to weigh me down. My heart tugs and pulls as every word gets placed before me. This thing that I'm doing, innocently enough isn't as innocent as it seems. I've never created something that tortured me to the core because I've never felt so trapped before. The last line I scribbled down stopped my actions completely.
'The heart wants what it wants.'
I sat in silence.
My breaths were hard to catch. I felt my bottom lip quivering as a lone tear touched my cheek. I felt myself losing all composure as I covered my face and allowed the realization of everything to hit me. There was a reason I accepted Demi so easily into this new position in my life. I wanted more than just the 'physical' aspect people would often think about. I wanted her. She had always been a source of comfort and familiarity with me. I embraced her differences and crazy just as she did mine. We understood one another and cared for one another more than anyone else could. But my heart ached. It pained me to know that maybe I even loved her. But I also felt a connection with Nick. I didn't want to let him go because he was always so good to me. And who says Demi would even want me in the first place?
My fingers cupped the tears that fell so freely now as a knock came to my room door. I ignored it, staring out into the darkness which engulfed me. I couldn't possibly love Demi, she was my best friend. But then again, maybe that was one of the reasons I did. I wanted to experience the entire tour life, I didn't expect my feelings to get screwed up in the process.
"Selena..." my name. Something I wish could fade away and leave me in tact. "Are you really not going to open the door?" Demi's voice hammered against my chest. I didn't want to ignore her, in all honesty I wanted to embrace her and never let go.
"I'm not in the mood for company." I cry out.
"Please let me in." Her caring voice, no matter how hard I tried to fight it, forced me to stand and make it towards the knob. I brushed my face with my arms, opening the door only to watch the brunette's smile fade. "What's wrong?"
"Everything." I force the constant flow of tears away before Demi lets herself in, reaching for me as I pull away. "You did this to me." I pointed out.
"If this is about Robert, we were joking about having business to take care of."
"I didn't find it funny." I call out as she bit her bottom lip.
"Okay, no more jokes. I'm sorry."
"It's not Robert." I shake my head admitting.
"Okay. Did Nick say something? Because typically he'll snap at me for upsetting you. So I guess it's my turn to call him out."
"It's not Nick." I find myself trying to smile through the pain. The room's bright colors distract me from gazing into the brown eyes studying me.
"If it's not Robert and it's not Nick." Demi stands where she is as I trail the room. "Did I really do something? Because if I did, I'm sorry. I forget that my sarcasm can come off a little..."
"Demi stop talking." I faced the brunette, her face reading confused. "I'm scared that this thing between us means a little more than just me wanting to be near you and kissing you and...just, I have to know that you're only doing this to entertain my curiosity."
"Wait. I'm confused. You're mad at me, because you want me to admit that this is what? An experiment? Isn't this your idea? If you're afraid that I'm developing feelings for you, you're about ten years too late." Demi sighed, brushing her fingers through her hair before studying me. I stood in silence, my heart racing. "Maybe I should just go."
Now there was one of two things I could say to make Demi stay. But my mind sort of blanked out when she admitted to having feelings for me. But the time frame was a bit off by my calculations. I ignored my own internal struggle for a moment.
"Ten years? That would of been since we were sixteen."
"Yeah." She walked towards the bed, sitting at the edge before I found myself following behind her, sitting by her side.
"Why didn't you tell me?" My voice shook.
"What was I going to say?" She fell back before tapping the spot next to her. I did the same, taking her side. It was always a mystery to me how the two of us could go from 100 to 0 in a matter of seconds. "I've always kind of felt something towards you."
"I'm starting to have feeling for you too." I closed my eyes. "But I still love Nick."
"As you should."
"You don't have to say that." I studied her as she rolled her eyes.
"The bad part about all of this is I actually want you to be happy with him. Because you always have been before I came and started messing things up." She whispered, her eyes gazing into mine.
"You're not the only person allowed to make that decision for us."
"Us?" Demi sat up. "You should get some sleep. I can see you in the morning."
"You didn't really come here to just leave like that." I stayed where I was as she made it towards the door. I didn't stop her.
"We both need to clear our heads. I'll see you in the mooring." And just as quickly as she walked into my room, she left out. My chest was still hammering, my tears slow but still very present. This last week was going to be torture.