Colton POV
The burden of Skylar's emotions crash against the walls I constructed. As much as I don't want to feel her sorrow and pain, she forces me to. I feel how her heart aches at the death of those who I killed. I feel the darkness take over her mind as she gives up to the fight. I feel her lose herself to her thoughts.
This bond will be the death of me.
I rub my temples, trying to soothe a headache forming in my head from Skylar's constant hurricane. Her wolf howling to mine makes my hands shake in anger. I just want it to stop.
I stand up, knocking the chair over behind me and growl lowly to myself. I know I am the cause of her pain and I know I should feel something about it, but I can't. They wanted what was mine. They wanted my mate. I couldn't let them have her. So I didn't let them. I don't get why she can't understand that.
I quickly step away from my desk, exiting and locking my office so I can search for her. To my surprise, I find her in the same chair I left her in four hours ago. My eyes scan over her slowly, taking in her appearance and committing it to memory. Her swollen red eyes, her chapped lips, her pale skin and her empty eyes - everything indicating a broken, lost girl. I broke her. She's lost her fight. And that awakens something in me.
I'm not sure if I can explain it, but it's like an emptiness. Like, I have lost my mate. I don't know, I feel like I am speaking in riddles.
I don't know what this is, but whatever it is can take a hike any minute now.
"Colton?" Her raspy voice calls out to me.
"I'm here, love." I comforted, awkwardly. I wrap my arms around her small frame, lifting her up so I can sit her on my lap. She curls into me. Sparks run up and down my body, a feeling I don't think I will ever get comfortable with.
"I hate you so much." She croaks. "But I can't fight anymore."
"Then don't fight. I'm here for you. You will always be mine."
She releases a silent sob that is so hard, it violently shakes her entire body. I tighten my hold on her, trying to offer her whatever comfort I can. I need her pain to go away so I can get rid of its hold on me.
"Okay. Take me to bed?" She asks and I quickly carry her to my room. I sit her on my bed, remove her shoes and clothes, then I tuck her under the blankets. I carefully climb in behind her after I remove my own clothing, holding her close to my chest. I feel her finger lightly drawing over my arm.
"Sleep, Skylar." I murmur.
"Yes, Colton." She whispers in return.
I can feel I'm losing her, but I am not sure what to do. A thousand words cross my mind, but none of them can be said with any conviction - at least from my mouth. I watch her close her eyes and listen to her breathing grow steady, indicating she is falling into a restless slumber. I quickly follow suit, falling into a nightmare-filled sleep of my own.
~~~~~
I'm awoken by a blinding light peaking through my curtains. My arms are still tightly wrapped around my sleeping mate who is now facing me. I sweep a loose lock of her hair behind her ear, admiring the sleeping beauty. Her eyes are still slightly swollen from the night before, but her colour has returned.
I gently shake her until her eyes pop open. "Good morning, love." I start. "We have a big day ahead of us."
At first, her eyes show panic, but she quickly replaces them with that same empty look she gave to me the night before. "Okay, I will get ready." She replies quietly. I remove my arm from her as she gets up from the bed and heads to the bathroom.
"The funeral for the fallen is this morning," I call to her.
"How should I dress?" She asks.
I sit up and stretch before answering. "A simple black dress or skirt and blouse should suffice."
"What time does it start?"
"Eleven am," I respond. I get up and enter the bathroom to relieve myself. I feel her eyes on me, but she doesn't say anything.
"I will need to get ready quickly then, it's already nine." She states, turning on the shower.
I turn to her and gently kiss her forehead. "Want some company?" I say, attempting to joke, but it's lost on her. She just nods her head. "It's okay, I was just joking. You get ready, I will come to get you fifteen minutes beforehand. Okay?"
She gives me a forced smile and nods her head. I leave her to get ready and walk off to my office.
"Theo, Lars. Meet me in my office." I send out a mind-link.
Both of the men are at the door of my office before I am. I unlock it and head inside. They follow behind me, sitting in the two leather seats in front of my desk.
I let out a long sigh as I sit in my chair, a thousand thoughts running through my head at once. "I don't know where to begin," I state.
"Well, the funeral is planned and prepared for. The bodies are ready and Elder Jonathan has the ceremony written." Theo starts.
"Norman Collens is in the cells. He is locked with silver chains like you asked. Are we to feed him?" Larson asks.
I nod my head, barely listening to what the two of them say. "Yes, yes. Are the enemy bodies dealt with?"
"Yes. Jerry and his team burned them as you asked." Larson responds. "The Moon Prayer was recited."
"Good."
I watch the two men share a look before their gaze lands on me again. "Is everything okay, brother?" Theo questions.
"Yes, it's just this mate bond is getting to me. The walls I build aren't strong enough to block Skylar's emotions. My head is pounding." I confide. "Plus, she's different."
"Different?" The two men ask simultaneously.
"Yes."
"Care to elaborate?" Larson says.
"No, I don't care to elaborate." I snap. Larson lifts his hands in surrender. I let out another sigh, wiping my face with my hands as I lean back into my chair.
"You know you can talk to us, Colton." Theo offers. I look over at him and see the concern in his eyes. He was always one to show his emotions on his face.
"I don't know!" I huff. "She's different! She isn't fighting against me. She's submissive. I should like it, but I don't. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me." I slam my fist on my desk, cracking it in the process.
"You've broken her," Larson states easily.
"What did you expect to happen?" Theo adds.
"Did you think she would be the same person after everything?" Larson continues.
"Yes - no. I don't fucken know." I answer. "I don't care either."
"You do care, Colton. Or else this wouldn't bother you." Theo countered. "Come on. She's your mate. You have to have some kind of care for her. It's what the bond does."
"No it doesn't and no I don't." I stand up from my seat. "I have to get ready."
I leave the two of them in my office, rushing past them and up the stairs to my room. When I enter, Skylar is sitting on the bed in a simple, black dress with a black blazer. She looks at me, that same emptiness in her eyes.
"Is it time already?" she asks.
"No, I need to get ready," I mutter, storming into the bathroom. I slam the door behind me.
I walk up to the mirror and look at myself, staring into my cold, blue eyes. I look for something, anything to explain what I am feeling, but come up dry.
That's a lie. I know what I am feeling. I just don't want to admit again. My wolf doesn't want me to admit it again. We can't admit it again.
I growl in frustration and drive my fist into the flimsy glass of the mirror.
Blood instantly pours from my hand into the sink. "Fuck," I growl.
"Colton, are you okay?" Skylar's voice calls out to me from behind the door.
"I'm fine," I grumble out.
"I smell blood, Colton."
"I'm fine!" I roar.
I hear her sigh and the door quietly opens with a slight squeak. I feel her walk up beside me. Her hand lightly touches my shoulder, turning me towards her.
"Let me clean you up." She whispers, pulling me towards the toilet. "Sit here."
I silently watch as she fiddles around in the different cupboards until she pulls out a small first aid kit. She opens it, taking out some bandages and a pair of tweezers. She turns back to me and gets to work. I watch her tend to me, admiring her as she removes the broken glass from my hand carefully with the tweezers. Once she is finished, she wraps my hand tightly with the bandage.
"Thank you," I tell her.
"It's fine." She responds.
I stop her before she gets up and lightly touch her cheek, making her look at me. "I mean it."
She smiles softly, gets up and leaves the bathroom. I sit there for a moment, thinking. I'm unsure of how to feel about this change in Skylar. A part of me is happy to not have her fighting against me anymore, but the other part hates this and wants the old Skylar back.
And that side is dominating more each second.
With a sigh, I get up from the toilet and begin my shower so I can prepare myself for the funeral.
~~~~~
The funeral was typical - long, traditional and boring. Elder Jonathan tends to stretch these things longer than needs to be. I found my mind wandering throughout the entire ceremony. Thoughts of Skylar and what has to come. I'm not sure how much more she can handle.
My mind has become a whirlpool of chaos and I hate it.
"Alpha, your stand." Elder Jonathan says, interrupting my thoughts.
I stand from my seat, straighten my suit and head to centre stage. "I would like to add my sympathies to the mates and families of the fallen. They were great men. I take full responsibility for their deaths. If I knew their weaknesses ahead of time, we would have focused on them and they would still be here today.
"With that said, those who were injured during the battle will have extra training tacked onto their current schedules. I don't want you to end up like these four. We will be stronger than any pack before us. You will see." I finish. Applause fills the courtyard.
"I want to thank each and every one of you who fought for me yesterday. It was all of you who made that battle such a success and allowed us to conquer the South Niagara Pack." I pause when Skylar's emotion burst through the dam in my mind. I shoot her a glare, but she isn't looking at me. So I cough and continue, "Their land is ours and I am now looking for representatives to run that land. If any of my warriors are interested in the position, talk to Beta Larson. He will pass your information on to me. That is all."
I swiftly walk off the stage, grab Skylar's hand and head into the forest, pulling her behind me. I can feel her fear, but it doesn't affect me. It never affects me. Turning quickly, I push her up against a tree roughly earning a slight cry from Skylar.
"What is wrong with you?" I demand.
"What do you mean?" She whimpers.
"Keep your fucken emotions in check!"
Her eyes widen. "I'm sorry! I'm trying, Colton." She cries, tears falling down her face.
"Stop crying!" I roar. "Just stop!"
She immediately wipes away her tears with both hands and looks at me with her beautiful, hazel eyes in fear.
"Fuck!" I yell in frustration, pushing off of the tree away from her. "Fuck!" I run my fingers through my hair and pull at it. Skylar continues to watch me with her wide eyes, confusion filters through the bond.
"Stop!" I command.
"I don't know-"
"Just fucking stop! What happened? Why are you like this now?" I interrupt. "What the fuck happened to you?" I grab her head roughly with my hands and look her deep in the eyes - still empty.
"Where are you?" I whisper.
"You." She replies so softly I almost don't hear her.
"Me?"
She nods her head but offers no explanation.
"I don't get it." I let her go and take a step back. I look out at the forest, trying to collect my thoughts.
"When are we dealing with Norman?" Larson mind-links me, making me growl.
"An hour," I tell him before shutting him off.
"You need to stop this madness. You need to control your emotions. I can't keep getting distracted from my duties because you can't keep your bullshit under wraps." I order.
I hear her swallow. "I try. It's not that simple. I-"
I cut her off with a slap to the face. "Just shut them off!" I scream at her. "Just fucking shut them off!"
I stare at her, waiting for her to do something, anything in response. Or at least acknowledge what I am saying. However, she just looks at me with those empty eyes that haunt my thoughts.
I push her again, trying to make her do something.
Nothing.
"React, God dammit!" I growl. She just shakes her head.
I punch her in the stomach. I hear her wince in pain, but again she doesn't retaliate.
"Fight back!" I command her.
"No." She says softly.
This is when I stop and look at her - really look at the girl who is my mate. The girl destined to me by the Moon Goddess herself. The girl I knew I was falling for. The girl who opened my heart again.
The girl I broke.
What did I do?
I shake the thoughts from my head.
"Come. It's time." I grab her arm. When I feel her panic and fear, I tighten my grip on her arm - silently telling her to stop.
Something tells me I can fix this, but I know I can't. This is who I am. This is what I am.
I'm sorry, Skylar.
~~~~~~
Author's Note:
Thoughts?
I really like this chapter. I think it is important in showing that even though Colton is a fucken prick, he is a prick that does have feelings - feelings that Skylar created. It also shows that he enjoyed what she was beforehand.
Now let's talk about the next chapter. I am on the fence of how it's going to play out. I have like 3 different endings rolling around my mind and this is the point where I need to decide which direction I am going. So just in case, make sure you are a follower. The next chapter may be private. I don't know for sure yet, but if it is, you have to be a follower in order to read it.
Thanks for reading!