CHAPTER 19
NIGEL QUINTIN ULYSSES
"I can't believe she broke up with me," I tell Marcus, who has been all ears with me. I get a feeling that he's getting irritated or annoyed by the fact that I keep taking about Julia and our painful break up, but he's my only outlet. It's not like I need advices coming from him because I don't; all I need is someone who will listen and try to understand where I'm coming from. But despite the annoyance or irritation he feels towards me or Julia, he never cuts me off or objects, but instead, he listens to me. "It's just, we've been, like, forever and some man just gotta steal her away from me and it's too late for me to barge in and take what's mine."
"You don't deserve her anyway," replies Marcus.
There's something about the way he said it. It sounds truthful, genuine, as if he really believes that I really don't deserve Julia. And I don't know why I have the feeling to believe him. I think that I should be angry, should be at least mad at him for saying such an absurd thought, but I can't. For some reason, I can't get mad at him.
"There's a lot of people out there, loving you, waiting for you to love them back." His eyes grow serious, but sadder. His voice becomes low, his shoulders sag down, as if he's carrying the world behind his back. My heart clenches at the sight of him. "You just gotta look around, you know."
Pursing my lips, I look away, hiding my face from him. His words somehow struck me right in the heart. I remain silent because I really don't know what to say. I've got a few questions in my head, but I'm not sure how to deliver them. First, I want to ask him who are those people. Second, if he's one of the people who want my love back. That's an absurd thought yet I can't help but to imagine him loving me. Though we've met not too long ago (but despite that, I already asked him – basically forced him – to come live with me just for him to ditch the weirdo and unfriend him), I feel like we already have a strong connection.
After that awkward talk, I decide for us to watch Most Popular Girls in School just to avoid the awkwardness lingering in the air. Fortunately, he complies. After watching a few episodes, the awkwardness has been long gone and forgotten. We are comfortable again to sit side by side, with our legs touching. I ignore the tingling sensation it gives me, and I wonder if he feels the same way. I ignore it as hard as I can, but every time his skin touches mine, I become too bothered and hot and confused. I want to be close to him as close as possible. Every now and then he will glance at me. I notice it because I keep doing the same thing. I keep glancing at him, hoping for something to happen between us. Why would I want to happen something between us?
We keep watching my favorite videos and episodes of Most Popular Girls in School in the television, my phone linked to the TV using Chromecast. There are snarky remarks and retorts here and there which make us laugh. For some reason, unknowingly, our hands found its way to hold each other. As it does, I look up at him and he looks right back at me. I gulp (I hope he doesn't hear how loud it is) and try to avoid eye contact, but his hand shoots forward and cups my chin, forcing me to look at him.
Leaning down slowly, his eyes hold mine and he says, "I'm always waiting," and that's the time he kisses me. His lips move against mine, and I'm frozen, not doing anything. His hand slides behind my neck, then slowly, my eyes close down, feeling how soft and gentle his lips against mine. His free arm curls around my waist, lifting me up on his lip so basically I'm straddling him.
I blush but continue to kiss him back. There's something about his lips that keep me going from kissing him. His lips taste good – it tastes like sweet strawberries, and I love strawberries. His tongue swipes down, tracing my lower lip and I open my mouth; Marcus slips his tongue inside, and our tongues clash for dominance. But I have a good idea that I am to lose, so I let it slide and let him win. His tongue roams inside my mouth, tasting every part of me.
Marcus kisses me gently, with passion, and it gets intense as each second ticks by. In the back of my head, there's a voice saying that this is wrong, that I shouldn't do this with Marcus, but my heart tells me a different thing, to just go on with this because this is what I really want.
Every time he moves his lips against mine, my heart does somersaults, flipping up and down, thudding out loud. His fingers caress my skin, and I love the feeling of it. He makes me feel like I'm in Heaven, like I really belong there. Everything that was hurting me has stopped. It's like he's the cure to the ache I was feeling earlier, and I got this feeling that he will always be the cure.
Slowly, he pulls away, his eyes shining and dilated as it bores into mine. "I know this is all confusing to you. It was to me before." He says, resting his forehead against mine. "I've been eyeing you for a long time, Nigel. Even when I wasn't attending your school yet. I've always had my eyes on you. I know that you've been straight all your life, that you've been liking girls ever since you were born, and trust me, I thought the same, too. But then I saw you and that quickly changed me. I knew I had to get you and that's the reason why I decided to go into your school just to be as close to you as possible."
To be honest, I really don't know what to feel. I'm beyond confused. I know that I'm still attracted to Julia, but there's something going on between me and Marcus. I know, and he's right, that I've been straight all my life – I have been interested in girls ever since I had a mind of my own, but then he came and something changed in me.
He made me feel something I wasn't feeling before – I have yet to discover it, but I'm frightened and excited at the same time. He makes me feel more than what Julia does. It's so much more what he can do than Julia. Am I gay now? Do I like Marcus? I like Marcus. Because if I don't, then what is this? Why am I letting him kiss me? Why does every time he hang out with that weirdo, I get jealous? Why does he make me feel like this? Why did I like the kiss? Why am I craving for his lips? Surely if I'm hella straight then I shouldn't feel this way towards him, right? God, this is all confusing to me.
"I understand if you don't feel the same way; you don't have to say anything to me," he continues, but then I see the pain flash in his beautiful and mesmerizing eyes. He purses his lips, and it looks like he's going to cry. I can feel the sadness in him – I want to hug him, to comfort him, to say that I kind of feel the same way, but truth be told, I'm scared. "Just know that I'm always here waiting for you."
Without saying anything, I lean forward and capture his lips with mine, unable to wait any longer to feel his soft and perfect lips against mine. The kiss with Julia has never been like this. With the kiss I'm sharing with Marcus, it's so much more than just a kiss. There's a lot of emotion in it compared to the kiss I shared with Julia. Marcus obliges; he grabs my face and kisses me back with the same intensity I'm putting into our kiss. My chest contracts as I lose air. Pulling away, I pant hard, and once I take in air, I begin kissing him back once more because let's admit it, he tastes so good and perfect and heavenly.
As he pulls away, breathing and panting hard, he gives me a smile and tweaks my nose with his index finger. He lets out a chuckle, shakes his head, and gives me a peck on the lips, which makes me blush.
I'm not cheating with Julia anymore, right? She broke up with me a few hours ago, so I guess it's okay for us to do this because Julia doesn't have the right anymore to be jealous. I mean, she's with a different man now.
Now that I'm thinking of her again, I wonder what will happen next. Should I try to chase her, attempt to change her mind about dumping me and be with a different man, or should I just move on and enjoy what's happening between me and Marcus?
"We can watch MPGIS again," he says as his arm wraps around my waist, pulling me close so that my back is resting on his strong and hard chest. "I could get used to this every single day with you." He says in my ear sweetly and my face flushes. I stay silent and watch Episode 21 of MPGIS. We laugh every now and then when there's a mean retort coming from Brittnay and a dumb response from Trisha, and I think that we're all set.
After watching, since there's no school for today, we decide to get something to eat for lunch and dinner. Since my parents are still out doing their business, I can be anywhere I want without my mom pestering me where I always go. Dad isn't really strict, but he keeps telling me that I should always be careful. Mom is the exaggerated one.
I can still feel the softness and gentleness of his lips on mine, but I try to ignore it because that's all I can think about, and I figure that it would affect my every action. Like today, I was supposed to turn off the television and plug my phone into the charger but since I was thinking of the kiss, I forgot and Marcus had to snap his finger in front of my face because I was daydreaming about the kiss we just shared. I got this feeling that he knows what I'm thinking, but he never makes a comment about it. He will just give me a smile, shake his head, and lick his lips seductively. He keeps throwing me a wink every now and then, and he will make sure that I will be there looking at him so I can see it.
When he takes a shower using the bathroom in my room, I can hear him singing at the top of his lungs, which makes me laugh. He sings: "I, I don't know what this is. But I know I love it, baby yes I know. You got my heart hypnotic. Ain't no letting go." I blink because that's what I really feel it. I don't know what I really feel – it couldn't be love, could it? – for him, but I love how it feels.
I guess he got my heart hypnotic, too.