There he was. Just sitting there a few yards away from me, having no idea that I was watching him. He was sitting on a bench facing the lake while reading a book. He looked older from where I was standing.
His brown hair had fairly noticeable grays popping out from the roots. He had a beard, which was new and he wore glasses too. But even with all the changes, he still looked like the same man from 16 years ago.
I had been standing there for over half an hour trying to build up the courage to walk up to him. Over the past 16 years I had come up with many things I would say to my father if I ever saw him again (not very good things I might add). But now I'm 30 feet away from him and my mind was completely blank.
The park wasn't very crowded. There were children playing in the playground and their mothers watching closely. Joggers and bikers would pass by every few minutes. A young couple was sprawled out on the grass, enjoying the spring air. I was leaning against an empty bike rack while sipping at my coffee.
Just then my father turned towards my direction and stopped, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He had seen me. I had no choice now, but to go and talk to him.
Reluctantly, I moved my feet towards him and stopped once I was a few feet away. Neither of us spoke or looked at each other. We were incapable of doing anything other than being still and staring holes into the ground.
"Would you like to sit down?" My father asked, breaking the silence between us. His voice sounded the same as it did back then. It sent flashbacks of my past that I tried so desperately to forget
I shrugged and took a seat. We were silent for a while. I wanted him to speak first. I needed to hear his reason even if it was just some bullshit excuse.
"I know you're angry-" He started to say.
"Really? What on earth could have given you that idea?" I Scoffed.
"Zelda please. I'm trying to apologize." He sighed.
"I don't want you to apologize dad... I want an explanation!" I paused at the word dad. It sounded so foreign to me.
He looked at his hands in defeat. "Then please let me explain."
I didn't say anything. I let my silence answer for me.
My father struggled for a while. He played with his hands over and over again. Even for him it was hard to think of what to say. And he was the one that left us!
"Your mother and I never got a long. Even when we were married, we had problems. But boy did we love each other." He smiled brightly, causing him to look the same old dad I remembered. I felt like a little girl again.
However, that was short lived once his smile had fallen. "After you were born, your mother... Your mother got into some bad things."
My eyebrows knitted together. "What things?"
He hesitated. I had a feeling that he really didn't want me to know. "Your mother was a junkie, Zelda."
I stared at him in disbelief. No... She... She couldn't have been... There was jusy no way. My mother never did drugs. She was a good mom. She took care of me.
"You're lying."
"I wish I was." He sighed.
"My m-mom was a-a great mom. S-She wouldn't do that." I stuttered.
"Do you remember your mother? I mean before I left." He asked.
I tried to think of the memories I had of her. My heart dropped when I realized I had none before I was six. I shook my head.
"That's because she was either out getting high or in rehab. For the first six years of your life, she was gone."
"You're lying." I whispered again. But this time I knew he wasn't.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart." He reached out to touch my hand, but I jerked it away. Hurt crossed his face, but he brought his hand back. "I didn't want you to know the truth. Neither did your mom or your sister."
My head snapped up. "Alice knew?"
His face went grim at the mention of Alice's name. I too felt sad. I hardly ever used her actual name and every time I did, it only brought pain.
He nodded. "Yes, your sister knew."
"And no one thought to tell me?" I asked.
"You were six years old, Zel."
"I understand that, but what about when I was older?"
He ran a hand over his face. "Before I left, sister and I agreed it was something you didn't need to know. We didn't want your opinion of your mother to change."
I felt tears brim my eyes, but I pushed them back. I needed to be calm when I asked the next question. "So why did you leave? Was it because of mom?"
He nodded sadly. "Yes, it was because of her."
"Why... Why did you disappear? Why did you never call?" My voice was starting to falter.
"It's very complicated Zelda. There's more to it than you think." He sighed.
"Well then please! Enlighten me on this complicated situation." I sneered.
My father looked stressed. I knew I wasn't making this any better, but I was pissed and had every right to be.
"I was going to take you with me." His voice sounded rough. I could tell that this was something he regretted and I softened a little.
"The night before I left, I had made plans for the two of us to leave. I was going to take your sister as well, but she said she wanted to stay and help your mom." His eyes became glassy like he was about to cry. "Somehow your mother found out about the plans and refused to let me take you. She said if I took you, she would kill herself."
I heard myself gasp. My body started shaking and I felt about ready to cry.
"I still loved your mother at the time and the thought of her ending her life... I realized I couldn't take you."
"But why did you never keep in touch?" I wasn't as angry as before, but I was definitely still hurt.
"Because I'm a coward." He said. "I was too scared to call and I know that's a shitty excuse, but it's all I got. I am a coward."
At that moment, I didn't know what I was feeling. I felt so lost with my emotions.
"I don't expect your forgiveness," His voice quivered. "But I would really like it."
My throat felt dry and my head was hurting. I took one real look at my father this time. His sparkling blue eyes were now bloodshot. There were creases in his forehead and crows feet by his eyes. He looked so tired, but he still looked like my dad.
"For years I was angry with you." I gripped the bench tightly. "For years I felt hurt and betrayed. I thought that you didn't love me anymore. I thought I was the reason you left."
My dad opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to cut him off.
"Now I know the truth and I..." A tear rolled down my cheek. "I forgive you."
He looked at me in disbelief. To be honest I couldn't believe it either.
I shakily reached our for his hand which he happily took. "It's going to take time for me to trust you again."
He nodded frantically. "I know and I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust."
I stared at him for a moment and I saw hope in his eyes. Hope for the two of us to be a family again. Without even thinking, I threw my arms around him. It took him by surprise, but he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me too.
"I missed you daddy." I sobbed in his chest.
"I missed you too Princess." He sniffed and kissed the top of my head. "I missed you too."
We spent the rest of the evening talking. It seemed he had known I was in London since I had moved there. He had spotted me in a super market one day and had been keeping tabs on me ever since. Although, he still wanted to know about my life and the things I he had missed out on.
My dad told me all about the places he had been. He had traveled all over the world and met all sorts of people. The way he talked reminded me of PJ. He had such passion with everything he said. The more he talked the heavier my heart felt.
"He didn't take the money you know?" He said, noticing my sudden change in mood.
"Who didn't?" I asked even though I knew.
My dad gave me a look that said Yeah right kid. I'm not buying that. "PJ. He didn't take the money."
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? I thought you helped may his student loans."
"After the first few months, he stopped accepting it."
"Why would he do that?"
He placed a hand on my shoulder. "His feelings were real Zelda."
I looked away from my father. His words stung more than any insult every could. I didn't want to believe him because then everything would have hurt so much worse.
"I like you Zelda." PJ said to me while we were on another adventure. This one was stargazing and looking for other rare planets. The both of us were laying in an open field near his house.
I turned my head and smiled. "I like you too Peej."
"No. I mean I really like you. In fact I think I might love you." I turned back to the stars and bit my lip. He shouldn't have been saying this. "I know that you can't love me, at least not yet. But I can wait."
"I would wait a million years if I had to." He whispered.
I felt tears prick at my eyes. Without any hesitation, I moved my hand to find his and twined our fingers together. He was right. I couldn't love him yet. But that was the best I could do to reassure him that maybe one day I could.
"Zelda?" My dad said, snapping me back into reality. "You alright?"
I nodded and did my best to smile. "I'm fine."
He gave me the same look as before, but didn't question me further. "How about we get some ice cream? You still like Birthday Cake flavor right?"
"Yeah." I grinned at the fact hat he still remembered.
"Well come one then!" He smiled brightly at me and I remembered what it felt like to be a kid again.
A/N: One more chapter guys! And then this mini series is over c: