Hey guys, hope everyone's week is going well and you're all enjoying this warm spring weather. Do you ever feel like a dog being teased with a bone? This week I'm going to share how to figure out if a guy is actually teasing you or if he just likes you (without asking directly, of course).
How do you tell if a guy likes you or is just teasing you...without asking?
I think I've said this before: Guys can be really hard to read. But what can make it easier is looking for some simple signs. First, look and see if he is showing the same type of attention to other girls. If he's teasing a lot of people, he could just be a playful (or mean, depending on the type of teasing) guy. If you're the only one he's paying special attention to, though, that could be a good hint. If he's joking around with you, and just you, there's a pretty solid chance that he likes you but either isn't ready to say so (or doesn't know how). If he's teasing is mean, though, then it doesn't matter whether he likes you or not, because this is a guy that you don't want to spend time with. You know how they always say little boys pull little girls' pigtails because they like them? It might be true, but if a guy doesn't know how to talk to you without hurting you, he's not exactly boyfriend material.
For some guys, figuring out their feelings can be hard. Teasing can be a flirty way to see if you have chemistry, or just a fun, playful way to pass the time. Sometimes, if a guy isn't ready for a relationship yet, he might tease you as sort of a trial run, or to buy time for when he feels like he can get more serious down the road. For example, there was a girl I had a crush on but wasn't sure I wanted to be in a relationship with, so I teased her a little just to give flirting a try. It may not have been the best thing to do, but hey, guys aren't always the smartest. Sometimes we're so focused on trying to figure out our own feelings that we forget girls have feelings, too.
The best move, like it or not, is to say something. If he's being playful, then tease him back—if the two of you develop a silly back-and-forth, it might mean there's something there. If he's being mean, tell him that if he's trying to get your attention, he's going about it the wrong way. Basically: call him out. You don't have to directly ask him, but your guy might not even realize what he's doing until you point it out to him. After that, you can judge based on his reaction whether he's ready to step up to the plate and get serious, or if he's just goofing around.
Honestly, though, the only fool proof way is to just ask him. Sometimes it's better to be straight with people rather than to overthink it.
Sexual teasing involves the possibility of , then withdrawal of the perceived invitation.
Teasing violates a standard piece of relationship advice, i.e., communicate clearly. But people often don't, especially in and the interpersonal dance that precedes sex. In those situations communication is often indirect and ambiguous, what we call it or teasing.
But in flirting, implied interest in the other person is sincere and involves the real possibility of a sexual relationship. In teasing, the intent is insincere. The teaser uses personal (words, jokes, gestures, touch) to excite the other, exerting power over that person, but all the recipient gets is confusion, frustration, and possibly .
Researchers at the University of Texas, in Austin, and the University of New Brunswick, Canada, surveyed 742 heterosexual undergraduates (143 men, 599 women) about their experiences with teasing.
Sixty percent of both the men and women recalled being teased at least once. More women (64%) than men (43%) said they'd been conscious teasers. Men recognize that women tease more than they do, in fact, many men call it "cock teasing."
Very few respondents said they'd teased a stranger. Usually the target was a friend or acquaintance. In fact, in 25 percent of reported teasing incidents, the teaser had previous had intercourse with the target, and half the teasers had previously been sexual with the target in some other way.
Men and women generally had similar motives for teasing, namely: I wanted to make the person want me sexually. I wanted to see how much the person wanted me.
But women were considerably more likely than men to say: I wanted to feel attractive and/or desirable. I wanted to feel in control, powerful. I didn't want to seem too "easy" by having sex right away. I was scared of being pressured into sex, so I did it to buy some time, to look for an out.
Men were considerably more likely to say: I wanted to turn myself on. I wanted to see how far I could get. I did it as a joke or on a dare or bet. I wanted to have something to tell my friends later.
Teasers ascribed generally benign motives to their teasing. They called it harmless fun, flirting with an edge. But they recognized that it was more fun for them than for their target. Recipients had less predictable reactions. In one-third of recalled incidents, the target reacted positively, joking and about being teased. About one-third expressed indifference ("whatever"). About 15 percent of targets ignored the teaser. And approximately 15 percent said that being teased upset them.
The researchers also conducted quick inventories on study participants. Personality type had very little to do with teasing. Anyone and everyone is a potential teaser.
This study makes teasing look like a step on the continuum of getting to know others, part of the process of sizing people up as potential romantic/sexual partners. Very few people tease strangers. Teasers generally focus on friends or acquaintances. In many cases, the teaser and the target have already been sexual together. So it looks like teasing represents a way to affirm (or reaffirm) interest in another while at the same time drawing a boundary, saying no trespassing.
This study focused on college students. But the same dynamics are at work in the ways many spouses test the other's interest in sex. Teasing may feel playful to the person doing it. But targets often feel differently. Think about that the next time you're tempted to tease. And the next time you're on the receiving end of teasing, recognize it for what it is, part of the game of courtship, and a game you might lose.