Harry's POV:
It's been a week.
A week without her laugh, her smile, her soft lips molding with mine.
God, do I miss her.
She was the one person I could talk to about whatever was on my mind, and that's what I miss the most.
Just the thought of her makes me want to punch a gigantic fucking hole in the wall. Put all my anger, frustration, and feelings into one solid punch.
It's like this deep void is building within me each second of every minute that passes. Every time I try to distract my never stopping mind, it backfires.
This is all so fucking messed up, I ruined us. Why couldn't I just tell her the truth?
Because it puts her in danger, my subconscious adds.
Maybe I am selfish to do just that. To have her I would put everything on the line, even our safety.
I'm such an asshole.
"Have you grown a pair yet?" I look up to find Louis with a smug look on his face, leaning against the wall separating the living room from hallway.
"When I was born you idiot."
"You know what I mean, with Leah." He elaborates.
There it goes, hurting all over again.
"I don't know, even if I do I'm honestly not sure if she'll take me back. I've been lying about who I am to her, and that's not right." I say, leaning further into the couch.
"You never know if you don't try, Harold."
"Do not call me that." I say with my teeth gritted.
"If you get to call me Lewis, then I have every right to call you Harold." Louis says.
"Whatever, get me a beer."
Louis rolls his eyes before walking in the direction of our kitchen. After about a minute he comes back with two cold beers, already open. I mutter him a thanks before drinking a large amount of what's in the bottle.
"Someone is planning on getting wasted." Louis inquires, watching as I finish the rest of the bottle off.
"May as well."
"You have classes tomorrow though." Louis points out, as if I don't already know.
"Drinking away my feelings sounds a lot more important at the moment." I say before getting up, going to the kitchen and getting another bottle, but this time it's whiskey. This will work a whole lot faster than beer.
Time to drink away my pain and sorrows.
-
The loud beeping of my alarm clock brings me out of a deep sleep. I whack the annoying device, making it shut up.
My head is pounding, and I feel as if I may throw up. Last night all I remember is finishing half the bottle of whiskey and playing wii with Louis, then it all fades into blackness.
I quickly get into the bathroom, getting Advil and swallowing it with some water from the tap, which was very hard to get into my mouth by the way.
After peeing for a record amount of time, I got downstairs and into the kitchen.
"Good morning." Liam stands against the counter pouring cereal into a bowl, his always apparent smile on his face.
"Shut the fuck up." I grumble, getting out my own bowl and putting a random market brand of cereal into it, along with milk and a spoon.
"Someone's in a foul mood." Liam says, turning with his back leaned against the counter while eating his breakfast.
"Aren't I always?" I say more as a statement. "Plus no one can be happy all hours of the day like you."
"There's times when I'm not happy Harry," he says. "Okay, there's not really many, but still."
"My point exactly." I say, taking a big spoonful of cereal and shoving it into my mouth.
"I think I'm in love." Liam says, nearly causing me to spit out the food still being chewed in my mouth.
"You've got to be kidding me." I say after luckily swallowing the cereal without getting sick.
"She's so different when we're alone Harry, Casey is just amazing."
That's how it was with us.
"Have you told her?" I ask, trying to avoid my own thoughts.
"Not yet, I'm waiting for the perfect moment." He says with the biggest grin, putting his empty bowl into the dishwasher. "See you later, I'm meeting Casey on campus soon." Liam walks past me, patting my shoulder in the process.
"You ready to go Harry?" Niall comes jogging into the kitchen, shirtless.
"What the fuck, Niall."
"It was real hot in my room last night, I think the air unit in there is broke or something," he quickly explains. "You ready to go, or what?"
"Only if you put a shirt on."
"You've got it, and why do you smell like shit?" He asks, leaning in and visibly sniffing my clothes that I still wore from last night.
"Let's both go change, then go." I suggest, and Niall agrees.
We both head upstairs, taking little to no time in getting ready before going outside and getting into my car.
As I drive, it all comes crashing down again. It's like whenever I have a calm moment, it's also the most chaotic. My hands tighten on the steering wheel, wanting to make it all stop. It's like a movie reel of thoughts playing on repeat inside of my head. Not even music can cure this disease.
Fuck this, I hate feeling this way.
Finally we get to campus, and I can take my hands off the wheel, massaging them after having the muscles tight for so long.
"You've got it rough." Niall speaks for the first time since we left the house.
"I know Niall, I know." I say whilst pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.
"Seeing her probably won't make it any easier." He points out.
"Let's just get this shit over with." I grunt, getting out of the car, locking it, and walking up to campus, not caring if Niall is next to me or not.
"You could have the decency to wait for me." Niall's breath comes out staggered, letting me know that he ran to catch up.
"I'm not in the best mood." I say as we continue walking.
"No duh, captain obvious." He says, I look over to find him rolling his eyes dramatically.
As we begin to get closer to the lecture hall, students begin to smile and wave at me. It's always been like this, ever since I became a well known fighter. I've learned in the past that some people just want you for your status, and I'm happy to know who my true friends are, even though they're annoying as fuck at times.
"You going to go in, or just stand out here?" Niall asks, I hadn't even noticed that we were stood in front of the classroom. I take a deep breath before walking inside.
"She's here." Niall warns.
I want to look at her so badly, but I can't. Mentally, I can't do that to myself. Just looking at her would ruin any chance I have of moving on.
Niall and I make it to vacant seats, him telling me a lame joke which of course I laugh at, just to make the poor lad feel good about himself. We then sat through Baldwin's always short class, something I'd grown accustom to.
"Who's that guy that Leah's talking to?" Niall asks once almost the whole class has gone.
I immediately look back, finding her already looking at me. Our eyes connect, and I swear it's like no one else is in the room. God she looks beautiful, so fucking beautiful it hurts. I quickly look away, trying to make my heart stop beating so damn fast.
"Let's get out of here." I shot out of the seat, taking my bag with me and rushing out of the classroom. As I walked, I tugged at the roots of my hair.
Maybe some pain will help with the ache inside.
-
I've been sitting around for hours, thinking.
Thinking about what to do because quite frankly, I can't live like this.
I can't live with her just a few rows back everyday for the rest of the year, wanting to run up the steps and kiss her.
"You've got to go see her." Liam inquired for the fifth time in the past few hours.
"It's kind of late though." The clock reads that it's around six-thirty.
"You're just making up excuses, Harry. Casey is coming over right now, it's the perfect opportunity. Just man up and talk to her. That's all we ask." He practically begs.
"Fine." I get up, grab my keys, go outside, and get into the car before I can change my mind.
I put the car in reverse and quickly get out of our driveway, my hands already sweating onto the steering wheel. Never have I been this nervous about anything.
Will she take me back?
Will she even let me inside her apartment?
My thoughts go back and forth as I drive. This is what going insane must feel like.
When I'm parked outside of her apartment, my breathing is erratic. I'm about to tell her everything, which will most likely change everything as well.
"Man up." I repeat Liam's words from earlier to myself before getting out of the car and walking into the building.
Once I'm at her door I knock a few times, listening closely to hear little movement coming from inside.
Sweat beads down my back.
After about thirty seconds I knock again, tired of waiting.
Finally, the door swings open, and she stands there looking as if she just woke up. Still beautiful as ever.
I take a deep breath before speaking, "We need to talk."
(Next chapter you will get all your answers! Hope you enjoyed Harry's point of view on everything. Please vote and comment!)