"This wasn't how my senior year was supposed to play out."
The guidance counselor lifted her head, her tight bun slowly starting to come undone as she watched me wipe the tears from my cheeks with a tissue.
"Ms. Jacobs. I know it's hard to understand right now, but everything is going to get better. It'll all work itself out." she assured me, reaching across the desk and giving the top of my hand an emotionless pat.
"How can you be so sure?" I whispered, sniffling, "I'm scared and it seems like no matter how hard I try nothing ever seems to work out. I can't help anyone, no one is hap-"
"There you are!" The door to Ms. Jaminson's office was thrown open, Justin hanging in the doorway with my backpack hanging halfway off his shoulder.
"Mr. Davidson! Remove yourself from my office! This is a private meeting, you-'
"Private meeting? Han, are you okay?" I quickly blinked the tears from my eyes and stood up, grabbing my purse from the ground as I headed for my boyfriend in the doorway.
"I'm great." I kissed his cheek and ducked out of the room beneath his arm with a wave thrown in Ms. Jaminson's direction. I waited until we were out in the office to turn to face Justin, he still looked surprised.
"Why were you crying? Are you okay? Is something going on?" He took my hands, examining my hands before kissing my forehead.
"Why aren't you in class, Mr-"
"They let us all out early. Had a weird staff meeting thing and gave us a half day." He shrugged, "Said it didn't matter since tomorrow is the start of Winter Break."
I hugged him then, burying my face against his chest as I cried.
I cried for my twin sister, the girl that had been my backbone for as long as I remember. The girl that had been in love with the only person in the world she couldn't have. I cried for the sister that deserved the world, a world that I wouldn't give to her.
*
Dad was at the dinner table when Justin and I got home, by himself. Hailey was nowhere in sight, and by the looks of her room, looked as if she hadn't been here all day.
"Hi, Daddy." I kissed his cheek as I shrugged my jacket off and tossed it to Justin to hang up. "Have you eaten?"
"No." he mumbled.
"Are you hungry?" I was asking both boys, but Justin was the only one that responded.
"I could eat. You need help?" I smiled and nodded at him, before turning back to my dad. He was sipping on a glass of water, pretending to be interested in a newspaper in front of him, but I could tell just by how tense he was that he was not even close to reading.
"What do you want to eat, Daddy?" I asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder, "I can make anything."
"I like your pizza." Justin wrapped his arms around me from behind, "Or were you talking to your dad?"
"Gross." I grumbled with a laugh. "I told you I wasn't into that stuff. Justin. I was talking to my actual Dad, idiot."
I saw a hint of a smile appear on my dad's face as he looked up from his newspaper, a sad look in his eyes.
"I'm okay with that too, baby girl." He stood and sighed, his eyes on Justin behind me, "She has and always will only have one Daddy, understood?"
Justin started laughing his ass of, "Yes, sir."
*
"You aren't going to believe what Mama got us." Sophia sounded excited.
"Plane tickets?" was my first guess. I stripped out of my tight sweater and jeans, propping my phone between my ear and shoulder.
"Better." She paused dramatically, "Disneyland tickets." My eyes widened as I stood up straighter, taking the phone in my hand and looking at the poster of Chris Hemsworth on my wall.
"No way." I responded.
"I know. I was freaking. She got five of them. One for all of us." those words drained the happiness that had started to gather in my chest. There wasn't five of us anymore, hell, I wasn't even sure if there was three of us.
She had been so secretive lately that I could feel us sort of drifting apart. She hadn't really hung out at our table for the last couple weeks either, she hadn't been anywhere in sight now that I thought about it. But I wasn't going to push her on it, I needed her to feel open enough to tell me if she really wanted to. If she trusted me.
And Hailey. . . I didn't even know what to do anymore. It seemed that every time I talked to her now, I realized just how much we were changing and moving apart, how much different we were now.
"Soph, I don't know-"
"We leave Friday. See if Mr. Ja-your dad will let you guys go. I'll call you in the morning, Han, I have to leave." she hung up before I could respond, a sink feeling spreading in my chest.
I had a pretty good idea of where she was going, and maybe it was best she didn't tell me.
"Shit!" My head whipped up at the sudden gasp. I whirled around to find Mason climbing in through my window. I was in too much shock to try and cover myself up.
"Not Hailey's room." He muttered, still not averting his eyes. I swallowed and started across the room for something to wrap myself in.
"Hailey's not here." I replied, avoiding his eyes, "I thought she was with you."
He frowned, eyes falling on the ground in front of him as he shook his head.
"Han! I- what the fuck?" Justin stopped in my doorway, pushing my cracked door all the way open.
"Justin-" I began, but he was already going on.
"What are you doing in here while my girlfriend is changing, Banks?" He growled, "You've got the wrong twin."
"I thought this was Hails room." Mason muttered with an embarrassed look.
"Bullshit. You know Hannah leaves the screen off her door and Hailey keeps it on. Why were you climbing in through my girls window?"
"Hailey locked hers." Mason eventually confessed after a few minutes of silence. Justin had thrown his shirt over my head, his eyes still on his best friend across the room.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean she locked her window, screen in and all. I can't get in." he mumbled.
"There's something called a front door." Justin gestured behind him, "Maybe you should try using it sometime."
"Fuck you." Mason snapped. I stepped in between the boys and shook my head, looking back and forth between the two of them.
"Stop fighting and think for a second, guys. Hailey isn't here and she obviously isn't with Mason or Sophia. So where the hell is she?"
*
After a little bit of hacking on Justin's part, we were finally able to track Hailey's phone when she didn't answer it after all of us called her. We didn't wake Dad, we didn't want to worry him if she was just at the school or something.
The theory of it being that sunk with my heart when I saw where she was. Johnny Carson's house.
She had a crush on him for a couple years, had thought he was the hottest, sweetest, most sensitive guy there was. Until he pretty much embarrassed her in front of the entire cafeteria when he said he didn't have the same feelings. I had blamed myself, considering I had been the one that kept pushing her to do it, I felt that it was my fault.
"Mase, you need to stay in the car." Justin said once we finally found a spot on the street between a ton of cars.
"Fuck that. Hailey's in there and-"
"And so is Carson." Justin gave his best friend a dark look, "We all know what we find in there isn't going to be pretty. I don't know why the hell she'd even go to a party, she never-"
"She had this Bucket List thing." Mason blurted, running a hand through his messy hair, "It was everything she wanted to do before we graduated." Justin and I flew out of the car before Mason could go on. I could see Mason's hand fall against the cold glass, a worried look in his eyes. I gave him a tight smile before running after my boyfriend. He immediately took my waist in his arm and gave a few guys upon entering warning looks. I could even hear a few calling after him, asking him to join them.
"We have to split up." I stopped, turning to face him, "We've both been here before, Justin. We know how big the house is." he was shaking his head, his eyes scanning the living room for my sister.
"Justin." I repeated warningly. He sighed, then nodded a second later.
"We meet back here in five minutes, with or without Hailey, understood?" I nodded before watching him dart toward the stairs, skipping multiple at a time. I headed down the long, dark corridor. Disgusted by how many people were pressed up against the walls making out.
I ran out the back door, searching the pool for Hailey. A squeak left me when I spotted Carter with his feet in the pool.
"Have you seen Hailey?" I asked grabbing at his red shirt. The girl and guy on either side of him stared at me in a mixture of horror and awe.
"No. Why, is she here?" he responded, starting to stand up.
"Yes. Where's Johnny? Have you seen him?" Carter started shaking his head again. I turned on my heel and ran back into the house, finding the two rooms on the bottom floor empty. I ran up the stairs myself, knowing very well that Johnny's room was up there. I had been there a couple times during middle school, doing things I wasn't exactly proud of.
"Hailey!" I yelled, cupping my hands over my mouth. I knew she wouldn't be able to hear me over music, especially if she was behind closed doors.
I ran right passed Justin, catching his startled look as I headed down the hall for Johnny's room. I threw the door open without knocking. Johnny was in the middle of his bed, in the process of pulling his socks off. My eyes went to the shut bathroom door, the light on.
"Hailey?" to my surprise he didn't seem that drunk. "How did. . . you were in. . ."
It was then, standing in the middle of the room and staring at the bathroom door as it opened slowly that I made my decision.
"It's magic." I giggled, raising my voice an octave to match my sister's. I lowered myself onto Johnny's lap as I nodded at Hailey in the bathroom doorway. Her mascara was smeared, her shirt and pants still intact. They hadn't done anything yet.
"Get out." I mouthed. She shook her head, black tears running down her face. I mouthed it again, this time she acted on it. Rushing out of the room, probably to find Justin before anything else could happen.
"You changed too." Johnny breathed into my ear his hand making its way under my shirt, "You weren't wearing a lacy bra a few minutes ago."
He had felt her up. The piece of shit had felt my sister up.
I swallowed and forced a smile to my face as I turned back to look at Johnny, taking his chin in my hands as I stared down at him.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I ran my hand down his chest. He nodded, his entire body tensing beneath me. I prayed to God that Carter or Justin would come running in any second now.
"Yeah." his breathing was heavy.
"I think," I paused tears stinging the back of my eyes as I leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "that you are a piece of shit."
***AN***
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~ChasingMadness24