I sat with Hailey in her room until she finally dozed off around eight.
I slipped out before Justin got home from work and Dad came home from wherever it was that he ran off too. By the time I pulled into the Mercy parking lot, I had thrown my hair into a loose bun and thrown Hailey's jacket on. The woman behind the front desk barely glanced in my direction once I got Mason's room number, her hands fumbling with stacks of paper littering the desk.
My heart sunk into my stomach when I stepped into the cold room, my eyes immediately fall on the still lump buried under his blanket, his head barely visible. I swallowed, bowing my head slightly as I took the vacant seat beside his bed.
"I'm sorry, Mase." I took his pale hand, "I was a bitch for the way I treated you. I get that you don't want to see her hurt." I caressed my thumb over the top of his hand.
"Hail?" a strained mumble left Mason's mouth as he lifted his head a fraction and turned to look at me. I felt warmth spread to my cheeks as I tried to find the words to tell him I wasn't my sister.
"I have to tell you something," He was on something, "I love you, Hailey. I hate it when you cry because I can't help you, I feel helpless. I love it when you smile and your eyes start to glisten with amusement. Or when you're embarrassed you'll hide your face against my shoulder and giggle nervously. I like it when you get mad because you look like a pissed off kitten. I love you, Hailey. No, I'm in love with you. And. . . and I don't want you to go to NYU."
I stared at him, dumbfounded, my heart pounding against my chest. He had finally done it, confessed, but it wasn't to the right twin.
"Mase, it's me. Han." I squeezed his arm, "The other, more obnoxious twin." I saw color starting to return to his face as he laid his head back down and sighed.
"Shit, " He muttered, "That means I'll have to say it again." I rubbed his hand, throwing a look at the door to make sure a nurse wasn't going to come in and drag me out since it was after visiting hours.
"She loves you too, Mason. I promise that once you say the words to her, she'll say them back. Let her know you don't want her to leave, tell her." He shut his eyes, his breathing quiet.
"You don't want her to leave either?" he guessed, sighing, "It took all these drugs for me to confess to her and it wasn't even her." I smiled sadly, giving him a look of encouragement.
"Think of it as practice. Now it won't be as hard to say it to her, right?"
*
I couldn't sleep alone that night. The second I walked back into the house, I knew that if I went to my room I'd be crying myself to sleep, and tossing and turning all night. I thought about going and sleeping in Hailey's room, but she was already asleep and sprawled out all over her bed. I hit the lights and shut the door gently out of habit, moving toward Justin's room down the hall. He was sitting up, wearing his glasses for the first time in years as he studied the textbook on his lap and scribbled down notes sloppily.
"Hey." he looked up with a smile, his eyes glistening behind his glasses.
"Hi." I whispered.
"How's he doing? Hailey told me what happened."
"He's okay. A little drugged up. We just talked for a while, until the nurse finally came and yanked me out of the room." I replied, slipping my hands into my pant pockets, leaning against the doorframe.
"Your dad still isn't home." Justin's voice was just as quiet as he set the books aside and gave me his full attention, "I made dinner for Hail and me, if you want some. I could-"
"I'm not hungry." I muttered, bowing my head.
"Han, baby. What's wrong?" he asked.
"What's not wrong, Justin? My best friend is underage and sleeping with your coach, my sister is falling apart and I just keep driving the hammer in harder, and my mom just showed up after five years acting as if nothing had changed." I shrugged, blinking the tears from my eyes before they could surface. I could see Justin's face fall as he made his way toward me.
"I'm the one that's supposed to hate my life, babe, that's my job. You're supposed to be the sweet and optimistic one." his voice sounded strained. I shrugged again, sniffling.
"Sometimes it's hard being optimistic all the time. I just want everyone to be happy, why is that so much to ask?" Justin wrapped his arms around me, tilting my head up with his finger so I was staring into his eyes.
"You make everyone happy, Han. You hurt Hailey last night, sure, but she wouldn't trade having you in her life. A huge, big bright light." He rested his forehead against mine, "Mason and you bicker all the time, but that's what siblings do, you know. They fight and make up in the end. And your Dad, Hannah, he couldn't live without you, without Hailey. You are his life." I rested my head against his chest, gripping his gray shirt in my hands as I forced my tears back again.
"What about you?" I questioned.
"There are no words for how happy you make me, Hannah. You make me a better person." I looked up just as my phone buzzed in my bra. I stepped back and pulled it out, my lips parting in surprise when I saw it was from Dad.
"What? Who is it?" he tried to peek over my shoulder but I shut off my screen before he could see anything.
"It was my dad." I answered, "We have to go pick him up, he's drunk."
*
Justin made me stay in the car when we pulled up to some dive bar that had a parking lot so crowded that Justin had ended up parking the car in front of the building.
I kept my eyes trained on the door, waiting for it to open and Dad to come walking out perfectly fine, a confident grin on his face.
Instead I was greeted with my boyfriend supporting nearly all of Dad's weight as he dragged him toward the car, his face bright red as Dad took another swing from a beer bottle in his hand. Before Justin opened the door, he ripped the beer from Dad's grip and dumped it, tossing it into the trunk a second later, leaving my dad leaning against the car.
"I know, Mr. Jacobs, I had your class last year." Justin was saying as he helped Dad into the back seat of the Prius.
"Hannah?" my slurred name came from the back seat as Justin strapped my dad in and walked around the car and back to the driver's seat.
"Is that you, baby girl? Or is it Hailey?" I turned this time, surprised. Dad had always been able to tell the difference between us, even when we were younger and wore the same clothes. He had always said I was half an inch taller and had a smile that would break guys hearts.
"When did you get so old?" he choked out, his eyes glistening with tears as Justin started the car. I ignored my father's drunk questions and kept my eyes trained on the road, my fingers intertwined with Justin's on his lap.
"Your mother always said you'd leave first, Han." Dad whispered, "She was also sure you'd end up with Justin, as strange as it sounds. She remembered the play dates you used to have as children, said you'd be a perfect couple."
"Mr. Jacobs, I don't think now is a good time-" Justin started.
"She was beautiful, just like you girls. And you guys, Han, you and Justin, are just like your mother and I. We were happy, got together Sophomore year of high school. But she never really seemed to know what she wanted to do in life, where she wanted to go." Dad paused, leaning forward so he was in between our seats. "You know I'll kill you if you break my little girl's heart, right?" his question was directed at Justin, his dilated eyes dark.
"Yes, sir. I've been warned. Many many times." Justin smiled, nodding his head slowly.
"Have you had sex?" the question was so strange and gross coming from my father that a nervous laugh escaped me. Justin looked downright embarrassed.
"I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you, sir. I-"
"Please stop calling me sir, son." Dad slapped a hand on my boyfriend's shoulder, "Call me Eric."
"I hope you haven't had sex under my roof, I have to clean those sheets, you know." Dad sighed, rubbing his face, "I suppose it's better than some filthy hotel, though. Have you had yourself checked out, son?" Justin blushed this time, his cheeks red as he gripped the steering wheel.
"I made him get checked a few months ago, Dad." I replied for him, "When I went. We're both clean."
"Mmkay." Dad laid his head back against the seat, yawning. Justin looked at the rearview mirror, his cheeks returning to normal color. We waited until we heard my dad's light snorting to glance at each other and burst into a laughter.
*
I still didn't get much sleep after we'd gotten Dad settled in. I had stripped and thrown on one of Justin's shirts, but some part of me still felt as if I were restricted.
"Go to sleep, Hannah." Justin grumbled, wrapping his arms around me as I stared at the poster of an alt-rock band he liked across the room.
"I can't." I mumbled.
"Of course you can, just stop thinking so much. Relax." I rolled over so I was facing his chest, my hands on the bottom of his shirt.
"Justin?" he sighed, his eyes opening as he propped himself up on his elbow.
"Yes, babe?"
"I want to do it, Prom night." I slid my hand beneath his shirt and ran it up his chest. He tensed under my touch and shook his head.
"Hannah, I don't want you acting on impulses. I-"
"No, I love you, Justin. And I. . .I'm tired of thinking being a virgin is such a bad thing. It's just sex and I want us to be closer, to-"
"I'm sure your dad would have a field day if he heard this conversation." He murmured under his breath, avoiding my eyes.
"This isn't about my dad and what he thinks, Justin. This is about you and me." I could see his eyes starting to drift back toward me.
"You have a lot going on, Hail. Sex may be a stress reliever, but I don't know if it's going to help right now." He pushed my hands from his shirt and took them in his own, "I want you to be sure of your decision."
"I am sure." I replied, trying to assure him that I was ready. He only nodded and pulled me back down against his chest.
He was asleep a few minutes later, I was wide awake. I wanted to do, to say, some many things. I wanted to go back to the hospital and tell Mason I loved him, that he was pretty much my brother, that I was sorry for any mean thing I had ever said all over again. To tell him he needed to let Hailey know about his feelings before she left. Before he did.
I wanted to find Sophia and smack her repeatedly until she explained why she was keeping things from me, things like sleeping with Coach Fuller.
I wanted to wake Hailey up and tell her I didn't want her to go across country for college, that she was my best friend, my sister, my everything. I wanted to tell her about Mason's feelings, about Dad getting drunk because of what she said. But I couldn't. Because none of it was my place to say, and I wasn't going to be the one to hold my sister back from her dreams, no matter how much it hurt me.
I needed to find Mom and slap her as hard as I could before demanding an answer to why she left us. Why she had been okay with leaving two broken daughters, struggling with trust and anger, without a goodbye.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry for the long chapter!
Let us know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24 & BriannaVore