I lie in bed and try to allow my groggy head to pull itself together did I drink last night?
I'm realising quite quickly that my body is not responding to my thoughts as I try to open my eyes but to no avail. I try my fingers and toes but again nothing is happening.Sitting up is not an option right now either since everything feels a dead weight and numb. What the fuck?
I start to panic but I know that it won't do anything to help me except make me more stressed out. I hear beeping beside me and try to turn my head but again, nothing!. Right Lottie! You are alive but you are just exhausted. Your body is recovering from something, what that something is I don't know right now. Or what happens if I've been kidnapped? Was I on a job last night?
Trying to calm myself down I take long deep breaths in and out my nose and take comfort in the fact I can do that and even though the beeping is annoying I again try to take a positive from the fact that I can hear things around me.
Focusing on that I try to listen to what is going on and try to make sense of where I am but I can only hear the beeping and some ticking that I think is from a watch or clock nearby. Wherever I am smell like disinfectant, is warm and from the colour of my eyelids it appears bright so I am not hidden away somewhere dark or cold which can only be a good thing, right?
I try to open my eyes again for even a quick peak but it doesn't happen so I give up not wanting to set myself off again. Think Lottie what happened yesterday or day before? What day it is today?
Trying to think about the last day I remember I can only think back to being excited about he boy coming home. I'd said goodbye to Murray as he was going on a job... did I join him on it? I think I spoke to Mrs Rose? Argh! This is so frustrating.
The door opening brings me out of my musing and I try to keep myself calm so as not to let on that I'm awake although from my appearance they might not know that but I think I've got a monitor on and that's what the beeping is. I hear footsteps getting closer towards me and someone muttering to themselves. I try to listen to anything that can help me pinpoint something.
The person stops beside me and I can feel the warmth from their body. They're still muttering under their breath but as I start to breath slowly I start to take in the smell of baby powder. "Heart rate is good, stats are good, colour is good" Murray! It's Murray that's here with me and I want to reach out and grab him but my stupid body won't do anything I say. "Temperature feels normal now" he says placing a hand on my forehead and then strokes down the side of my face rubbing his thumb under my eyes. "So why haven't you come back to me Charlotte?" He says disheartened and I can just imagine his little face looking somber and I want to kiss it away. "I'm so sorry I let you down. I shouldn't have tried to fix it myself and should have called Doc straight away even though you seemed fine" he tells me and I hear a chair being pulled up beside me. He lifts the hand beside him and starts to rub circles on my hands making himself and me feel better. He cannot blame himself for this can he?
Another positive is I can feel his touch so whatever happened I don't think it's lasting, well, I hope not.
I feel Murray place his head on my hand and he kisses it melting my heart. "Come back to me Charlotte. Come back to us" he tells me and I feel him sit up never letting go on my hand.
"How is she?" I hear and realise it's Gus from the waft of Pancake scent that comes at me when he places a kiss to my head.
"Everything looks fine but she still hasn't woken up yet" Murray says with a sigh. "The scans all show normal brain function and no lasting damage to her organs so at least we know she does not have any brain damage" he says matter of fact and I'm glad I'm able to hear this as it makes me feel slightly better knowing there is not major damage that's happened to me. Now I just need to piece the rest of what's happened together.
"She has to come back to us" Gus tells his brother as he stokes my hair. I can hear him tapping his foot and shuffling and worry he hasn't been taking his medication.
"She will" I hear from further away in the room. "She has too. I don't think we would ever be the same if something happens to her" I hear and know it's Q from his smooth voice.
"Did Matteo manage to get Elijah to talk yet?" Murray asks. What? Whats wrong with Eli?
"Not yet, but he has managed to get him to eat something and shower." Q informs them but I can hear worry in his voice.
"I hope Matteo has taken one too. He hadn't showered for two days since being here and was beginning to stink" Gus says trying to break the tension but no one laughs.
"It's been four days guys. Why hasn't she woke up? Everything I have read for the reaction she had shows people usually waking up after two days at the most. We are nearly into her fifth day of no response" Murray asks no one in particular I don't think but when his breathing hitches at the end all I want to do is grab him and pull him to me but my stupid body won't do anything! My heart is clenching and I want to let them know that I'm listening.
"Everything will be find Murray. Char is a fighter! She won't let Harry get the satisfaction of winning let alone leaving everyone she loves. " Harry? "From what we've learned it takes a lot for her to trust and let people in and there is no way she would leave any of us or her loved ones" Q says confidently and I want to beam that he gets me. He must be comforting Murray as his apple scent is stronger and voice closer.
Having them around me and caring for me I want to show them that I'm fine and here and listening. I try to wiggle my toes and fingers but nothing happens. I go for even being able to blink but nothing is happening. I try to wiggle my bum or lift a finger but nothing happens so I try to snort knowing that I can do my deep breathing.
"Did you guys hear that?" Gus asks. Yea!
"What was it?" Q asks
"I swear her breathing changed. Listen" he tells them and they all go quiet. I take a deep breath in and try to rush it out but find that the deep breath in has made me dizzy. Woah! "See?!" He says excitedly.
"Do you think she's in pain?" Murray asks worriedly taking his hand back. No!
"Maybe we should get Dr Green in and check her out. Maybe there is something internal they missed?" Q says and I hear a buzzer above me going off. No guys! I was just trying to show you I'm still in here. I'm surprisingly pain free considering I must be in a hospital.
"Is everything okay Quintin?" I hear someone say and I feel someone lean across me and the buzzing noise goes off.
"Char's breathing changed and sounded laboured. Do you think she could be in pain? Do you think we've missed something Dr Green?" Q asks sounding for the first time flustered since I've met him.
"How about you guys take a step outside and I will carry out some checks" he says calmly. The boys all make some sort of commitment noise and place small kisses on me and head away taking their comforting scent and presence from me. NO! Stupid Lottie snorting like a pig making them leave.
"Right young lady. Let's see what's going on here" Dr Green I assume says out loud. I hear him wandering around the other side of me and fiddling with the machines beside me. I hear papers rustling and him humming and hawing to himself and tutting. "Now you do know if you don't wake up soon there's going to be a riot? There's only so much I can say to my Pookie to keep her calm when her best friend is in hospital from an unknown drug, not to mention your other crazy friends, Mrs Rose, Mr Duncan and of course your men." He tells me with a chuckle and I want to cry thinking about everyone I love. He rolls something over my forehead that beeps "perfect range" he says to himself and I hear pen on paper.
Next thing I know my eyes are prised open and I'm staring at a man with mischief in his green eyes and sandy blonde curls hanging over his forehead. I know him! "Clear and responsive" he says shining a light in my eyes that makes me twitch at the side of my eye. "Ah! There we go." He says smiling closing my right eye softly. "I know you can hear us Charlotte. Come back to them. I need to get to know the famous LT" he says whispering in my ear. "I know you won't want this but I'm going to give you something to let you sleep in the hope that it will help you to heal whatever is stopping you from opening those pretty eyes yourself" he tells me and I want to refuse but maybe that's what I need. He lifts my hand and I feel warmth spread into my veins before he places a soft kiss to my hand.
Not too long after this I feel myself becoming even heavier if that's possible and sleep claims me.
I wake again to the sound of slow heavy breathing and the feel of a warm head on my arm. I try to open my eyes but not only is it impossible still but I kinda feel sleepy from the meds. I take a deep breath and smell cinnamon and instantly think of Matteo. I take comfort in the fact that he is sitting here with me and try to enjoy my time with him. The only other noise in the room is the beeping of what I assume is my heart monitor so it is peaceful.
I don't know how long he stayed silent for and I can't be certain that I didn't zone in and out but I hear his breathing change and his head moves slightly against me. I hear the creak of the chair and feel the cool air on my arm where he has sat up. He grunts and sighs and I can imagine him doing one of his sleepy stretches and not only that my mind wanders to the sights of his abs and happy trail. Bad Lottie!
"Oh ma Bella. Why won't you open those eyes and come back to me. I need your sweetness and delight in my life. I never knew one person could change me so much until you came along and I'm greedy for more." He says gravelly in his sleepy voice and I want to tell him that I'm not going anywhere. "You should see us, no one is eating my food and sleep, ha, what's that. We don't want to be away from you for any longer than we need to. You are the heartbeat of our family beautiful and I don't think we realised that we had just been wandering until you came along. You are my everything, Our everything." He says leaning his head back against my hand kissing it.
All I want to do in the moment is open my eyes and tell him I was there but if anything I could feel myself slipping back to sleep. I wish I knew what was going on with me but I need to wake up and soon. I can hear shuffling and then my body feels cold from the loss of Matteo. "I'll be back in the morning ma Bella. If Eli comes to see you keep him here" he says sadly before placing a kiss to my forehead and I sense him walking away then the click of the door.
What is going on Eli?
I think I wavered in and out of sleep a few time, the scent of the guys hit me every time I took a deep breath and it comforted me to know that they hadn't left me. Despite not being able to tell them that I was here and listening to them just unable to respond they had remained.
This time when I woke up I felt slightly lighter and when I tried to move parts of my body I was beginning to feel like they were responding which is a huge difference to how I have been feeling. I try to open my eyes and I think I manage to open them a slit and decide that I'm going to concentrate on opening my eyes before anything else as I want to be able to see everyone and let them know I'm okay.
Sniffling from the side of me has me stopping my internal happy dance at feeling that things were going to be okay and I concentrated my efforts of figuring out who is with me.
I breathe in deeply but they must be too far out of my reach to get a proper hold on the scent as it is mixing with everyone's who had been in, so I listen to anything else that would give them away but the sniffling and shuffling is the only noises to be heard over their breathing. Come on! Give me a hint!
I test out my fingers and toes and find I have more feeling in them than I did before and I can't believe how excited I am about this. I test my eyes next in the hope that I can open them and see which one of my boys is with me but although they twitched and I could swear they slightly opened I couldn't get them all the way, but this is progress!
"Oh Sweetheart" I hear a gruff voice say from beside me and know instantly it's now Eli but the sadness in his voice makes me want to cry. "I'm going to rip that Harry a new one when I get ahold of him for doing this to you" he tells me while stoking my hair making me feel warm and fuzzy. "I need you to wake up Sweetheart. I need you to come back to me" he tells me placing his forehead to mine and I want nothing more than to run my hands over his short hair and hold him close to me. The pain in his voice is unbearable.
"I never let anyone in Charlotte. Not even my brothers fully if I'm honest, but you, you hit me hard and got under my skin from the moment I met you. Not only are you gorgeous and talented but you are funny, kind and caring but these things are nothing compared to the fact that you want me for me" he whispers to me kissing my cheek. "You make me feel like a better person, a less dark and angry person. You've shown me how it feels to be wanted for me and not for my body or what I can offer you but because you want me. You've made me feel like I'm wanted and as if I matter but you've also made me feel like a man and not a monster" he tells me. Oh my god! I need to open my eyes. I need to see him!
"I don't know what I would do without you. You've made me feel things I've never felt before sweetheart." He says between sniffles and the thought of my big bear crying is making me hurt. "You've made me love Charlotte"
Love!!!
Is what I feel love? Do I love Eli and the guys?
I know that it's hardly been any time at all since I have known him and I probably don't even know anything about him but from what I do know and how he makes me feel, I do know that within my heart I love him too. I just didn't realise it until this moment. The fact that I feel excited about his words and not dread or worry tells me that I've moved on from my past scepticism and anxiety about letting people in because all I want to do right now is tell him I feel the same, without worry of being wrong or rejection. I want to tell them all that I'm in love with them.
"I love you Sweetheart" he whispers and I feel wetness on my face and realise that he must be crying again.
I'm no longer feeling helpless and willing to see when my body will react. I need it to react now. I begin to try and move my whole body and any part that I can feel slight movement in I focus on harder. My breathing begins to pick up and I can hear the heart rate monitor picking up my stress but I don't care. I need Eli to know that I feel the same. That I'm not going anywhere and how he makes me feel.
"Hold on sweetheart. Calm down. Shit! I'll go get a Dr" no!! I don't want him to leave I don't want this moment to go by and I get put back to sleep. I need him to know.
"Nnn" I manage to get out when trying to get him to stop and not go anywhere but I don't know if he heard me. "E" I try again hoping for him to notice.
"Sweetheart?" Eli asks and grabs my hand tightly. "It's okay baby. I'm going to get someone to give you something ok?"
"Nnn" I say again to stop him and realise I've slightly turned my head to the side.
"Ssshhh. It's okay. I won't go. It's going to be alright". He says chocked. "I'm right here" he tells me stroking my face and I lean my head into his large warm hand. Yes! "Sweetheart?" He says slightly bewildered. "Can you move anything else?" He asks and I twitch my hand in his and wiggle my toes. Now I just need to get my damn eyes to open.
"Don't do too much. This is good but we need to keep your heart rate down." He tells me going back to bossy mode and I want to smile that it's helped him reign in his emotions but I need to tell him how I feel more than anything else plus this is the most I think Eli has ever spoken that's not been grunts and commands.
"O....K" I tell him and he answers me with a kiss that I could swear had a smile against my cheek.
I start to breath in and out slowly and try to imagine opening my eyes. I focus on how it's feels and what I need to do to make it happen hoping some slight meditation may help since that appears to be the only thing I've not tried to make myself move. I allow Eli's woodsy scent to flow all around me and take comfort of the feel of his large hand in mine and the feel of his other hand caressing my face. I can hear him whispering comforting words to me and let his voice wash over me and focus on opening each eyelid slowly.
I see the pink of the lid and feel them twitching with my efforts. Then there is a slight white light shining in and I can feel my heart rate picking up with hope that I can do this. I squeeze Eli's hand and take more strength from the fact I've done that and tell myself that I can do this. That I'm going to see my guy and tell him how I feel. My eyes open more, very slowly but before I know if I'm scrunching them shut with the harshness of the lights.
"Shit! Let me turn off the lights" Eli tells me as his chair scrapes back over the floor. I sense the lights going off and before I know it Eli is back with me. "It's okay sweetheart. Take your time" he tells me stroking my hair at the side of my face in encouragement and I can hear the change in his voice to one of hope.
I try again but decide to just go for it. My eyes open and are blurry to begin with and I have a slight panic that I've damaged my sight but then Eli's face swims in to focus. "Hey sweetheart" he says kissing my cheek and I feel myself smile.
"H-hey you" I manage to get out and his face breaks into a beautiful smile. I take in his chisels jaw and broad shoulders along with his rugged good looks and tattoos up his neck. Then I notice the tears overflowing from his eyes. I raise my hand to comfort him and thankfully have no resistance from my body. "Shhhh. I'm okay" I tell him pulling him to me and he places his head on my chest. "Everything's okay" I tell him rubbing light circle on his back.
He pulls back from me and places both hands on either side of my face. "I thought I'd lost you" he tells me and I can see the sincerity in his face with his words and the panic in his face.
"You could never loose me Eli. I'm not going anywhere." I tell him with what I hope is a soft smile. "I need to tell you something though" I say beckoning him to me and his face looks worried but I wave it off and pull his ear to my mouth. "I love you too" I whisper into his ear and I feel his body go still. Shit! Maybe I imagined him saying it first?
Eli pulls back from me and I see more tears on his face which I brush away quickly. I have a feeling that due to not showing emotions easily now that the damn has broken he's going to struggle until he ready to stop.
I don't get long to try and figure out what his reaction is as he takes my hand from his face and kisses my palm before his lips crash to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him as close to me as possible. His tongue stokes my lips and I open them without hesitation and when his tongue touches mine I can help the wanting moan that comes from me but this only causes him to pull back in worry from me instead of deepening it.
"Shit! I'm so sorry, did I hurt you? I didn't think. I just heard what you said, then I , you know-"
"Eli." I say to get his attention. "Shut up and kiss me" I tell him pulling at his black tshirt to get him to come to me.
His lips press to mine again and I bask in the feeling of his love and warmth. I block out the fact that the night in question has come rushing back to me and I'm filled with hate for Harry and what he's done but I tramp that down and focus only on my bear and how good it feels to be awake properly and to feel loved.
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Hello you wonderful people!
I'm SO sorry that it has taken me so long to get an update out. There have been so many different things going on in my life that have not allowed for me time or writing time but I've managed to get this together.
I'm not 100% happy with how this chapter went as I seen it going differently in my head but when it was written down came out differently 🤔
Let me know what you think and thank you again for sticking with me and your lovely comments of motivation 😘😍
Please vote and like.
Thanks for Reading 📖
Xx