Yo so 18+ for this chapter, just a warning. My usual explicit sex scenes didn't really fit this book so I went for a more romantic, implied sort of sex scene. I like how it turned out, even if it did somewhat test my ability to not just throw the word 'cock' in there like 40 times.
Apologies for the missed week - things are veeeeery busy at work!
Love, Cam
♡
Chapter Twenty-One
Tyler
The trip home from the swimming centre had been tense, because I was uncomfortable, and Colin and Andrew were clearly picking up on the discomfort but had no idea why there was discomfort. Saskie, blithely unaware of the awkwardness, babbled on and on about swimming and how she wanted to be able to do a handstand when she could properly go underwater.
When we got back, I politely asked Sorcha if she wouldn't mind helping Saskie with a bath and washing her hair.
"Sure," Sorcha said, eyeing me warily. "Everything okay?"
I forced a smile, and lowered my voice. "I'm going to get the explanation out the way."
"Got it," Sorcha replied, and then grinned at the still slightly-damp Saskie. "Ready for a bath, little one? I think today we're going to be dolphins."
Saskie ran off into the bathroom making noises that she probably thought were dolphin noises, but more resembled whale song, followed shortly after by Sorcha.
I turned to Colin and Andrew and said, "Mind if we have a chat?"
Colin looked a little worried, and blurted out, "Is everything okay? I don't know what happened but it felt like something's wrong? Did I do something? Have I messed this up already?"
"No, no," I groaned, and gestured to the table for them to sit down. "I... God, this is so stupid."
I had no idea how to say this. 'I'm dating someone, have been for a week or so, also he's Saskie's teacher and you just saw him in very tight Lycra' didn't seem like the right way to start, but I had nothing else to work with.
"I'm guessing this has something to do with the teacher?" Andrew asked, startling me, and he shrugged. "You went bright red, and he tried very hard not to look directly at your chest but failed. Your shirt was slightly see-through from the damp."
I sat down with a 'fwumph' and put my head in my hands. "Oh, good Lord."
"I only noticed because I was concerned you'd hurt yourself somehow, the way he was staring at you," Andrew replied, completely misunderstanding my embarrassment. "You weren't flashing the whole café or anything."
I made an undignified noise in response.
Colin sounded baffled. "You're dating Saskie's teacher?"
"In my defence," I said weakly, and then realised I had no defence. "Okay, I've got nothing. I'm dating Saskie's teacher, yes. I was hoping to tell you today, after we were all done with swimming."
I was greeted with silence, and looked up to see Andrew looking thoughtful and Colin looking horrified. "I... how long have you been dating him?" he asked. "Have you been asking Saskie to lie to us since you moved here?!"
Andrew gently reached over and put his hand on Colin's arm. "I don't think we're in a position to complain about people lying, dear."
"I've only been seeing him for a week!" I protested. "I asked Saskie how she felt about it before I went on the date, but I didn't tell her that I'd gone ahead with the date, and I was planning on telling everyone together while you were visiting. I didn't get here and immediately start fucking about with her teacher, if that's what you're insinuating-"
Colin groaned and said, "No, sorry, you're right - I'm jumping to conclusions. I - I just didn't expect it. It's fast." He seemed to realise what he'd said and looked justifiably mortified. "Not that I have a leg to stand on - oh God, this is all going terribly, I told myself I'd be great when you started dating again. I'm messing this up."
"It's not like I've started this well," I muttered, putting my head in my hands.
Andrew stood up and left the room.
I blinked at his sudden absence, but then he opened the door and walked in as though we'd just returned from our outing. "Hey, Tyler, swimming was really fun today, thank you for including me. Anything you want to talk to us about while Saskie's in the bath?"
I took the chance, giving him a weak smile of gratitude. I could do this. I could get it right a second time. "Oh, right, well, now you mention it, yes there is something. I went on a date the other day, with Saskie's teacher, Elliot. I've spoken to her about it as a possibility and she's okay with it, so I thought I'd let you know. We've been on a couple of dates since."
"Oh, that's nice, I'm glad you had a nice date," Andrew replied easily. "He seems like a really nice guy, and he clearly likes Saskie a lot. I take it you've checked with the school that it's okay?"
"Yes, he checked," I nodded. "And he does like Saskie a lot. She likes him, too, although that may be mostly due to his three cats."
There were a few beats of silence, and then Colin took a deep breath and said, "Okay, well, I'm glad Saskie is okay with it. And I'm happy for you. Do you... is this a long-term sort of thing, do you think?"
"I'm certainly not entering it with the intention of anything casual," I replied. "Especially with him being Saskie's teacher. He's... he wants to be involved. With her life, I mean."
"Good," Andrew replied. "I'd like to think that anyone who gets involved with you would want to be part of her life. Right, Colin?"
"Right," Colin still sounded a bit dazed, but he quickly added, "He does seem really nice. And he's, uh-"
"Very fit," Andrew supplied helpfully. "Top tier boyfriend material."
If someone had told me six months prior that I'd be sat discussing how fit my date was with my ex-husband's boyfriend, I'd have laughed hard enough to pull a muscle.
"Thank you," I replied faintly, and some dickhead who turned out to be me added, "He did look good in the gym gear, didn't he?"
"Oh, yeah," Andrew confirmed, picking up his bottle of water and sipping at it. "Dude's got great legs."
"He does have great legs," I nodded, and then, because this was already the most ridiculous conversation, I asked, with the grace of a teenage boy, "Was he really staring at my chest?"
"Barely dragged his eyes away," Andrew confirmed, grinning. "Honestly, I'm kind of relieved you are dating, because if not, I'd have had to give you a heads-up that he had a mega crush on you, and I don't know if we're close enough for that."
"I hope I didn't look like a dishevelled mess," I examined myself quickly. "Sorcha said I looked like a drowned rat."
"No, don't worry," Andrew reassured me. "You've got like an artfully messy thing going on. It suits you."
Colin looked at us both as though he couldn't believe what he was witnessing, which was fair because the conversation was categorically bonkers, and said, "This was not the sort of bonding I had in mind for this week."
"Oh, hey," Andrew clicked his fingers suddenly. "How about Colin and I take Saskie out for dinner and a movie tomorrow after school gets out? We'd love some time with her by ourselves, and you could spend some time with Elliot."
I blinked. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you've got to separate yourselves."
"No, we were hoping to steal her away for an evening, if that's alright," Andrew waved his hand dismissively. "Judging by the look on Elliot's face, you might want to reassure the guy. He's probably overthinking."
I thought back to the awkward exchange and realised that Andrew was absolutely right. I took out my phone, grimacing, and fired off a quick text to Elliot, hoping that I hadn't worried him too much. "Thanks, good shout. That'd be nice, for tomorrow. Thanks."
"No worries," Andrew replied, and then shot me a sneaky smile. "Fourth date, hm?"
I eyed him warily. "You look like Sorcha when you smile like that."
"God, what a thought," Colin replied, horrified.
Andrew waggled his eyebrows at me. "Fourth date. Did we wait until the third, or did we jump the gun?"
Colin put his head back in his hands. "You may be overstepping some boundaries, Andy."
He did have a point; Andrew and I were in many ways nowhere near close enough for this conversation. But... in a weird way, it did feel more normal than being super polite to each other and tiptoeing around things. It was, in fact, the most comfortable I'd felt all weekend, and I didn't really want that feeling to stop.
"No jumping of a gun or anything else, for that matter," I told him honestly. "I think uh, maybe this time? I think I'm going to play it by ear. See how I feel."
"Good, just don't feel like you have to do anything," Andrew replied easily. "What are you going to wear?"
"I'll probably do my usual thing of trying to get dressed half an hour before, panicking and trying on forty outfits, leaving my bedroom looking like a bomb site?" I replied.
Colin looked as though he was having flashbacks, a haunted look in his eyes. Andrew considered it, and got to his feet. "To your wardrobe," he announced, and headed in the direction of my bedroom.
I followed in a sort of dreamlike haze, wondering how I'd actually reached this point, and allowed Andrew to open my wardrobe and rifle through my clothes to look for a date outfit. He held stuff up against me, announcing his decision each time.
At first, Colin hovered in the doorway, looking like he'd been thoroughly hit with a brick. I had to admit, it probably wasn't what he'd expected from the evening, seeing his current boyfriend giving dating advice to his ex-husband. Andrew, clearly seeing this, started holding up clashing-coloured outfits and declaring them perfect, to goad Colin into offering his opinion.
"Oh, my God, stop," Colin interjected, when he held up a peach-coloured shirt that absolutely clashed with the red sweater he'd paired it with. "What about the green shirt? Not that jumper. He doesn't even need a jumper, it's warm out."
They both started arguing back and forth about my date outfit, with Colin declaring that if I wanted to get laid, I absolutely would not wear the peach.
It was about ten minutes later that I realised Sorcha was stood in the living room, watching our exchanges with a glass of wine in her hands and Saskie sat next to her drinking chocolate milk out of a small wine glass, probably by request.
"Saskie, can you block your ears and hum for a sec?" Sorcha asked, when I noticed her.
Saskie did as bid without complaint and blocked her ears, humming loudly.
"What the everliving fuck is happening here?" Sorcha asked, and then patted Saskie to unblock her ears.
"We are helping Tyler pick an outfit for his date tomorrow," Andrew explained, either totally unaware, or pretending not to realise, that his explanation would only generated forty more questions.
"I see," Sorcha replied, and then carefully chose her next words. "Tyler, you have a date tomorrow?"
"Yes," I replied, and then made eye contact with Saskie. "With Elliot, if that's still okay with you, turtlebug."
Saskie shrugged. "No kissing."
"Agreed," I replied.
"In front of her," Andrew amended under his breath.
"Agreed," I whispered back.
*****
Elliot met Colin and Andrew at the school, and I'd had sincere promises from both of them that they'd behaved professionally and not like two people that clearly knew Elliot and I were dating. Elliot had shown them the school, talked about Saskie's development and learning, and produced her artwork for their viewing delight.
"He's got a great arse," was Andrew's summary of events.
"And how exactly would you know that?" Colin asked with an arched eyebrow.
"Because we both looked when he bent over his desk to get that notebook," Andrew snorted. "Don't even, sweetie, I saw your eyes."
Colin grumbled, "Yeah, well, he's got a good arse. Sue me."
Having secured the weirdest approval known to man, and approval that I hadn't actually needed, I threw on the Andrew-approved outfit and ignored the wolf whistles as I headed to the front door.
"Have a good night, Sask!" I called.
"I will!" she called back, barely moving her eyes from the TV. Classic.
I apologised to Elliot the moment I arrived at his flat. We'd agreed that we would just have a quiet night in, which I desperately needed. A full weekend of Andrew, Colin, Saskie, and Sorcha was enough to drain the hardiest of people.
"I'm so sorry," I blurted out when he opened the door.
Elliot frowned. "For what?"
"Take your pick," I cringed. "For delaying telling Colin and Andrew, for the awkward gym encounter, for Andrew staring shamelessly at your arse-"
"Excuse me?"
"For being a wuss," I continued, and bit my lip. "I'm sorry. Forgive me?"
Elliot softened and pulled me inside his flat. "Nothing to forgive, you silly man. Get in here, we finally have child-free and work-free time and I'm not wasting it."
I wanted to laugh, but once the door closed, the reality of the situation hit me. I was here, at my sort-of-boyfriend's house, able to stay the night. This was it. This was the first time I'd be intimate with someone other than Colin in years.
"You okay?" Elliot asked, and smiled at me.
There was a brief, scary moment where I almost felt the need to bolt. What was I doing, not even a year after my separation? What right did I have to uproot Saskie like this and then run off with her teacher? How was I not just falling apart constantly from being cheated on and left? How was I housing my ex-husband and his boyfriend? How the hell did I think I was going to be good enough for this beautiful man?
"Tyler," Elliot said softly, and reached out to cup my chin and tilt my head up so I would meet his eyes. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the edges, and said, "If you want to just put on joggers and watch crappy TV until we fall asleep, I'm good with that. If you want to read books next to each other and order takeout, I'm good with that. If you want to rail me soundly against the door, I'm good with that. Whatever you want. I just want to spend time with you."
I looked him in the eye, and saw nothing but sincerity, and my whole body gave way to a shaky exhale of air. I laughed, unable to stop myself, and said, "Are you up to railing me on a mattress instead, perhaps? And uh, then takeout?"
Elliot grinned and pulled me in so we were pressed up together. "Your request, my privilege."
He kissed me firmly and calmly, and I let myself relax against it. I didn't need to listen to anxious intrusive thoughts here. Elliot had me in his arms, and I was safe there, and I could trust him to keep me safe. I could trust him to take care of me.
The second I relaxed, he must have felt it, because he let his hands drop to my hips and pulled me in. I felt the contact with a jolt. At first, it felt like fear, but then I realised it was just adrenaline. God, had it been such a stressful period that I only remembered adrenaline as fear?
I let myself feel it, the fizzes of excitement in my stomach, the speed of my pulse. It felt good. I wanted more.
I put my arms around his neck and wound my fingers into his hair. It was soft, and I took a handful and pulled lightly, making his breath hitch. I liked that. I wanted to see how many times I could make that happen. Elliot chuckled, his lips still against mine, and walked me gently back against a wall. I barely noticed myself relying on the wall to keep me upright, my knees shaking, my body thrumming with anticipation. Nothing was registering in my brain except for the kiss.
It wasn't like I'd been dead inside since Colin left. I had been too miserable for anything physical for a while, but in the last couple of weeks, every time Elliot had looked at me had been enough to light my body on metaphorical fire. I'd been taking extra-long showers and avoiding Sorcha's smirks afterwards for a reason. But I hadn't realised just how long it had been since someone had touched my bare skin, other than my hands or arms.
Elliot's clever fingers traced lines down my back, pressing fingerprint marks against the skin like paint on a canvas. Each touch felt familiar, but from the distant past. It felt like I was travelling down a well-known path that had overgrown a little in the time since I'd been gone. I was treading the ground and clearing the path back out, and it felt damn satisfying.
Elliot made a low noise of wanting and I realised I was doing very little other than clinging onto him and kissing back for dear life. I sprang to action as though jolted, grabbing at his shirt and undoing a couple of buttons so I could quickly pull it over his head. Elliot laughed a little at my eagerness, but not teasing, just appreciative of my efficiency. I pulled away from kisses so I could stare at him shamelessly. He was just as I pictured; sharp edges and bony, with smooth skin and jutting hipbones. I let my hands wander, which prevented him successfully taking off my shirt, making him laugh and drag my hands away so he could properly strip me.
I was much the opposite of Elliot; I was soft and round, dotted with freckles and dark body hair. I liked how we looked together, like two contrasting pieces of art, both pretty in their own way. Elliot certainly liked how we looked together, judging by the hungry look in his eyes as he gazed at me, tracing a finger down my chest and stomach that made me shiver.
"I'm going to take pains with you," he breathed out slowly. "God, you're perfect."
I blushed heavily, and in a fit of courage, divested myself of the rest of my clothes, standing bare for him. Elliot groaned and, in one surprisingly smooth motion for someone walking around in a state of arousal, picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. I laughed as he gently placed me down like I was a very delicate and precious thing, and laughed again when he shooed a very grumpy Pumpkin out of the room, shutting the door.
"Thank you, I didn't fancy an audience," I grinned.
Elliot shuddered, and unbuttoned his jeans. "No thank you, my cats will remain oblivious to my sex life."
I laughed, feeling tension ebb from my body. This wasn't scary at all. This was easy. Elliot was funny, and made me laugh, and I liked being here. I wanted to share this with him. I wasn't doing this to say goodbye to my marriage. I was doing this to start something new.
I was about to say something meaningful and sweet, but then Elliot took off his jeans and my brain pretty much short-circuited for the following hour.
I let my body guide me, my mind fully overwhelmed with sensations I hadn't felt in a while. Elliot, true to his word, took pains with me, taking me apart in such an ardent and methodical way, I felt like he was trying to memorise every inch of my body. I fell apart under his hands and lips, becoming less like a person and more like a bundle of sensations, the sharpness of fingernails digging into my back, and the softness of thighs wrapped around his waist. I gave myself over to instincts long-buried, biting at his neck, rolling him onto his back to take over for a while, my toes curling as he grabbed at my hips and held on. I let myself sink into the feeling that I was wanted, and that I wanted in return.
Words poured from his mouth and I drank them all in like water, wanting to make them part of me, every filthy promise made and gentle endearment given.
"Darling," he gasped, leaning back over me when I let him push me onto my back, and it filled my heart to the point where its beats sounded like the word itself.
Darling, darling, darling.
It was new, in the sense that we hadn't yet shared it, but familiar, and exhilarating, and soothing. It was short gasps breathed between lips, and clasped hands between bodies. It was new sensations and old muscle memory. It was the most beautiful thing I'd experienced, and it was sweaty and messy. It was perfect, and it was imperfect, and it was everything.
"Tyler," he groaned, and I wondered if I would ever get tired of finding new ways to make him say my name. Curses and moans fell from his tongue, sweet and dirty, and they sparked a fire inside my chest, embers catching with every gasped word. My chest was a pit and my heart was on fire and I pulled him down for a searing kiss as my body twitched and writhed.
I didn't second-guess myself. I didn't doubt. I didn't pause for a moment to question whether or not I deserved this, or if I was doing well enough. I trusted in him to tell me if he needed or wanted something, and I let myself take what I wanted and needed in turn. When I came, pushing him over the edge as I squirmed, his fingertips dug into my hips and it felt as though he was trying to anchor his body to mine.
I wanted him to.
In the haze that followed, lying there sated and sleepy after cleaning up, his hand found mine, and our fingers intertwined lazily. I had wondered if I'd feel strange after, sharing a bed with someone that wasn't the husband I'd known for so long, and I found I felt nothing but content and satisfied.
"Staying?" Elliot asked me sleepily, murmuring the words so softly I barely heard them.
I smiled, and heard Pumpkin scrabbling at the door and whining to be let in. "Yes, but I think your cats might eat me if I steal their spot."
"They can deal," he grinned, and pulled me into his arms, making me the little spoon. I felt his lips brush the back of my neck, and he squeezed me tightly. "Is there anything you need from me? We can order food in a bit."
I wriggled to get comfy nestled against him. "No, I'm good for now. I'm happy. You?"
"Can I hang onto you for a bit?" he asked, almost shyly. "I'm not used to people staying over. I intend to cuddle you."
I grinned, twisting my head around to kiss him. "Cuddle me as much as you want."
*****
Andrew, whispering to Tyler the next morning: walk of shame?
Tyler, whispering back: stride of pride