*March 2011*
I sit huddled on the lid of the toilet seat in the cramped cubicle, hoping that my nose will soon become desensitised to the sickly sweet and sour smell of the girl’s bathroom. I can’t stand the smell of numerous bodily functions masked over with economy air freshener that only makes the smell even more disgusting than it was to begin with, and yet here I am. I have been hiding in here for the past half an hour with my eyes clenched shut, wishing that a secret passage door will magically appear in this cubicle so that I can leave college unnoticed, that way, I won’t have to face THEM. No matter how hard I squeeze my lids together and mouth my ridiculous wishes, no door manifests. I know I will have to go out and face THEM eventually -I can’t hide in here forever, although it feels like a good idea right about now. A part of me wants things to go back to the way they were before, when I was no more than an extra that moved about in the background of THEIR wonderful world…but he changed that. He changed everything.
The ‘he’ I am referring to is my new boyfriend of 4 weeks; Nathaniel Dante Gibson -who is most possibly the most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. Nate is one of those rare treasures; jaw-droppingly gorgeous on the outside and just as amazing on the inside. He’s kind, thoughtful, romantic, funny, and absolutely out of his mind to have even spared a second glance at me, let alone make me his one and only when there are tons of girls that are in the same league as him. He is WAY out of my league; that’s what THEY said.
THEY are Georgia Daniels and her gang of followers; the most popular girls in my college who all pine for the attention of my boyfriend. My being with Nate has planted me on their radar and instantly classes me as the enemy. I haven’t done anything to them, I haven’t even so much as looked at them, but they took it upon themselves to follow me to the bathroom and bitch about me like I wasn’t there while I tried to use the toilet.
Every word they spat while reapplying their lip-gloss, dripped with poison, made to burn me for my crime against the social order. They made fun of the way I dress, my hair, the fact that I am pretty much a loner, and made it very clear that I am in no way, shape or form, good enough for Nathaniel.
As I have never made it my business to draw attention to myself, people never really bothered to pass any sort of judgement on me because I was kind of insignificant, so to hear these girls lash out on me like that made it that much harder to stomach -hence I am still sitting here like a coward.
I didn’t say anything back; one, because how ‘cool’ would I really look hurling insults at someone whilst hovering over a public toilet seat and two...because although I hate to admit it. I believe that what they said about me and Nathaniel being together is true, and that makes it hurt even more. I don’t deserve to be with someone so stunning. We don’t look right together. He is as flawless as a model, while I’m simply ‘the girl next door’.
I don’t think I’m ugly (definitely not as ugly as they claim I am), but I am nowhere near as perfect as Nate. No one was as surprised as I was when his interest in me extended beyond friendship.
As my only real friend at college (and in life in general) is Tyson, when he wasn’t around during my free periods, I found myself in the library to pass the time until he was released from class. Sometimes I did college work, but most of the time I sat down at a small table that faced the window reading Mills and Boon romance novellas. Nathaniel was often in there as well, sweet-talking some poor girl he had brought along into helping him with his coursework.
One day he showed up by himself and planted himself right next to me. I looked up and the first thing I said to him (bear in mind I had never spoken to this boy in my LIFE) was, “I’m not helping you with your coursework.”
Nathaniel smiled, opened his text book and said, “I wasn’t going to ask for your help. All you do is read sex books.”
I remember feeling my face flush with heat as embarrassment took over. I had the strong urge to fling ‘The Billionaire’s Mistress’ under the table, but figured that as he had obviously clocked what I had been reading for a while now, it was pointless.
Haughtily, I had straightened up my posture to show that I wasn’t fazed and asked him, “Well why are you sitting here then?”
He replied, “You looked like you needed company. You’re always alone, and as we ALWAYS see each other, I figured that we may as well speak to each other. You’re like my unofficial library buddy.” He smiled and just like that, he had won me over.
College had always been something that I saw as a way to fill up my empty days and even more time to goof about with Tyson, but now it had the added bonus of Nathaniel.
At first we only really hung out together in the library every now and then because he was still sweet-talking naïve girls into doing his coursework, but after a while the girls stopped tagging along and he sat with me all the time. We would completely abandon what we were doing (me: my ‘sex books’, him: his coursework) and sit talking in hushed voices for hours. We spoke about everything there was to talk about from college, to politics, to musing over the difference between ‘juice’ and ‘juice drink’ (don’t ask me why). Whether what we talked about had any point to it or not, I treasured every moment; every word, every dazzling smile, every innocent touch that flooded my insides with intangible warmth. Before long I was convinced that I was in love with him, but I kept my feelings to myself afraid that he didn’t even look at me as more than a friend.
One day he turned to me and said in the simplest, sweetest manner, “Rio, I like you...a lot.” He smiled and went back to his coursework, leaving me staring at him, speechless. Eventually I confessed that I liked him too and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I ended up with the most mesmeric boyfriend in the world -the mesmeric boyfriend that ‘could do a hell of a lot better’.
Their spiteful words play over and over in my head like one of those really crap catchy songs that you hate but can’t seem to rid your mind of. I don’t want what they think to matter, but it does because if they think it, does that mean everyone else does too?
My phone vibrates, and then the sound of Rihanna’s ‘We Found Love’ erupts from the speaker, momentarily erasing any negative thoughts from my head. It’s him.
I dig urgently into my pocket and press the receiver to my ear.
“Nathaniel,” I breathe. I cringe hearing my love-struck tone bounce off the tiled walls and back to me. Could I sound anymore consumed?
“You’ve been gone for ages; where are you?” he asks, worry heavy in his voice.
“I’m in the bathroom.”
He pauses for a moment, and then I hear him smile, “Errrgh, you’re taking a shit aren’t you?”
“NO!” I squeal immediately, my face flushing with embarrassment. Oh my gosh, how can he ask me that? I don’t want him to think of me as a…human. I’m a girl and everyone knows that girls don’t ‘shit’, fart or any other revolting bodily function that takes away from our allure.
“Don’t lie,” he teases.
“I’m not; I’m...I just wanted to be alone for a while,” I say quietly, the humour fading from my tone as the bitchy words begin to play all over again.
Nathaniel pauses and I am sure that he is trying to think of something that would put me in a better mood.
“Which bathroom you in, baby?”
“The one by the common room,” I sulk.
There is some rustling in the background and then I detect the faint sound of his Nike Air Max 110s hitting the ground.
“I’m coming.”
Before I have the chance to argue, the main door creaks open, and the foul air swirls about, now laced delicately with the warm spiced apple undertone of the boy I love.
I slip the cracked plastic lock back into place and slowly pull the door open. Despite my mood, I can’t contain my smile when I see him. He is leant up against the sink counter, with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, and his head dipped low enough that the peak on his Supreme snapback conceals the top half of his face, leaving only his soft pink lips on show.
“You know boys aren’t allowed in here,” I scold him softly, preparing myself for the moment when those startling eyes finally lock onto mine and leave me breathless. I walk over to him, bracing myself for all that he is, only I guess I’m not walking fast enough because his hand reaches out and grabs me by the waist, pulling me to him and pressing my miniature frame into his sizeable one. I gasp.
He lifts his head and looks down at me. I stop breathing.
“I don’t care. What’s wrong?” he asks lowly.
I exhale and tear my eyes away from his.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Whatever it is, it’s upset you -it matters.” He presses his lips against my forehead and lets them linger there for a moment before pulling away so he can tilt my face up with the tips of his fingers and turn me into putty in his hands. I sigh; mould me.
“I overheard some girls talking about me,” I confess, leaving out the fact that those girls are his stupid ‘friends’.
His eyes tighten, “What did they say?”
I look down again, “That you could do better.”
Nathaniel’s whole body tenses up, “They’re wrong.” As quickly as his body had tensed, it loosens and melts around me as he relaxes and embraces me tighter. I breathe him in and feel myself get a little lightheaded.
“You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. For me, there is nothing better than you,” he says softly.
I roll my eyes.
“Nathaniel, have you seen yourself? You could date Lauren London if you wanted,” I chuckle bitterly, looking up him again.
He frowns and takes my face between his hands,
“Rio, I don’t want Lauren London; I want YOU. I love YOU.”
Come again?
I suck in a sharp breath and forget to exhale as I stand staring into the face of the boy I love more than life itself, trying to get my heart around what he had just said. He stands tall and unwavering, his feelings projected as clear as the breaking of day on his face. I couldn’t love him anymore if I tried, but the fact that he loves me back makes me want to.
“You love me?” I ask, dazed and confused that this exquisite creature could possibly love me.
Nathaniel draws my face closer and lowers his head until our lips touch; warm, moist and yielding. His kiss is strong yet tender, leaving me breathless and yearning for more.
He ends it all too soon, panting heavily, his heart thudding against my chest with urgency.
Smiling, he gazes into my eyes and nods, “I love you.”
*Present Day*
January 2014
I hate my life.