Cassian was playing with my hair, his finger brushing lightly against my skin. It felt heavenly compared to the pounding that was going on behind my eyes. I opened them slowly, the sun blinding me and rolling my stomach. I wanted to puke, but I fought the urge. I hated getting sick.
"Good morning sleeping beauty," his voice was full of humor and I knew when I looked at him he would be smiling, "how's the head?"
I winced, refusing to open my eyes just yet. I groaned and then moved further under the blankets, "why are you so loud?"
He laughed. It echoed across my skull. He sounded like he was right there next to my ear. Speaking into a bull horn. I winced as he ran his fingers lightly down the small of my back, "I'm whispering sweetheart. Are you okay?"
I finally opened my eyes. The sun shining in through the blinds killed me. Still I sat up and then I shrugged, "as good as I can be hungover," I looked at him trying to block out the sun, "why are you in my bed?"
"You wanted me to sleep with you. You said you didn't want to be alone."
He bit his lip, as if he was unsure how I would react to finding him in my bed. I wasn't upset, I was actually kind of relieved that he was here and no one else had stumbled into the room while I was passed out. Again I was thankful I had brought Cassian home with me. Especially since my sister had sprung Tomas and his invitation on me at the last second.
I blushed, "oh okay. As long as I um. Wanted you here. Some of the details are still a little hazy."
He laughed, "I promise you nothing happened. Well actually you wanted to cuddle, but that's it."
The room spun and I closed my eyes. My stomach rolled, I once again fought the urge to puke. Once the feeling passed I looked at Cassian. My cheeks flushed as I pushed my hair away from my face, "oh my god I'm never drinking again."
Cassian laughed again, "you were a champ last night. You even sang for everyone."
"Oh my god," I covered my face with my hands, "they'll never let me forget this moment."
"You were cute," he kissed my nose, "Nesta, hey look at me."
I pulled my hands away from my face, "what?"
Cassian let out a slow breath, "yesterday, after Tomas cornered you, I just. I got to thinking and I want to help you. Let me teach you a few things, about defending yourself. I would feel better knowing if anything like that happened again that you could, at least do more than knee him in the balls."
Even though my head was pounding, the noise from the house was making me sick, I smiled. Because Cassian was giving me what I always wanted. The power to take care of myself. I let out a slow breath, "you've got yourself a deal."
I laid back down slowly. Cassian was still smiling as he traced lines over my arm. I closed my eyes and laid there soaking in the silence, my head throbbing. I felt like a truck had hit me, then stopped and backed up to roll over me again. The light killed my eyes, every little noise was too loud. Cassian moved his hand, his fingers running lightly over my scalp as if he thought that would help.
It didn't ease my headache, but it helped my heartache.
The longer I laid there the more I realized I needed to tell Feyre the truth. I needed to tell her why I left, why I hated Tomas and the fact that she invited him here. Why I had really gotten upset over her getting married without me there with her. I needed to know if her and Elain truly sided with Tomas or if it had all been in my head. I needed the weight off my chest and the only way that would happen was if I told her everything.
And maybe it was because Cassian was there beside me, or maybe it's because I had finally found the strength inside myself. But laying there I knew it was now or never. I found the strength to face her and know that whatever answer she gave me, I wouldn't break because of it.
"I need to talk to my sister," I said quietly as his eyes found mine.
Cassian nodded, "she came in earlier looking for you. You were still passed out, so I told her I'd tell you when you woke up. I'll go make you something to ease that hangover."
I watched him stand up, his pajamas pulling as he stretched. I bit my lip, remembering more than I had let on about last night. I had kissed him twice while drunk, once while sober. I had held onto him, danced with him. I had sang to him. I smiled slightly, feeling like a teenager having her first crush. Because that's what this was. I was infatuated with the guy I had hired to pretend to be my boyfriend.
This could never actually be real. And yet I let myself want it to be. For the first time in a long time, since I had been home and maybe even longer, I let myself want something for me. I wanted Cassian, I was just afraid to say the words out loud. I was still afraid, even after the last three days, that he would reject me.
I stood up and grabbed a sweatshirt, pulling it on over my tank top. I slipped on a pair of soft shorts and then walked down towards Feyre's room. It was quiet, so I knocked on the door. She was smiling when she pulled it open.
"Well I see sleeping beauty woke with a kiss," she wiggled her eyebrows. My hair was sticking up, I could feel it.
"I need to talk to you," she stepped aside so I could come in.
She left the door open and I stood staring at the bed she shared with Rhys. They hadn't made it today, The blankets were still twisted in the way they had tangled up together last night. I had known Rhys for a long time now, but standing in their room, seeing the bed they shared, made it even more real. I wasn't sure why I mean, everyone knew they were together. I shook my head, my cheeks flushed. I looked away, turning to face my sister.
"Nesta, what's wrong?"
Tears filled my eyes as I took in a deep breath. I didn't beat around the bush, I didn't wait for her to say something to me. I just got right to the point of why I was here, why I had drank so much last night. And why this weekend was worse than I imagined it would be. I had actually been looking forward to it.
Until that devil had walked in.
"Why did you invite Tomas? You know he's the reason why you thought. He's the one who tried to..." I shook my head, losing the courage to tell my baby sister the truth.
Feyre pulled me in for a hug, "I know what he did. I heard the lies he spread and what he tried to do. Nesta I know," she stopped and looked at me, "I wanted to tell you it never mattered. That I believed you. But I didn't know how and you kept pretending like it didn't happen."
Feyre pulled back and her thumb brushed away a tear I hadn't felt fall, "Elain and I knew you would never do what he said you did. We knew no matter how big of a crush you had had on him, you would never hurt her like that. Whatever video he has, we've never seen it and we don't want to. We believe your truth Nesta, we believe you. I promise."
I swallowed, "then why is he here?"
She bit her lip. For a moment her eyes left mine, as if she was searching for the answer somewhere I couldn't see it. Once a minute passed her blue eyes, the ones we shared, that we had gotten from our mother, found mine again.
"Because he threatened me. He told me if I didn't let him come he would tell Rhys something... I did a long time ago. Before I ever knew him, but something that would break his heart if he knew happened."
I knew my sister. And I had no idea what that meant. I wouldn't pry, "well then. I guess we have to take him down together, huh?"
Feyre let out a laugh, relieved I didn't ask her what he knew. I knew what it felt like to have a secret you were too scared to let go of. I knew what it felt like to be trapped by someone who was spineless. Someone who bullied people for fun.
I squeezed her hand and let out a shaky breath. I laughed at the irony of this all. I had finally said the words out loud and nothing happened. My sisters weren't on his side, they believed me, "Fey," my voice broke and I hugged her again, "I missed you. I wanted to come home so many times, but I was scared you and Elain hated me."
"I've missed you too. We could never hate you Nesta, you're our big sister. You practically raised me," she said pulling herself together as Cassian came into the room, "and I'm sorry he's here. Besides his blackmail, I thought maybe we could force him to apologize. But he's not worth it."
Cassian came over to us, "hey everything okay?"
I nodded, "yeah," I laughed at my own tears, "we're fine."
Feyre let me go and I fell into Cassian's side. He kissed the top of my head as if he couldn't get enough of touching me ever since last night. I leaned into him as everyone else started to come out of their rooms.
"I know she's your sister Feyre, but you made my girlfriend cry."
My sister laughed, "yeah well I've never seen her so emotional. So I guess I should thank you. For forcing her finally open up."
I mumbled a curse word into his shirt. Now that I had done what I wanted to, my hangover hit me again full force. Feyre's room was brighter than ours. I sighed, "it's too bright."
"You're a disaster," Cassian laughed as I groaned against the loud noise, "I can't believe I'm dating you."
I rolled my eyes, "its the charm," I winced as he kissed my jaw, "and I'm only using you for your body."
Cassian held me closer, the memory of sleeping in the same bed seeping into my head. I closed my eyes against the sun and I heard Feyre sigh. Everyone was happy for me. Except I couldn't be happy, because this wasn't real. This would never be real. Once this weekend was over I'd have to break up with Cassian.
But these last few days had been the most fun I've had with my family ever since Tomas tried to tear us apart.
"Well we all wanted to go hiking today. But it seems like Nesta is a little, under the weather." Rhys laughed as he joined us in his bedroom. I opened my eyes and glared at him.
"Give her a half an hour. I'll have her ready."
Cassian took my hand and we made our way back to our room. He gave me a glass of something green and some Advil, "this will help I promise."
I smiled and drank half of the glass and winced. Cassian watched me and I blew out a breath, "thanks. You don't have to care."
He smiled as I stood up, watching him grab some clothes to change into. I held his eyes and I felt braver in this moment. Cassian jumped as I grabbed his hand, running finger along the palm of his hand.
"Cassian," he dropped his clothes, "thank you."
He gave me that crooked smile, "anytime sweetheart."
I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his. I never kissed anyone first, not even Tomas. But standing there with Cassian I realized how much I wanted this. How much I wanted him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me into his chest, his arms winding around my waist.
I opened my mouth and the headache I had been fighting, along with the nausea went away. Cassian got tired of leaning down and picked me up, walking until my back hit the wall on the opposite side of the room. I shivered as his teeth grazed down my neck.
"Cass," I ran my hands around his chest. I arched my back and heard him moan.
We were so wrapped up in the moment, in each other, that we didn't realize we had an audience. All that mattered was the way he was touching me. The way his skin lit mine on fire. I wanted to melt into him, to become one person and never feel the guilt, the pain, or any of the ghosts that had been haunting me for the last year.
"Well I see this is an effective way of curing Nesta's hangover."
Mor stood in the doorway, her voice pulling us apart. Cassian kept hold of me, my arms wrapped around his neck. My lips were swollen, his hands tight on my thighs.
She laughed, "don't stop on my account. I just think for two people who've been dating for three months, you sure act as if you've never made out before."
I blushed as Cassian laughed, "I'm sorry I'm madly in love with my girlfriend. But I don't have to explain it to you. I don't have to explain how I want to kiss her like this every moment of everyday."
She raised an eyebrow, "right well. Everyone wants to go hiking and they're waiting on you two. Should I tell them you're otherwise occupied?"
"We'll be down in half an hour," I had regained enough air to speak. I watched my sisters friend walk away.
Cassian brought his eyes back to mine, "Nesta."
He kissed me softly and I melted. "I know this was a business deal. But I um. I've blurred the lines. Do you think we could. Maybe do this for real?"
His eyes sparkled as he nodded, kissing me gently as he let my feet touch the floor, "I was already planning on asking you out on a real date as soon as we left this house."
He grabbed my hand. I smiled, a real smile that pulled at my lips, "it better be the best date you've ever planned."
Cassian laughed, my favorite sound in this house. Then he kissed the back of my hand before grabbing his clothes. He went to the bathroom to change and then I went to change myself. I grabbed a pair of shorts and a sports bra, changing in the room since Cassian took the bathroom.
I took in a breath and pulled on an old ratty concert shirt over my bra. Cassian opened the door as I finished pulling the shirt down over my body. I ran my fingers through my hair and braided it quickly.
I jumped when Cassian came up behind me, "so how did talking to Feyre go?"
My hand flew to my heart, "jesus make some noise man," I slapped his chest playfully, "it went fine. Everything was really.... in my head I guess. But Tomas hasn't won and well. We're good. Thanks," I tapped his cheek, "I think you made it easier to talk to her about it."
I watched him bite his lips as he put his dirty clothes into one of the bags he brought. He let out a slow breath, "does that mean you''ll talk to me about it?"
I pulled on a pair of sneakers, tying them slowly. Once I had them on I looked up and found those honey brown eyes staring into me. He was watching me, waiting for an answer, "if you're good at teaching me to defend myself," I stood up and smiled at him, "I'll consider telling you what happened."
He raised an eyebrow, as if he accepted the challenge, "I'll have you know I'm the number one trainer at my gym."
I laughed, rolling my eyes, "because you're the owner."
He grabbed my hips and pulled me away from the stairs, "because I'm the best," he whispered before kissing my neck. I leaned into him as everyone waited outside for the two of us, "don't worry, sweetheart. I won't let him win."
He let me go and grabbed my hand. I followed him down the stairs wondering why I had never opened up to someone before. Maybe I had been waiting for Cassian all along. Maybe I knew no one else was worth breaking down my walls for. Maybe I had been protecting myself because I had been waiting for the right one to come along.
Feyre was holding Rhys hand as we joined them outside, "Nesta you look better."
She raised an eyebrow at me, as if Mor had told her what she walked in on. Something was rubbing me wrong about my sister's college friend. She didn't seem as friendly as she had before. Like she was hiding something, like she wasn't there for Feyre. The way she watched me and Cassian, it reminded me of the way Tomas watched me.
"Cassian should take up medicine, because he cured my hangover," I leaned into his side and he pressed a kiss to my temple.
Elain giggled as Tomas came out to join us. Rhys nodded, "alright everyone is here. Let's get this show on the road. I promised my wife we would still have time to swim today."
I stood still beside Cassian, holding him back as everyone else started towards the trail that was right off the side of the house. I didn't want to be in the front or the middle. I didn't want Tomas to be at my back. Cassian understood, he held my hand and once they were all on their way we followed behind. He squeezed my hand gently, and I knew it was his way of promising me this time nothing bad would happen to me.
Because this time he was with me.