ISABELLE.
Sand between my toes as I walked bare foot across the beach, the only sound was waves crashing against the shore. It was peaceful here, and every morning after I woke, I would come down here and just walk, collecting a handful of shells each time.
It was the break the I needed.
Ashton was on my mind constantly, but with being here then I could at least think clearer, without worrying if I would run into him at the store or Parkers house.
Parker asked me not to go, but this is what I needed.
There was no return date yet, and I wasn't sure if there would be.
Mum on the other hand, was thrilled when I turned up on her doorstep with a suitcase. She hadn't any idea that I was pregnant until her eyes travelled down, and widened on the small bump poking through my black cotton top. That's when I had burst into tears, and told her everything.
The ring of my phone broke my daze as I ran my hand under the cool water, washing the sand away as I sat the shells to dry by the window sill. As I walked into the bedroom, it was Ashton's name on the caller ID.
I knew Parker would have told him. I answered. "Ashton."
"Is it true? You've left?" his voice frantic, rushed with a hint of anger.
This wasn't how I was going to tell him. Yes, I should have told him earlier, but I needed to wrap my head around all of this. "I'm staying with mum. It's-"
Cutting me of. "Are you coming back? Fuck Isabelle, are you saying that's it? That we're done."
"Calm down."
"Calm down?" he laughed bitterly, and it was the first time I had heard him so angry since I walked out. "How am I meant to react?"
With a roll of my eyes, I scoffed. "Are you kidding me? I'm at my mother's because you've hurt me. I needed to get away, I had to get away from all this stress and drama, I never said it was to get away from you." I pointed out. "It seems that you haven't learnt anything. Let me guess, you're having a pity party and drinking yourself into a state each day." I pointed out, not bothering to sugar coat this.
He was quiet a moment, which told me that it was true. "Belle. I need you."
"I know you do, and so do I." I said softly. "I'm not here to get away from you, I'm here to think about everything. To take time for myself." Something I have never done. "You have to understand that my heart is torn apart. You didn't believe me, Ashton. Everything I said to you, you didn't believe."
"I know. What do you want me to say? You were right? Fine. You were right, I was wrong. I've fucked up in parenting by raising a little conniving witch." He snapped back harshly. "But you're not letting me fix us, you just took off. Jesus, you've made it clear you want me to keep away."
I felt fresh tears spring to life as I laid back on the bed, swiping them away with my free hand. "I just need time."
His breath slowing as I heard a door close, and then his voice softer. I imagined he was in the bedroom. "Are we over? You're not coming home, are you?"
"I didn't say that." I whispered. "Maybe there is hope for us still. I don't know, I just need some time to think and be here with my mum."
"So, there's hope?" he asked.
"We've had eight years together. I don't want to throw that away." I didn't, because I loved him with my whole heart.
"I'll give you space, but not for too long. I'm going to fix everything. I'll give you everything you've ever wanted."
The call ended, and my heart broke once again. Soon, my phone buzzed, and I looked down at the message.
- I love you more than anything.
I laid there, silently crying as I placed the small of my hand over the little bump that had been growing. He had already given me everything I wanted and he didn't even know it yet.
13 weeks pregnant, and I knew I would need to tell him soon.
I had another scan booked for next week, to make sure everything was going well and I really couldn't wait to see the little baby growing inside my belly.
Mum had been livid when I finally confessed how Jenna spoke to me. She had always been wary of me jumping into a relationship with a man who already had a child, but I defended him. She soon met them both, and had always treated Jenna like her own granddaughter.
I had snagged myself a gentleman, and a freaking fox in the sheets.
I hadn't told Ashton that his father had called me, asking if I was ok and if I needed anything. It was a sweet gesture, and they had always been amazing people. His father had been like my own, he treated me well.
"Isabelle, I thought you might like this?" I looked up as mum entered my room with a steaming cup of fresh herbal tea. Caffeine was out of the question, but camomile tea worked wonders.
"Thanks mum." I smiled, sitting up. The soft breeze blew on the thin white curtains as the door had been left ajar. When mum moved here, she converted the sunroom into a spare bedroom for Ashton and I. I loved lying in bed, watching as the waved crashed ashore or in the evenings when I was curled in bed, reading a book. The smell of salty sea water, it just made everything complete.
My favourite, was naked and tangled in the sheets as Ashton would love my body.
"Have you heard from Ashton today?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as I sat up with my back against the pillows.
"Yes." I breathed, sadly smiling down at the tea. "He called not long ago, in a state of panic that I wasn't coming back. Then text me that he loves me."
"Did you reply back to him?" she pressed, not fishing for information but just being curious.
Shaking my head, "No. Not today."
Every time I thought about him, all I wanted to do was tell him just how much I love and missed him.
We left and went down town for a look, of course we wandered into the baby store for a quick browse. Mum was gushing over the small baby booties, while I couldn't help but smile at a pair of soft navy blue overalls and a long white sleeved shirt. On the front of the overalls, were pictures of little tools.
A mini builders outfit, just like his daddy's.
I'd brought those and a book, needing to learn all about the modern-day pregnancy and parenting. Every tip was welcome, I hadn't a clue what it was like to be a mother to a newborn. A teenager yes, but little bitty baby? No.
Leaving mum to continue to browse through the sale racks, I wandered across the road to the local bakery and walked in, needing a fix of food. All I craved right now was greasy sausage rolls covered in sauce.
"Isabelle?"
I turned around as I was paying the young girl with a nose ring, and spotted a guy slightly taller than I, smiling right at me. That's when it clicked. "Sam."
He came first, wrapping his arms around me for an immediate bear hug, never one to shy away from affection. As I pulled back, he motioned with his thumb for us to grab a table outside and I followed with a nod. Sitting opposite one another, I then could properly take him in, still the same with sandy blonde hair, a cheeky grin and big blue eyes but only more grown up, was my ex high school boyfriend. Sam Carter. The man Ashton wanted to greet with his fist.
"I haven't seen you since school. You're looking really well." He started first.
"Thanks." It was weird sitting here out here with him after having no contact for such a long time. "You too, I didn't expect to run into you around here, are you visiting your parents?"
"Yeah I am." He smiled, lifting his paper coffee mug to his mouth. "Just visiting for the weekend, what about you?"
I tried to focus on the smell of sausage roll in front of me. "Just keeping mum entertained for a while, nothing too exciting for me."
"You look really good." He pointed out again, and I felt his eyes browse over me.
Smiling back. "Thanks, you too." And it was time for a subject change. "So, here with anyone? Girlfriend? Sara maybe?"
Sara was the girl he screwed while we were still dating, as I hadn't been in my sexual prime back then and giving him what he obviously had needed, he had gone to a party and spent thirty seconds destroying our relationship. I found out at school Monday when the gossip hit.
He winced slightly. "I deserved that I guess."
Shrugging back, I grinned. "Yeah it's fine. Was a long time ago."
"I've spent ten years regretting it, Isabelle. I made a mistake."
"We were sixteen, you knew what you were doing the minute you went into that bedroom with her." I said back, rolling my eyes. Why can't men just own up to their bullshit instead of trying to get around it with petty excuses? "Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm over it."
Thankfully, I hadn't slept with him. He did ruin any trust I had in men, until Ashton came along and I soon forgot about Sam.
"I'm single. I haven't dated in a while, what about you?"
I wondered if he knew, his mother would have known about Ashton and I, often seeing us around here and down on the beach during summers. "It's complicated at the moment." That was my only way to describe things with Ash and myself.
"Oh?" he raised a brow. "Well, with a bit of luck everything works out for you. For you both."
"What do you mean?"
His smile plastered back on as he leant over, lowering his voice. "It's not half obvious that you're pregnant. Sorry, I get it might be a secret but he's a lucky guy."
And that's how I spent the next half hour, chatting away to my ex-boyfriend like there hadn't been ten years since we had last seen each other.
Back at the house, I felt guilty. Terribly guilty suddenly.
It was a wave that had almost knocked me over when I walked inside the kitchen and realised that I had been enjoying myself, in the middle of my heartbreak, I had forgotten all about the drama surrounding Ashton and myself, and hung out with an ex.
"He needs to know about the baby." It was the first time I had said those words out loud since coming here.
Mum looked over, her short black hair neatly tucked behind her ears as she began to unpack groceries for tonight's dinner. "Yes. This is his child, but do you want him to be a father again because he feels obligated to, or because he really wants to be? We know how things worked out with Jenna when she was born."
That was true.
I went to the bedroom, sitting my shopping bag down and taking out the pregnancy book to read. I may as well start since I had all this free time to relax. Doing nothing was the most annoying part. Before all this free time, my days were spent cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the daily house work. Jenna's room was the worst usually, and with her usual stash of food hidden in the dresser.
The guilt was still eating at me as I reached for the iPhone. I scrolled through his texts, and a lot were unanswered, most of them were him telling me that he loves me. The last thing I have ever wanted was for him to feel unloved.
- I love you xx
He would still be working, so I knew the chance of a reply was slim until later tonight. But, it did feel good telling him that, not only because it was true, but because it was how I truly felt. I loved him. I was madly in love with him still, and I wanted a life with him. I couldn't picture anyone else, and thinking about him with another woman, it brought out a jealousy in me that I hated.
Falling asleep as I was reading about Braxton hicks and breast leakage, I woke a short time later when mum was back nudging me awake with her soft voice. "It's dinner time, sweetheart."
As she walked out, I was eagerly reaching for my phone to check and see if I had a reply from Ashton. I hadn't been this phone reliant since we first started dating. My heart raced, as there was one unread text.
- I love you too, beautiful. I've been thinking about you all day x
Just like that, I felt as if we were in a better place.
Mum had made roast chicken with baked vegetables, and gravy. My mouth watered like crazy as I stared down at the plate full of food. "This looks amazing." I pointed out.
"You look well rested; did you sleep well?" she asked.
"I did. I've been so tired lately." I pulled the black hair tie from my wrist, tying my hair up.
She just smiled. "Pregnancy will do that to you."
My appetite had grown with the passing weeks, and if this child was anything like it's father, then we'd be re stocking the pantry quite often. I had no idea how Ash could eat so much, yet then look the way he did. He was in great shape.
After dinner, we took a slow walk along the beach, the tide high and warm as I held my shoes in my hands, and walked along the shoreline. "How long are you staying here for, Isabelle?"
"I'm not sure, I feel like I could live here forever." I admitted.
"Well if that's the case, then we should think about converting the spare room to a nursery for the baby."
"It's too soon to think about all of that." I pointed out.
"Not really, before you know it, the baby will be here." The thought of having a nursery here and not in the same house as Ashton's, didn't sit well with me.
Could I really do that? Forget all about him and not go back there.