Harry's POV
"What the hell is this!?" Samantha scoffed as she pointed to the empty cup in my hand. "Fill that shit up!"
I laughed as she grabbed the bottle of tequila and lined up a bunch of shots on the table, obviously already drunk from her birthday celebrations. Music was echoing through Sam and Finn's back yard as everyone stood around playing games and laughing amongst themselves. Hailey and I had arrived about an hour earlier and Sam had started drinking long before we got there, Finn just shaking his head and laughing as she danced around in her little birthday hat someone had given her.
I looked over to see her glaring at me, motioning to my cup, so I put my hands up in surrender before I poured myself another drink. She smiled widely in satisfaction as I held it up to her as proof, and she giggled as she came over and linked her arm with mine.
"Now, Harry. You and me are gonna do some shots and then completely destroy Hails and Finn at beer pong." She said as she looked over at them, both of them rolling their eyes at her. "I think they actually think they can beat us."
"Well, I can't speak for Harry but you're not the best at beer pong on a regular day, and considering how trashed you are I think it's pretty safe to say we can take you." Finn laughed.
"Bring it." Sam scoffed, throwing her head back to emphasize her point before she turned back around and started handing out the shots of tequila.
I looked over at Hailey and smiled as she just shook her head at her best friend who had already given us each a shot and was now handing us each another.
"How drunk are you trying to get me?" I laughed as I held a shot in each hand.
"As drunk as me." She giggled as I playfully bumped her with my hip. "Okay, let's make a toast. Who wants to go?"
Hailey smirked over at me, and I knew she was about to suggest me.
"Why doesn't Harry do it? I mean, he's so good with words he must make speeches all the time." She laughed and I rolled my eyes at her.
Suddenly they were all looking at me and I couldn't help but laugh. Hailey knew damn well I'd made a lot of speeches in my life, but she just thought she was hilarious as she cackled to herself. I just smiled as I held up my two shots, smirking at her as I spoke.
"Sam, I hope your birthday has been all that you deserve. Happy Birthday, love. To friendship, new adventures, and hopefully not feeling like complete shit tomorrow." I said before taking down the shots, one after the other, while everyone else followed suit.
I laughed out loud as I saw Hailey's face as she finished her shot, looking like she could throw up on the spot. We all put our shot glasses back down on the table and I threw my arm around her as we walked over to the beer pong table, starting to feel a little buzzed off the drinks I'd already had and knowing it wouldn't be too long before I was fully drunk after the tequila.
"I fucking hate tequila." She said in disgust as she tried to get the taste out of her mouth with the beer in her hand.
"I quite like it, it's often my drink of choice." I smiled.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" She laughed as we approached the table and she smiled up at me. "You ready to get your ass kicked, Styles?"
"Oh I don't know about that, I've played some serious beer pong in my day." I said confidently as I looked down at her.
"Well I guess we'll find out won't we?" She smirked. "Friends off for the next hour. I need to go mentally prepare and get my game face on."
I just smiled as she turned and headed to the other end of the table where Finn was waiting for her, both of them immediately starting to discuss their strategy. Sam pulled me back over to our end as we began filling up our cups in preparation for the game and Hailey tried to intimidate me from the other end of the table.
The next hour was full of Hailey and I trash talking each other back and forth while Sam and Finn shook their heads at us, noting more than once that we were far too alike. Sam hadn't been much help since she could barely stand up straight let alone sink a ball, and I'd sunk every one of our cups myself. Day drinking with Sam was starting to catch up with Finn and his aim got worse as the game went on, and eventually both of them wandered off and left Hailey and I to finish the game with one cup left. We had drawn somewhat of a crowd as we taunted each other across the table, the intensity of the final cup apparently being interesting enough for people to want to watch.
"Looks like you lost your partner, you think you can close this all by yourself?" I teased as I took a sip of my beer while I waited for her to shoot.
"Psht, I got this." She scoffed as she wobbled a little bit, the alcohol catching up with her. "Don't even worry about it."
"Oh I'm not." I smirked.
"You should be." She said with a sweet smile.
"Are you gonna shoot or just talk shit all night?" I laughed.
She shot me a disgusted look and took her shot, hitting the cup but it bounced off the side and onto the table where I grabbed it, laughing out loud as I looked over at her.
"Ooooohh so close, yet so far." I laughed.
"Shut up and shoot." She spat.
"Woah, someone's a little aggressive." I heard a familiar laugh beside me as Ryan came up beside me and threw his arm around me, staring down the table at his sister. "You need a time out?"
"Shut up, Ry. Mind your business, this is between me and Harry." She responded as she eyed me carefully, thinking I might shoot while she wasn't paying attention.
"Normally I'd say there must be a lot riding on this game, but knowing you you're just being like this cause you're too competitive." He laughed.
I looked over at him, getting an idea, before I turned back to Hailey and smiled.
"That's a good point." I smirked. "Now, I'm about to sink this shot. What do I get when I win?" I asked her, and she immediately rolled her eyes at me.
"It doesn't matter, cause you're not winning." She laughed. "But I'll humor you. What do you want?"
I thought about it for a second, nothing immediately coming to mind, and realizing it would take careful consideration before I decided how exactly I would relish in beating her. Before I could respond, I heard Sam pipe up behind me as she came to stand beside me.
"It's my birthday so I get to pick!" She said excitedly.
"Who's side are you on?!" Hailey scoffed as she looked over at us and smiled, Finn appearing beside her and throwing his arm over her shoulder in support.
"Well for the record, Harry's. But that doesn't matter cause no matter who wins, I get to pick what the loser has to do." She laughed. "Deal?"
Hailey and I looked at each other before we looked back to Sam and agreed. I prepared myself to take the last shot, stretching out my neck and swinging my arms to limber up as Hailey watched me from the other side of the table.
"You ready to lose?" I asked confidently as she glared at me.
I stood up straight, not breaking eye contact with her as I held up my arm and flicked my wrist. The ball sailed over the table at a perfect angle, landing right in the cup without so much as even hitting the side. The crowd around us erupted as I felt people jumping around and shaking me as they cheered, Hailey picking up the cup and chugging it before throwing the cup in frustration.
Finn offered her a consolation hug, drunkenly telling her she'd played a good game, but it was obvious how much she hated losing as she picked up the rest of her drink and chugged it. A song began to play through the speakers and she immediately lit up, singing along as she grabbed another beer and headed away from the crowd to dance.
I watched her through the crowd as she danced her way to the other side of the backyard, not really listening to anything anybody was saying to me, unable to tear my eyes off her. It was obvious that she related to the song as she passionately sang the lyrics and danced by herself, swaying her hips and getting lost in the music.
Could dress up to get love
But guess what
I'm never gonna be that girl
Who's living in a Barbie world
Could wake up in make up
And play dumb
Pretending that I need a boy
Who's gonna treat me like a toy
I know the other girlies wanna wear expensive things
Like Diamond rings
But I don't wanna be the puppet that you're playing on a string
This queen don't need a king
I don't know what you've been told
But this girl right here is gonna rule the world
Yeah that is where I'm gonna be
Because I wanna be
I don't wanna sit still look pretty.
There was something about her passion for the lyrics that was captivating me as she moved along with the beat, and I couldn't deny that it was sexy. She confidently swayed her hips back and forth, dancing all by herself and not caring whether anyone else was around or not. She was so comfortable in her own skin, and coming from a world where everyone strived so hard to be perfect, I found it the way she just was who she was enthralling.
I couldn't stop watching her as the song came to an end and a new one came on, drunk in love coming from the speakers as Hailey began to dance seductively. She slowly moved in a way I'd never seen, running her hands all over her body as she sang the words and moved her hips around. I didn't even notice the other girls that joined her, completely mesmerized by her as I watched her move. She wasn't doing it for attention, although I knew every guy there was watching her, she was just lost in her own world and feeling the music. It was by far, without question, the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.
"Fuck she's so hot." I heard someone say to my left, snapping me out of my trance as I turned to look at him.
There were two guys I'd been introduced to earlier watching her, the same way I had been, and practically licking their lips as their eyes ran up and down her body.
"She's like the holy grail bro, what I'd do to get my hands on it."
"Wouldn't we all." The other one laughed. "Outta your league, bro. Always has been."
"She's out of everyone's league. I'm telling you, whoever actually locks her down is one lucky son of a bitch."
They continued to watch her, and I turned my eyes back over to her to see her smiling and laughing with her friends as they danced to another song. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I saw her with her friends, it was the first time I'd really seen her out in a social setting. She was so full of life, and everyone seemed to be just as drawn to her as I was. Her energy was contagious and everyone just wanted to be around her to share in it, her laughter was infectious and you couldn't help but be happy when she was around. I took another look around and realized how many of the guys were watching her and I suddenly felt like I needed a drink. Before I could leave to go get one, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Well, look who's over here smiling to himself in the corner." I heard Ryan chuckle to himself as he came up beside me, nudging me lightly as he handed me a beer.
"Thanks." I smiled as I took it from him and tapped mine against his. "Cheers."
Ryan nodded as he took a sip, looking across the room to find his sister giggling as she watched her friend do some strange dance move and drunkenly fall over.
"So, the funniest thing happened this morning." He said as he motioned over towards Hailey with his beer bottle. "I stopped by my sister's on my way to work to see if she wanted a ride here tonight, but she wasn't home at 7am."
I took a long swig of my beer, trying to stop myself from smiling since I knew exactly where he was going with this.
"You wouldn't happen to know where she was, would you?" He asked as if he already knew the answer.
His tone was somewhere between amused and accusing, as if he hoped she was with me but didn't want me to know that. I understood the protective brother thing, my sister was older than me and I still felt the need to protect her from men and how shitty they could be. I knew it would be a thousand times worse if she was younger than me.
"We fell asleep on the couch, bro. It wasn't like that." I laughed lightly as I looked over at him, his eyes straight ahead as he watched her protectively across the room. "We watched a movie and fell asleep. That's it."
"You two have been hanging out a lot lately." He noted.
"Yeah, she's cool. I like hanging out with her." I shrugged. "I feel like we get each other."
He looked over at me, not saying anything, but still making me feel like he wanted more of an answer than what I gave him.
"Your sister is great, Ryan. She's amazing and we've become really good friends. I'm leaving in a few months, I'm not sure what else you want me to say." I sighed, not wanting to make things weird between us.
"I get that. But are you just friends because you don't see each other that way, or are you just friends because you think anything else is too complicated?"
I looked over at Hailey, who shot me a soft smile and waved as some guy came over to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. He lingered a little longer than what would be normal, and something inside me didn't like it. I wasn't sure what it was, but it didn't feel good. I took a swig of my beer as I watched them, almost as if I could wash away the feeling in the pit of my stomach, before I heard Ryan sigh beside me and take another swig of his beer.
"Well, I guess that answers my question."
"What?" I looked over at him, confused as to what he meant, and he just looked at me as if I'd missed something ridiculously obvious.
I felt protective of her, she deserved someone nice who would treat her well and I could tell by the way that guy looked at her that he wasn't after a conversation. I knew how guys thought, and I knew what they thought when they looked at Hailey. Not to be a hypocrite, because I had totally been checking her out earlier, but I also had more respect for her than that and knew her well enough to know that there was so much more to her than an amazing body and a pretty face. I hated the idea of any guy using her or treating her like she wasn't worth more than that. I realized that's why Ryan was getting at, seeing the way I'd looked at the guy as he hugged her. He thought I was jealous.
"Oh come on, you're her brother. You gonna tell me you didn't see the way he looked at her? I'm just protective of her, same way you are." I told Ryan, who still just laughed and shook his head before he clapped me on the shoulder and took another sip of his beer as Hailey made her way over to us with Sam.
"What's going on over here?" Hailey smirked as she took my beer out of my hand and drank the rest of it.
"Slow down, Killer." Ryan laughed as he took the empty bottle from her, shaking his head.
"Why are big brothers such a buzz kill?" She laughed as she looked over at me, as if I had the answer.
"Don't look at me, I'm a little brother. Although, I hear I'm quite the buzzkill myself." I smiled.
"Not tonight, you're not." Sam chimed in. "You're my new favorite."
"You told me five minutes ago I was your favorite." Ryan laughed as he playfully punched her in the arm.
"Don't listen to him, Harry. He's making shit up." Sam smiled and I just nodded at her before she scurried off as someone called her over.
Hailey stood in front of me, chatting to her brother while I watched the guys across the way stare at her ass in the leggings she was wearing and I wanted to knock the grins off their faces. I chugged more beer, trying to hold my instinct to be protective of her at bay, when I felt her lean against my chest and wrap her arms around my waist.
"You're so huggable." She sighed as I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her head as she melted into me. "You give the best hugs."
I chuckled to myself as I looked over at Ryan, who shot me a look. I couldn't quite tell if it was a warning look or if he was amused as a small smile tugged as the corner of his mouth.
"Well, I gotta get home. I need to be up early with Cash so Kels can get some stuff done. You guys need a ride home?" He asked as he put his beer down and Hailey shot him a look. "I had one, bug. Relax." He laughed.
"I'm a big girl, I can find my own way home." She laughed.
"Behave yourself. I love you." He said as he leaned forward and kissed her head. "Make sure she gets home, Harry." He instructed as he clapped me on the shoulder and took off to say goodbye to Sam.
I looked down at Hailey, who was smiling up at me still with her arms around me, and I brushed the hair out of her face as I studied her face. Her eyes were a little glossy since she was drunk, but they were sparkling like they always did. I was pretty drunk myself, but I knew I could get lost in her eyes any time if I let myself, which was why I reminded myself that I couldn't.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She chuckled.
"You're kinda cute when you're drunk." I smiled.
"Yeah? You're kinda cute always. It's annoying actually."
I laughed out loud, loving how blunt she could be sometimes, before she slid her arms from around me and took my hand.
"Let's get out of here." She smiled.
******
Hailey's POV
Harry and I walked down the road on the way home, laughing as we drunkenly cracked jokes and teased each other. I was drunk, there was no denying that, but I just wanted to be alone with him. I craved the feeling I got when I was alone with him, where I could be completely myself and not worry about a single thing because everything always felt perfect when I was with him. Maybe it was naïve, but I felt like as long as I was with Harry nothing bad would ever happen.
"Oh, oh hold on!" Harry said excitedly as he patted his pockets looking for something, smiling over at me as he pulled out a box of sparklers out of his back pocket and a lighter. "Look what I've got." He grinned.
"What are you doing?" I laughed. "Please don't light yourself on fire."
"It's alright, I got this." He said drunkenly as he pulled four sparklers out of the box and shoved it back in his pocket.
"I feel like that's exactly what a drunk person would say before they light themselves on fire..." I laughed.
"Bear, don't worry. Besides, if I light myself on fire I know you'll put me out." He smiled.
"True, I got you." I laughed.
Harry sparked the lighter and lit all four of the sparklers, holding them out so I could take two. The second I took mine he put one in each of his hands and began skipping around and waving them in the air while I laughed at him. Most of the guys I knew were too cool to even sing a song with me in the car, so Harry's complete lack of "tough guy" image was refreshing.
We spent the rest of the walk home lighting sparklers and running around while I tried to get some shots on my GoPro that I'd brought with me to the party. I was laughing so hard that my stomach hurt by the time we reached my place, and Harry was doubled over with laughter and stumbling around before he collapsed on the grass and took me down with him. I landed directly on top of him, both of us laughing out loud as we rolled around out the grass wrestling until we got too weak from laughing to fight anymore.
I collapsed next to him on the grass, both of us laying flat on our backs trying to catch our breath as we looked up at the sky.
"Look, the stars." Harry said, pointing out the obvious as he held his finger up to the sky.
"Yeah...the sky is usually where you find them." I laughed.
Harry reached over and pinched my leg, causing me to squeal as he tickled me, before he let go and we continued to look up at the stars.
"I don't really see the stars much, smart ass." He chuckled.
"You're missing out."
"I think so too." He sighed.
The two of us laid there in silence, side by side staring up at the sky in my backyard, lost in our thoughts and appreciating the view. I could have laid there forever, completely at peace as I laid next to him, before Harry broke the silence.
"What do you want, Bear?" He asked, turning his head to look at me.
"I could seriously go for some pizza right now." I laughed, and he just continued to stare at me to let me know I hadn't answered his question. "What do you mean?"
"In life. What do you want?"
I sighed as I turned and looked back at the stars, but I could still feel him looking at me. It wasn't a question I knew how to answer, but as usual when I was with Harry the words just started to come to me.
"I want a lot of things. Sometimes I think I want too many things, like it's impossible to have it all. It's almost like I have to choose."
"Between what?"
"I want adventure. I want to travel and experience things and live my life. I wanna swim with sharks in South Africa and chase waterfalls in Hawaii. I wanna take spontaneous road trips with no destination and just see where I end up. I wanna explore the world and find new adventures. I don't wanna feel tied to one thing or like I have to fit in some box and label it with who I am. I think that's why it's hard for me to find a specific career, I'm so passionate about too many things that I don't wanna just do one thing." I sighed. "I just wanna live. But I'd like to have a husband and kids someday, try to raise them with good values and pass on the lessons and traditions my family taught me. I want to feel settled and content, give my kids the same sense of home that I feel here. I just wanna be happy, and I feel like a lot of things would make me happy but I can't have them all."
"Why can't you have it all?"
"I don't know, it just doesn't feel like I can. I think sometimes as a woman we are made to feel like being smart or independent or career driven means that we don't get to have the whole marriage and kids deal without giving that up. I feel like I'm supposed to choose between being one type of person or another, like I couldn't possibly be a good wife or mother unless I completely give up my own independence. I don't see why I can't have both, men have been doing it since the beginning of time. I guess it's just my experience with the guys I've dated just shows that I can't really do it all." I shrugged.
"What did they do that made you feel like that?" He asked softly.
"I don't know if it's anything specific. It's like if I don't wanna spend every waking moment with them I don't care about them or something. It's like I have to fit into some mould of what a girlfriend is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be "so and so's girlfriend" instead of just Hailey. I don't understand why two people can't just be themselves and share a life, why do they have to change to fit into a relationship? It's like they have to cut pieces of themselves away for there to be room for both of them. Isn't love supposed to be giving someone the freedom to be themselves without the threat of you leaving? You're supposed to love someone for who they are, and want them to be happy. You're supposed to share in each other's successes, be happy for each other and encourage each other to do what you love. You're not supposed to fit them into some box and tell them who you need them to be. I guess I'm just not like other girls. I'm not the girl who gets the guy, maybe I'm the girl who is just supposed to be alone and find her own adventure." I sighed.
"So you feel like unless you change who you are you're never gonna find someone to love you? As if someone couldn't just love you for who you are?"
"I don't know, maybe. I think I tend to attract guys who like the chase. They like that I don't need them or that I don't follow them around like a lost puppy, but the second that I actually start to like them and the chase is over it's not fun for them anymore. I think they think I do it on purpose, like I want them to chase me. The truth is, I just want to be me."
"But you do want do be with someone someday?"
"I want what every girl wants. I want someone to love and respect me, to feel safe with someone who wants to take care of me and to take care of them in return. I want someone to call when I'm scared or to share exciting news with. I just don't ever want my entire identity to be wrapped up in another person. I would love to be someone's wife or someone's mother, I would take great pride in being a wife and mother and taking care of my family. I just have to be able to teach my children that they are more than what someone else tells them they are, that they have passions and dreams that they are free to pursue. I want all of those things, but I don't want to feel like that's all I am or tied to it like I can't be more than that. I wanna take my family with me on adventures, I want us all to do things together and live our lives. I guess I just need someone with the same viewpoint. I wanna share my life with someone, I just wanna be me while I do it. I mean I would love to sit around on a Friday night and watch movies. I do want to sit around the dinner table and talk about our day. It's not that I'd feel unsatisfied doing those things. I just want to feel like if I want to take some time for myself to go for a hike or take my family on an adventure that's okay too. It's just those restrictions I'm not comfortable with, the overly planned schedules and repetitiveness of every day life telling me who I have to be and what is or isn't acceptable for my own life."
"I get that." He sighed, sounding like he knew all too well what I meant. "As usual, I feel like you're speaking my thoughts."
"You feel like you can't be a good wife and mother?" I chuckled as I playfully nudged him.
"You know what I meant, Hails." He sighed. "I feel like I have to choose all the time between everything, like I can't do all of the things I want. Like I can't have it all."
"And what do you want?"
"I love music. I love it so much I feel like if there ever came a day I couldn't make music I would just stop breathing. I love singing it, writing it, creating it, touring. I love every single thing about it. I love seeing how it brings people together, how different songs can mean such different things to people. I love what I do, and I wouldn't trade a single second of it. But at the same time, I've given up so much to be able to do it. I know I'm young, and I have time for all the other stuff, but it feels like as long as I'm making music I won't be able to have anything else, and I never wanna stop making music. There are other things I wanna try, experiences I'd like to have that I've already missed out on, and sometimes I just wish I could make music in a basement somewhere for nobody else to hear but me. My career affects other people whether I want it to or not. I can't protect the people I love from their privacy being invaded and their lives being pulled apart, I can't control what people say about me or the people I love. They put labels on me and try to tell the world who they think I am, and there's nothing I can do about it. Now that I'm going solo they want to label my music, my style or my art. Sometimes the lines get so blurred it's hard to remember who I am and why I do it all, but when it's just me alone in a hotel room or driving in the car and I hear the music I love I'm reminded of why I do it."
"So you feel like you have to choose between making music and having a family one day?"
"I know my career won't last forever, I mean I'm lucky even now that people still care enough to support me. I just know that the relationships I've been in, or tried to be in, haven't worked in large part because of my career. But it's also a lot like you said, I'm supposed to devote every waking moment to them and change everything to work around them. I know relationships take compromise, and I know being with me isn't easy, but I can't constantly be reassuring someone that I care. I wouldn't be with someone if I didn't want to be, and I do whatever I can to show that I care, but it's not my job to make someone feel better about their own life. My ex girlfriend said the main emotion she felt when she was with me was anxiety, she said it was because she never knew where we stood. I was shocked because in my mind I was like you're my girlfriend, that's a clear indication of where we stand. I was committed to her, I was away a lot but that didn't just change how I felt about her. If something changed and she wasn't my girlfriend anymore she'd probably know about it. I just didn't understand that. I felt bad that I hurt her, but as far as I knew everything was fine. So who knows, she was obviously the wrong person for me, but it seems like I've had the same problem with every person I've tried to date, so I just stopped trying."
I could hear a hint of sadness in his voice, which made my heart ache for him. It was crazy to think that two people who lived such different lives could feel the exact same way. It was yet another way in which Harry and I understood each other.
"I wanna have a wife one day, and be a dad. Part of me wants that boring suburban life where I have routine of working some 9-5 job and picking my kids up from school every day. I know I'll never have a typical life that way, but waking up next to someone I love and trust every morning sounds amazing. I think in that aspect what I want is simple. Someone who loves me for me, who I can talk to and understands me. I need someone secure in themselves who encourages me in my career instead of making me feel guilty for it." He sighed.
"Oh man, we shoulda brought some beers home with us." I chuckled, trying to somewhat lighten the mood.
"You're telling me." He laughed as he looked over at me.
The two of us sighed as we looked back up at the stars, both lost in thought of everything we'd just talked about. I'd never told anybody the things I'd just told Harry, and somehow I knew he hadn't either.
"Bear?" He said after a few more minutes of silence.
"Yeah?" I asked, both of us still staring up at the sky.
"I think you're my best friend."
"I think you're mine too." I sighed.