Darkness. That’s all I can feel. Complete darkness. I can see everything around me, even in the pitch black, but… I can’t feel anything. No emotions. None.
It has been two weeks since Peter told me what I was and what it meant. He had been trying to help me gain control, but it wasn’t working. It is slowly getting worse and the darkness is expanding. It also wasn’t helping that Derek hadn’t followed through with his promise. I still haven’t heard from him since he left with Cora for reasons he never said or reasons he said he couldn’t say. I was worried at first until Peter told me he had been in touch with both Derek and Cora. To put it lightly (extremely lightly) I am pissed.
I have also been avoiding Deaton. After Peter said I would have to tether my soul to someone else’s I have been avoiding all discussions of the topic. If I couldn’t strengthen my anchor or learn to use it better (with Derek’s absence that wasn’t going so well, obviously) then the darkness would apparently grow even more until I don’t care about anything and an anchor would be completely futile because I won’t care about the thing that keeps me who I am. Hence the tethering.
But to literally attach and bind my soul, my soul, to someone else wasn’t something to be taken light heartedly. And I have to decide who I would attach it too and that person would have to always be in a reachable distance from me AND they would have to volunteer considering it’s not just my life but theirs…
I didn’t want to bother the guys about it anyway. I know Scott is having trouble since us you know… dying temporarily. I haven’t spoken to Allison, but Isaac (of course) had and he said that she was the same. But it was Stiles I’m worried about. It may just be because I have been spending most of my time with him now that I have moved into his house, and saw the effects on him more so than the others. He hadn’t been sleeping much at all and he often wakes up screaming and I swear I heard him sleep walking the other night as well.
As for my sleep pattern well… I have never slept better. I mean I wasn’t dreaming, but I was getting good nights. I felt practically dead when I slept. The darkness I only feel when I was alone at this stage. So when I was in my room just lying their trying to get to sleep or when I zoned out in a boring lesson at school or even in the shower, but as soon as I see one of my friends it’s gone. I knew what I was feeling around them. I had emotion. But that left when they did, not completely, but enough to scare me.
I’m still not sure when my dad is getting home, but I know he’s staying until Paul passes away and that shouldn’t be more than a month from now according to the doctors. So I will be remaining at the Stilinski household with Buster until then.
As I said Peter had been helping me. Most afternoons I would meet him at the old train station or at Derek’s or somewhere where people wouldn’t see werewolf stuff and we would do “drills” as he likes to call them. He says with enough practise and of course control I will be able to shift into any animal I wish and then, with even more practise, other people. It was a scary thought, but at the same time pretty cool. We had also discovered that I was now stronger, faster and my senses were sharper, however I was meant to meet him today and he never showed up…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”
I stopped writing. (Part of Peter’s training… to write everything down in a journal. Something about not forgetting even the little things and blah, blah.)
Stiles had had another nightmare. I ran down the hallway to his room where the Sheriff was trying to calm him as he kept screaming until he realized it was over. He was dripping in sweat and looked like he had been to hell and back.
I quickly moved over to him and knelt beside him. After a few minutes Mr. Stilinski got him back into bed and went back to bed himself. I was just about to leave to when Stiles stopped me.
“Wait. Please don’t.” his voice was hoarse and weak.
“Don’t what, sweetie?”
“Leave.”
I gave him a small smile before crawling onto his bed and waiting until he fell asleep before I went to sleep beside him. He slept through until morning.