STASIA
Feeling cold, in a dark room again, I know they're coming.
Tonight he had a party and I'm the nightcap!
Rocking in the corner trying to get warm... my head hurts..it's throbbing like crazy ...
Listening to the slightest sound, I hear a creak above me... ohh god they're coming, NO NO
"No, no p-p-please don't"
then I hear them
"Stasia wakey wakey"
they sound so distant but I know there just up stairs.
Something's not right.
Pushing back into the corner more I jump as the door swings open.
"Stasia, Stasia, wake up"
"Stasia, come on girl it's just a dream I got you Stasia."
Waking up with sweat dripping everywhere I'm finding it hard to breathe. Wheezing badly I pull free and run to my bath room, hit the toilet, then vomit everything in me.
My body is shaking while I'm heaving,
then I feel something cool on my neck and my hair being pulled away,
which doesn't matter I've already got most of my puke in it.
By the time I'm finished I can't handle the feel of my skin ohh god, "get off me"
I say, not to who's in the room but the memories that are clawing at my mind to come back....
Stripping from my clothes then jumping in the shower into boiling hot water, I try to scrub everything away, fuck... now I'm sobbing
uncontrollably.
I sink down to the bottom of the shower trying to
clear my thoughts ... then I hear him,
"beautiful you need to calm down baby"
and it's so soothing my body starts to settle like it knows it safe... why...why does he do this... my dreams are back, with the fears and
feelings at night and my days are drowning with the thought of this man I can't figure out if he's my savior or my kryptonite.
Before I have time to think what's happening, he's in behind me pulling
me in close to him, smothering me, smothering my thoughts, taking away
the bad and dirty and making me feel warm and clean.
After... I'm not sure how long, but the water's cold but I feel him, picking me up and putting me to bed.
I'm dry so he must have dried me
just as he's getting in next to me he pulls me close and says,
"I got you" completely pulling me in, so every part of my body is touching his.
He whispers in my ear,
"we will beat these monsters beautiful, I promise"
I whisper back, "just don't let go" then I'm back to sleep in a dream free zone...
I wake up feeling great, I stretch out, then do the angel in the snow move... then everything comes flooding back..... ohh god
Drew... shit he's gunner run to the hills.
And he's not here..... so he ran.
Thank god I suppose. Least I don't have to face him.
After having another shower I walk into the kitchen and Drew is drinking coffee I swear under my breath "shit your still here"
with that he must have heard me because he makes his way to me, I turn my back to
him, pulling a cup out but he doesn't let that stop him
"Morning beautiful, that's no way to treat your monster killer"
With that, he wraps his big strong muscled arms around me, squeezes tight and kisses me
under my ear. Which is becoming his spot or my spot or ... shaking my
thoughts out I say "Morning. I thought you left" for good, I don't say that part out loud, hoping he won't go anywhere.
"Not going anywhere, babe. Now I'm not going to ask you about last night..." with that I exhale but it's short lived
"But you will tell me soon when you're ready"
Shit, double shit. He can't know he'll never
understand. Denial is probs best so I don't lie, but just agree till it comes up again.
Turning in his arms I put my head on his chest..... god he feels sooo good and smells yummy mmmm just the right amount of aftershave and
coffee.
I hear him chuckling, looking up "what"
"Did you just smell me" shit totally busted....
going again for denial, I
turn shaking my head, grab my coffee, smell that and walk to my seat.
Being Friday it's my day to pick up Keata, so after I pretend Drew's not
here, I start cleaning up, doing mine and everyone's washing, tidying Keata's room.
When I'm finished, Drew wants to take me for lunch he got a text earlier
and told me we'd be going together and then we'd go get Keata.
So now we're pulling up at a garage or what looks like one, but he pulls
up further down the back where there are more bikes, a lot of bikes.
Parking up, he takes off out the door and comes to my side helping me out. I'm staring at him and I'm nervous "What are we doing here .... and
where is here" smiling at me he puts his arm around me and squeezes me
saying "Easy beautiful Mira cooked lunch and she said to bring you. Promise I won't leave your side." I go reluctantly I hate crowds shit...
Walking through the doors it takes a while for my eyes to adjust.
When we hit the bar there are 4 men, well 2 definitely are men.... shit and the other 2 are guys, good looking all of them. There's also a girl sitting
facing the kitchen in the middle of two of them and a girl behind the counter who spots us first
"Drew you brought her, Stasia I'm Mira Drew's
sister of sorts this guy her is my dad then this is Nova, Cory and Knight but this in the middle is Izzy"
Pointing to everyone as she introduces them, I'm shaking their hand as I go. When I get to Izzy we
look as beaten as each other so I try to break the ice "You look like you hit the same door I did" she gives me a small smile, but shakes her head.
"Nah no door, but I'm good now"
Thinking or more like hoping these guys saved her I leave it... I hate nosey people so I don't ask.
Looking back at Mira I ask "You need a hand"
"Nope take a seat it's already" Drew pulls me between his legs but that makes me feel uncomfortable. I try to move but he held me still
and close, then I feel his breath on my neck and he whispers,
"Stay where you are babe I need you close. Ok"
I nod but it takes me a bit to get comfy, but before I know it we're all eating I end up on my own
stool next to Drew but conversation is flowing. Mira is so nice... young but an old soul and stands up for herself.
The food was yummy too. As we're ready to leave Drew gets pulled into an office and I'm left with
Izzy and Mira and a younger guy not sure who he is.
Izzy starts chatting to us once the guys leave, telling us about how her recovery is going, but she wants the guys to back off.
But she doesn't say anything about why she's all battered up, I don't blame her
my memories are still too consuming.
I ask "so Izzy you coming tomorrow?"
"I'm not sure, I have good days and bad, but if it's a good day I'll be there. Nova wants me there but Cory he wants me locked up away so I
don't have panic attacks,"
without thinking I replied
"sometimes you need to push through them, or you get stuck in the darkness which will
consume you.... I'd know" I whisper the last bit realizing I said too much and then I hear Drew interrupt "Ok ladies we gotta go, we're picking up
a young princess"
I go red in my cheeks but Izzy grabs my hand and squeezes it with a slight smile on her face saying, "Sometimes people meet for reasons that are beyond our knowledge"
walking away I turn back and
wave, "I think you might be right Izzy!"
Getting in Drew's truck, I just noticed he's even got her car seat.
I do up my belt, he jumps in, looks over at me then says
"You can add that responds to the list too miss hit the dirt"
I know he's trying to lighten the
mood, cause I'm trying like hell not to understand why I'd say that at all.
So I nod yet again, hoping like hell I don't lie to him.
Once we get Keata, she is so excited to see Drew
(I think she has a crush on him just like her aunty Stasia) little flirt... makes me smile to
myself, that girl always takes my head to beautiful places.
Thinking we're going home, but we stop outside a baskets and Robbins ice cream
shop I see Keata's eye almost pop out of her head, but what I don't
expect Is that Bullets waiting out front, as we pull up.. Bullet comes straight to Keata taking her out, she is lapping it up I get my phone
out take a few shots cause who would believe me anyway!!! Ha.
Bullet takes her to pick her ice cream I'm shocked how she gets him to notice what she wants.
When we've finished eating Keata is babbling big time so I video it for Soph, it's not often she does this and normally just with Soph or me
but the boys have her eating from their palms.
Cleaning her up we say bye to Bullet and head home for another early night.
Drew tries for another sleep over, but I can't so he gives in and tells me he'll see
me tomorrow.