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As I put the last bit of shopping away with Harry I finally decide on what I can write back to Noah. As I said I like to have the last word... sometimes, especially in cases such as this.
"Haz, you have any castrating tools hanging around?" I ask as I throw the pasta noodles into the long cylinder thing.
Harry cracks up backing away from me with his hands raised. "Okay, okay that's the last time you have to help put the shopping away." Harry's laugh has changed since I met him. Before it used to sound like gravel sliding down the back of a tipper's tray, now he actually sounds like he's laughing. It makes me feel happy inside, I like it.
"Why I have never pulled that one on Daryl back home I don't know, I'm gong to get mini emasculators for earrings" I giggle pulling out my phone. "Here's the pic he sent, I've been thinking of heaps of things to write back but I think that if I do that one it would be funny don't you?"
I told him all about Noah on the way home so he isn't surprised at my phones new wallpaper, which I still haven't taken changed back. Mum thinks I'm too open, that I tell everybody everything... but really I mean... what's a friendship without sharing?
Harry thought it was as good yarn, anyway.
"That's a good comeback for sure, I'll take the photo if you want?" he stretches and grabs his hat and a beer from the fridge, gesturing with his head if I want one.
"Nah thanks, and yeah that would be great, I may as well round up a few and practice for the campdraft while I'm at it hey?" I grab two choccie biccies from the tin on the bench, and follow Harry out the door.
**
"The sweet face with the raised eyebrow looks the scariest," Harry says positioning my phone to take the photo of me with the emasculatorss around a young bull's testicles.
"Dad always reckons that too," I grumble looking even sweeter. "I wish I could see Noah's face when he gets that," I laugh.
"He reminds me of me when I was younger," Harry frowns as he hands back my camera and lets the bull out of the crush. "Although I wasn't of full as anger as that kid seemed to be the other day."
"I wonder what he's angry about? Apart from getting his car ridden on and crushed. What were you angry about?" I ask waving my hat at the last steer as he bolts through into the small cattle yard.
"Being sent away from the farm, the loss of my brother, at that time anything really. Dad wanted me to stay but Mum wanted me to have an education. I understand her point of view now but then all I could think of was how much I loved it here and didn't want to leave to be with those types of people," Harry stood outside the gate the large paddock. "It was worse because I associated the farm with my older brother, I felt like I would forget him if I left."
"I can totally relate and really I don't know how you did get through it. I'm not sure I could," I say thoughtfully climbing the rails to hope bareback on to Amber. I would hate to lose anybody in my family; I don't know how I would get through.
"Thing is things pass... they fade with time, I hope that young guy finds that out sooner than I did," Harry smiles regret deep seated in his voice. "I think he has a chance now though," he winks at me. I scrunch up my face.
"Things may pass, Harry but by God they hurt as you go through them," we share an understanding look. You can be as positive as anything but your heart hurts when you aren't where you wish you were. He smiles tightly in understanding. He knows exactly.
"Ready?" he asks, probably as glad to end that kind of talk as me.
I nod feeling Amber still her quivering muscles underneath me.
I open the gate and we walk into the small cattle yard.
"Give me one Harry," I say concentrating on the five steers.
"The baldy face one," Harry comments immediately.
I focus on that one and head Amber over to cut it out. In campdrafting you have to call a cow out, separate it from the others for a certain period of time, which can be tricky because cows are herd animals they want to get back to their mates.
Then the gate is opened to a bigger field where pegs are laid out for you to get the cow around, there are two of those and the gate is the last. You get judged on time and technique and other stuff.
The baldy is a runner I can tell that already. I like runners and so does Amber. We hate stubborn ones that look at something crazy off in the distance and try to get there no matter what. Amber is no shrinking violet she'll shoulder them and once when the cow was really stubborn she grabbed the damn thing on the neck and shook it.
She's twisting on her back legs to keep the baldy away from the others, ears pricked and muscles ready. She knows what comes next.
Harry opens the gate and we are off, I had put out some pot plants as pegs and we are burling towards the first one, just behind the cow, I move my foot against her side and she does and flying change to come at the cow on it's other side driving it neatly around the peg.
We have such an automatic communication, I can move my leg or seat or fingers and she knows exactly what she should do. We are better at bareback and bridleless than with the saddle.
I always read about people being silly trusting their horses, I trust Amber with my life. Sure something might spook her but she's not going to go out and deliberately try to kill me. Half my youtube channel has people telling me I'm crazy doing this stuff with no tack. Hello, I spend most of my day on this horse, everyday, day in day out. I think I know her. Dad reckons I'm gifted with the balance of a circus monkey even though he hates it too when I go bridleless.
The second peg we get the baldy around with a practised ease, Amber is enjoying herself stretching out to take the cow in to the gates like the pro she is. When he's through she gives a little pig root and canters like she is the unsung hero in a movie scene.
Harry chortles at her antics; we go through the next three steers with the same easy results. Number five decides they have to get to that portal invisible to human or horses eyes or they will be consumed by cow fire or something.
Amber shoves him hard but the little brute thinks he's as big as Frank Colossus, ignoring her I see his back leg kick out, little brute. Amber sees fit to remind him he's not the king pin here by dropping back a stride and digging her teeth into his back, needless to say he turns quite happily after her attack.
When we herd him through the gate she trots around with her head arched and tail bannered out rippling in the air behind her. Reaching down to hug her, the way she makes me feel is like nothing else in this world. I really can't tell you how she make me feel.
"You two are really peas in a pod," Harry comes over and pats her neck. She likes Harry which is a relief, she even allows him to lead her and feed her with out any sign of aggression. He has a really soft voice and hands.
"Nathan reckons that two, last time she bit into the steer he couldn't stop laughing for a week," I mutter with a half smile.
Harry hand comment reminds me of Noah's hand over mine under the trucks engine. Mmmm.
"I think I'd like this Nathan of yours," Harry chuckles, bringing my thoughts back to the present. I've told Harry heaps of stories about what Pop, Nathan and I get up to. He understands us, apparently his brother was a bit wild like Nathan and before he was killed they got up to all sorts of mischief. He also had a overbearing mother and when Tom was gone it left Harry to be the only child and main attraction for his mother's good intentions. She sounded a lot better than mine though.
When I have kids, I'm just gonna let them be whatever they damn well want to be.
"He's awesome I hope you get to meet them one day, maybe if I hospitalize Mum and sneak him down so you'll get the chance," I waggle my eyes at him.
"You better get a move on to your dinner thing," Harry smiles up at me. "I'll go see if I can put some of these parts in the harvester."
"I'll be back early tomorrow morning so we can finish that and go see that other herd if you want." Harry has more cattle down near the cliff face on the seaside of his property but they have gone wild due to his inability to get them out by himself. Wild cows can be real handfuls, they will go you. We have a reinforced bull catcher at home, it's this jeep that Dad has welded all these rollbar things and welded big steel plates on for such cattle and for when we catch water buffalo.
I suddenly laugh thinking that Dell will probably have to drive that because Jordan will be relegated to a rider now that I'm not there. Nathan, Pop and I normally drive them to the catcher where Jordy is driving.
"Just imagining my sister in law driving our bull catcher, she'll squeal her head off and have the thing going wobbly," I explain at Harry's enquiring glance. "Jordan will go off because she's not driving it properly – in his almighty opinion – Angus will have a go a Jordan for giving off an angry vibe at his girl while Nathan and Pop will start to get bored with the buffalo and try and ram it into the car just to get it caught."
"Good luck Dell. All I can say is thank God for worming sprays these days. That gate over there was thrown a good twenty five feet in the air when a wild one got his nose under it." Harry points to a small gate in the crush run.
"I love dangerous excitement Harry, bring back the drenches anytime," I say in a dead pan voice.
"Get outta here, you little terror. I reckon you'll have excitement once you send your photo" he claps Amber on the bum and she takes off. I turn back and wave at him with a grin.
**
"Anybody home?" I call out knocking on D's door. Amber's already happily munching on their foot long grass in the front yard. I wonder who cleans up around D's yard.
"Hello my darling Avalon, it's such a lov-ely thing to have a you here," D's Mum shoves open the screen door pulling me into her rather large bosom area for a hug.
"Thanks," I say grinning at the amazing smells pouring down their hallway. Italians sure know how to cook... Daryl you don't have one bit of Italian in you I gather.
"You hitta that horrible girl, I love you, she a horrible, horrible beach to my baby," I raise my eyebrows not able to stop the smile on my face spreading even further.
"I'll do it again too," I laugh throws her arm around my shoulder and tucks my under her arm.
"Good, good, you getta her a good, big one. Come, my baby in her room sewing," I follow her down to D's room, I can hear the low hum of the sewing machine. D has part of her tongue sticking out of her mouth as she concentrates, her black curly locks tied up in a messy bun.
"Hey D," I smile and plop onto her bed to look over her shoulder. "What are you making?"
"Hey Av, I'm making stuff for Rebel heart," she holds up the most gorgeous country style shirt I've ever seen. I gasp. I'm not a clothes person but wow!
She blushes, "you like it?"
I reach for it, "It's bloody crazy how amazing you are at this D! This is beautiful!"
I go to hand it back but she pushes it back at me.
"That's for you for... the Amanda thing. Thank you Av, no one has ever done for me what you have. I just wanted to thank you and this is the only way I know how," she looks at the floor.
"D? Look at me. I'm your friend. That's what friends do, watch out for each other. You don't have to pay me back every time I do something, it's all cool, and I like doing it. I really love it but you should sell this!" I hold the shirt out to her.
She gets up and pulls a plastic bucket out of a wardrobe, "See? I've made more to sell. So please, please keep it Av."
Jumping up I hug her, she's is really the sweetest girl I know. "Thanks D, I will wear it at my comp on Saturday." I pull out some measurements for her. "These are all for my family for presents, don't rush whenever you are ready make them up and I will pay whatever it is you are charging. Which I hope is a lot!"
Her eyes widened in pleasure at the numbers on the paper. She beams at me and does a little happy dance, "Av, this is my first ever set of orders. I'm going to frame this when I'm done."
"Ok," I say rubbing my neck which feels all hot, same as my eyes.
The doorbell rings.
"Oh crap I forgot to tell you. I found Jarrod, he's gonna help us with the website this arvo. That'll be him now."
"What?" D repeats looking freaked out swiping at her hair.
"It's fine, he's happy to help and when I peeked at the numbers on that video, we need help mate, because I only know how to upload videos nothing else," I head out just as Maria is heading up the hallway to the front door.
"Hi," Jarrod smiles at her. "I'm looking for D and Av. I'm Jarrod."
"Jarrod, come in, come in. I'm Maria. You staying for the dinner?" she squeezes him to her side as well. Jarrod looks relaxed like he's dealt with cuddly women before.
"With that smell wafting down here, I couldn't say no. Graziea," he winks at me. What the hell is grass-i-ass?
"Hay Jaz, we are just in here." He goes in and starts talking straight away to D. Turning to Maria I apologize for forgetting to tell her about an extra guest.
"Avalon, you have made my year. A friend for my baby and a handsome boy... I'm gonna cooka something extra good." She practically runs to the kitchen, before running back and kissing me on each cheek.
D and Jarrod are sitting side by side on the bed, D's cheeks are pink. Stifling a chuckle I plonk down next to her.
"Shit, you're at like over three quarters of a million hits!" Jarrod looks at me in disbelief.
Three quarters of a million... yeah, okay. I just shrug; numbers mean nothing to me really, unless I know what they really are in terms of what I know. It's like something I have no concept of, and why Nathan controls my money. I know what a herd of say three thousand cows looks like... but can't fathom what thirty thousand looks like. Because I haven't seen thirty thousand. It's weird... or maybe my brain just sucks at numbers. Whatever way it doesn't worry me, it used to worry Pop, he get out all these 'concrete materials' and try and teach me. He gave up.
"Any orders?" I ask him.
"Let's see, I just have to get in to the website." He fiddles around for a second.
"Hey Jarrod?" He gives me a fleeting glance telling me to proceed. "Why were you worried that Noah was close when I called you?"
Putting the computer on his lap, he turns to look at me. His eyes give me a once over, when he returns his gaze to my face I make sure I'm waiting with a nonplussed expression.
He chuckles.
"I don't know what you've heard about Noah... with girls." He starts and my mind goes straight to comparing him to Seth with girls. Ew.
"But he's not like Seth, if that's what you're thinking," he looks at me shrewdly.
A sheepish giggle escapes my lips. Jarrod rolls his eyes.
"Seth sleeps around, but Noah doesn't. You obviously know he doesn't talk and no girl has changed that... yet," he winks at me.
"Yeah, don't look at me mate, we just watched what I did to his car," I roll my eyes at D's romantic sigh. "He just adores me." I add sarcastically.
"Av, Noah doesn't hang around girls, he doesn't touch them, and he doesn't let them touch him. He doesn't sleep around at all. He is as far from Seth that way as anything you could imagine. The other day at the comp, he sat near you, he pulled you from Seth's shoulder and then you ring on his phone! What the hell was what I was thinking! As for the freak out, I value my life pal."
He looks at me like I should get it. I don't. Guys are wired weirder than my brain at maths stuff.
"She doesn't get it," D laughs into her hand. He bumps her with his shoulder and they both laugh.
I growl softly in my throat. Jarrod stops laughing and turns to me again.
"I've known Noah for basically forever. He's had some serious shit go down in his life and it's turned him hard Av, real hard and he can get real mean. You are the only girl that he has ever bothered to even take notice of, I mean, I thought you were gonna like ask me out or something. I didn't really want to get killed so young," he chuckles ruffling my head.
He faces back to the computer, an obvious sign he's not going to say more about it and he and D start talking, I'm not listening though.
Decoding things from people's not so straight up talks is frustrating. I mean, if I look at it without it being from my point of view, I would say... of course he noticed you Avalon, you rode up on his car, cut his face with a knife and sent him a picture of you about to cut off a bull's balls.
"Oh crap," I realise I forgot to send it. Pulling out my phone I type the message over it, 'and now you know what I'm wishing when or if I ever tare at you.'
What would I feel if he did like like me? I need to move to think, I hate sitting.
D and Jarrod are talking away so I get up and head out to the kitchen. My stomach growls.
"Hey Maria, those kids are busy talking computer stuff in there in which I hate to say am rather defunct at. What I'm not too bad at though is mowing lawns. You got a mower around?" I lean against the counter and notice Amber eating in the untidy back yard now.
"Oh no Av, you no need to do that," she come at me and kisses my cheeks again.
"Honestly its fine, I really like working... if they finish up and want me I'll be outside. Do you have a mower?"
She points to a small shed with sad eyes. D's Dad only died recently so I guess it was his shed. I give Maria a quick hug before making my way out there. The whole time I'm mowing the back yard I telling myself... why in the hell am I thinking about Noah liking me. I'm going to be busy training... and ultimately, I'm going home at the end of this.
I make up my mind not to worry about it, what happens will happen.
Nathan rings. I turn off the mower to answer him.
"What are you up to?" he asks I can hear he's doing something but still I'm glad he called.
"Nothin" I say.
"Oh no! Tell me now Av!" he demands.
"What? How did you get 'tell me now Av' from 'nothing'?" I shake my head. Stupid boys.
"Because last time you said nothing like that, I caught you about to let Jesse Holden kiss you!" he seethes.
"I was not! going too! And did not, you boofhead." I laugh, but my mind was thinking really fast. Nathan can read me like a book... seriously. And I kind of was thinking about kissing Jesse at the show earlier this year, he's a really good rider and friend and... well... Dell dared me too. Not that I'd tell Nathan that part.
"Did too! Lucky I came along that's for sure. I have collected in my brain every time you have said nothing and then followed you to see what that type of nothing meant. So spit it out sister. What are you doing? Who is he?" he asked totally teasing but wanting to know.
"I'm waiting for dinner at a friends house-"
"boys or girl's?" he interrupts.
"Girl. D's to be exact and while she's getting help on her computer about the clothes thing, I'm mowing their lawn. Now you have a new nothing to go compartmentalise," I roll my eyes.
"Sorry, don't believe there isn't a guy in there somewhere. Be careful Av, you're coming home remember," he says and I can hear the pain in his voice that I feel in my heart.
"Nothing will stop me Nathan, I swear it."
**(Noah's POV)
"What's go into you today? You're all over the place," Tommy chuckles staring at me curiosity burning in his old eyes.
I shake my head and punch into the bag again, he's right though. I can't concentrate. Ever since Saturday when that little thing rode up on to my car I haven't been able to think of much else. Her and the reasons why I should just leave her alone.
Why I have to leave her alone.
I made myself promises and I must keep them. Nothing can get in my way.
Normally during a hard session of boxing training my mind goes blank of everything, that's why I love fighting so much. I don't think of how messed up my life is, of that night... of those fateful words I uttered unknowingly. I think of nothing but the feel of my hand impacted against something, something else feeling a bit of the pain I carry around everyday.
Now though, I'm thinking of Avalon's face when I lent over her to get the shifter, wondering what her face was like when she discovered my wallpaper. I remember what it was like to pick sticks out of her hair and the feel of her hand under mine.
She's not like normal girls, she affects me somehow. She made me smile. My face felt creepy after that. I know she isn't scared of me, or isn't one of those girls that cares who I am. I know she doesn't want to sleep with me to say that she has. She is just... her.
But do I affect her is the question I'm thinking about. And it irritates me, she seems innocent in all the boy - girl stuff so it could just be that... that makes her react to me, not the fact that's she's attracted to me.
Again, I start the argument why do I care whether she likes me or not. It's not like I'm going to see her again. What in the world could I give her... a car?
Hatred flows my veins at the thought of Seth's hands on her again. He has everything to my nothing. Although I vowed long ago to make sure he was going to feel what it was to have the most important thing ripped away from him. Surfing. He wants her too, I can see it.
Gazing down at my holey shirt and ripped shorts, I shake my head as the bitterness wells up to join the hatred. My phone beeps, I've been checking every hour to see if she responded like a crazed freak. I almost lost it when she asked about Jarrod today.
Another reason I should let her be, my anger is always up there ready to lash out. The only time I haven't been angry for the last few years in today at the wreckers when she was chasing me. I forgot it. I don't know how because my anger and hate area huge part of me.
But I did I forgot it.
Avalon.
My heart beats strangely at the sight of her name on my phone.
My other hand is wringing the material of the side of my pants.
One part of my mind is forbidding me to open it, saying that it'll be more pain in the end... and frankly I can't take much more.
The other side says this is the girl that made me smile, that apologized for cutting my face, for saying sorry that she listened to talk about me and letting it affect her judgment. The girl that works on trucks and argues with my enemy, the girl that carries a knife as big as Rambo's and is prepared to use it. The girl who suspends herself from school.
The girl who I can't seem to stop staring at when she's around.
I open it.
And for the first time in nine years, really laugh.
It's inevitable; I know I'm going to go see her now so I just go with it. It's just going to eat me until I do anyway. Throwing my tape off and into my worn out boxing bag, I head to the bathroom and shower.
The mirror catches my eyes. Without the thought of Avalon, I would have stayed there for hours just staring at what I've become, the horrible things I am screaming at me digging me deeper in to a darkness that I'll never crawl out from. A shell for hate is what I am. I frown, my eyes seem slightly unfamiliar to me... as I turn from the mirror I realise why.
They aren't totally dead anymore.
A/N - okay so Noah's on his way to D's.... comments and votes really welcome lol. Ands thanks to all those new readers reading Avalon! YAY! and for the support of those you have been with me from the beginning. hope you enjoyed it... hoping to update again on Friday I think xoxox PL