Mandy let out a string of curse words as Luke laughed at her. I wish I hit her hard enough but I didn't do enough damage to make her nose bleed. Nevertheless she clutched onto it tightly while binding down. My rubbed my hand over the one I used to punch her.
"You sick animal!" Mandy cried out while Luke laughed like a crazy person. "Relax, I didn't do any damage!" I rolled my eyes at her behavior.
"Bellamy! don't something! This psychopath hit me!" she pointed her finger at me and glared at me. My gaze set on Bellamy who wore a smirk on his face. He shrugged in response and walked away.
Mandy turned her head towards him and called him out but he waved his hand at her dismissively and kept walking.
"I'll get back at you bitch!" She snapped. "I'd
like to see you try," Luke intimidatingly stood in front of me. She grunted and trailed behind Bellamy.
"What was that all about?" Luke questioned once the hallway was clear.
I did not have a logical explanation for my doing.
"Sorry, she's just getting on my nerves." I leaned into his side as his arm went around my shoulder. "I just hope I don't get into trouble for this." I sighed.
"Knowing her, she'll get back at you the same way. You're sticking with me all the time now and keep your hands to yourself." he pecked my lips as we started to walk out of the building.
"Do I have a choice?" I stood on my tippy toes to plant a kiss on his lips.
By home time everyone from our circle of friends knew what I did and while Brianna and Eliza praised me, Chris tried to lecture me on how violence isn't the answer or something. Brianna also showed Natasha my previous fight with Mandy and i'm sure she sent it to her too. I rolled my eyes at the girls as they commented on my fight. I was more focused on joining Harry on his pranks since he thought I was capable of helping him out now.
***
Two days past by and except for the glares Mandy and her minions sent my way everything seemed normal. Whatever she had with Bellamy seemed to dissolve too because they had the slightest bit of connection now or so Chris said. I didn't know if he was with someone else but I tried not to focus on it anyway but it was heard when someone kept pressing on the matter.
"For someone who has a boyfriend, you really don't care about him." Chris kept up this topic for twenty minutes now. I sighed and switched through the books I found in the library.
"It's my choice who I give a shit about."
"True, but you give more shits about Bellamy. You're more alert when we talk about him and even when he's there, you pay attention to whatever he's doing. It's weird how no one else notices. Heck, I'm sure that necklace has something to do with him. You always wear it and sometimes to start playing around with it. Well, mostly when Bellamy is the topic." He whispered from across the small table we were sitting at.
Damn was he observant. Do I really play with my necklace? I like it too much to not wear it. It's beautiful. "Stop making weird things up now. You're just assuming things. I'm with Luke, okay?" I tossed some skittles into my mouth which I snuck in from the creepy librarian.
"Blake, you know what I'm trying to say. There's no logical reason why you're doing this." He argued. The librarian gave us a deathly glare making us scowl at her.
"Chrissy, I don't know what you're talking about." I stood up and marched out of the library. He definitely isn't helping me get over anyone.
I caught myself holding onto the pendent around my neck. It's obviously psychological since Chris put that in my head.
As I walked back to my locker I found Luke standing there with a few of his teammates. As usual he was checking out some girl who was passing by. I noticed him do this a few times which made me question his loyalties but then again, how loyal was I to him?
"Finally, I was missing you so much." I felt him tug my arm and we found ourselves in an empty corridor. Before I could reply his lips smashed onto mine and then for the next twenty minutes made out. It was the sound of clicking heels that separated us. Luckily no one caught us. I couldn't be bothered by detention these dad because I was already so caught up with exams.
I sat in my usual seat in our chemistry lab. Bellamy usually showed up late but as I slipped in the station so did he. He grinned at me like he usually did and I nodded and smiled back at him as well as I could without being effected by it.
He put his hand on my thigh to grab my attention. It tickled a bit but I held back any reaction my body was willing to give. "You sure are protective of me."
I gave him a confused look. "W-what do you mean?" His hands placement did bother me.
"Y'know, punching other girls." he smirked at me and I forcefully rolled my eyes as casually as I could.
"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night." I muttered.
"If you admit it, it'll help you too," he chuckled. When he plays around with me like this I really do hate myself for liking him.
"I can sleep perfectly fine, I'm just trying to get good grades so I have more than one career path." I explained while my hands exasperated.
"Whether you dress as a nurse or ballerina you'll always look sexy." He winked at me as I teacher finally stepped into class.
"Pervert," I muttered under my breath but loud enough for him to hear it. "Only for you Jane." he replied. I slapped his chest with the back of my hand before concentrating on the lecture which wasn't too long because I was crazily crushing on my partner.
When I randomly got a call from Natasha asking if I wanted to meet her at the diner, I happily accepted. Ever since I got home from school I struggled with solving physics' questions. It would've been easier if I kept revising as we learnt things but I'm not that efficient.
I grabbed my car keys and headed for the diner. Natasha said her brother dropped her off there five minutes ago.
We were getting along too much for our own good. Right now we were playing Zayn's entire album on repeat at the diner while we ate.
"Is it okay to say each song on the album is my favorite?" I drawled and checked if I was drooling because I was thinking about Zayn Malik.
"It fucking is."she exclaimed and belted out the lyrics to like I would in her horrible voice.
"I'm so glad I finally found someone I can admit my song choices to." I sighed in happiness. "I'm a proud fan. I don't hide in the closet." I rolled my eyes at her reply.
"You're 5th plate of fries and your 6th glass of milkshake." The waiter reminded us with a smile.
"He so wants you Natasha," I said as I observed his body language towards her.
"He's not my type." She slightly gagged and I laughed. "Thank god because you can do so much better," I gushed.
"Back to the game. My next question is what would you do if you met a 'blast from the past'." She asked.
"I can stop if you want me to Princess," the sudden rush that we felt faded away and things became more gentle. "I'm ready," I told him and allowed his hands to linger around my body.
It was nothing like what I felt with Trace. There was no fear nor doubt.
I was moved off of his lap and he gently laid me on my back while hovering over me.
"Princess, open your eyes." I did as told and I was so intrigued by them. They looked so raw and so soothing at this moment. I truly did lose myself in his eyes. I could stare at them for eternity.
I shook my head, in an attempt to through that memory to the back of my head. My heart skipped a beat but I managed to control it.
"I would greet him with my arms wide open every single time." I confessed.
"That's so adorable!" Natasha squealed and looked around us for the millionth time.
"Okay, who do your eyes keep going to?" I purposely said it out loud to grab whoevers attention she was seeking.
The diner was empty except for a table near where three boys and a girl were sitting. I couldn't see their faces but I have to admit they looked really hot.
"No one," she said too fast to sound like a normal answer. I turned my head back to the table of those hot people.
"What's the most smoothest way to tell them they're sexy?" I asked her. "There isn't, now ask me a real question." she practically gagged at my comment and I rolled my eyes.
"How desperate can you be?"
"I forced a guy to do a body shot on me because I was crushing on him really bad. He didn't agree to it so I followed him around until he finally did. I swear that was my peak level." She laughed.
"That's just terrible!" I said causing her to wave her hand dismissively at me.
"Okay, my turn. What's your most embarrassing moment?"
I pretended to think. "None." I shrugged and she narrowed her eyes at me. I don't think anyone needs to know. "Spill it," she said but I acted like I didn't hear her. "Spill it!" she demanded and I sighed.
"I ripped my leotards while dancing once. On stage." I muttered briefly while Natasha rudely laughed at me. I rolled my eyes and chewed on the straw of my finished drink.
I decided to change the topic before I could further be humiliated.
"I hope you're a genius because we don't have much time before our mids start and you missy, have a lot to cover up." I said.
"The nerdy girl act doesn't suit you. You should drop it." She joked.
"I wish I was a nerd! I literally stare at a page for twenty minutes and flip it without evening reading it once!" I confessed and shamelessly laughed at myself.
I sure was proud of all the wrong things.
"So how are things with Luke coming along?" she asked me. She's quite skeptical of our relationship.
"Good, why'd you ask?" I casually leaned back on my seat. "I see no emotion between guys. I swear Harry and Eliza have more feelings for each other than you guys do," she bluntly stated.
"Thanks for noticing that in the first week of our relationship." I faked a smile. "Are you guys screwing each other?" she rolled her eyes.
"This conversation sure escalated quickly. And no, I don't give in that easily and he's not asking for it either." I truthfully answered, "but I've noticed you eyeing him a lot." A sly smirk made its way to my face as I leaned forward on the table.
She hesitantly shifted, "I was just looking out for you two. I've heard a lot of your friendship."
"Were you spying on me?" I laughed. "No, we just have a tight circle of friends." She spoke not looking too amused. I rolled my eyes at her.
"I feel like I'm being interrogated by you. I mean you're asking all these questions and I can't even come up with everything questions. I honestly feel there's something fishy about you. Are you secretly one of Mandy's minions." I question.
"Okay. calm down miss straight forward. I'm nobody's minion and to be associated with Mandy is not even the last thing I want. I'd rather die in the worst way possible than spend a second with her and since you're so offended by my attempts at being friends with you I'll just describe myself to you so that you trust me." She finally took a breath. I was going to apologize but when I opened my mouth she put her hand in front of me gesturing me to keep quiet. So I did.
"So, I've known you when we were kids. When you lived here, our dads were friends and don't ask me about any memories we share because I literally don't remember anything. I have one elder brother and one little. So I've had nine boyfriends since I was thirteen and my first kiss was as sloppy as my first time. I once told a boy I loved him and he laughed at my face for twenty minutes before I kicked him where the sun don't shine. I realized I didn't love him though and then there was a bad time in my life a few months actually, I was in a really bad relationship. My brother nearly killed the guy that raped me and I started to cut so my parents took me to get help. I was impatient at a therapy center for a while. I tried to bottle everything up but I only grew worse so then I spent an entire three weeks crying my eyes out to get over what happened. I was a wreck. I wish I had my family there but the doctors thought otherwise. I was so glad to leave that place and be back with everyone. I forced our parents to move back here and now I feel normal again. I'm not scared to go out or be alone anywhere anymore but my brother still follows me around." She stopped talking suddenly. Although she quickly went over everything quickly and half the time she barely had a voice coming out of her, her eyes brimmed with tears that wanted to stream down her face.
I was going through several emotions. Maybe several thousands of emotions. I got injected by a drug and that was enough to drive me crazy enough to get beaten up for my behavior. She's been through an awful lot and her family stuck by. My aunt blamed me and I don't think my mom would care if I told her what I've been through.
"I actually can't find the words to speak but I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me. I promise you this will stay between us and I won't bring it up unless you want me to. You know if you ever need anything, like literally anything you have me. You've got a friend in me." I ended lamely but she laughed nevertheless and gave me a hug.
"I have to admit you got this reaction because of your toy story reference at the end." She laughed again repeating the words under her breath. I just couldn't help but think about the time Bellamy said that to me. I didn't realize it at that time but now that I think of it, it was so cute.
Why is Bellamy the cutest guy I know?
No Blake, you have Luke.
I'm just using him anyway.
I hate to put it like that, he's so sweet.
But he's just a friend to you.
The war in my head doesn't stop until I realize I've finished my milkshake.
"Do you like Bellamy?" I blurted out unexpectedly.
"Uh, no. Why would you ask that?" She had a look which made me consider that maybe she actually didn't. I shrugged in response.
I look around for the waiter boy but he seemed to have disappeared.
"I'm getting another one for the ride home, want anything?" I asked Natasha as I stood and gestured to my empty milkshake.
"You've had so much it's unhealthy! We're leaving." She gathered her things and stood up before I could protest.
My stupid shoelace decided just then to untie and trip me over. Holding the closest thing to me for support, I ended up making one of those sexy guys fall over me. I didn't realize how or when that happened but it did and I didn't mind.
It hurt like crap but I didn't bother moving him off of me. He was so warm and fuzzy and I couldn't help but feel giddy inside.
My hormones are definitely releasing in surge these days.
But I have a boyfriend. I mentally frown and apologize to the person who kept his head down and was bent over.
Natasha started to drag me out of the diner while I watched that poor guy stay glued to the floor. I shouted out apologies until we were completely out of the diner.
I took a moment to rub my butt and head while Natasha laughed.
"You're so rude! At least let me apologize to him." I turned to the diner but I couldn't see anyone inside.
"You have a boyfriend." She said as sternly as she could while laughing.
I folded my arms and pouted.
"It's not like I'm cheating on him. I'm just admiring a creature." I defended myself.
"Whatever, lets get out of here." She sat in my Mustang and I went to the drivers seat.
...
A week went by like a breeze. With our mid terms close by Ridley High was becoming quieter, not exactly but since it was crowded by rich or at least well off kids, everyone's ambitions could only be met by good grades. Even though the popular kids needed the nerds, they weren't the ones running after them, I guess people had their ways.
I enjoyed sitting in Luke's warm car while he fed me m&ms and kissed my neck softly. I couldn't stop giggling.
"Last one," he announced before putting it in my mouth. I caught it between my teeth in time so that half of it was outside my mouth.
I shook my head at him teasingly and he smiled before biting half of it away. It was tiny and we immediately swallowed before pressing our lips together in a kiss.
His hands started to tickle my sides making me lie on the backseat of the car. While I laughed and protested he slipped his hands inside my shirt slowly and trapped my mouth in a kiss. I didn't know where it was going and I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden.
Before his hands could go any further I pulled them out and told no. He frowned at me.
"Come on, its been a while now." He said still lying on top of me.
"Taking it slow doesn't mean waiting for three days." I sighed and pushed him away. "Plus, I'm not sure we're there yet." I wasn't sure where my feelings were. I felt attracted to Luke but more to Bellamy.
My stupid crush remained and it bothered me because Bellamy started acting really flirty around me these days and I it was hard not to give in to his comments. He was definitely acting out these days and I couldn't help but notice him more than I usually did.
I wasn't sure about what I felt for Luke. He's not that big on commitment and I can't help but notice his straying eyes that linger on other girls a second too long. I wasn't sure how to act about it because I didn't know what I wanted from him.
"I get it, I'm sorry." I scratched the back of his head obviously embarrassed by what happened.
"It's okay," I smiled as we got out of the car.
"Before I forget, you're with me today. I'll drive you home at a decent hour." I smiled whilst slinging his arm over my shoulder.
"You've probably warded off everyone so I don't have another choice," I said.
"You know so well," he pulled me closer to him as we laughed while walking back to the school building.
Me and Luke haven't done much today, we spent some time lingering around his house. He laughed his head off when I told him why I did it creepy and it only encouraged him more to slip away while we randomly walked around.
So I decided to give him the silent treatment.
"Blakey, Blakey, Blakey, don't do this to me." he made a puppy dog face then smiled, showing off his dimples.
I had to be strong enough to last at least five minutes.
"You can't resist my face," he said touching his nose with mine. I backed away only to stumble over the couch.
"I'm sorry!" he laughed out as he held me by my hands. I shoved my hands away but e caught me by my waist and let me fall on the couch so he could hover over me.
I glared at him while he smiled smugly.
"You're still going to moan, right? Lets see you try to resist it." I smirked taking on the challenge.
He pressed his lips against my jaw and started going down to my neck. Just where my weak spot was.
Luke turned out to be a tease. He kissed me everywhere except where I wanted him to. He knew it so well because there was just one specific spot on my neck that was untouched. I knew of the sounds escaping my mouth as he trailed hot wet kisses everywhere. Frustration grew inside me and I brought his face towards mine.
"Stop being a tease god dammit." I said just before we engaged in a very hungry and needy kiss.
As I started dominating in the act I pulled his shirt off and straddled him while I greedily kissed and touched his chest.
When our lips rejoiced, he lifted me up and carried me to his bedroom. Our kisses only heated up more and soon enough the only piece of clothing left between us was my underwear and his boxers.
We slowed down because we were out of breath. I clung on his shoulders while his hands were around my torso.
That's when realization started to hit me of what we were doing. I didn't want my second time like this. Not when I didn't have true feelings for the guy I was with.
I did and didn't like my first time. Although the guy was perfect, the timing wasn't. It was left as a one night stand whether me and Keith wanted it that way or not.
I hastily pushed Luke off of me and I quickly reached for my bra that was thrown on the ground.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this." I said. I couldn't get myself to look at him but I was forced to when he silently gave me my shirt. A look of guilt was on his face and my thoughts automatically went to earlier today in the car. I really regretted this.
"I'm such a dick. I couldn't control myself. I'm sorry, Blake. You shouldn't apologize. It's all my fault. I got carried away." He ranted while putting on his jeans and grabbing a random hoodie from his closet.
I awkwardly sat on the bed, clothed. I didn't know what to say and the look on Luke's face wasn't helping. He kept apologizing while pacing around.
"Can I go home? We'll talk tomorrow." I finally broke my silence.
He stopped walking and stared at me for a while before agreeing. "Yeah, tomorrow." he muttered. The ride home was short but still awkward. I practically ran to the door and went straight to my room.
I was glad mom's car wasn't in the driveway. She had us sit down and talk about how our day very thoroughly nowadays. She wasn't spending much time with us so whatever time she got, she made the most of it.
I could hear Brianna talking in her room. I stuck my head inside to find her on the phone while painting her toenails. I slide inside and tried not to jump on her bed like I usually did because she would spend an hour just complains about her ruined nail polish.
She quickly ended her call and sighed at me.
"What happened, shouldn't you be with your boyfriend on your romantic getaway?" She asked.
I opened my eyes briefly to see her attention was on me. She was staring intently so I closed my eyes to avoid her gaze.
"We nearly had sex, twice." I cringed at the memory and Brianna chuckled. I quickly sat up on her bed. "What's so funny about it Bri?"
"How did you guys get caught? Was it so bad that you had to come home early?" she laughed harder but when she saw the way my brows furrowed at her she came to an abrupt stop.
I explained her the whole situation and I was surprised to see her angry. I didn't expect that for some reason. Whatever happened, Luke did comply.
"I'm gonna tear his eyeballs out when I see him!" she was fuming with anger.
"Calm down, he didn't force me." I defended.
"That's not it Blake. He should've asked. I'm having a word with him when I see him." Her anger slightly simmered down.
"Dude, you're only five minutes older than me." I said. She scoffed and lied down next to me.
"B, can I tell you something?" I hesitantly asked. She gave my hand a squeeze and nodded.
I felt a sudden urge to tell someone what I went through. How I turned my life upside down just before I was kicked out and placed here. There was a lump forming in my throat as I processed what I was going to do but I needed to tell someone. I've been suppressing too many feelings. So I started off...
"Dad broke the news of his cancer when he ended up in the hospital because he couldn't stay at home anymore. When he told me, I was devastated. I was feeling so many things but I could only focus on the anger and betrayal I felt. He kept it from me. For a year Brianna. A fucking year. I never thought he could be ill. He wore a mask so perfectly that the most I would suspect was him having a cold or fever." I looked at Brianna who moved closer to me. Her eyes looked warm and I felt like I could trust her to keep this solemnly between us.
I took a deep breath and continued. "The next day I had to go to school and I found myself standing in front of Trace. There were suspicions that he was in a gang but it was confirmed that he had all sorts of things. Things that weren't good. I asked him for cigarettes because they helped release stress or so I heard and I thought I needed a shit load of them." I let out a bitter laugh as I shook my head. Thinking about how stupid I was to do this. Brianna held my hand tightly now and it was obvious that she had an idea of where this was going.
"Anyway, he gave me some and taught me how to smoke. Whenever I ran out of them I would go to him but instead of taking money he said he liked me and wanted to be with me. If I were sober I would've slapped him but instead I agreed. Things went too far and I even tried a few drugs." Brianna let out a well awaited gasp as I continued my story.
"He didn't try anything on me at first but he started to make advances. After dad died he used me even more. I couldn't come to terms with what happened and he took advantage of that and started to... touch me more. I was a virgin." I choked out. Before my hands could wipe away my tears Brianna did. She looked at me with sorrowful eyes but i shook my head.
"You don't have to." She suggested but I thought against it. She knew I had to get this out of my system and she stopped protesting.
"I was saving myself for the right guy and everyday he would find an excuse to touch me intimately. When I protested, the rumor about him came to be true. He was in a gang and whatever it was he had a hold on people and I became trapped. I tried to avoid him as much as I could but that didn't always work out. I wasn't his only victim, there were a few other girls too. Some came to terms with it and enjoyed it while some regretted everything just like I did." Disgusted laced my tone as I remember a few moments in his house. Naked girls walked around as his friends did whatever they wanted when Trace gave them permission to.
"One day he threw a long awaited party. He was famous for the outrageous parties he threw. Drugs, prostitution and everything else nearing these things were major factors of it. I didn't have a choice at attending it and I felt much like an escort the way he shoved me around with random guys. Luckily there were still some sane humans there. I met a boy, Keith. He was gorgeous. He had these greenish blue eyes and dark hair. I was so intrigued by him and he was the sweetest guy ever. We talked for hours and then one thing led to another and we had sex. He took my virginity and I was glad at was someone like him. We cuddled around until it was morning and he even dressed me." I couldn't help but smile remembering him.
"When we had to leave the room, I felt scared. I knew Trace would be upset if not angry. He said he was my boyfriend even though he kissed other girls in front of me. He was a psychopath, Brianna. He was waiting outside the room. He bashed my head against the wall and then I heard weird cries coming from Keith before he was on the ground senseless. He injected heroine in me and when I regained consciousness, I was in some random street in a neighboring town." As I broke out in tears so did Brianna. She tried to hold back sobs, she tried to act strong but she was only trying. The pain was evident.
After calming myself down and composing myself as much as I could I continued. Brianna obviously couldn't take since she hugged me really hard and dug her nails in my back. I couldn't torture her more leaving it at a cliffhanger so I carried on.
"I went to the police and told them half the truth. I told them that some guy knocked me out and I woke up in an alley. They drove me home and I thought it was all over. It wasn't, Aunt Andrea discovered some bad things about me. She had videos of me drunk, high and smoking. Some number sent her a video of almost all of my experiences - some which I didn't remember doing but the videos were clear proof. Needless to say she hated me more."
I broke out in sobs and hiccups.
"The police in our town had a corrupt member who was with the gang Trace was in. Any effort I made only worsened things. I never found Keith again, I didn't have anything to contact him with. Heck I don't even know if he's alive." My rant ended there and then.
As we both cried hugging each other tightly we heard the front door open and the clicking of moms heels. Brianna quickly pulled the covers over us and we both pretended to sleep. I bit my lip hard to stop even sort of sob from releasing. My eyes were shut close and I tried to take even breathed.
With the click of a switch and the sudden change in light, mom walked out if the room. When I opened my eyes, the lights were off and the door was closed.
"I can't believe you went through this, Blake. Do you know how incredibly strong you are? If I were in your shoes I would've definitely lost it. I wish I was with you, I swear I would do anything to undo what happened." Brianna whispered to me.
I hugged her tightly while I cried my heart out. She kept whispering reassuring things to and it actually helped because I know they just weren't swords. The emotion in her eyes reflected the pain in mine yet she held herself together while trying to hush me and put me to sleep.
A/N:
Sorry for the late update. I didn't know how much busy I would be after my exams. I finally managed to finish this chapter after working on it for days. I was really confused and it was hard to write it out but I finally did it. Thank you for reading and voting and commenting. I'd like to thank those who added my story to their reading lists. Thanks a bunch everyone!