Both Ash and myself turned, Jenna stood in the doorway, wearing pink flannel pyjamas with clouds and sheep jumping over them, and even though the room was darkened, I could still make out that her eyes were to slits. Her chest rose and fell with each angry breath as her fingers curled to fists as she stood, glaring furiously at her father.
Drifting my gaze back to Ashton, who looked obviously shocked to see his daughter act in such a way, he still managed to keep his calm but there was no missing his authority. "Jenna. Calm down, and go back to your room please."
"No." she shot back as her eyes swelled with tears. "You promised me! You said you didn't want another baby! You can't break promises!"
My heart in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly feeling sick for other reasons. My expression masked hurt, and horror at what she had just claimed. "Is that true?" I couldn't not ask this question. This was news to me.
"Shut up!" Jenna shouted, growing angrier. "I don't want you to have a stupid baby!"
"Jenna." Ashton's voice grew louder, a rare occurrence but it startled both her and myself. "You do not speak to your mother that way. Do you understand me." Calmly taking a breath then asking her, "apologise to Isabelle."
Her brown eyes widened, setting her off more. "She isn't my mother and she never will be. I hate her!" Turning, she ran to her room, yelling once more "I hate her!" before her door slammed, rattling the picture frames on the wall beside her room.
Sitting there, tears burning my eyes with the confession. I knew we were going through a rough patch, but to have pure hatred for me, was humiliating. Here I had been holding onto that small ounce of hope we could repair what we once had, but that had been blown out the door now.
With Jenna sobbing in her room, I remembered why this had happened in the first place. "Did you tell her that?" I asked, my voice barely auditable.
"What?" he stood, looking dazed and confused at what had taken place. "I need to check on her."
"Answer me." I demanded, wiping the tears running down my cheeks with my sleeve.
What made this situation worse, he never answered my question. He walked out of the room, and to hers. He never denied it, and that told me something. I sat, the tears uncontrollable as I silently sat there crying.
I walked into the bedroom after ten minutes of waiting for his return when it became clear he was still in with Jenna. Possibly, trying to earn her forgiveness, or hopefully telling her that she couldn't dictate if we had a baby or not. I just hoped that he wasn't giving in, and making more promises that he wouldn't be able to keep.
The door creaked open slowly as I sat on my side of our bed, staring out the window. I was looking at nothing, mostly my gazed fixed on the street lamp across the road. I was nervous for what was going to come. My stomach uneasy with nerves. We barely fought, and little arguments never escalated to a screaming match. My fingertips grazing over the white cover, feeling the patterned ripples as Ashton closed the bedroom door. I really didn't know what to say to him.
"Jenna has calmed down." He walked around the bed, standing beside me then moving to kneel in front and resting both hands on my thighs with a gentle squeeze. "Are you ok?"
I raised both brows, speaking through tears. "After finding out your daughter hates me, I would say I'm far from being ok."
"She's upset Belle."
The hurt in my voice was evident. "And I'm not?"
"That's not what I said." Sighing heavily, his thumbs stroked over my cotton pyjama shorts. "I know it's not ideal, but maybe we should hold off on any baby talk for a bit longer."
"I'm sorry?" I couldn't have heard right. There was no way.
"Just hear me out, baby." He stood, sitting down beside me. I pulled away as he went to take my hand. "Jenna is really upset right now. She's used to being an only child, this is difficult on her."
"And who's fault is that?" I pointed out, myself growing agitated. "You have spoilt her."
"Excuse me?" immediately becoming defensive. "I have not spoilt her. I'm just trying to suggest we wait before we have any more kids."
"Anymore?" I scoffed. "You're the one who has a kid, not me."
"So you're pissed because all of a sudden you're yearning for a baby." Shaking his head with anger, his jaw tensing as he walked over to the door again, but paused turning back. "Just try think of Jenna, and how it would make her feel. She's been the only child for so long, I guess having a newborn would just make her feel replaced, or left out."
This was ridiculous. It took everything inside me not to really loose it. "Your daughter needs a lesson in sharing." As I looked at him, he diverted his eyes from mine when I started walking closer. "You were about to say yes, that you were all for us having a baby together." I couldn't let this go. My eyes filled with tears, wiping them away. "Why change your mind, don't you want a family with me? A baby that's with me?"
"I don't know." He whispered back. "It's not going to happen right now."
Too late for that, you idiot. I thought to myself. "Well when?"
"A couple more years, maybe."
Maybe? My teeth were biting the insides of my cheek so hard the pain was throbbing. "So you're telling me that when we have a baby, it's just because Jenna is finally ok with it?" my words thick with sarcasm. "Do you not know how pathetic that is?" Scoffing, as my voice started rising. "We've been together eight years, I don't want to wait a couple more years to maybe have a child with you. This has nothing to do with her."
"It has everything to do with her."
"Really? She dictated when and where we can fuck and if you're allowed to blow in me?"
His eyes narrowed. "Of course not."
"Well you do realise that in a couple of years, you'll be near forty." Yes, I went there with the age and I knew I shouldn't have done. I was just so damn mad. "You shouldn't give in to her, this is why she is the way she is."
"I'm thirty-four." He gritted out, growing angrier himself. "Far from fucking forty so don't start with that bullshit. I'm just surprised to hear that you don't really care about my daughter."
"If I didn't care, then I wouldn't be here." I pointed out. "I love her like my own child, but I am sick to death of being treated as her personal slave. Every day I get called step bitch, do you know how that makes me feel? No of course you don't, because you never consider me. You didn't even know that she stopped calling me mum years ago, I have been like a mother to her and yet she walks all over me because you let her." Throwing my hands in the air with frustration. "I quit my job to take care of her. You have no idea how rude she can be, but then the second you walk through that door, she's nothing but a little angel for you. How can you not see this, do you even love me anymore?"
"Don't you dare question my love for you." He warned. His eyes glaring into mine.
"I know you love me, but you treat me second best every time." I shook my head. "I need someone to put me first for once. I can't take it." Fresh tears sprung, running down my cheeks. "I can't take how she treats me. I don't deserve this."
"What are you trying to say? That you're done?"
"I want a baby." I was already having a baby.
Shoulders slumping in defeat, he ran both hands through his hair. "Belle. I just can't. I need to think of Jenna."
Just like that, my heart broke. "Well then yes, I'm sorry but I am done."
Tears were spilling down my cheeks as I pushed past him, walking towards the walk in robe, my eyes scanning for the suitcase I had when I first moved in with him. Not once had I ever thought I would need it. Tonight, I was sure of this decision even if I began to panic on the inside.
I wanted to him to grab me, to tell me that it was going to be alright and he wouldn't let Jenna dictate our future, but he never. Ashton stood there as I shoved clothing into my bag, stuffing it full as I could because I wouldn't be coming back if I walked out that front door.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
Could he be so clueless? I rolled my eyes. "I'm leaving."
Carrying the case from the walk in, I dropped it by the bed with a thud and made my way to our bathroom, grabbing the makeup I owned because there was no way I would be leaving my $100 Anastasia Beverly Hills contouring kit behind. I caught a glimpse of the silver foiled packet in the drawer, and tossed them in the bin. I wouldn't be needing the pill any longer, not since I was now pregnant.
Ashton was sitting on the bed when I walked back into our room. His head in his hands and when he finally looked up, I realised what was happening and so did he in this moment. I was leaving.
"Where are you going? You have nowhere to stay with fuck all money." He sighed heavily, standing to his feet. That was the worst part. I wasn't working and almost through my savings because I had been using that to pay for bills and groceries, things for Jenna because I never wanted to ask him for money. I had savings, from when my father passed. There was no way I would use his guilt money. I'd rather go homeless before I used that.
"Do you know how she introduces me to her friends? What she calls me at school?" I asked quietly. "She tells them that I'm just the young girlfriend that lives with you and her. I'm sorry but I can't live somewhere where I am definitely not wanted and she's made that clear tonight by revealing just how much she hates me." I bit down my bottom lip as tears sprung to life yet again. Exhaling hard. "That wasn't the worst part.. that was when I sat there crying, instead of comforting me. You went to her, you just played into her tantrum because she doesn't want to share her dad with anyone else. Not even with the woman you say you love."
"Don't make this worse than it needs to be. You don't have to leave, we can sort this out." He stepped closer, reaching up as his palm cupped my cheek. "Don't go."
I leant in, bringing both hands up and holding each side of his face. Our mouths met, a delicate sweet kiss that ended all too soon as I pulled back, and stepped away. "Ashton, you're an incredible father, and I love you so so much, the both of you." There was no denying just how wonderful he was as a father, but I wanted to experience this for myself too. From the very start.
He scoffed, crossing both arms over his chest. "Bullshit. You wouldn't be going if you thought so." He threw his arm out gesturing towards the door. "You're walking out because it got too hard."
My eyes widened with surprise. "Are you kidding me?" my own anger getting the bests of me. "Imagine if I had a child and he or she spoke to you the way Jenna did to me tonight? I sure as hell bet that you'd expect me to give him a lesson on discipline and respect, especially to the person who had been raising them for how many years!"
I hated yelling. I had grown up with parents fighting, and I always promised myself that I would never turn into him. Tonight, I was scaring myself with how much I sounded like my father.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Isabelle." He just stood there with a blank expression.
"You just said it all right then." His actions spoke louder than his words.
It was when I began making my way towards the stairs did he chase after, his feet hot on my tail as I ran down them. Tears streaming down my cheeks as I realised this wasn't the night I had expected we would have.
"Don't leave, Belle. Fuck!"
It was cold out, I reached for my red woollen coat hanging by the doorway to pull over my sleepwear. I couldn't care less that I wasn't dressed, or my eyes were puffy from crying. My heart rate was going crazy, pounding hard against my chest as I went to reach for the door handle.
Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, then opening them as I turned to look at the man who I adored. His dark hair, flat but sticking up where he's ran his hands through them several times tonight. Blue eyes brighter, bordering on the line of tears as mine were also.
"Tell me right now, that if I stay then it'll be different."
"It will." He rushed out cutting me off.
I looked at him, so badly wanting to believe what he was saying. "Tell me you want a baby then. That regardless of how Jenna feels, you want this with me.. tell me that and I'll stay, I'll forget all about this fight and we can move past this."
I knew I had my answer when he didn't speak. He hesitated but I just shook my head, I knew our relationship had just ended. My hand firmly on the case handle as I pushed open the door with my shoulder, and stepped outside into the cold dark night. I stood on the cement porch, where we faced each other and I fought so hard to hold the tears back but that inner battle was losing.
"I love you so much, Ash. Both of you. But I wished you could have just chosen me for once."
"Belle." He whispered, taking a step closer.
Shaking my head no. "We want different things. Tell Jenna I said goodbye." My lip quivered as I turned back around, and made the way to the car.
My heart broke as I heard the front door close, and realised he'd just given up on us.