"Edward, sumagot ka naman please." I told myself after sending him I-don't-know-how-many text messages already. It's been four days that we haven't talked nor saw each other after that small fight -- that misunderstanding.
Flashback.
Nikko parked his car right in front of my condominium.
"Uy salamat Nikko ha. Bukas oks na ako, gawa na kotse ko kaya di na mauulit to. Layo rin ng bahay mo kaya."
"No worries, Maymay. It's the least I could do. You've been working hard, nag-oover time ka pa. Mahirap din mag-commute lalo ng gabi na." Nikko and I went in the same university, which is why we're close. We would always him in our gatherings kaya close friend na rin talaga siya. This explains why we have a lot of mutual friends. He has always been a nice guy. Even after he confessed to me after the recent reunion two weeks ago, he never changed. Nikko has always been so good to me, sobrang sweet and thoughtful talaga, however, I don't really see him that way. All I could offer him was friendship. Yes, Edward knows him but never really liked him. He would always say, "May, chickboy siya", "May, he's arrogant, he was showing off his car kanina o", and other stuff like that. I know Edward was just being protective, I mean he is my best friend after all. Pero nakakairita na ganun siya, di dapat siya ganun. I'm sure if Edward finds out that Nikko drove me home, maraming sasabihin yun. But knowing myself, matigas ulo ko. As long as I know that I'm not doing anything wrong and sa totoo lang, walang malisya ang paghatid, gagawin at gagawin ko pa rin.
"Sige Nikko. Thank you, see you tomorrow." I got off his car and stood beside it. I waved goodbye as he leaves.
As I make my way into the entrance, I heard a voice calling my name. It's Edward.
"May, sino yun?" He was curious.
"Uy. Akala ko ba gagabihin ka."
"Nah, I was able to finish the draft early. Pero, sino nga yun, May?" Typical Edward. He has always been like this. What's a good term for it...chismoso? I could hear his voice with a tone of annoyance.
"Wala yun. Si Nikko, nag-offer ng ride pauwi. Choosy pa ba ako." I told him as if it wasn't a big deal.
Irritation was written all over his face. I know that he would scold me.
"May, di ba I told you?! I know the guyy! Even Marco and Yong know all about him. Chickboy yun! The guy likes you, you have to be careful! I don't want you to cry over that guy someday. He's not worth it!! Mayabang pa, di ba nga one time --- "
I've had enough, I wouldn't allow him to get mad at me for no reason. I had to say something. He needed to know what I was feeling. He needed to know that there was nothing wrong with Nikko's gestures. It's not like I like him back.
"Ano naman?! Wala namang masama yun! Ang bait na nga nung tao tapos gagawan mo ng storya. Aba, mali na yan Edwardo!" I screamed at him. There was no way that I would allow myself to be controlled by him again especially about Nikko. Okay, so I was annoyed that I was able to scream at him like that. But knowing after my want, I'm sure he would get mad at me even more for shouting at him so I tried to calm myself. "Pagod at gutom lang siguro ako, sorry na. Sabay na tayo kumain sa taas, kung gusto mo". I looked his way and saw Edward looking at the ground. Siguro pigil na pigil na to.
"No I'm not hungry. I'll go na. Sorry rin. Good night, May." And with that, he left without looking at me. I wanted to stop him and tell him what I really feel. No Edward, I don't like him. Wag kang mag-alala, kasi ikaw lang. Ikaw lang talaga.
Kung alam mo lang.
End of flashback.
It was the last Friday of the month and usually, the whole barkada would meet in Vivoree's restaurant for a get-together. This was a barkada promise so that we wouldn't lose contact of one another. Maganda nga eh, sobrang saya lagi. Maraming chismis, kwentuhan at iba pa. The members of the "Artsies" barkada consists of Marco, Edward, Vivoree, Fenech, Yong and Aizan. We all met in the same university and all were part of the Arts department.
The get together usually start at 7pm, which is why every last Friday of the month, Vivoree would close her restaurant early for it to happen. The usual Maymay would start preparing three hours before 7pm so I could buy the food that I'm assigned to buy. This month I was assigned to buy a dessert so I chose to bring Brazo De Mercedes Cake, Yong's favorite.
I went to a bakeshop in Alabang as it has the best Brazo De Mercedes. Before getting off the car, I sent Edward a text again.
Uy peace na tayo. Eto naman, ang pabebe ha. Sorry na. Gutom lang ako nun. Edwardo naman!
I think this was my 20th text message to him. And nope out of all my texts including missed calls, he hasn't answered yet.
After I got my cake, I went back to my condo and started to find an outfit for tonight. As I was looking through my wardrobe, I heard my phone beeped. I quickly searched for my cellphone as I wanted to know who texted me immediately. It was Edward. FINALLY.
May, okay na. Two days ago pa ako okay. Nagtampo but it's all good. I was just really busy that I couldn't reply to you. I'll see you later, twin? :)
I then replied, this definitely put a smile on my face. I hate being in a fight with people. Especially if they're very important to me. Bushak ka talaga, may eyebags na ako oh kakaisip! Char. Sige na see you later twin! :)
The eyebags part was true. I was overthinking about it. About us. I didn't like not talking to him. It affected me a lot. He affects me a lot.
I arrived at Vivoree's restaurant fifteen minutes early. As I entered I saw her setting up the table for later while Marco was trying to distract her from her duties. Yong was also there already as he was trying to operate the karaoke machine for the sing along tonight.
"Vive! Yong! Marco!" I called on them to get their attention. I put down the cake box I was carrying to hug each one of them.
"Di ata kayo sabay ng boyfie mo?" Marco teased. Since I was the closest to Edward, people would think that we are together. But I kinda got used to it na rin. It was easier to put my feelings aside as we are only best friends, twins, that's it.
"Marco, gusto mo sapak?" I threatened him.
Vivoree and Yong both laughed while Marco stared at me he smiles.
"Ayiee." He continued to teased but I just ignored him. Friend ko yang si Marco pero pang-asar talaga eh.
Next to arrivé was Fenech, followed by Aizan. There was still no Edward.
"Late ata si pareng Ed ngayon ah. Kanta muna ako ha habang hinihintay natin siya." Yong volunteered. Everyone cheered for him as we all know that he was the entertainer of the bunch. He chose to sing his favorite song, "Kung Ayaw Mo Na Sa Akin" by Sugarfree. Kanta nya daw for Kristine, who broke up with him last year. Until now di pa rin maka-move on. Hay Yong. I laughed quietly.
Yong was in the middle of singing when we heard the door open. It was Edward. But he wasn't alone.
"Edward, kanina ka pa namin hinihintay. Kasama mo si Hea-hea- Heaven?" Yong welcomed them on the microphone.
I don't know. But I couldn't form a smile on my face. Parang nawalan ako ng energy nung nakita ko sila. Parang nanghina. Friend ako eh, dapat maging masaya ako, pero ngayong gabi, di ko kaya.
I saw Marco giving me a reassurance look. Oo na Marco, alam ko iniisip mo. Pero sige na nga, thank you.
"Kami na ulit." Edward shared the good news to everyone. I heard a woo from Yong and approached Edward to hug him and shook Heaven's hand. Fenech congratulated them both. But knowing knowing Fenech, I bet she was just faking her smile, ayaw nya dyan eh dati pa. Aizan, Vivoree and Marco congratulated them as well. Me? I also congratulated them pero I didn't approach them.
"Sige na kain na tayo. Let's celebrate!! " I told everyone as I tried to show a smile for all of them.
Edward and Heaven sat on the other side of the table so I felt much better than before. But everytime I take glances at them, it just makes me want to cry. Bwisit yan. I tried to hold it in as I was talking with Yong and Fenech. No one could share their opinions about the news that we just found out yet. But I was sure on the next day, Edward would be bombarded with questions in our group chat. They might also gossip about it too. Pero in this situation, I didn't want to have a say. It's Edward's life after all. Pero bakit ang sakit sakit?
Heaven and I accidentally made eye contact and she literally rolled my eyes at me. She never liked me, I know that. She didn't like me being a friend to Edward, I totally get that. But even before the Artsies happen, we just didn't get along. I looked down right away instead. I had to keep myself together. Hindi ka iiyak, Maymay.
Edward liked Heaven since we were first year in university. Even when we weren't close yet, Heaven na ng Heaven yan. When the Artsies barkada were formed, Edward and I became closer than ever. Tropa. Best friends. Twins. Our friendship evolved but his feelings for her didn't. He continued to make effort for Heaven to notice him. He would even ask for my advice.
Heaven finally said yes to Edward on the night of the Arts Dance. They dated for seven months. Then one Saturday night, I remembered Edward come to my house. And he was crying.
"Wala na. We broke up. She broke up with me." I hugged him and told him that everything would be okay over and over again.
After a week, we saw Heaven with a new guy when the barkada hung out after midterms. Ayun nga with Paulie, a basketball player in our university. After Heaven, Edward only tried to date twice. He didn't really have anything official for the last 4 years until this happened.
Kaya siguro masakit. Kaya siguro nagdadamdam ako. Nasasaktan ba ako dahil wala siyang sinabi sa kin about this or nagseselos ako? Was I still being a friend if I wasn't happy for him?
I couldn't stand the feeling. I didn't want to look disappointed throughout the night so I told Yong and Fenech that I need to leave.
"Bakit? Weekend naman." Fenech reacted. "Tsaka" she whispered. "Wag mo naman ako iwan kay ategirl."
I smiled at Fenech. I wanted to stay, to keep her company but my feelings were starting to take over me. I couldn't control it.
Uuwi na lang ako. At least sa bahay, makakalimutan ko rin yung nararamdaman ko.
"Heh. Uuwi na ako. May lakad pa kami ng mother earth ko bukas. Sige na" I stood up and got my bag as I prepared to leave.
"Uwi na ako guys. Maaga pa kami ni Mother Earth. Bawi na lang ako next month". I told them. Edward and I had eye contact but I quickly looked away.
"May, naman. Ang aga pa." Marco complained.
"Weekend naman!" Aizan followed. Despite their complaints, they eventually allowed me to go.
I bid them all goodbye with a smile on my face but after I got out of the place, I sighed. I went my way to find my car. But then, I heard footsteps behind me.
"May."
I ignored him.
"May".
"May. Usap tayo." He held my arm so I could look at him.
"Ano yun?" I can't pretend that everything is okay anymore. I looked at him with no expression on my face. I was hurt. I was hurt because he didn't tell me about her. I was hurt because Edward chose Heaven. I was hurt because even if I wanted to, I could never be in her place.
"I'm so sorry - ". But before he finished what he was trying to say, I cut him off.
"Great, sige. Okay na. Uwi na ako ha. Gabi na rin." I was about to open my car door but he closed it right away.
"May naman! Mag-usap tayo. I don't understand why you're like this. It's bothering me."
I broke down into tears. I lost control of myself and started crying in front of him. I tried to calm myself to speak but it was hard.
"Di ko alam kung nananadya ka na e. Hindi ko rin gets na magagalit ka kapag si Nikko kasama ko. Pero pag si Heaven, na alam kong may malisya, dapat okay lang sa kin?" My tears continue to fall. He was about to say something, but I interrupted him and continued.
"Oo, I'm hurt, Edward. Sobra. Ang sakit sakit. Tapos si Heaven pa. Sinaktan ka niya di ba? Alam mo yun. Iniisip ko, what if naging matigas ulo ko? What if I gave Nikko a chance, would I still feel this much pain? I would have grabbed the chance na ientertain siya, gagawin ko talaga, pero, ikaw lang eh. It has always been you, Edward. I ended up falling in love with my best friend. Ang saklap." I laughed at myself as I told him my feelings. It was as if I couldn't control the words that was coming out from my mouth anymore.
Edward's face was a mixture of surprise and sadness. I just stared at him and waited for reply. He wasn't able to speak, so I turned my back at him to open the car door again. Without realizing, he hugged me from the back as if he didn't want to let go of me.
"May, I love you. Kung alam mo lang. That's why I hate seeing you with Nikko. I was too scared. Too scared to lose you. I didn't want to take risk over our friendship. It would hurt more if I lose you."
I pushed his arms away from me. "Di mo ko mahal. Di mo ko mahal. May Heaven ka na. Siya ang mahal mo" I breathed deeply.
"Hindi ko na alam, Edward. Gustuhin ko mang maging masaya for you pero hindi kaya."
"May, naman. Wag please. Mahal kita."
It was hard for me to make my final decision. If I continued to be okay with this situation, this would affect me more. To be a best friend, I have to be there for him. I have to support him. Unfortunately, I can't play that role for him at this moment.
"Sorry, Edward. I have to go." And so I got into my car and left. I drove away from him as tears continued to roll down my face.
It will be okay, Maymay. It will be okay.
*The best friend scenario! I know it's a cliché and all, but I enjoy best friend into love relationship kinda storyline. I hope you enjoyed it!*