Chapter 5 - I Am...Willing...If You Want
Myrnin was hunched over a lab table that looked like a small explosive befell it recently. Diagnostic and measuring tools were scattered amongst an apothecary of glass vials filled with diverse textures and colors of liquids, and books stacked precariously high, teetering nervously.
"Did you work through the night?" I asked to his back, even though I knew he had. He was wearing the same clothes that he had on the day before. I hated that my human body insisted I stop to do lessor important tasks - like eating and sleeping.
"Hmmm? Oh, yes..." he answered distractedly, never turning his attention from the tissue sample, tucked into the microscope, in front of him.
I walked to his side. "What can I help with?"
He pointed to a stack of slides.
I picked up the top slide. It contained a thin sliver of sectioned tan tissue. I slipped it into the deck of a microscope and adjusted the sight. "What am I looking at?"
"Describe it to me," Myrnin said.
I focused, eying the little glass piece carefully. "The cellular structure looks uniform. Except, what is that dark edging?"
"Cauterization," he replied grimly, looking up at me.
"It's burned," I breathed, my eyes wide.
"Yes. Amelie's initial comparison of the pain to the effects of silver, appear to be spot on. Whatever this pathogen is, it is comprised of some sort of silver-based compound, but I am still unable to identify two of the elements."
His shoulders dropped as he continued, "And even if I could, unless the silver is somehow extracted from their bodies, it will continue to burn its way through their cells."
"What about neutralization? Can we alter its properties at the atomic level?" I asked Myrnin, grasping for any solution.
"Very good," he nodded. "Yes, but every binding agent I have tried, has yielded no results."
As I stared at the microscopic piece of burned flesh, another horrible thought occurred to me, "Myrnin, even if we find a favorable binding agent, would the existing damage be reversible?"
I tried to keep the tears from my eyes as I thought about the three comatose vampires. They had families, people who loved them; plans and dreams for the future. If we couldn't reverse the damage and bring them out of the coma's, I knew none of them would want to spend an eternity desiccating, frozen, unable to move - and in pain? I cringed. The answer to that was probably yes.
"In theory, yes. Vampires heal exceptionally fast, but I am hesitant to rely on theory, in this situation. From a purely biological perspective, there would be treatments we could employ to jumpstart their blood vessel repair; drugs that promote vasodilation."
"Widening their blood vessels," I murmured to myself.
He nodded in approval again. "You have a solid understanding of medical concepts. Have you considered the field of medicine?"
I looked at him in surprise, "No...I have not considered anything other than physics."
"Don't limit yourself, love," he smiled gently at me.
I grinned back and was reminded once again why we were best friends. He just got it. He understood me perfectly and actually had that much confidence in me. Myrnin had played with almost every aspect of science, over the course of centuries. Centuries. I still couldn't wrap my brain around the concept of that much time.
"I think I just need to focus on not failing this semester," I muttered, thinking about the current sad state of my studies.
"You know Amelie will adjust your grades, to compensate for your lost classroom time," he reassured me.
"I know. And I am probably learning more with you during these weeks than I would there. But, it just feels so out of habit for me." I laughed, "It must seem pretty foreign to my teachers as well, because one of them even took the time to track me down on my cell phone, to ask when I would be returning to class."
I thought about that odd phone call from Professor Troy Silver. I had never had a teacher call me before and I suspected his interest might go a little past purely academic. I hoped that by the time I was able to return, things between us would not be weird.
Myrnin stared at me for a moment as though he were going to comment, but then refocused on the microscope in front of him.
The day seemed to slip away from us again without any tangible progress. It was 10pm and I felt the effects of tiredness and frustration. Every day I came to the lab with the expectation that today would be the day we solved it; made everything right...like we had every time in the past. I hated going home on a failure.
Myrnin noticed my sour expression. He crossed the room to look into my eyes. "Cariad, you need to go home. You are exhausted."
I shook my head stubbornly, "I'm not leaving you." I meant it. I had no intention of indulging in a warm bed all night, when people were suffering, waiting for me.
Myrnin saw the determination reflected in my eyes and tried another tactic. "Okay, you don't have to leave, but at least take a nap. You can use my bed."
I considered it. "Okay. But only for an hour," I insisted, as I walked a bit groggily to his bedroom.
Myrnin smiled and said a little too innocently, "Whatever you say."
I didn't bother turning on the light. I just felt my way over to his bed and climbed in. My entire body relaxed as I breathed deeply. It smelled like him - parchment, knowledge and brilliance. I was asleep almost instantly.
...........
I came to awareness slowly. My brain felt a little muddled as I tried to figure out where I was. Then I remembered. The lab. Myrnin's bed. I stretched my sore muscles. I needed to get back to work. Myrnin had been close to finishing another set of formula profiles. They should be done by now. I wandered out of his bedroom and was surprised to find him sitting on the couch with his head leaned back and his eyes closed. I wondered if he was asleep. He slept so rarely and even less over the last two weeks, I didn't want to disturb him.
"No," he murmured.
I quirked my eyebrow, "No?"
"No, I am not asleep" he replied.
I smiled, "Of course not. What time is it anyway?"
He looked down at his watch. "Almost 2am."
"What?! Why didn't you wake me up?" Panic rushed over me. Shane was going to be pissed.
Myrnin leaned his head back and closed his eyes again. He spoke firmly, "Cariad, you have been working too hard. You are not immortal yet. You need your rest."
I stopped and stood there unmoving.
Myrnin felt my tension and looked over to me, thinking back and realizing what he just said. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to pressure you," he reassure me quickly.
"No, that's not it," I said softly. And it wasn't. I was feeling shock, but not because of his suggestion. I felt shock because my first response was an impulse wish that I were immortal, so that I could be of more help.
Myrnin sat straight up and leaned forward. "Come here," he murmured. I walked over and sat next to him on the couch, still letting my mind turn over this idea.
"Do you want that?" he asked me intensely. "I am...willing...if that is what you want." I felt a little lost as I looked into his dark liquid eyes, unsure. I knew what he was offering and couldn't miss the eagerness in his expression.
"It is not a curse," he promised me gently. "You would have the time to learn and experience all of the things I know your heart is passionate about." I wanted the excitement I found in his eyes. I craved to experience the joy of learning he had lived over the years.
He took my small hands in his and whispered, "Cariad, you know that I would...take care...of you, don't you?"
I looked down at our joined hands. I knew many 'good' vampires. People just like me and exactly like him. I knew he was strong enough to control me, to keep me from doing anything I would regret, while I adjusted. And then I would have - what? Time to learn and explore so much more than I could ever do in one lifetime. Michael had adjusted just fine. And Eve obviously would support me. "Shane," I whispered as I snapped out of the fantasy. I couldn't do that to Shane. It would kill him.
Myrnin saw my change of heart and heard my reason for it. "Don't let him take this from you." His eyes were no longer soft.
"I...can't. I need to go." I couldn't think straight.
Myrnin dropped my hands and stood so quickly, I had to catch my balance. "Yes," he acknowledged me curtly, returning his full attention to his work on the lab table.
I hated leaving him when he was edgy like this, but I was already very late and Shane was probably going crazy with worry. I walked over to the portal and promised Myrnin, "I'll be back soon."
"Yes. Whatever," he replied indifferently.
I sighed as I walked through the portal, and immediately sucked in a deep breath upon entering the living room of the Glass house. Shane was seated in a chair, clearly waiting on me, his expression hard.
"Shane," I whispered.
"Explain," he demanded.
I spoke quickly before realizing it was the wrong thing to say, "I fell asleep."
His eyes narrowed dangerously.
I rushed to recover, "No, nothing like that. He was working and I meant to only close my eyes for a few minutes and didn't wake up until four hours later."
His expression softened minutely.
I felt like I needed to fill the empty space between us and continued softly, my heart twisting at the words, "Amelie and the rest...are getting worse."
"Amelie," he spoke the word between his teeth. "Claire, after ALL she has put you - and me - through, why are killing yourself to be loyal to her?" he demanded, his words an accusation.
Anger coursed through me that he would question my motives. "I know you don't get it. And that's okay. But this is who I am, Shane. If it is within my power to help someone - no matter who they are - I am not going to turn my back on them."
Shane spoke snidely under his breath, "I bet Myrnin just loves this."
I spat back, sarcastic fury seething through me, "If by 'loves', you mean not sleeping for two weeks, while he works to find a cure so that one of his oldest friends doesn't die, then yes, he absolutely loves this."
Shane was immediately contrite and walked across the room to me. "I'm sorry. It's just that...I miss you so much."
I reached up to stroke his cheek with my fingertips. "I know, I miss you too," I said softly.
He leaned down to kiss me. I smiled and sighed. It had been too long since we had had time to be close. Shane must have been thinking the same thing, because he quickly deepened the kiss and pulled me back over to the couch.
Twenty minutes later, we were both breathing heavily. Shane's previously sour mood was replaced with a content smile as he held me naked in his arms. I knew he wasn't going to be thrilled by what I had to say next, but it couldn't be helped. I had already been away from Myrnin longer than I wanted. I sighed, "I have to get back."
Shane's tensed, but didn't say anything as I got dressed and opened the portal again. I threw him a quick appreciative glance for not arguing with me. He smiled tightly in response.
When I returned to the lab, it was dark. I cringed. That wasn't usually a good sign. Myrnin didn't need the lights, but normally left them on for me.
"Myrnin," I spoke softly.
"Claire," he responded. His voice was short and clipped.
As my eyes adjusted, I could see his outline on the couch. Something was off. I told myself not to over-think it. We had been through so much stress over the last few weeks. He sounded in control. I made my way over to a small lamp next to the couch and flipped it on. The dim light flickered over his features. I sat next to him and asked tentatively, trying to break the palpable tension."What are you working on?"
"It's late," he replied flatly, "you need to go back home."
"Myrnin, you sound upset. Did something happen?" I stared at him, suddenly afraid of the answer. "Did one of the vampires..." I whispered, but couldn't finish the question.
"No, but why would that matter to you? You've obviously been enjoying yourself," he replied snidely. "Why don't you just return home to your boyfriend's bed?"
What the hell? How did he know that?! He read the confusion in my expression and narrowed his eyes pointedly, as if I were missing the obvious. Oh! Then I realized I was missing the obvious - he could smell Shane on me. I blushed deeply red. He growled low.
I blinked. Where was this coming from? He almost sounded jealous...in a way that was more than territorial. My heartbeat sped up, but not from fear. I was shocked to realize I wanted him to feel more. Shit, I knew I was being ridiculous, and tried to get a grip on my desire. I just slept with Shane. I should not be wanting more from Myrnin, I told myself harshly.
But the idea was in my mind now and I couldn't seem to be sensible enough to let it go. Shane had suspected Myrnin felt something more for me, but I had always attributed his possessive behavior to his natural vampiric tendencies of territory and protection. As I stared at him now, I wondered if there was more...but, what? He had been my best friend for so long now and I had always assumed that I would never mean anything more to him. Maybe that was the reason I never let myself consider another possibility.
I had to know.
I asked softly, "Myrnin, is there more going on here?"
"More what?" he answered evasively.
"More...that you are...feeling," I felt stupid and egotistical just asking and suddenly wished I had never brought it up. He was probably going to laugh at the absurdity of that thought. I cringed in embarrassment.
But he didn't laugh.
He just stared at me, his dark liquid eyes intense, his expression uncertain.