I ran to the bathroom but that didn't help me with anything so now I'm laying on his bed, trying to calm myself down. Dammit, once again I've showed him how much power he has over me. I shouldn't have come here.
Zayn has been knocking for about five minutes, asking me to open up and apologizing but I ignore him the whole time. After a few seconds I hear the door opening. Of course he has a key to his own damn room. I couldn't care less how childish I'm being right now. I hear the door closing and soon I feel him sitting next to me at the edge of the bed. I'm looking at his side. I refuse to look at his face. He tries to put his hand on my cheek but I pull away. He sighs.
"Look I'm sorry." I can feel him staring at me. "Please look at me." he asks but I can't. "You know how I feel about you."
"No. I really don't." I say softly. He climbs on the bed. He lays down next to me and he laces our fingers together.
"You're very important to me. I have strong feelings for you and it's not easy trying to ignore them. I can't forget about you. I tried and I can't. I don't show it but you hurt me too. How do you think I feel about the fact that you left me without a second thought?"
"I did it for a reason though."
"I feel like you're paranoid about the fact that we were in an interracial relationship and it bothers you and you're using other people as an excuse not to deal with it."
"I'm not Zayn. Have you not been looking at social media or even your own parents?"
"I keep telling you that there are only two people in a relationship. Stop looking for outside acceptance, shouldn't we be enough for one another, or is other people's approval more important? There are always going to be people who will be racist or people who hate us, we just have to learn to live with it."
"I know but I feel as though you're not taking it as seriously as you should."
"You're taking it too seriously. There will always be problems, whether you were white, blue, brown or pink. I didn't want to make it into something way bigger than it actually is."
"No but when I needed you to be there for me and to stand up for our relationship, you never did. And that hurt more than anyone's disapproval ever could."
"I did. Just because you don't see me do something, doesn't mean I don't actually do it. I'm sorry that I hurt you. It kills me to know that I caused your hurt and tears. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do."
"I'll admit my faults in this relationship. I haven't made it easy I know, and I'm sorry for that. You hurt me more than anything Zayn."
"I'm sorry." He says softly. He pulls me against him and I cuddle up to him. "Well this hasn't been easy for me either. Have you stopped to think about how I feel?"
"I guess not. You're were always so closed off."
"No you are closed off Mel. I still don't know some things about you, you try to hide your feelings and I have a hard time figuring you out."
"Things like what?"
"Maybe tell me why you always try to avoid the topic of your family." I freeze. I did not expect him to say that at all. I didn't even know he noticed.
"It's just not something I want to publish to the world Zayn."
"Do you expect this relationship to work when you're hiding secrets?"
"I'm not hiding anything, it's just not something I want to talk about. I don't want things to change...ok look I just need time when it comes to certain things."
"Okay I won't push you on this but it kind of sucks knowing you don't trust me."
"It's not that, seriously, I don't really want to tell this to anyone. Of course I trusted you."
"You don't show it."
"Okay fine Zayn. I lost both my parents at a young age and it's not something I want to talk about. Are you happy?" I pull myself out of his arms to create a little distance between us.
"But you always talk about your mom and dad..."
"It's my aunt and uncle, they adopted me and my brother and we've been living with them since we were young."
"It's not something to be ashamed of. Why would you want to hide this from me?"
"I'm not ashamed of being adopted, in fact I'm grateful but once people find out they treat you differently and everyone thinks you're some broken little thing and suddenly you can't do anything because you lost your parents. I just don't want people to look at me differently. Everyone goes through something at some point in their life and yes it sucks but I don't want to keep reliving or thinking about it. The pain of losing a parent never goes away, never mind losing both. It still hurts but I really don't want to talk about it to everyone I meet."
He's quiet as he looks at me. At this point I'm very emotional but I refuse to cry about this. Whatever happened to me, made me the woman that I am today. I'm proud of who I am and who I've become. Losing my parents doesn't define me. but people look at you differently when they find out, which is why I don't tell people when It's not necessary. I think it's pointless that people should know.
"I'm sorry I didn't know."
"Well now you do."
"Thanks for telling me." I give him a small smile and he pulls me to him again. he tilts my face up to his. "I didn't think that you could be more perfect but you're so strong, beautiful and smart and the fact that you are the woman you are right now, is amazing. You're so perfect and I admire you so much. Now more than ever." I try to look away but he holds on to my face tighter. "I mean it. You should learn to take a compliment." He smiles down at me.
"Thank you." I smile back at him and I hug him. he gets a serious look on his face.
"I want to kiss you." I look at him and I can't help but stare. I have no reply. I know I should say no but my mouth isn't working right now.
"We shouldn't." I whisper.
"One last time then." He whispers as his face comes closer. He pauses for a second before he connects our lips. He moves so he's on top of me. he starts moving his lips slowly against mine. I hold on to his neck and I deepen the kiss. He bites on my bottom lip and he sighs. His hands start roaming my body. It's not rushed, just slow and sensual. "I missed you baby."
"Zayn." I breathe as he kisses my neck, which by the way, still has bruising from last night. He kisses the hickeys he left on me and his mouth trails down to my collarbone. I pull his face up to me again, connecting our lips once again. We finally pull away and we both breathing hard.
"This isn't healthy you know. We can't keep doing this to ourselves."
"I know but I promise to give you some time. For now, we'll be friends?"
"Yes. But I don't think we should hang out alone anymore, because we'll always end up here."
"Probably a good idea." He climbs off of me and he grabs his phone. "Want to order something?"
"Sure." He calls in and he sits up. I sit up as well and for the first time do I not know what to say to him.
"How was LA by the way? We never really discussed it in detail."
"It was really good." I continue to tell him about everything and everyone and he listens attentively. "I even found out you guys have a company there; I didn't even know."
"Oh yeah we have a few other businesses but we have our head office here." It's a surprise to me actually. I don't think I actually understand how successful his family really is, or how wealthy they are. I don't think it will ever sink in. "So how has work been since you've been back?" he changes the subject.
"Busy but it's good being back. I missed it." He nods. "Yours?"
"Well It's been tough these last few weeks, I almost lost a big client but we're okay now. I just have a lot of work to do."
"Aw what happened?" I ask surprised. I didn't even know that he was having some trouble.
"I don't know. I guess I was a bit hard on everyone, well more than usual then the client pissed me off and it was during one of our fights so I was worked up. I kind of blew up on the client." He shrugs as if he couldn't be bothered by it.
"Zayn, that's a big deal. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I knew it would work out. I guess I was just going through a rough patch." Honestly I didn't really think that he would take this so hard.
"I'm sorry." He looks a bit uncomfortable so I decide to let it go. "This lunch took a quick turn." He chuckles then he gets the call that the delivery guy is here. He leaves then he calls me to the sitting room to eat. He got Chinese, but since I'm not a fan, he got me a burger and some salad from another restaurant.
"You okay with that?"
"Yes thanks. I was actually starving." We finish our meal then we decide to watch a movie. (Not in his room because we both know where that would lead) he pours us wine again and we sit on the couch. We leave a little space between us. We're sitting comfortably and we finish the movie. It's a weird feeling, sitting here with him just as friends. Not touching or kissing like we usually do.
I start to feel the wine going to my head. So I turn to look at him.
"I think I should be heading home." I try to stand up but he pulls me by my arm, making me land on his lap.
"No, it's late and you've been drinking. I don't think that's a good idea."
'I'm not drunk though."
"You might as well be. You had four glasses of wine." Out of nowhere I move so I'm straddling him. he lifts one eyebrow. "I know you're not lightweight but that's a bit much Mel." I pout at him but I put my arms around his neck and I kiss his cheek. His hands are now on my butt. He massages my butt as he talks.
"You're so cute when you care."
"Cute?" he asks a little amused.
"You're hot too." I kiss his other cheek. "Your wife one day is going to be one lucky lady."
"How do you know that it won't be you?"
"Cause you don't love me." I see the bored look in his eyes. "I'm right, aren't I?"
"I think you should go get some sleep. We're not doing this when you're like this."
"Want to sleep with me?" I can tell he wants to say no so I shut him up with a kiss. He doesn't move his lips so I nibble on his lips, he still doesn't move a muscle. I lick his lips, trying to get him to open his mouth but he still doesn't move. I pout at him and he chuckles. "Want me to beg?" he nods with a smirk. I lean down to his hear. "Zayn. Please kiss me." I whisper before biting on his earlobe.
He moans before grabbing my face and crashing his lips against mine.