Please say something.
Please tell me that I'm wrong.
Please come back.
I'm screaming at his retreating back, but not a sound is coming out. I wish he would turn around and convince me to stay. But I say nothing and he walks away. He's doesn't even turn around. Once he's out of sight, I collapse on the couch. I thought I was doing the right thing but now it feels like I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I'm aware that I'm staring at the door, waiting for him to come back somehow. He doesn't and I feel once again stupid. Why do I do this to myself. He just left and I miss him already. I can't help but wish we didn't come back earlier from our night out. I was feeling a bit down after a while and while we exchanged numbers with those men, I still couldn't stop thinking about Zayn, so I decided to come back home, I told Cate to stay but she refused. If we didn't come back earlier, I wouldn't have seen Zayn and the breakup wouldn't have been official, well not tonight anyway.
But it is and I have to deal with it.
My eyes are swollen and my head is starting to hurt. I lock myself in my room after getting a cup of water. I vaguely hear Cate and who I'm guessing is Trevor enter the apartment. I just want to sleep and forget of everything that happened. After a few minutes of hush conversation there's a knock on the door. I ignore it and Cate says something through the door but I hardly hear her, until she talks again.
"Hun are you okay in there?"
"I'm fine." No I'm not. I'm far from it.
"You need anything?"
"No." I need him.
She leaves after a quick goodnight. I hear her giggling and her door shut and my interest in piqued. I never heard the front door opening or closing again. Is Trevor in her room? I'm super socked but I'm happy for my friend either way. This would've gotten a bigger reaction out of me if I didn't feel so empty. If I didn't feel like a just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Why didn't he fight me back?
Is this what he wanted all along?
I start to feel a little anger towards him. I know I shouldn't, I know I'm the one who broke it off but why didn't he at least try to convince me? The tears start falling again and I make no move to wipe them off, it's no use. Suddenly I'm reading through our old texts. It's a wonderful feeling but also the worst ever. We sound so normal. Like a normal couple should sound. I don't see how we went from this to where we are now. I should stop this but I guess reading this makes me feel like somehow there's still a little bit of him here with me.
I wake up Sunday and the first thing I see is my phone clutched in my hand. Zayn and I's texts looking right back at me. I exit with a huge sigh. I don't even know when or how I fell asleep. I shower then get dressed in my sweatpants and a shirt. I go to the kitchen and make some cereal for myself. After three or four spoons, I lose my appetite. After swirling the spoon in the milk for a few seconds, I see someone passing the door quickly.
"I know it's you Trevor." I say blankly. He laughs nervously and he enters the kitchen, standing in front of me.
"Hey..."
"Hey."
"How are you doing. You know, with everything?"
"I'm fine thanks." I give him a weak smile. "So since when are you two a thing?"
"A few days I think." He scratches the back of his neck. Cate enters the kitchen and she gives me a side hug and a kiss on my cheek. "We're not really a couple, just seeing where this goes."
"Yeah but I was waiting to tell you once you got here but then the whole Zayn thing happened and we didn't want to rub it in your face." Cate enters the kitchen herself.
"I'm an adult, you guys can share good news with me. I won't break down because you are happy." I roll my eyes playfully at them and they smile back. Though I can see they're wondering how the hell I'm so calm about this. I've always been one to hide my emotions, until I'm alone, then I let them all out. "you should've told me."
"Sorry hun. So you might not want to talk about it but Zayn looked a bit anxious. I mean he didn't even see us when he left and we were standing like right next to him. He didn't look okay at all." part of me is glad that this also affected him in some way but then a bigger part of me isn't. I don't want him hurting like that just because of me.
"Oh?"
"Yeah so is it really over?" she asks softly, looking at me like I'm some hurt puppy and Trevor looks a bit uncomfortable where he's standing.
"Yup. I guess I'm single now."
"How are you holding up?"
"Fine I guess. I just have to deal with it." I shrug and Cate makes a decent breakfast for her and Trevor I'm guessing. It's kind of weird seeing them together. It's not something I ever really pictured. I know that I told cate to go for it, and I'm glad she did. So I guess she did have a crush on him. We lock eyes and I wink at him. He blushes as if he knows what I'm thinking and I can't help but chuckle. "So you guys have any plans for today?"
Just as I say that the doorbell rings and I furrow my eyebrows. Cate goes to open the door and after a few seconds she and Mark enter the kitchen. I jump up and tackle him in a hug. He laughs and hugs me back.
"Well hello to you too."
"Hey. I didn't know you were coming today."
"Well I did text you but you never replied." He lifts an eyebrow.
"Sorry. I didn't really look at my phone yesterday."
"If you say so babe. I know you were back to cheating on me again, but I won't say anything." he shrugs and he shows me his duffel bag. "You up for a horror movie marathon?" Cate probably called him to come cheer me up, but I seriously don't mind. It would be a good distraction for me. It would also give us some time to catch up.
"Anytime." I tell him as I walk to the sitting room. We first decide on a movie called The Scathing. After a while I start laughing.
"Oh my word. What is wrong with is movie?" he joins me and he shrugs.
"I have no idea. The name is misleading." We try to watch the movie and by the time it's done, I'm more confused.
"What the hell? So is she the killer psycho dude? I mean look at that smile...?"
"I don't even know. Is Adam even real?"
"I have no idea. This movie is so horrible." We both laugh and he puts in the next one, which happens to be The Snare. Not even fifteen minutes after the movies starts and already I'm tired of it.
"I feel like it's going to take two hours just for it to start. Why is everyone so awkward. I can't watch this." Mark laughs as he presses pause.
"Is this what we have to watch these days?"
"I think so. I think we should make our own." I muse.
"I think so. So you're going back to work on Monday?"
"Yup. I can't wait though. I think I've missed working with my clients."
"You ready?"
"Yeah. This week has turned out to be the longest week of my life.'
"You okay though?" he asks seriously.
"I'll be fine."
"Just know that I'm here for you."
"Thanks baby." I hug him and he stands up.
"Sure. You want to go cuddle in your room and order some pizza?"
"Oh yes. I have the best husband ever."
"Then maybe you should stop cheating on me yeah?" he asks and I push him into my room just as Cate calls my name.
"Yeah?" I ask her standing at my door.
"We're going out for a while. I'll see you later. Just call me when you need anything."
"Okay thanks hun. Don't worry about me and enjoy your day." I tell her honestly.
"Okay bye."
"Bye." Me and Mark yell at her and Trevor.
I close my door before jumping on the bed next to Mark. He cuddles up to me and we decide not to switch the TV on, and just catch up.
"So how have things been with you while I've been away."
"Good actually. I've been slaving away, I actually got to join in on a lot more surgeries which is good. It's exhausting but it's good."
"That's good."
"How were things in LA?"
"Oh it was amazing. Most of the time I was either working or sleeping but it was worth it. I mean it was a bit different from what I usually do but it was still amazing."
"Yeah I can imagine. You were gone forever. I was starting to think that you didn't want to come back."
"I thought about staying but then I started missing you losers too much."
"I guess one can't stay too long away from your husbands without wanting to return to his arms." He looks thoughtful as he shakes his head.
"You're such a dork. How are things going with your girlfriend?" he sighs before answering.
"Good I guess. We're just having fights because we're not spending enough time because of work and it's just putting a little bit of strain on our relationship. But other than that I think we're okay. We're working through this little bump in the road."
"Aw I didn't even know. I hope you guys work it out though."
"Yeah, we will." We're quiet for a few seconds.
"You know we haven't ordered the pizza." He starts laughing.
"Okay fine. Let me call." He gets his phone out of his pocket and he calls the delivery place. After a few minutes, the pizza gets here and really all we do is eat and catch up until he has to leave to spend some time with his real girlfriend. Once again I'm left to thoughts about Zayn. It's seems like it's the only thing I've been thinking about since he's left.