ZAYN'S POV
I don't know how to feel. I know I'm hurt but I'm also pissed at her. How could she just walk out like that? I know I have no right to be mad at her but anger buries the hurt. It's better to be mad than to face the truth. It still hasn't settled in though. I simply can't accept the fact that she broke up with me. Maybe if I give her some time to cool down, everything will go back to normal. It has to.
I grab my phone and car keys and I lock my office door. I'm too distracted to think about work. I'll probably get nothing done anyways.
"Cancel all my appointments today." I spit at Mary as I walk over to the elevator. She looks surprised at my attitude. I don't blame her. This morning I was as happy as ever and now I just feel like shit. I can't hide the irritation I'm feeling. I walk over to my car, ignoring everyone else. When I get to my car, I take a moment to take a deep breath. I grip the steering wheel tightly and I ignore my trembling hands.
Don't worry. It's not over.
I keep telling myself that as I drive home. I don't see the road. I'm just driving. The picture of her face never leaving my mind. The sadness and hurt that I saw haunts me. I have never seen her like that. The fact that she believes that I would purposely hurt her, makes it worse. I wish I could've held her and reassured her that I would never cheat on her. I could never hurt her. Not intentionally.
Once I get home, I call her but it just rings. I start to get worried. She was pretty emotional when she left and anything could've happened to her. I hope she made it back safely. I call her again and she ends the call on the first ring. Deciding that maybe she needs more time. I text her instead. I ask her if she's home safe. Then I ask her to just let me know. I text her goodnight. Finally, after not receiving any replies, I text her that I'm sorry.
The next morning I'm in a worse mood. I'm determined though. I'll get her back. I spend half the day just working, trying to forget about the events of yesterday. It only works for so long till all I can think about is what she's doing now. Is she thinking about us? Is she crying? Does she actually care. Despite knowing the answers to those questions, I can't help but still wonder. After getting very little done, I decide to head home.
I can't do this anymore.
Fighting the urge to drink, I grab my car keys and my phone and I head over to the car once again. I get to her apartment building and I park there. I sit in the car for a bit and I'm actually nervous. My heart is pounding in my chest and I wonder if she'll even let me in once again. I sigh and I enter her building, going straight to her door. It looks like all the lights are off, but it can't hurt to try. I knock three times and I get no answer. I knock again and still no one answers. I look at the time and see that it's 11:30pm.
Where the hell is she?
I call her again and it sends me straight to voicemail. I sigh.
"Hey ba- uh Mel. I just called to check if you're okay. I haven't heard anything from you and I'm worried." I look at the door, wishing for it to open, but of course it doesn't. "I'm outside your door but I guess you're not here so uh let me know if you're okay. We really need to talk. Please call me." I say just as the "beep" sound plays. Deciding to give up I go to the elevator, pressing the button. I don't wait long till the doors open and just to my luck, Trevor is in there. I nod at him and I step in.
"Were you looking for Mel?" I nod. I'm not in the mood for talking but he carries on. "They went out. Cate told me that she just needed something to make her feel better. Also I heard what happened. I'm sorry man." I clench my jaw. They have no fucking business putting their noses in our business. Cate and her damn big mouth.
"Are you really?" I ask him.
"Yeah. I don't mean it in a bad way."
"You'll probably make a move the first chance you have."
"No man I'm not like that."
"Good cause if you touch her...just know that my warning still stands"
"No offence Zayn but she's not yours to control anymore. she can date whoever she wants now. I'm not saying that I'm going to make a move but-" before he finishes his sentence, my hand is around his throat and he's pushed against the elevator wall. I don't remember moving but I know that I'm pissed. The thought of Melony moving on with him or anyone just yet, aggravates me.
"I meant what I said. Leave her alone." I seethe. "She's still mine. The sooner you realize that. The better." He tries to move my hand from his throat and I see his face flushing.
"What the hell are you doing?" "Leave him alone." I hear two familiar voices and I instantly step back. I turn to the door and I see Melony and Cate staring at me with wide eyes. I hadn't realized that the elevator doors had opened. My eyes lock on Melony and I can feel them widening. Not in a good way though. She's dressed in almost nothing. I swallow my irritation and I move closer to her. She moves back and my heart breaks a little.
"Can I talk to you?" she looks at me like I've grown two heads. She and Cate share a look and she nods. The both of us get to her door and honestly it feels good to be able to see her again. Even under these circumstances. She closes the door behind us. Once we sit down she looks at me expectedly. I sigh. It kills me to know that she's so close to me yet I can't touch her.
"What the hell was that just now?"
"He just said something about us and it pissed me off. He was talking about you dating other people and I just lost it."
"He's right. We're not dating anymore so I can." I can feel my jaw clenching. The worst of all is the pain that just clenched my insides.
"Yeah sorry." It's not the conversation I want to be having right now.
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." She sighs. "well, for that anyways..."
"So can we talk about yesterday?" I see her eyes sadden before me and it kills me. her eyes look dull and unfeeling.
"Sure." she whispers.
"Look baby I'm so sorry. I know what it looks like but please believe me when I say that I would never hurt you like that. I didn't know that she would come to the dinner. I was supposed to be a business dinner with me, my dad and hers. My dad was helping me get Mr. Hasid as a client because they are old friends and whatever." She says nothing but just looks at me. "She just showed up and my dad said that I should just be nice to her and that it'll go down smoother if Mr. Hasid sees that me and his daughter get along. I was just going with it. I promise. It was nothing romantic and I don't even see her in that way. I only want you. I thought the first time was enough but then for some reason, he brought her along on the second dinner and again I was just going with it. I was thinking of you the whole time."
"Yet you didn't think it necessary to tell any of them that you have a girlfriend. I mean normally I wouldn't mind since it's all business but then he thinks you and his daughter freaking have something going on. He probably thinks you're going to get married." She rolls her eyes.
"I know I should've said something but I just figured that I won't see his daughter a lot, if ever so I thought it didn't matter too much."
I stand up and I pull her up with me. she doesn't fight me and it makes me optimistic. I pull her against me and I cradle her face in my hands. I look her in the eyes and I hope she can see the honesty in mine. She pulls away her face slightly but doesn't remove my hands from her.
"Please tell me you understand. Please tell me you understand." She looks down.
"I understand and I'm sorry for overrating. I should've listened to the whole story without losing it. But I feel as though you tried to keep it a secret and that was wrong. I feel like I can't trust you anymore and it's not a feeling I ever want to feel with you again."
"I know and I'm so sorry for everything. So are we okay again?" I swear I can almost taste the hope in my voice. She gives me a sad smile and she steps away from me. That all too familiar panic sets in once again. This doesn't look good. I know what's going to come next, I can see it on her face but I won't accept it. I can't.
"It's not even about that anymore." I give her a confused look and she sighs. "It's about you never fighting enough for our relationship. I feel like I'm always last on your list. It's always going to be everything else above me. You know we have enough problems. I don't need to add the issue of my race onto it. It's always lingering. It's always going to be a huge factor or problem. People are still racist. We try to ignore it, but we both know it's there. It's enough that I get that behavior from outside, I don't need your dad reminding us at every turn that we're too different."
I know she's speaking the truth. I can't argue.
"It's only me and you in this relationship. We don't need to know or care what other people say about our relationship. I want this and I know we have issues but we can work on them together. Don't give up."
"You know I've been telling myself that but then I realized that maybe we jumped into this too soon. We have things we have to work through individually before we can think about working on our problems as a couple. I mean you're the first guy I've liked this much since forever. With my trust issues and whatever is wrong with you. We need to work on ourselves. Once we're done maybe we can work on both our commitment issues." She purses her lips and I see tears forming in her eyes. My heart breaks at the sight. She lets out a sob and she quickly wipes the tears on her cheeks. I swear I have never felt so helpless. I pull her into me and she cries into my chest. I can feel my shirt getting wet but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except her.
"Shh baby." I hug her tightly and I rub my hand on her back. She puts her arms around me and holds on tight. "Please." I don't know what I'm asking for. Maybe for her not to do his. Maybe I'm asking her to stay.
"I'm so sorry. But I can't do this anymore." she shakes and my heart clenches. I let her cry until I feel her calm down. She's only sniffling now. I pull her head back and I'm glad she keeps her arms around me.
I've always loved the contrast of our skin colors. It never failed to entice or turn me on. It is something I grew to love. Our differences made us, "us". It's what made our relationship unique, interesting and just always full of surprises. But as I watch her look at me with defeated eyes, as I watch her slip through my fingers, there's a part of me that wishes that we weren't so different now. This is the first time since I met her that I wish we weren't so complicated. The first time I wish that we wouldn't have to fight so hard.
How can something so good, tare us apart so easily.
"So this is it?" I ask and the question sounds surreal even to me. She nods and another tear falls on her cheek. This I so damn hard. I wipe the tear away and I can't help but lean down towards her lips. My lips softly touch hers and she gasps. She's frozen and it reminds me a little of our first kiss. We don't move our lips. I just keep them there, savoring her taste. Her lips are so soft right now from the crying. When I can't take it anymore, I start to move my lips and she hesitates.
"Please." I ask and she starts to move hers with mine. It is the softest kiss we have ever shared. It's slow and it clearly shows that this is a goodbye kiss. I don't know how long this happens but I pull away when I feel myself start to get carried away. I give her one last long peck and I hug her tightly once again. "I wish this didn't happen." I say, my lips on her temple.
"I know." She says softly before sniffing again. "I think I fell for you." It's simultaneously the worst and the best thing she could say at this moment. I freeze and I'm sure she can feel my heartbeat against her skin. Everything inside me screams at me to tell her I feel the same, to fight. To tell her how I really feel. To not let her go. But I don't. I kiss her temple and hold on to her. Hoping she can feel my answer.
We finally pull away and I run my hands through my hair. She gives me a sad smile and I return it.
"Guess it's time to go then?" My voice cracks a little.
"Guess so." She whispers. I kiss her softly once more before heading home and leaving her behind.