Harry's POV
Hailey and I laughed as we practically skipped through the rain back towards the clearing, both of us taking turns jumping in newly formed puddles and splashing each other. There was something about being there, the rain falling down on me in the middle of the forest that just made me feel alive. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so free, not caring about a single thing.
In theory, we could both have been freaking out about the fact that it was pouring rain, we had no way to get home and were probably going to be sleeping in the wilderness for the night, but neither of us could be bothered to care. We couldn't stop laughing, soaked from head to toe and throwing mud at each other as we made our way back towards the cliff.
"Oh you're dead!" She laughed as I hit her right on the side of her face with a chunk of mud, laughing as she nailed me in the chest and mud splattered across my shirt.
We were both soaked and now completely muddy as we approached the clearing, laughing as we eyed each other to see if either of us were finished throwing mud. Hailey just smirked at me as she watched me carefully before making her way over towards the side of the clearing where there was a large rock. She bent down, and I noticed the opening at the bottom of the rocks as she took her back pack off and threw it inside.
"You coming or what?" She smiled as she nodded towards the cave and crawled inside.
I made my way over, crouching down to see inside the hole she'd crawled into, and crawled in after her. It was dark, and I couldn't see much until a flashlight turned on and I looked over to find the warm glow of it lighting up Hailey's face. I looked around, noticing the space we were in was quite big, as Hailey started to dig around in her bag.
I watched as she started to pull things out of her back pack, inspecting everything carefully as she put it down to make sure everything was in tact. I noticed she pulled out her cameras and I immediately worried they'd been damaged from all the rain.
"Oh shit, they didn't get ruined did they?" I asked as she put down her DSLR.
"No," She laughed. "Everyone knows you need a waterproof backpack to hike in BC. Plus, the GoPro is already waterproof."
"Oh, right." I smiled as she pulled out a mini speaker and started to attach her ipod to it. "Are we having a dance party?"
"Obviously, it would be rude if we didn't." She laughed. "Besides, we should be fine in here but the noise should keep the bears and cougars away."
She pulled out some snacks and a couple of waters before grabbing a pack of matches and looking around.
"Everything outside is soaked...I doubt we'll find anything dry enough to make a fire." I said as she scanned the room with the flashlight before it landed on a pile of perfectly dry wood in the corner.
"I know. That's why I put this in here." She laughed. "I figured I might have to use it one day."
She crawled over and grabbed the wood and newspapers she'd obviously left there some other time, bringing them back over to where we were sitting.
"The sun should be going down soon...I don't wanna start the fire too early cause we've only got so much dry wood. We should grab the driest stuff we can find and hopefully it will dry out in here next to the fire in a couple hours, then we can use it to keep it going."
"Okay, I can go find some." I said as I turned and started to climb out of the cave.
"I'm coming too." She chuckled behind me, and I heard music start to echo off the walls of the inside of the cave.
I smiled back at her and shook my head as I climbed out and leaned back down to help her up. The rain began to pelt us again, I'd almost forgot it was raining after being in the shelter of the cave. The country song flooded out of the cave and into the clearing and we both immediately started dancing. Hailey sang the lyrics loudly as the two of us danced around in the rain, laughing and throwing our hands in the air.
It don't take but two to have a little soiree
If you're in the mood, sit tight right where you are babe
I'll be at your door in ten minutes
Whatever you got on girl, stay in it
You ain't gotta leave the house to have a good time
I'mma bring the good time home to you
We'll have a house party, we don't need nobody
Turn your TV off, break that boom box out
We'll wake up all the neighbors til the whole block hates us
And the cops show up and try to shut us down
If you wanna be a homebody, we're gonna have a house party
Hailey laughed as I spun her around, both of us forgetting to even look for wood as we danced, jumping around in the rain. I didn't know the lyrics, so I just kept yelling the melody and making up my own words as she giggled at me. We were both doubled over with laughter by the time the song finished, not even the thunder loud enough to stop it from echoing all around us. In what could have possibly been the most inconvenient situation I'd ever been in, I was having the time of my life. It was the definition of an adventure, and I couldn't think of a single place I would have rather been.
We danced to a few more songs, Hailey holding her GoPro as she got some shots of us in the rain, as the thunder started to get louder and it started to get dark.
"Okay, we better actually get some wood before we freeze to death." Hailey laughed as we both started to look around and gather the driest wood we could find.
The rain had really been coming down and most of the ground was completely soaked through and muddy, but we were able to find some semi-dry stuff under some of the bigger trees that had been able to hold off some of the rain. We gathered as much as we could and climbed back into the cave just as it got dark, both of us starting to shiver as the temperature dropped and our sopping wet clothes did nothing to keep us warm.
We both peeled off our t-shirts, thankful that the rain had started so quickly that neither of us had found time to throw on our sweatshirts which were still dry from being in Hailey's backpack. We laid out our shirts and threw on our dry hoodies, both shivering as we tried to get warm.
Hailey started the fire, which immediately heated the cave, keeping the heat in nicely as we laid the wood out next to it and hoped it would dry out so we could keep the fire going all night. Our shoes and socks were soaked, so we took them off as well and placed them by the fire, leaving us barefoot in nothing but hoodies and wet shorts.
We sat next to each other beside the fire, leaning against the wall as we tried to get warm, eating granola bars and sipping on bottled water. We warmed up quickly once most of our wet clothes were off, and Hailey reached over into her back pack and pulled out a bottle, holding it up to me with a smile.
"Fireball Whiskey?" I chuckled.
"It'll keep us warm." She smiled as she took a sip and handed it to me.
"Well aren't you just full of surprises." I laughed as I took it from her and took a sip.
Another soft country song played lowly in the background of the crackling fire as we sat there taking turns sipping whiskey and trying to warm up.
"You really like country, huh?" I asked as I smiled over at her.
"I like everything." She shrugged. "I think I just tend to gravitate more towards country because it fits my life. I like dancing around in the mud, singing songs and having fun. That's what a lot of country songs are about."
"I could see that. I like country, but I have to admit I don't listen to a lot of it."
"I'll make you a good playlist. I know all the good stuff." She smiled. "What do you mostly listen to then?"
"I think I'm like you, I like everything. Some days I listen to old school rock, like Pink Floyd and the Rolling Stones, some days I'll rock out to Miley Cyrus and Little Mix. Just depends on my mood I guess." I shrugged. "I just like music, I try not to put a label on what I like."
"And what kind of music to you make?" She asked as she took another swing from the bottle and handed it back to me.
I had to think about my answer. I knew what kind of music I used to make, but I was about to do my first solo album and I was still trying to figure out what kind of sound I wanted to have. I didn't really know how to answer her question, because I didn't have an answer myself.
"I think that's what I'm trying to figure out." I sighed as I took a sip from the bottle, the alcohol burning my throat on the way down. "I'm kind of at a crossroads right now."
"How so?"
"I've been in a band for a long time, since I was sixteen actually. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm really proud of everything we've done together. But now I'm about to make my first solo album and I'm trying to be on my own and figure out what I wanna say and what I want my sound to be like."
"That sounds like it could be a bit scary, but it also sounds really exciting. You could make it whatever you want it to be." She said softly.
"I think that's the problem. There's just so many factors that go into it, I really wanna be honest and true to myself. I wanna do it right, I want it to be an expression of who I am. There's so many things I like and so many sides to me that it feels like picking one sound is impossible."
"Well why do you have to pick one sound?" She asked as she looked up at me, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
I looked down at her, a smile crossing my face at the simplicity of her question and the fact that I'd never really thought about it before.
"What do you mean?" I laughed lightly.
"Well it's your album right? Maybe your sound is just Harry." She shrugged. "If it's who you are, and you like a lot of different things, why can't it be a lot of different sounds?"
"I don't know." I laughed, suddenly perplexed at why I seemed to think it was so much more complicated than that. "I guess I've never thought about it like that before."
"Isn't that what making music is? Making new sounds that people haven't heard before? I would think worrying about making it sound a certain way would just take away from the realness of it." She shrugged.
I looked over at her, the soft light from the fire lighting up the side of her face as she looked up at me, and couldn't believe that in a few short sentences she'd cut through months of complications I'd build up in my head about my album. She was right, I was so focused on deciding where to go with it that I hadn't been able to just sit down and see what came out. For months, I'd been worried and stressed about pleasing all the people that had put so much faith in me, and she just opened her mouth and made everything seem so simple.
That simplicity was exactly what I had been looking for. The clarity of mind that just got me back to loving music before everything became about promotion and sales and image. I wanted to sit with my guitar and just make music without worrying about the rest of it, and somehow Hailey had just reminded me of exactly why I became a musician in the first place.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She laughed, snapping me out of my own head.
"Sorry." I chuckled. "I think you just made me realize how simple it is."
"Well, I'm sure it's not always simple. Nothing ever is. It just sounds like you're finally able to do something on your own and do your own thing, so to me that sounds simple. But what do I know." She smiled.
"A lot more than you think." I smiled as I handed her back the bottle of whiskey.
She took a swig and stood up as a new song flooded through the speakers that I immediately recognized as she turned it up.
"Let's see what you got, Styles." She smirked as she held her hand down to me, pulling me up as we danced around the fire, the whiskey starting to make us feel buzzed as Footloose echoed through the cave.
We danced, taking turns spinning each other around as we snapped our fingers and sang the lyrics at each other, laughing without a care in the world until we had to stop to catch our breath.
"Quite the mix you've got going on, Bear." I smiled as we sat back down and an old Motown song hummed in the air as she turned it back down.
"I told you, I know all the good stuff!" She scoffed.
"Hey, I'm not denying it. I'm impressed, you've got good taste." I smiled as I looked over at her and winked.
She took one more swig out of the bottle and held it back to me with one more sip left, smiling at me to let me know she'd saved it for me.
"So, what are you really hiding out here for?" She smirked as I took the bottle.
"Well you see, it started raining and we couldn't get back down over the rocks..." I explained as I took the last sip.
"You know what I meant, smart ass." She laughed as she took the empty bottle back and put it in her bag.
"Ohhh you meant why am I in Lily Ridge!" I chuckled, pretending to have a realization as she just shook her head at me and smiled.
"Well, I guess I'm just trying to figure out what I want." I shrugged, the mood suddenly shifting to a more serious tone as she waited for me to explain further. "My entire career, every decision I made was made with four other people. I've always had them to rely on and have my back, we made decisions together that worked for all of us. Now I'm on my own, making decisions just for me, and it's hard to remember what I really want because I'm so used to thinking about all of us together."
She listened intently as I rambled on, thinking out loud and trying to make sense of my own thoughts. It felt nice to say it out loud to someone else, and for whatever reason I felt like I trusted her more than a lot of people in my life. She had no idea what I'd been through, or what my career had been like, and she had a completely new perspective with nothing clouding her view.
"I think that's what I'm doing here, trying to figure out who I am without my bandmates. When you're young and in a band, I think everyone puts you into these categories and the lines get blurred. It's like you're always in those categories, and it doesn't matter if you grow up or change or become someone else, everyone remembers you as the person you were before."
"I can see why that would be frustrating." She said as she reached over and gently squeezed my hand.
"It's like when you're seven and you're obsessed with Power Rangers or something, and then when you run into someone like ten years later and they still think of you as the kid who loved the Power Rangers. It's not a bad thing, it's nice that they remember that about you, but in their mind that's who you are. It doesn't matter that in the past ten years you've probably grown out of it and found a million other things that you love, that's who you'll always be to them. That's just the way it is."
"Yeah, I can see that. But if people are really that narrow minded to not allow you to grow, is that really something you should worry about? I mean, if people are committed to misunderstanding you should you really waste energy trying to convince them otherwise? Besides the Power Rangers kick ass, so fuck them if they think they're too cool for them. They can stay in their own lame world without Power Rangers and see how much fun they have." She laughed.
"Words of wisdom from Hailey, everyone." I laughed.
"Seriously though, you know what I mean? There's always gonna be someone who has something negative to say. I mean, there are actually people out there who hated Michael Jackson and the Beatles, like who cares about their opinion? They're obviously complete idiots."
"I guess the people I spend the most time with are all in the industry so they all share the same perspective. They make it like you get one real chance to show them that you grew up, and who you really are, and you just want to make sure that you use the chance to prove yourself. I want to prove that I'm not just some kid who was thrown together in a band and manufactured to cater to a certain demographic. I want to prove that I'm a talented writer, and a real artist. We all are."
"Harry, as long as you're true to who you are, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. It's obvious that you aren't trying to distance yourself from your band or say that you didn't enjoy the music you made together, you're just trying to do your own thing. There's nothing wrong with that." She said softly as she reached up and ran her fingers through my hair.
"You're allowed to love more than one thing, to be passionate about more than one kind of music or more than one way of making music. There's more than one way of doing things, of being passionate about something new. I obviously don't know anything about your life or how things have been for you, but I think you have to make the music that you love. At the end of the day, if you don't put out something that you would want to listen to then you're not being real and people will see through that. Your own passion for your own music will shine through, and that's what people love. Yeah, you're still the kid that loved the Power Rangers, but now you're much more than that."
"I know, it's just a lot of pressure I guess. I think people think I take everything in stride or I don't try very hard or worry, but it's just not true."
"Well it sounds like you only worry because you care. Music is your passion in life, it's important to you, of course you'd feel pressure to be good at it. Especially if it's your first time on your own." She said reassuringly. "What do your bandmates say? Are they going on their own too?"
"They're great. We're all doing our own thing, and I'm so happy for all of them. I mean, we grew up together, I've spent more time with them in the past six years than my own family. Louis just had a baby, he's an amazing dad, and he had a hit song last year. Niall had a hit song too, he's just finishing an album and he's really found his own sound. Liam's having a baby too, and he's working on his own album. We're all just doing our own thing and we're so happy for each other. There's no bad blood at all. I'm sure one day we'll be a band again, we just wanted the opportunity to try something different. I just kinda feel like they all started on it before I did. I wanted to try something different so I did a movie first, and now I'm just trying to get back into writing for my album."
"You did a movie? Like acted in a movie?" She asked, surprised.
"Yeah...I wanted to do something totally different. It was fun, I liked having no idea what I was doing, being totally engrossed in learning. It was amazing."
"Wow. It sounds like you've done some pretty impressive things for someone our age. No wonder you seem so much more mature than everyone else I know." She laughed.
"I had to grow up pretty fast. It's obviously helpful on the business side of things, but sometimes it's nice to just feel like a normal 23 year old. It's like I have the mentality of someone much older, but I still have all the same fears and insecurities as any other kid our age. It's a strange thing to navigate sometimes."
"I bet." She sighed, almost as if she could feel the weight I felt sometimes. "Well, any time you wanna get stuck in the forest in the middle of a rain storm and sleep in a cave you just let me know."
She laughed as she playfully bumped her shoulder with mine, little did she know how refreshing our little adventure had been for me. There was just something that happened when I was out with Hailey, like all the weight on my shoulders was lifted and none of the things I worried about mattered. I didn't know if it was because we were usually in some beautiful place in nature, or if it was just that we always had so much fun together, but either way I couldn't think of a single place I'd rather be.
"Honestly, I don't mind being stuck in the forest and sleeping in this cave." I laughed. "It's been an adventure that I didn't know I wanted to have."
"Same here." She smiled up at me, her blue eyes shining in the light of the fire as her eyes met mine. She looped her arm into mine and rested her head on my shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as we both stared at the fire.
"What about you? I told you my secrets, you tell me yours." I smiled down at her as she rolled her eyes at me.
"I don't think I have any secrets." She shrugged. "Not any interesting ones anyway."
"I highly doubt that. I think you might be the most interesting person I know." I said as I playfully nudged her and she smiled up at me shyly.
"I told you about this place, I've never told anyone that before. I think that's enough for one day." She smiled.
"Fair enough." I nodded as I recalled her story about her dad.
We sat in silence for a while, my mind wandering off to various places as I watched the wood burn in front of us. There I was, in the middle of the Canadian wilderness with absolutely zero luxuries and I was more at peace than I could ever remember. I became a multi-millionaire as a teenager, I'd traveled the globe and stayed in the fanciest hotels all over the world, but somehow I was more comfortable in that cave than I'd been in years.
I'd been fortunate that I'd always had such a strong family presence to bring me back down to earth, making sure I never fell into the traps of money and fame, but there was something to be said for the simplicity of not needing anything. I'd learned a long time ago that you could still be sad and lonely in a fancy hotel, and no amount of money would ever replace the people and places you truly love.
Neither one of us had complained about a single thing all day, nobody cared we were stuck in the woods with barely any food or dry clothing, we weren't worried about having to sleep outside or when we would be able to get back. We both just enjoyed every minute of the day, no matter what the situation. There hadn't even really been a discussion about what we would do, we just figured it out, and had a blast along the way. I felt like that's how anything would go with Hailey, just going with the flow and finding the fun in anything.
I felt Hailey moving next to me and I looked down to see she was shivering.
"Are you cold?" I asked as I instinctively wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into me.
I hadn't found it cold, but she was much smaller than I was and I could tell by the way she curled into me that she was freezing. The whiskey seemed to have worn off and we weren't moving as much. Her hair and shorts were still wet, and her feet were bare from taking off her wet shoes and socks. I reached down and grabbed her hand, noticing they were freezing.
"Jesus, Hails. You're freezing." I said as I pulled her into me, taking her hands in one of mine and blowing warm air onto them.
"I'm okay." She said, her voice shaking a little as she spoke.
"You're a liar." I chuckled. "Here, come here."
I got up and moved behind her so her back was pressed against my chest and I could wrap my torso around hers. I took her hands in mine, cupping them against my mouth and blowing into them as she moved her feet closer to the fire to warm them up. I did that for a few minutes until she stopped shivering and curled herself into me, nuzzling her head into my chest.
"How do you still smell so good?" She laughed lightly.
"I don't know, do I?" I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around her.
"Yes, you always smell good. And you give the best hugs." She said sleepily as she curled tighter against me.
"I guess I get a lot of practice." I smiled down at her. "Us popstars give a lot of hugs."
She chuckled softly to herself, nuzzling her face into my neck as she tried to get comfortable. I held her as close to me as I could, trying to make sure she stayed warm, and before long she'd dozed off. I did my best to keep the fire going, trying not to wake her when I moved, and letting my thoughts wander wherever they took me as I stared down at the fire burning in front of me.
Something about holding Hailey felt different than ever before. I don't know if it was because the purpose was to keep her warm, or because of the situation that we were in, but I felt like it was my job to take care of her. I felt so comfortable with her, like we understood each other, and that left me with a natural instinct to protect her. She brought out the real me, and in a lot of ways she already knew me better than a lot of people.
She was the only person I felt completely myself with, she had no preconceived notions of me, there was no image to live up to and no assumptions to prove wrong. She wasn't worried about me and the pressure I felt the way my family was, and she wasn't in awe of what my life had become like some of my old friends back home. To her, I was just Harry, whoever that might be.
I'd told her things that night that I hadn't really talked about with anyone, and she didn't ask one intrusive question. She didn't ask me what band I was in, or if she knew our music. She didn't ask me about the movie or if she would have seen it. She just listened and encouraged me to just be myself, whoever that was. She didn't care about the glamour of being a musician or being in a movie, she cared that I was nervous and trying to find my way and she did her best to focus on me instead of everything else.
Almost everyone I met those days knew who I was before I even met them, and they all had some idea of who they thought I was before then even met me. Sometimes that perception changed after meeting me, sometimes it didn't, but almost always the topic of conversation had something to do with my fame or something materialistic. I knew a lot of really great people, and it wasn't their fault that they knew me as Harry from One Direction. That's who I was for a long time, and it was easy to make conversation about it. People often spoke to me about the boys, music, fashion, Hollywood events, other friends of mine who were in the public eye, and going on tour, but every rarely did someone ask me anything about who I was as a person or how I felt about certain things.
People weren't interested in whether or not I felt pressured, or if I even enjoyed what I was doing. They wanted to know who I was dating or what my favorite color was, but never anything of substance. I'd scroll through my twitter feed and see millions of people saying 'follow me' or 'I love you so much please respond', but very rarely did I see anyone actually ask me a question about myself or have an interest my music or the things that inspired me. People would come up to me on the street without even saying hello, they'd just hold their phone up and take a picture then walk away.
Of course, I knew I had amazing fans and I was incredibly grateful for their support over the years. The times that I actually got to stop and talk to them meant a lot to me, it was the conversations with people who enjoyed my music that always motivated me to do more for them. I wanted to pay them back for everything they'd done for me, I wanted to make them proud and show them that their support meant everything to me. Sometimes I met fans that were so sweet and supportive, just excited to meet me and so polite and thoughtful. Those were the people who made me feel like they cared, and they made the rest of all the bullshit worth it.
My mind wandered all night as Hailey slept soundly in my arms, stirring every once in a while to nuzzle into me or letting out a little noise. I smiled to myself as I looked down at her, noticing how adorable she looked when she slept. I reached over and felt her socks, noting that they were now dry from sitting by the fire, so I carefully put them back on her feet to try to keep them warm. I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes there was light coming in from the entrance to the cave and there were birds chirping outside.
I groaned when I went to lift my head, realizing how stiff my neck was from sleeping sitting up, and woke Hailey up. She stirred against me as we both tried to wake up, before she opened her eyes and looked up at me.
"Good morning." I smiled down at her.
"Morning." She smirked as she sat up, stretching as she looked around to see the fire was almost out.
"How'd you sleep?" I asked as I reached over and grabbed my socks, pulling them onto my feet.
"Amazing, actually." She laughed. "I actually can't remember the last time I woke up feeling this refreshed."
"Must be all this fresh air." I smiled as I started to pull on my shoes and she looked down at her own feet, noticing her socks were back on.
"Did you put on my socks?" She laughed.
"They were dry and you were cold." I shrugged.
She smirked at me and nodded as she started to put her shoes on, chuckling lightly to herself as I gathered up the rest of the stuff that was strewn about the cave.
"Is it weird that I'm kinda sad to leave our little cave?" I laughed as I started to pack up the stuff into the backpack and threw it over my shoulders.
"Kinda." She laughed. "I am sad this little adventure is over for now though. We're just gonna have to keep trying new ones and see if we can top it."
"Sounds amazing." I smiled as we made sure the fire was out and headed out of the cave into the daylight.
It was a beautiful day, the rain must have cleared all of the clouds and made room for better weather. It was warm out, even in the mountains, and I smiled to myself as the sun hit my face.
"It's almost hot out here." Hailey laughed as we started to make our way back along the treeline on the way home. "If I wasn't starving I'd say we should hit a swimming hole."
"What time do you think it is?" I asked as we started to climb down the boulders that had been covered in rushing water the day before.
Hailey looked up to the sky, figuring out where the sun was, before she made her estimate of the time.
"I'd say it's around 9." She shrugged. "We slept in pretty good considered we slept inside a giant rock."
I just chuckled as I helped her down off the last rock and back down onto the pathway. We headed back down the mountain, crossing the fallen tree over the river as Hailey held her GoPro to capture some shots of us on the way back. We fantasized about what we were gonna eat the whole way back, coming up with all kinds of food combinations that we wanted to stuff our faces with. It didn't take long to make it all the way back down the mountain, and before I realized it I was my place coming into view through the trees.
"This is gonna be the best shower of my life." Hailey laughed as we approached my place. "You have exactly 15 minutes to shower and change before I leave without you. I need food."
"Got it, boss." I laughed as we both sprinted to our respective places, racing towards a hot shower and change of fresh clothes.
My body was a little stiff as I stripped off my muddy clothes and jumped into the shower. The hot water felt amazing as it ran down my body and washed all the mud and dirt down the drain. I quickly washed my hair and hopped out, my stomach growling to remind me how hungry I was.
I pulled on some fresh clothes and threw my dirty ones in the hamper before I grabbed my wallet and headed out the door to find Hailey waiting at her car already.
"You're lucky, Styles. Thirty more seconds and I was coming after you." She smiled.
"I'm just as hungry as you are, relax." I laughed as I playfully shoved her and we both got into the car and headed into town.
"I hope you realize what you're about to witness, I guarantee you have never seen a girl consume as much food as I'm about to." She laughed as she tried to warn me.
"Can't wait." I smiled.