"I'm freaking out."
"Don't freak out." Cam responded.
"I'm freaking out."
"Blake, love, calm down." Cam reached out and tugged on the back of my bra until I was standing over him, probably looking like I'd aged ten years before his eyes.
"I can't calm down." I shook my head, "I'm meeting my sister, Cameron. The sister I didn't know about, and she. . . she has a husband and kids and. . ." He brought his fingers beneath my chin and closed my mouth before I could go on, his thumb brushing against my bottom lip.
"It's going to be okay." He said slowly, eerily calm himself, "Your sister won't care what you wear." I groaned, throwing myself on to the bed beside him, snuggling my face against his shoulder.
"She will care." I whispered.
"Blake, she wants to meet you, not your clothes. Anything you wear will be fine, I promise." I pushed myself up, looking down at him. My gut twisted inside out as I let my fingers trail along the bruises on his face. I guess some part of me had expected them to vanish over night with the pain, but nothing had changed.
"I hate it when you're right." He smiled playfully.
"Then you must hate me a lot." I leaned forward and felt his lips brush against mine, but he pulled away before a kiss could follow.
"Camero-"
"I checked the wastebasket because you seemed a little too sidetracked." He said, staring up blankly at the ceiling, "There was nothing in there."
I sat up, my nails digging into my comforter.
"Maybe you can take that Morning After pill thing. Get ri-"
"No." I shook my head, "I'm not killing a child, fetus or not." I thought I'd see anger or disappointment, but he only sighed.
"I figured." He mumbled.
"Cam, how can neither of us remember-"
"I don't know. I wish I could rack my brain repeatedly and tell you I did remember. But I can't. It's like a blank spot in my brain when I try to recall it." I took in a deep breath, forcing a smile on to my face.
"There's no point in beating ourselves up for it. It's done, and if it happened, then it happened. We won't know for at least another few weeks. Right now I need to get ready and we need to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to get you into a suit."
*
"I like pizza. Pizza is good." Cam chuckled to himself, earning a confused look out of me.
Had Mom given him another one of those pills?
"Blake, honey, Wesley's waiting out in the driveway for you." Mom broke through the front door with a small smile, making a gesture with her head over her shoulder.
I saw Cam look up from the TV and toward the open door at the mention of Wes' name, his face falling into an emotionless mask.
The last thing I needed was for Wes to try and make another move on me right now, but I knew him well enough to realize he wasn't going to leave unless I talked to him.
"I'll be right back." I ducked out the door, slowing as I reached the steps and met an uncomfortable Wes at the bottom of them.
He still didn't look. . . healthy. His skin was still ashen, almost no color in his cheeks, making his piercing blue eyes striking against the paleness.
"Hey." I said with a small wave.
"Hey." The right side of his mouth curled into a smile.
"Blake, I nee-"
"Wes, I have something really important happening tonight. I can't sit here and try to con-"
"Just hear me out, okay?" He cut me off, his expression soft-and guilt ridden.
"Go on." I whispered.
"I love you, Blake. More than a friend, more than a sister, far beyond anything I've understood through my life. But I had absolutely no right saying that Cam's love for you didn't come as close." I crossed my arms over my chest, hugging my dark cardigan around me tighter.
"I hate him, I always have and always will. But there's a feeling for me that's stronger than hate when I look at him, respect. He had the courage to make the first move, to confess his undeniable love for you." Bitterness rose then faded in his voice as he went on, "If I had done it in the hallway that day, had kissed you, maybe we wouldn't be here like this. Maybe you would be with me and not him." I started to back away, but he reached out and caught my arm.
"I need to understand that things didn't turn out that way. That you have someone that'll make you happy, that'll always be there for you, that'll get to take care of you. That's why I kissed you at the beach, Blake. Because I wanted to know what it was like to be with you, even if it was for one second and I knew you'd push me away afterwards."
"I had a boyfriend." My voice was barely audible.
"I'm not going to sit here and lie and say if I could go back in time that I would change it, because I wouldn't. When I did it, yeah, for sure. You were hurt, already reeling in pain and hurt over what Jacob had done. And who was I? To stand there and make it worse for you. By kissing you. By telling you that your boyfriend wasn't good enough, that he'd never love you." He dropped his head and shook it.
"I'm sick, Blake. And you'd have to drag me through hell and back to get my feels for you to fade. When I close my eyes for the last time, your face is the one I'm going to see. Do you understand?" I shook my head, my chest starting to move rapidly.
"Sick? What do you mean? Like cancer-"
"No."
"Then what? How are you sick, Wesley?" I could hear the desperation in my voice.
"Your mom thought it was an allergic reaction to something I ate." He looked up at the black sky, "Do you remember when I donated blood a few months ago? Yeah? The needle was dirty, had something on it. I've got some sort of blood deficiency. I've got AIDS." I backed away from him, his hand still wrapped tightly around my forearm.
"Let me finish." He pulled me back toward him, his hand gripping my shoulder.
"It's because I love you that I have to leave, Blake. I can't watch what happens to you when it starts to get worse. I can't watch you fall apart." He took my face in his hands, shaking his head, "I want you to pretend I never existed. Shay's going to need you, and I want you to be the strong Blake Hart I know, that I love. I want you to love Cam every day like it's your dying wish." He started to pull himself away.
"Because I know seeing you happy is mine." He kissed my cheek gently, then stared at me for a long moment, spun on his heels and stalked back down to his car before he could change his mind and turn back.
I stumbled backwards until I tripped over the first step and fell, the pain in my abdomen and hands nothing compared to what had begun to spread through my chest.
"Blake?" Cam was holding his side in the doorway, Mom a few steps behind him.
"He kissed me." I said before I could stop myself, "What if-"
"HIV can't be transmitted through saliva, honey." Mom answered before I could finish. I nodded, glad to have it cleared up so I could focus on what I had just said.
"He did something good and that's what he gets in return for it?" I could hear my shaky voice starting to rise. Mom stepped on to the porch, her eyes glistening.
"Sometimes bad things happen to good-"
"It's bullshit!" I screamed, "That someone donating blood gets that in return. Is that what life is, a bunch of bullshit, Mom?" I stalked up the steps and glared at her.
"Why can't you save him? He's sick and your a doctor, why?" I could see pain break out across Cam's face as he stumbled on to the porch for me.
"Blake, sweetheart. It's not curable." She started crying then, silent tears falling on to her rosy cheeks.
"Then you're not a doctor!" I cried, "And you knew!" I saw a strange look flicker in Cam's eyes, revealing the last thing I needed to see.
"You knew too?" I felt as if a knife had been dug into my stomach, twisting and turning with every word that came out of either of their mouths.
"Blake-"
"Did you know?" I repeated.
"Yes." He gripped on to the post, his lips parting.
"How long? How long has he had it? Have you both known?" Mom shook her head, wiping at her cheeks.
"We're thinking a few months. Nobody was aware. The blood bank is being shut down by the health department, the nurse will be held at a trial. I've known since Mrs. Harper brought him in, sweetie." She tried to reach out, but I shoved her hand away.
"What about you, Cameron? How long have you known? How long have you been lying to my face?" He winced, and I was positive it wasn't because of his side.
"The night he was rushed to the hospital. I heard Shay and the doctor talking. I. . . I couldn't tell you, Blake. It wasn't my place to say-"
"Not your place?" I shoved him back, momentarily forgetting that he was hurt, "It's not your place to tell me my best friend is about to fucking die, Cameron?" This sent a whole other hurt through him, his eyes widening.
"I hate you." I shook my head and stalked down the steps, "Do you two even realizes what it feels like to be alone? To feel like the world loves to keep secrets from you? Like you can't say a word?" I felt my adrenaline starting to subside and a wave of nausea and dizziness washed over in it's place. I began to fall, ready for my head to hit the pavement when arms circled around me and hugged me against their chest.
For a moment I thought it might have been Wes, back to tell me everything. But the hand that brushed my hair out of my eyes was far too big to belong to Wesley.
"What happened?" James whispered, clearly shocked. I could see a woman and man climbing out of a car with small children over his shoulder. After a moment of hesitation, I buried my face against his chest and cried.
It seemed that the only one in the world right now that hadn't lied to me, hadn't kept something from me was my father.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24