Chapter Forty-Nine
Dani
Eli's dad is here again. I'm sort of getting used to him popping in every day. I wouldn't say I'm comfortable in his presence, but I'm not as uncomfortable as I used to be. He's talking to Eli while they eat more cake. I'm making coffee for them and tea for me and my mind is wandering when I hear my name being called. I jump a little, not really expecting it. I turn around quickly and ask, “Yes sir?”
I don't know who called me, so I'll go with the safe option of 'sir'.
“My pops asked if you wanted to go to dinner tomorrow afternoon...?”
“Oh.”
I don't know how to say no. I don't mind so much if it's just going to be us, but if anyone else is going to be there I don't know if I'm ready for that. It's like Eli reads my mind and he says, “It'll just be us and my folks. Possibly Ash too. No one else though, Dani.”
I think for a few seconds and Don says, “Connie is looking forward to seeing you again. She asks about you often...”
“Does she know....?”
“No, she doesn't know anything. She doesn't even know I'm here every day. I promised I wouldn't say anything and I will keep that promise.”
I nod a little and then whisper, “Ok.”
I have to try; I can't keep disappointing Eli and myself. I'll be off these drugs by Tuesday and I don't know how I'll react when I'm not on them. I best make the most of the slight calm in my mind.
I hear Eli breathe, “Thanks baby.”
Eli takes his dad home and stays for a training session. While he's gone, the weird phone calls return. They've been happening quite a lot since I've been at home. There's no talking, just someone breathing down the phone. At first I thought it was a wrong number or someone pocket dialing, but the odds of that happening continually are extremely slim or maybe even zero.
When Eli returns, I'm sitting at the breakfast bar clutching my mug of tea, which has now gone cold. I see Eli approach me slowly and he whispers, “Dani? You ok?”
“Yes sir.”
“Sure? Something seems to be bothering you.”
I whisper, “They're back...”
“Who's back?”
I see the alarm on his face and he searches the room for anything out of place.
“The telephone calls... They've started again...”
He lets out a deep breath and then asks, “When did they start?”
“Over a week ago. Pretty much since I've been home.”
“Did you delete the messages?”
“At first, yes. But today's ones are still on the machine.”
“Ok. I'm going to take the tape in to work on Monday and we'll see what we can find on it. Ok?”
“Yes sir. It's probably nothing, right?”
“Probably. But it doesn't hurt to check. Ash is going to dinner tomorrow. He was happy to hear you'd be there as well. You know it's going to be ok, don't you? I'll make sure you're safe.”
I give him a small smile. I know he'll try to make sure I'm safe, but he can't protect me from myself. I stand up, trying to rid myself of depressing thoughts and I ask, “Should we watch a movie?”
“How about we go for a drive? You need to get out of here. You should get some air.”
“Ok.”
“We'll just drive around for a bit and you can have the window open, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
As we drive around the city, Eli points out different tourist sights; things I haven't seen since I was 10 years old. We get home at 10 til midnight and I can honestly say I enjoyed myself. “Thank you, Eli. I liked that.”
“Good. I'm happy you enjoyed it. You should get some rest. Do you want me to sleep in your room?”
He knows I'm going to say yes, but he asks every night anyway. The nightmares are more manageable when he is there; there's no way I'm going to give that up easily.
“Yes sir, if you don't mind.”
“Of course not. Go get ready for bed and I'll bring your medication in.”
When Eli appears in my doorway, he's in an old Special Forces t-shirt. I smile a little at the thought of him being in the Army. When I really think about it, I realize I'm actually very luck to have met Eli. I mean, there's probably no one better to protect me than someone who was in Special Forces, is there?
He stares at me for a minute or two and then he asks, “What you smiling at?”
“You.” The truth slips out before I can stop it and there's a moment of panic in me when I realize he could blow up at that simple word.
Instead of blowing up or getting angry, he simply questions, “Me?”
“Yes sir. Just thinking how lucky I am to have you here.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. That t-shirt makes me wonder if there's anyone else out there better equipped to protect me...”
I feel the blush rising on my cheeks at such a confession. I don't know what has happened to me in the last few days. I would never admit these things before.
“Well, there are more people who are better trained than me, but I'm glad you are confident in my ability to take care of you. I just hope I can live up to that standard. You ready for the shot?”
“Yes sir.”
As he raises my sleeve, he runs his fingers over my scars. I look away, ashamed of the lines that run across the tops of my arms. I can feel myself trembling but not just from fear. It seems like Eli's touch has become less scary, like he is slowly breaking through the bad memories.
He gives me the shot and his fingers trace the scars on my upper arm. He whispers, “Are they both like this?”
I don't know why, but I feel the compulsion to answer instead of evading the question like I usually do.
“Yes sir.”
“Look at me, Dani. You don't need to be ashamed. It's not your fault. Did it hurt?”
My eyes flicker to Eli's for a brief second and I see genuine concern and interest in his expression. I whisper, “You have no idea...”
“Anything like being shot?”
I shrug and say, “I've never been shot. Actually, that's one thing I haven't experienced.”
“I'm so sorry, sweetheart. You shouldn't have gone through any of that.”
“Not your fault. Eli?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you been shot before?”
“Yes ma'am. A couple of times.”
“Did it hurt?”
“Like you wouldn't believe. Although, I was more concerned about not dying to worry too much about the pain. After the adrenaline wears off, that's when the pain hits you.”
“Did it happen in the army?”
“Yes and in the NYPD.”
“Sorry, I shouldn't ask about it. I'm sorry.”
“No, it's ok. I like that you want to know. You want to get into bed and I'll tell you about it?”
I nod and get into bed. He makes a move to sit in his chair, but I ask, “Can you stay here for a minute, please?”
“Of course.”
He sits at the side of my bed and holds my hand as he tells his story.
“Our team was in Afghanistan, searching an enemy compound. We had word that they'd captured some US aid workers, so we were really on a rescue mission. Anyway, we were under pretty heavy fire, they'd noticed our position before we had time to take proper cover. There wasn't an easy way in with cover, so we had to just risk exposure. One of our guys had taken some pretty serious fire and he was badly injured. We couldn't just leave him in the line of fire, so I had the guys cover me as I ran to get him. As I was on my way back to the team, I got shot through the shoulder and in the leg.”
“Wow. Was the other guy ok?”
“Yeah. We managed to bandage both of us up enough to get out of there and back to camp.”
“Did you get the aid workers?”
“They weren't there. They'd been moved just before we got there. Our intel was a couple hours old and it made a big difference.”
“All of that for nothing...?”
“It was our job. I loved the Army, but I'm glad I'm out of it now. There's some things you have to do that eat at you. At the end of the day, it's your job. It's about survival and protecting your country. But there's things I had to do that no one should ever have to be faced with.”
“Eli?”
He nods and I take a chance asking my next question, “Have you ever told anyone about it?”
“No ma'am. We don't talk about it. I mean, Ash was there; he knows what it was like. But there's decisions I had to make for myself and my team. That rests solely on my shoulders and I have to live with it, but we don't talk about it ever.”
I stay silent and then he chuckles, “I'm a fine example, huh? I'm trying to get you to talk about what's on your mind when I don't even do it. Not really leading by example, am I?'
I whisper, “It's ok. It's hard to get things out in the open.”
“I know. Once you say it, you can't take it back. I understand that completely. However, I knew what I was signing up for. I knew there would be tough decisions to make. You didn't sign up for anything. You didn't have training to try to help with any of it. Your past has to rest more heavily on your shoulders because of that. I'm not saying you have to tell me, I'm just letting you know I'm here if you ever want to. Ok?”
“Yes sir. And the offer is returned, if you ever need it.”
“Thank you. Although I don't know if I want you to see that side of me just yet...”
Can it really be any worse than what I've already been through? But I do understand how he feels. I don't want him to think of me differently because he knows what happened, which is mainly the reason why I haven't told him. However, I'm starting to wonder if we can have a long term friendship when we constantly skirt round the issues we both obviously have. Since when did I get on the psychology page?
Eli's voice breaks through my thoughts as he says, “And now I know how you feel about telling me your past. Wow, have I been blind.”
“I think we both have to deal with stuff before we can bring anyone else into the mess...”
He stares at me for a minute or two. Just when I'm starting to squirm under his gaze, he smiles and squeezes my hand.
“You're very right. You're wise beyond your years, Dani. You know what I think?”
“No sir.”
“I'm thinking two things right now, actually make that three. One, I think those drugs are really making a difference. Two, I think you are an absolute sweetheart and a very special person. And three, I think you're good for me; you make me a better person.”
Before I realize what I am doing, I scoff at that last statement. Actually, I believe none of those things about myself, except for the drugs actually making a difference. I know that's true. I know I'm not a sweetheart or a nice person and I know that I certainly can't be good for Eli. There's no way on this earth that I can make him a better person. He has no idea what my true self is, so he can't comment on that. He only knows what I've let him see and what I've told him. If he only knew of all the awful things I've done, all the disgusting acts I have taken part in, then he certainly wouldn't have said any of that.
It's as if he almost reads my thoughts because he whispers, “It wasn't your fault, none of it. It doesn't matter what you think about yourself, I can see the truth. You just haven't seen what I see yet, but you will. I promise I will show you what I see.”
He gives my hand another squeeze before placing a quick kiss on my knuckles. I gasp and tense up, but he doesn't comment. He just shoots me a boyish grin as he climbs onto his chair, bidding me goodnight as he throws the quilt over himself.
A/N: I'm not sure I'm happy with this chapter. Every time I wrote it out, it didn't come across the way I wanted it to. Hopefully it doesn't suck too much.