Don't get too excited, this chapter isn't really the length it says it is...
Enjoy💜
If This Is Love: 2 | This Really Fucking Hurts
| Laura Renae |
| January 6th, 2017 |
Creeping down the hallway, I keep my eyes glued on Ross' bedroom door. It was close to three in the morning and for some reason, I've been tossing and turning in my bed with a few things on my mind, one being moving houses. Rocky has met with our recent realtor and she's already set up a few house tours for the four of us to go on, and I'm a little nervous that I won't like living with Rocky, Ross and Ry. I won't have my brother or Rydel, so I'd be living with unsanitary men. Shaking my head off my disgusting thoughts, I slowly opening up Ross' bedroom door. Surprisingly, he was awake.
"Can't sleep?" He asks, his voice soft. He had his laptop in his lap, which was also a surprise because he hasn't been using his laptop all that much.
"Nope." I reply, making my way over to his bed. He quickly shuts his laptop and set sit beside him on the nightstand. I take my glasses off and get under his covers, even scooting closer to him so he could wrap me up in his arms so I could fall asleep in seconds. But Ross didn't move, didn't grab my waist or my arms, he didn't even touch me at all. "Are we not going to sleep?" I ask.
"Look..." He starts, shifting around. He turns on his lamp and then sits up even more in his bed, completely facing my body. Just so I could actually be able to see his face clearly, I reach for my glasses on his other nightstand and shove them on my face. "You know how I had a date the other day?" He asks. Slowly nodding, I was about to open my mouth to tell him he never gave me the details, but he held his finger up. "The date went good, and that's what I want to talk about."
"Okay, so the date went good. How good is good? What'd you do?" I ask, growing a bit excited. Ross' smile widens. Aw, I love it when he smiles.
"Amazing." He breathes out. "I uh, we actually went out the next day, and then the day after that we hung around her apartment she shares with her two cousins." He slowly explains. Again, I nod my head, not really understanding what he's trying to tell me. "I asked her to be my girlfriend earlier today when we hung out." He says. I nod my head a little. Does he want to be congratulated or something? I was waiting for him to say more, but he just sat there, staring at me with his guilty look on his face and in his eyes.
"Congrats?" I question, not really sure on what I'm suppose to say to him. I'm glad you have a significant other? Like what the hell? Ross sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to say, Ross." I mumble.
"But I know what I have to say." He whispers, looking down at his lap. Furrowing my eyebrows out of total confusion, I sit up a little straighter and start to mess with my fingers.
"What do you have to say?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
"We can't... we can't do some things that we do now anymore." He starts.
"What do we do now that we can't do anymore?" I ask, still completely confused. He sighs, completely nervous and most importantly, completely guilty. He didn't talk for a minute, which made my chest ache. This hurts.
"This." He then says. My head drops and my gaze gets fixed on my lap, staring at the gorgeous ring Ross bought me years ago for my birthday. That I still haven't taken off. "Sleeping in the same bed... cuddling in the same bed... pretty much everything we do that's more intimate than being friends." His voice was soft, almost like he knew he was hurting me. Well, he most definitely is hurting me.
"Oh." I whisper, feeling my eyes water up. Pressure builds up in my chest, causing it to make it harder to breath the tighter it gets. Why does it hurt so bad?
"I'm sorry, bean." He whispers. "But I don't think Brianna would really like it if I slept in the same bed as another girl." He keeps his voice low, and with every word he speaks, my chest hurts a little more. What's going on? "I'm not trying to hurt you, I just... we need to stop being so friendly."
"So I just don't get you as a best friend anymore?" I ask, not daring to look up. I knew that the moment I lock eyes with him, I'd lose all control and cry in front of him.
"No, you're still my best friend, bean. You'll always be my best friend. It's just... we can't do the same things we use to. You can still come to me first, you can still tell me everything, the only thing that's changing if physical contact." He explains. It still hurts.
"How am I suppose to sleep?" I ask, closing my eyes completely. If I opened them, the tears I'm attempting to hold back would flow right out. "Ross, you help me sleep. How am I suppose to sleep if the one thing that actually gets me to sleep won't even let me be in his bed?"
"We're both going to have to look into that." He quietly says. "If you want, you can stay in here tonight with me. Just one last time." I don't say anything. This still really really hurts.
"I should go." I don't even know if those words came out of my mouth. I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach and the wind got knocked out of me, all while a knife is slowly dragging down and across my chest simultaneously, leaving me in nothing... just nothing.
"Oh." He replies. "Do you want me to walk you to your room?" He asks quietly. Shaking my head, I slowly move myself off Ross' bed and plant my feet on the ground, finally opening my eyes once my back was turned to Ross. "Night, bean. Love you." I couldn't bring myself to talk. "I hope you fall asleep." Weakly, I make my way back to my room, trying with every single inch of strength I had left to not let a single tear escape until I was alone in my bedroom. Shutting my bedroom door, I set my glasses on my nightstand, climb onto my bed sit up against my wall, grab my pillow, and let the rivers flow.
This really fucking hurts.
| The Next Morning |
I have never looked and felt more terrible in my life. I got zero sleep last night, like legit zero. Instead, I kept crying nonstop. Not like the loud obnoxious cries, but the silent cries where as hard as I tried to be loud scream, no sound came out. Nothing but tears. Thanks to my tears, my eyes were so puffy it looked like I got punched in the eyes without getting bruised up. Sad thing is, I couldn't do anything about it.
It was almost nine o'clock, I'm usually up and at it by 7:30 or 8:00, and the fucking band has business calls all afternoon, plus a late night writing session. I couldn't even put my fucking contacts in, that how bad it is. Groaning, I open my bedroom door dressed in baggy and a random sweatshirt that was too small for Rydel, and make my way to the kitchen to start my day off, even though I felt as shitty as ever.
"Holy fuck, Laura. Your eyes are so swollen." Rocky says, his own normal eyes wide. I brush off his comment and look around the kitchen, no Ross in sight. That's good. For now, at least...
"Why are they swollen, Laur?" Rydel asks me, handing me a blueberry bagel with cream cheese on it. I give her a small smile and stand beside Riker at the counter.
"I must've bought a bad brand of makeup remover wipes." I lie, tightening the bun on my head. "It should go down soon." I add, grabbing the glass of orange juice from Rocky. "Where's Ell?" I ask.
"Showering." Rydel replies. "Do you know where Ross is? When I got up his door was open and he wasn't in his bed or the bathroom. I figured he was in bed with you, but since you're out here and he's not..." Sucking in a breath, I set the glass down and bite my bottom lip. Just the mention of his name caused my chest to tighten and ache. "You okay?" She asks, her concerned face turned right on.
"Uh, I actually don't know where he is. But I would guess he's out." I tell her, giving her a slight smile. I was almost positive Ross hadn't told anybody about his girlfriend, because I'm always the first person to know anything, so I decided to have his back. Even though he's causing me pain.
"When did you go to the store?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at me.
"Why?" I ask, narrowing my eyes right back at her. Well, I tried to narrow my eyes back at her. Considering they were really puffy, it looked like my eyes have been narrowed this whole time.
"Just wondering when you bought these new makeup wipes, that's all. I thought you bought new ones two weeks ago. There's no way you ran out already." Shit.
"I had enough left over from the time before to last me until last night." I reply, completely lying right through my teeth. And if she went to mine and Ross' bathroom, she'd be able to tell that I'm lying off my ass. Either she believed me or she caught on to the fact I wasn't going to crack anytime soon, because she sighed and continued to clean up the kitchen. Not even five minutes later, Ross walked through the front door with his usual dressed self; ripped jeans and a button up. Fuck, why does he look so sexy? Why am I thinking this way?
"Where the hell did you go?" Riker asks. I quickly grab my orange juice and take a small sip, hoping with everything I've got that Ross wouldn't talk to me.
"I went out for breakfast." He replies, completely chill. "Why, what's wrong?" He asks.
"Nothing, we just didn't know where you were. I came down and your bedroom door was open and I just thought you were with Laura. Obviously you weren't." Rydel replies, shrugging her shoulders. "So I'm guessing you don't want a bagel?"
"No, I'm good." Ross tells her. His footsteps got louder and I kept on praying he wouldn't come over here, but I felt him make his way to the side of me where Riker wasn't. "How'd you sleep, bean?" He asks. Chest is tightening. Stomach is feeling queasy. What the hell is happening to me?
"Fine." I reply, taking a deep breath. I keep my eyes on my breakfast, not wanting to look up at his face. Ross' fingers grab ahold of my chin, sending shocks throughout my body as he turns my head and looks me in the eyes.
"Jesus, why are your eyes so puffy?" He asks. Not liking the feeling in my body when he touched me, I slap his hand away and take a step back, catching everybody's attention. Could this morning get any worse? "What was that for?" He asks.
"You know why." I whisper, finally looking in his eyes. He furrows his eyebrows a little before giving me a small smile, probably about to make a stupid joke. "That was intimate, she wouldn't like that." His smile slowly fades.
"Who wouldn't like that?" Riker asks.
"His girlfriend." I say, turning away from Ross to face Rocky and Rydel on the other side of the counter by the sink and stove. Rydel's eyes soften as she looks my way. "I actually need to shower if I want to be ready for business calls." I tell the four of them. Even if it made no sense because business calls are not something you have to look good for, they all still nodded and let me leave.
"So, who's your girlfriend? Thought it'd be Laura." I hear Rocky say, the smirk evident in his voice. I'm sorta with you on that, Rock. I went to my closet first and picked out some plain black leggings, a band t-shirt that Stormie ordered for Rydel and was too small for her so she gave it to me, a thong, a nude bra, and called it good.
"Morning." Ellington says, walking down the stairs. I give him a small smile. "Why are your eyes puffy?" In this exact moment, I felt like breaking down and crying into his chest like I use to do as a kid when I got hurt. Don't do it, Laura. Instead, I step back.
"Wrong makeup remover wipes." I quietly say, shutting my closet door. "Um, everyone's in the kitchen." I tell him. He hesitates to nod his head, which is weird because I've literally said nothing that would confuse him or worry him. "Why'd you hesitate?" I ask.
"You're not telling me something." He replies, narrowing his eyes at me. "You've bought the same makeup remover wipes since you were fifteen, there's no way they're puffy from that." Shit. All of a sudden, his whole face softens. "Were you crying?" He asks, stepping closer to me. I take a step back again.
"No." I immediately say.
"Why were you crying?" He takes another step closer.
"I wasn't crying." I snap, stepping back.
"Yes you were." He snaps right back, grabbing my wrist. "Do I need to call mom?" He asks.
"Ellington, no. I'm fine." I say, ripping my arm out of his grip. "I need to shower." I walk to my bathroom and shut the door, making sure to lock it. I never lock it. Ross and I usually use the bathroom when the other one is in the shower, but since we can't do that shit anymore, I'm locking it. I don't care if it pisses him off. He made the rules, not me.
• is this chapter better than last chapter? i really hope so... anyways, the next chapters will be probably a little emotional for laura so if she seams like a baby, please don't hate on me or her. don't forget to vote, comment something sweet, and follow me! love you, babes💜 •
Question: Favorite book of mine?
Answer: Uuhhhh... the most enjoyable one to write is either A Little Unsteady or I'm What You're Missing. And hopefully I'll enjoy this one just as much, maybe a little more.
-rydelly_belly💜
Also, this is kind of embarrassing, BUT I FORGOT TO GIVE CREDIT TO TJOSE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO MAKE ME A COVER!!!! I'm so sorry I didn't use any of them, but I've never been so satisfied with my own simple cover before. But thank you all so so so so much!!!!! Now, without further ado...
Covers by Atla12
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