I keep driving and driving with no destination in mind, I just want to escape. However can one from from the demons in their own head? I can give it my best shot. Danny has been ringing me constantly which can only mean he knows that I know. What do I really know? Will he kill me too? Will I end up like the Rosa girl in the picture? How have I not seen anything to warn me? Is any of this even true? Could it be possible that my Papa is.... Alive.
I realise I have stopped the car and started to sob at the possibilities this holds, if my Papa is alive and that he is also a murderer. Danny knows but he never told me, that's the thing I am struggling with the most as pathetic and selfish as it may sound. How could he watch me suffer? My mother died and Danny could of saved her. Does my Papa know my Mama died? That in '1a sense killed her. Her heart just couldn't heal from his loss. We never had closure, maybe because there was none to give. Didn't he ever want to see me? Maybe he just didn't love me anymore.
A knock on my window startles me and I jump in my seat to face the intruder of my silence. Fear and anger take my body hostage as I stare into the blue eyes that once brought me comfort, once brought me love. Now they seem foreign and strange. Are these what murderers eyes look like?
"Mads get out we need to talk." He orders stepping away from the door. Like he really get to order me around anymore. He's lied to me for god only knows how long.
"Go away Daniel! I don't want to see you right now." I shout the fear making my voice tremble, but I won't back down - I can't. I twist hitting the lock button.
"So Blake gets his chance to tell 'his' truth but I can't? That's bullshit Mads and you know it." He yells running his hand through his hair slightly pulling it at the roots. After everything I have learned I still have the need to comfort him but fight against it.
"Okay Madeline your way as usual. So what did he say to you? Maybe I am a bad guy or some other shit but how will you ever know if you run from this? If you run from me?" I don't think I am meant to hear the last part but I do. I sit staring at my entwined hands on my lap trying desperately to make a decision, run away or stay and fight?
"WHAT?!........Does she know?.........I ASKED YOU DOES SHE FUCKING KNOW?!" I tense until I realise he is screaming into his phone. Is the she me? Is he finding out what I know? Will I be the next Rosa? Did the same happen to Bella? Oh god Bella! What did he do to her? Once again I am dragged from my thoughts by him knocking on my window the fear intensifying by the second.
"Madeline please get out the car or at least throw your coat through the window and I will back far away until the window is shut again....please?" He seems pained and also disgusted. What does he want my coat for?
"Why?"
He doesn't respond but starts tapping furiously away on his iphone confusing me further - if that's possible - until he holds it up to the window so I can see the screen.
*Blake put a listening device in your pocket he can hear everything you say. So either go in your pocket and pull out whatever you didn't put in there or give me your coat please*
Oh my god! Can he do that? I don't hesitate to completely jump out the car passing Danny my coat. I watch whilst he goes through my pocket pull out what looks like a small black button from an item of clothing and pale.
"Danny I swear I...." He silences me by holding up his hand as he turns and makes his way toward his car. He is leaving now when two minutes ago all I wanted was him to leave. I am alone in the world now.
I watch as he takes out a bottle of water and places the button into the liquid before shaking it vigorously then throwing the bottle as far as he can across the next field.
"Madeline I am going to come back over there if you want to get in your car whilst we talk do it now." He says softly but I somehow hear every word.
"Will you....Will you hurt me?" It's his turn to look horrified and I instantly feel bad for asking. This is Danny, My Danny.
"Have I ever, ever hurt you before?" He breathes out as he stalks towards me.
"I didn't know before." I state bravely or stupidly, I can't decide which one wins out.
"What exactly do you think you know?" He asks calmly.
"You killed Rosa." I know there are more but for some reason Rosa sticks in the forefront of my mind. She haunts my mind the most.
"Who the fuck is Rosa?" Oh God he doesn't even know the name of the woman he has taken life from.
"She...She was the same age as me, she looked a little like me. How can you not know her name! You killed her!" My sobs return with a vengeance and he takes a step closer like he wants to comfort me but I just can't bare him near me.
"Madeline, I am telling you the gods honest truth when I say this, I have never, ever took the life of any woman. I have never even hit a woman, or child for that matter in case he tried that one as well. Fuck Madeline you know me better than that!" He fumes and once again his hands are in his hair. For some reason I believe him. Maybe I have finally lost my mind.
"Well what about Bella and all the men?" I ask clutching at straws, he is breaking down my defenses so easily I am ashamed.
"Bella? Madeline she is alive and well I even proved that to Blake's wife." He explains calmly but all I hear is wife.
"Wife?" I whimper out. I really can't handle anymore betrayal at the minute. He is married.
"Shit! I never meant to tell you like that! Fuck this is such a mess!"
"Blake is married?"
"He set the whole thing up hoping to catch me at something through you or hurt me by hurting you. I am sorry Madeline, I wanted to tell you everything years ago but it was just too dangerous. It was bad enough that I was tainted, I couldn't let that happen to you." He say honestly and I fight my tears this is my best friend yet I judged so quickly.
"Is my Papa still alive?" I whisper, afraid either way the answer will hurt my already battered heart. He doesn't answer verbally he nods his head in a solemn yes.
"Does he know about Mama?" The anger is getting the better of me now.
"He was at the funeral Madeline?" He mumbles refusing to meet my eyes.
"No...No he wasn't I would have seen him." I demand.
"He didn't want to put you at risk, leaving you once was hard enough." He still won't meet my eyes when I desperately want him to see the anger, the hurt and the disappointment I hold in them because they kept me 'safe'.
"How did I not notice any of this?" I question out loud not really expecting an answer.
"You are brilliant at not seeing what you don't want to Madeline." He chuckles darkly agitating me further.
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Nothing." He recovers fast but not fast enough.
"Daniel don't lie to me anymore, please I deserve your honesty after all the lies and deception!"
"What do you want me to say Madeline? What do you want from me?" He yells and I swear I can see the tears forming in his eyes.
"The fucking truth!" I scream back in frustration my own tears threatening to spill.
"The truth Madeline is that since I can remember I have been in love with you and only you! Not the best friend or brother/sister love but the kind of once in a lifetime man and woman love. The truth is my dream as a child was to marry you, be the best husband to you and live everyday with that beautiful smile."
"You..." I am at a complete loss for words. This was not what I meant by truth. He loves me, or loved me. My mind can't catch up with everything that is being tossed out into the open like it's not some major bomb dropping on everything I know.
"Things changed though I had to turn into this person, the one who doesn't deserve you and I couldn't be enough for you." His broken expression is one I can hardly bare.
"You have always been enough for me." I don't know where that came from but I know with all my heart I mean it.
"I'm not Madeline, I'm really not. After we kissed all them years ago I told your Father how I felt. Stupidly hoping that because I was the man that he made me be that he would approve but it didn't go that way." He laughs bitterly and I cringe back.
"What do you mean?" I whimper. My eyes stinging from all the tears I have cried but somehow more still come.
"He told me if I told you how I feel he would take you away and I would never find you. I was not good enough for you, I was a danger to you. I had to chose to keep you close but never tell you how much I am in love with you, how you are everything good in my life. I couldn't survive having you taken away from me forever. I couldn't lose you Madeline."
I keep quiet trying to get my head around what he is saying. I can't believe my Papa would do this. He always loved Danny, he pushed us together. I was so jealous of how much my Papa loved him. Was everything a lie? What do I say to that?
"Please say something Madeline. I don't expect you to feel the same after what you have been told but please don't leave me Madeline, I couldn't bare it without you. I can be this person if it's to protect you but without you it means nothing. I mean nothing without Madeline." He begs clutching me hands in his, the tears still streaming down his cheeks and I realise I have never seen him cry. Not when his parents died not when mine did, well my Mama apparently the man I called Papa is the devil. I look into his eyes that are pleading with me silently to accept him. Is it that easy?
"I...