Before I get into things... this chapter is a really long chapter full of JUST flashbacks that I feel like are important to know. Not all chapters will be this long! Also, Courtney and Andrew will NOT be in this book. I repeat, Courtney and Andrew will NOT be in this book. I love both of them deeply, but I know y'all like raura so... no hate to either person, and you shouldn't hate them either because like, what the hell have they done to you? (besides take a away a possible ship that may never happen?) ((also, do not answer what I just asked, I don't want hate))
Also, I just want to thank everyone who's supported me through my previous books and now this one. Whether you're new or you've been around for awhile, thank you. I couldn't be here without any of you, I love you so so so so so much. And I feel like I don't say that enough, but I seriously love you all so much and am so thankful for each and every one of you. I'm still in awe over your amazing support. I hope you all know how important you are to me <3
Enjoy💜
If This Is Love: 1 | Flashbacks
| Laura Renae |
| September 6th, 2007 |
"Have fun both of you!" My mom shouts. Ellington and I stop dead in our tracks. "Love you both!" We heard her car take off seconds later. Glancing up at my big brother, his face was tinted red, most likely mirroring my own. He shakes his head a few times before continuing walking, making me speed up to stay beside him.
"What classes do you have tonight?" I ask Ell. He opens the door for me, allowing me to go first before following behind me and walking me to our normal cubbies.
"Uh, I think jazz and hip hop? I don't know, I might skip hip hop and go to the boyz crew, I just need to talk to Miss Tiff." He quickly explains.
"I have technique and then jazz today." I pout. I love having my lyrical or contemporary classes the best, only because I'm better at slowed down flexible type routines. Ellington chuckles and ruffles my hair. "What time is it?" I ask, tying my hair back.
"Six forty. Better get to your technique class, little sis." Groaning the slightest, I pull down my spandex shorts a little and walk off.
"Ten to twelve jazz mixed class?" Miss Tiff calls out. I walk over to the side, standing against the wall. We just had a recital for family members last weekend so we were about to learn all new routines, something I hate. I wish I could just be born with all my dances memorized. Life would be so much easier.
"How old are you?" A boy asks me. He had on a normal t-shirt with basketball shorts, his blonde hair spiked up, and his converse untied. Typical boy look.
"Eleven." I reply, shrugging my shoulders. I have never seen this boy before. His eyes widen after I say my age.
"Holy cow, you're eleven? You're like... a little bean." He tells me. My eyebrows furrow. Is that a compliment or a put down? "I mean, you kind of resemble a little bean because you're so... you're so short and tiny..." He mumbles. He shakes his head before laughing a little. "I'm Ross. My family just over here a month ago." He holds his hand out, which I take without hesitation, along with a wide smile on my face. I love making new friends.
"Laura." I tell him. "And I guess the height stuff just didn't hit me." I say, laughing the slightest. "Welcome to L.A.." I add.
| July 20th, 2011 |
"Did you see how many people showed up to that show?!" Ross exclaims, holding his hand up. I give him the high five I knew he wanted and jump up a bit to give him a hug. Despite his sweaty body, and mine, he rocked us back and forth a few times before pulling away to high five me again. "I bet almost a hundred people showed up." He says, grabbing the new water bottle from his dad.
"Oh, definitely a hundred." I tell him. Riker and Ellington walks up beside us, also talking numbers.
"Dude, that was like, the best crowd we've ever had." Riker says, his eyes wide. I couldn't help but laugh a bit.
"Mark said a hundred and three people were zapped in." Ell says. My jaw drops. 103? That's our largest crowd yet! "Mom wants us home before eleven." He adds. I frown.
"You guys aren't spending the night?" Ross asks.
"We have a breakfast thing tomorrow." I tell him. "Kelly is also is staying the night, so Ellington wants to get home quickly to shower in order to smell nice and fresh to impress her." I tease. Ellington rolls his eyes and nudges me before walking away.
"I'm bummed you can't stay the night, I was gonna put on a movie for us." Ross says, walking with me towards the R6 van.
"Trust me, I'd rather sleep in your bed or Rydel's bed than have Kelly sleep in mine. As much as I love that girl, I can't stand to share a bed with her. She's a kicker." I mumble, leaning into Ross' side. He chuckles and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer.
"Are you tired?" He asks.
"A little bit." I whisper. "Was it over an hour drive back to my place?" I ask, beginning to close my eyes.
"Uh, I think so." I nod my head, hoping I'm able to climb over the two row of seats. Luckily, Ross and I both successfully made it to the van and climbed over the seats to the very back, having Rydel and Ryland share the middle, Riker and Ellington and Rocky sharing the front, and Mark and Stormie in the driver and passenger seats. Smiling innocently up at Ross, I wait for him to notice me, hoping he knew exactly what I wanted. When he does finally notice me, he sighs and moves his phone off his lap. "Go ahead." Smiling wide, I unbuckle myself and lay my head on Ross' lap. "You're lucky you're my favorite, bean." Bean has been my nickname since the first day we met. That and little bean, just depends which one Ross feels like saying. He calls me it so often that sometimes his brothers call me bean, including Mark and Stormie.
"Thank you." I mumble, closing my eyes. He's definitely a better best friend than I am.
| November 29th, 2012 |
"Bean, come here real quick." Ross whispers, peaking his head through Rydel's bedroom door. I furrow my eyebrows and look to my left. Rydel was sound asleep, her soft little snores filling the silence. "I know you're awake! You literally just tweeted." Groaning quietly, I untangle myself from the covers and walk over to the door, gladly taking Ross' hand.
"Where are we going?" I ask, shoving my glasses further up my nose. Good thing I remembered to grab them or else this whole little stupid adventure wouldn't be worth it.
"Just to the backyard real quick." He quietly says, grabbing a giant blanket from off the couch. He wraps it around the both of us. I wrap my arms around his waist and let him guide us outside. He pulled up a chair and sat down first, letting me sit on his lap, something we only did when we hung out by ourselves. We rarely ever show our weird friendly cuddling stuff around the guys because we're bound to be teased. "Happy birthday." He whispers, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my back against his chest. He rests his chin on my shoulder as I grow confused.
"Ross, my birthday ended an hour ago." I say.
"Yeah, but I forgot to give you your present." He tells me. I furrow my eyebrows.
"What are you talking about? You gave me your present earlier today. Do you not remember getting me freaking concert tickets to One Republic?" I ask, turning my upper body around as much as I could so I could see his face.
"Well, I didn't give you my other present." He says, reaching behind him. Huh? He picks up a tiny bag. "Happy belated seventeenth birthday, I guess." He whispers, giving me a smile. Narrowing my eyes at him, I go back to resting my back against his chest and his chin goes back on my shoulder. "I know it's not much, but... I just... never mind, go ahead open it." I grab a small wrapped box out of it, to which I mentally slap Ross. I knew it was jewelry. Tearing the bright red wrapping paper, I found a black velvet box. Hesitating to open it, I squeeze my eyes shut. "Laura, open it." And I did. I didn't except to see such an expensive looking ring in it. It was a regular silver band, but it had a big iridescent kind of super light pinkish diamond in the middle with smaller regular diamonds surrounding it.
"Oh my gosh." I whisper taking it out of the box. "H-how? Why?... I'm seriously going to kill you." I whisper. Ross chuckles and puts it on my ring finger on my right hand. "Ross, how much was this?" I ask, turning myself around as much as I could again. He shrugs off my questions.
"You deserve a beautiful ring. I saw it a few months ago and... I started saving up a couple hundred bucks. You have a warranty on it so if you need it to be resized ever, you get it for free. And you get free cleanings." He quietly tells me.
"Thank you so much." I mumble, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. He chuckles and hugs me back tightly. "I'm never taking it off." I add, still hugging him.
"You better not. The day you take that off is the day we're no longer alive." He mumbles. "Promise me you won't take it off?"
"I promise." I whisper.
| July 5th, 2013 |
"I seriously love London. This show is going to be... unforgettable." I quietly say to Ross. The two of us were standing in the middle of the stage set for tonight, looking at the little venue. Ross chuckles and nudges my shoulder.
"Come on, bean. We gotta head backstage to get dressed and do a quick interview." He tells me. I sigh, slowly nodding to follow him backstage. Stormie already had my outfit picked out earlier today with Rydel's and left it hanging on the doorknob by our dressing room. My outfit for tonight was a black skater skirt type thing, a very light pink cropped tight tank top that went around my neck, a black leather jacket, some heel boots, and of course my ring I never take off. Stormie helped curl my hair while I did my normal makeup.
We had just finished the whole meet and greet process along with the mini sound check. And now, all of us were sitting on the steps backstage, waiting for an interview. Rocky sat on the bottom step with Rydel two steps above him, Ellington one step above Rydel and a little more towards the middle, then my self two steps below Ellington, Riker one step below me, and Ross one step below Riker. The interviewer hands the phone camera to Rocky who laughs and looks around.
"Give your name, your instrument, your age, and an interesting fact nobody would know about you." Not gonna lie, his accent makes him ten times hotter. Rocky mumbles an oh before looking into the camera.
"I'm Rocky, I'm eighteen at the moment, and... one fact nod it would really know about me?" He questions, squinting his eyes. "I can juggle." He says, nodding his head. He hands the camera off to Rydel.
"I'm Rydel." She laughs at herself, causing me to laugh with her, which then causes everybody else to laugh as well. "Um, I'm nineteen, I play keyboard, main keyboard I guess, and... I've never had a boyfriend." She smiles and hands it off to my big brother.
"Ellington Lee Ratliff here. Im twenty, I play drums for this band R6, and... what should I say for an interesting fact, you guys?" He asks. Riker laughs to himself before speaking up.
"Say you've never had a boyfriend either." He says, laughing even more. Ellington nods and smiles, looking back into the camera.
"And I've never had a boyfriend either." Before he could hand the camera to me, the interviewer asks him a question.
"What about a girlfriend?" He asks.
"I'm sorry, what?" Ellington asks.
"He does have a girlfriend." Rydel says. She then shows the camera her five fingers. "For five years." She adds.
"Whoa you guys, whoa" Ellington says. "Let's calm down and not talk about that." I give him a slight frown. I'm well aware Kelly and himself haven't been getting along very great, and that he hates talking about his relationship, but he seams actually offended. "Moving on." He finally hands me the camera.
"Um, I'm Renae. Or I guess Laura Renae Ratliff... I'm pretty much backup keys and backup vocals, oh and I'm seventeen... and I haven't had my first kiss yet."
"Which is a good thing." Ell says really loudly. "No boy is allowed to touch my little sister, hear me? If you do, I've got backup and it's called all the Lynch boys." I nudge his leg and hand the camera to Riker.
"I'm Riker, I'm twenty-one, I play bass... and I have pink underwear on." He smirks, handing it to Ross.
"Show them show them!" Ross chants. We all laugh as Ross gets a butt shot of Riker to show his pink underwear. "Bro, I'm pretty sure I'm wearing that same color." He says, laughing. "Uh, I'm Ross, I'm seventeen as well, I play rhythm guitar and lead vocals, oh and by the way Rocky plays lead guitar, and I have a kiss mark on my cheek from a girl earlier who took my picture."
"Hey." Ross says, suddenly appearing on the balcony next to mine and Rydel's hotel room. "Why are you out here?" He asks, climbing the small railing that separates us. He takes a seat beside me on one of the chairs, even scooting a little closer to me.
"Couldn't sleep." I reply bringing my knees to my chest. "I've been thinking about what my fact was for that interview earlier." I quietly say.
"The kiss?" He asks, turning his head towards me. I rest my right cheek on my knees so I could see him.
"Yeah." I whisper.
"Why?" He asks.
"Because I haven't had one." I say. "Like, I know Rydel hasn't either, but... I just feel like a loser. Ell kissed a girl so young and everybody in my family teases me for not kissing a boy yet." I say. "It gets annoying, really. Every family reunion, 'have you kissed a guy yet Laura Renae? Aw, don't worry, it'll be worth it when it eventually comes.'" I mumble, lifting my head up. "It's just not because of the teasing, it's mostly about wanting to know what it feels like. Just the experience you know?" It was silent for awhile. I was about to tell Ross to just forget about what I said, but he suddenly spoke up.
"I'll kiss you." He replies. I furrow my eyebrows.
"What?" I ask, fixing my glasses.
"I said I'll kiss you. If you want your first kiss so bad, then kiss me. I don't mind." He explains, shrugging his shoulders. "It's not like we're strangers, so it wouldn't be awkward." He adds.
"But we're best friends." I reply, narrowing my eyes. "Wouldn't that make it awkward?" I ask.
"Not unless we make it awkward." He says. "Plus, we promised the day we signed our contract with Hollywood Records that me and you wouldn't date." You and I, dingus. But he was right, we did promise that to the band, not the label. Just because the label didn't care and everybody else was worried getting into relationships would jeopardize the band.
"That's true." I whisper. "Okay, let's kiss." I say, bringing my bare feet to the ground. "But how?" I ask, panicking on the inside.
"First..." He reaches over and takes my glasses off, causing everything to be blurry. "Close your eyes." He says, growing excited.
"Excuse me?"
"Just close them, bean." I smile, loving my goofy nickname. "Please?" He asks. Sighing, I close my eyes.
"Ross, what's thi-" He presses his lips against mine. Oh. His hand was on my cheek, keeping my head in place. Within a millisecond, I move my lips against his. I didn't expect my first kiss to be long, but we stayed like this for awhile. Until I pulled away slowly. "Thank you." I whisper. Ross chuckles and stands up. "Was I bad?" I ask.
"Nah, you were actually pretty good." I laugh a little and take his hand to help me to my feet. "Night, little bean." I chuckle and give him a hug.
"Night, big bean." Ross grins before walking to his room. "Oh, and can we not tell the others we kissed?" I ask, looking after him. "I know I was just complaining about not having my first kiss but... I don't know if telling them I did with you would be the best option." I tell him. "Because it didn't mean anything." I add, hoping he wouldn't get upset. Because seriously, it meant nothing. And no fireworks exploded in me like all the books say it does and all the movies show.
"Good idea." He replies, snapping his fingers. I give him one last smile.
| May 9th, 2015 |
"You're in love with him." Rydel flat out says. I roll my eyes at her. We were currently sitting on her bed eating ice cream. It was breakfast, but since the boys were all playing hockey, we decided ice cream for breakfast was the perfect thing ever.
"Rydel, you're ridiculous. Ross and I are not in love. We don't even like each other. And if we did, it'd be completely and utterly weird." I say, shivering. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but we won't ever be together." She sighs and takes another spoonful.
"I don't believe you." She says. "Because one day he's going to bring home a serious girlfriend and you won't know what hit you until you see them kiss. That's when you'll know you're in love with him. And it'll be too late for the two of you. And you'll regret everything." Again, I roll my eyes.
"I've seen Ross kiss other girls before." I say. "And he's had girlfriends before. Was I ever once in my life jealous?" I ask. "The answer is no."
"But they've never been serious." Again, I roll my eyes. "Just wait and see." I roll my eyes, again, and shove another spoonful of vanilla ice cream into my mouth.
"Never. Going. To. Happen." I say, completely serious.
| November 2nd, 2016 |
When I can't sleep, I somehow always end up in Ross' bed. Always. And vice versa. If he can't sleep, he ends up in my bed. Well... tonight's one of those nights. As I creep down the hall, I stop at Ross' bedroom and slowly open his door. I sneak into his bed, being careful not to wake him, but I always end up failing. Just like now...
"Laura?" He croaks out.
"Yeah?" I whisper, setting my glasses down on his nightstand. "Sorry I woke you up. I was trying to be extra quiet." I whisper.
"It's fine. Come here." Smiling, I do my best and find his outstretched arm. As I cuddle up into his side, he begins to play with my hair. "Anything wrong besides not being able to sleep?" He asks.
"No, just the sleeping." I whisper back. Ross hums an answer, probably about to fall asleep again.
"Before I forget, what do you want for your birthday?" He asks. "You're turning twenty-one, it has to be special." At the mentioning of birthday and special, I immediately feel for the ring around my finger. Best birthday present ever. I still haven't taken it off.
"I don't want anything." I quietly tell him. "Maybe to set you up with one of my friends..." I trail off.
"No, Laura. Last date you sent me on turned out to be a disaster. She literally straight up asked how much money I had and how much I make daily. I don't even making money daily." He mutters. Laughing the slightest, I put my hand on his chest, I gently trace shapes on his skin with my thumb.
"Whatever, Ross." I mumble. "Good night."
"Night, bean."
| January 2nd, 2017 |
"We need to figure out living conditions" Riker says, a little irritated. "The owners of our house want to sell it and I'm well aware none of us really what to buy it." He adds, setting papers down. Ryland was over here with his girlfriend Kelsey, Vanni was also over, and all of us gathered at the dining room table. "So what's the plan?" I watch Ellington and Rydel look at each other.
"Um, Rydel and I kinda want to live alone." Ellington says, scratching the back of his neck. No surprise there. I look at him weirdly though. I've lived with him for a whole 21 years, my entire life. Living without him would just be... weird. "Are you okay with that?" He asks me. Slowly, I nod my head. "You sure? I probably should of ran this by you before deciding with Rydel." He says, a little guiltily.
"No, Ell you're fine." I reply, a small smile on my face. "I'm your little sister, I can't expect to live with you forever." I say quietly.
"Vanni and I want to move into together too." Riker then says. We all look at him. "Alone..." He adds. The whole table goes silent. We haven't not lived together for almost two years. This is going to be so weird. I seriously don't even know what to say.
"Well, what does that means for the rest of us?" Ross asks. "Move back in with mom, dad, and Ry?" He adds. "Mom made Rydel's room into the girls' room and Ryland got rid of my bed two years ago, and your guys' old room is a guest bedroom now." Ross explains.
"Well... the three of us could move into a house together." Rocky suggests to Ross and me. "Just a little one with a garage in back so I can make another studio." He adds. "Where Laura can actually have a decent sized bedroom." We all laugh a little. I've been cramped up in the den room for over a year...
"Does that sound like a plan?" Riker asks. "Because we have to be out in two months too, even that is stretching it." We all nod and look at each other. "Keep it close in the Beverley Hills area, because we'll obviously still hang out all the time." He adds. We all nod.
"I have a question..." Ryland says, speaking up. All of us look at him. "I'm turning twenty in April." He starts. "Can I move in with you guys too?" He asks, directed towards Rocky, Ross and I. Shit, I'm gonna be living with two boys, possibly three...
"I mean, yeah, I guess." Rocky says, shrugging. "If mom and dad don't mind. I mean, you're an adult, so they don't really have a say. What do you two think?" He asks.
"I don't care." I reply.
"Sure." Ross says. "But Laura gets first pick for bedrooms." Ryland fist bumps. He hasn't ever not lived with his parents. This'll be interesting. "Alright, I gotta head out..." He trails off.
"Where are you going?" I ask, just now realizing he was dressed a little fancier than usual. He ditched the converse for dress shoes and ditched his t-shirt for a nice white button up, the black ripped jeans remained the same though.
"I uh, I have a date." He says, looking around the table. I raise my eyebrows. "Bye!" He shouts, rushing for the door.
"Details tonight, mister!" I shout after him. After we hear the front door slam, Rydel speaks up.
"Jealous yet?" She asks. Rolling my eyes, I reach for my water.
"No." I say, taking a sip. "For the one millionth time, I don't like him."
"Just wait until you see him kiss her." Rolling my eyes again, I stand up from the table and walk towards the front of the house for my room. It won't be my room for much longer though. Soon it'll be me and the boys living together... save me please?
• okay, few things i need to say. this chapter is long, and like i mentioned earlier, not all chapters will be this lengthy. i can try my best to make them longer than previous books, but no promises. secondly, not all of this is accurate. and these flashbacks are kind of weird and bad, but it's my second time rewriting them and i just kept adding more and more and more and couldn't stop (hence why it's sooooo long). okay, that's it. don't forget to vote, comment something sweet, and follow me! love you, babes💜 •
Question: Since it's a fresh start, what's your name? (Full/nicknames)
Answer: Jessica is my full name, but I only go by Jessi or Jess, depending on what people like saying :)
-rydelly_belly💜