Epilogue
Dani's P.O.V.
It's been ten years since the night Eli and I took our vows. Life has been mostly the same; a mixture of cases, family and friends. There have been some changes to our lives though. We lost Scar a few years ago, just after Christmas. He served his country well and then he served us well. He died peacefully in my arms at our house. He was my little shadow and he gave me courage and confidence whenever he was around. Losing him nearly broke my heart and I couldn't even face the thought of not seeing him or having him follow me everywhere. Even now, the pain is still there. It has become more manageable, but I still feel a huge loss. His passing was terribly sad for the whole family. We had a ceremony for him and Eli had his ashes made into a diamond necklace for me. That necklace stays on me constantly. I never, ever take it off.
Maria and John have had three more children since our wedding. The twins, Joel and Josh were born ten months later and little Rose was born just a few months ago. I see the way Eli looks at the children when he doesn't know I'm there. I know he longs for his own family, but that is something I'll never be able to give him. He doesn't mention it and I know it's because he doesn't want to upset me. It's out of my control; I know that and I have tried to accept that. In fact, I have accepted it. What I haven't accepted is the hurt it causes Eli. It's not his fault and I desperately want to make him happy. I did consider adoption, and I discussed with Eli, but we both feel it isn't the right time for a commitment like that. His job is dangerous, let's be honest about that. I don't want to give up work at the precinct and I don't even think I would manage to stay at home with a child, let alone know what to do. For now, we've decided to put that on the back burner.
We've just re-homed two retired police dogs though, so the house isn't as empty as it used to be. It took us a couple of years to be able to think about having another dog and then two fell into our lap. Oscar and Buddy aren't Scar, but it was never our intention to replace him. They are different, but they are both beautiful and well behaved animals.
Arrow eventually joined Eli's team. It took some persuading but he decided to join the team about two years ago. I think he realized how much he was missing out on because he was away on surveillance a lot the few years before he joined. I think that was the deciding factor really. Ash and Arrow still spend most evenings at our house and I have grown very close to them. They have been like big brothers to me; taking care of me and helping me.
Life seemed almost too good to be true for a year or so. Then we got the news that Paul was being released from prison. I think everyone thought I would have a melt down over it, but honestly, I'm a different person to the girl I was back then. I mean, I don't want to see him or anything, don't get me wrong. However, as long as he stays away from me then I have no reason to even think about him. He has no influence on my life anymore; as long as he doesn't try to hurt me. I know that Eli and the team would never let that happen though. They've all taken on an extremely protective roll over me, especially since I became Eli's wife. I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing or saying that.
I haven't heard my poppa's voice in a few years now. I miss my parents terribly, but I know that they were there for me when I needed them. I'll never not need them, but I'm managing much better now. I guess my poppa knows I can cope without having to hear him guide me every step of the way. Connie and Don have been pretty great, trying to be my parents without trying to replace my real parents. I have been blessed with wonderful people surrounding me and I've come to realize this more and more as the years have passed.
I still see Sam, but usually only once a month now, unless something is particularly hounding me. We've managed to get to a place where I am at a lower level of medication. I'm not off the drugs completely and my dose is slightly higher than the usual recommendation, but Sam is happy for it to stay at that level because that's what I can function on. We tried to drop the dose even lower, but I started to revert back to my panicking behavior and it wasn't something I could control either. The chemical reactions in my body wouldn't allow me to take control of them and I was so distressed at my huge leap backwards that Sam decided to increase the dose again. It's not something I like or want, but it's necessary for now.
There isn't enough evidence or results from electroconvulsive therapy to convince me that is a safe option. There aren't enough years of evidence to tell us how patients are long term after the treatment so I discussed it with Eli and we decided it was too risky. He said he'd rather have me panicking but still his Eli instead of a version of myself that neither of us know. And I tend to agree with him on that.
The days aren't as much of a struggle as they used to be and I'm accepting my life and the things that I have. Knowing that the devil man isn't going to be back is a huge relief and since the day he was transferred to Russia, we haven't heard anything more from the Bratva. I'm not foolish enough to believe they aren't out there, but I'd like to believe they aren't interested in me and that they know the guys will come after them if they try to hurt any of us.
I do still have moments of panic, but they are nothing like they used to be. I'm even able to go to the store now without having a freak out. I had never been able to do that before and in the last year or two I have actually been able to go grocery shopping. Eli and I go jogging in Central Park at the weekends and I'm even pretty good with visitors being over and using our pool. We host half of the barbecues in the summers and Connie and Don usually have the other half at their house.
Things with Eli have been pretty incredible actually. I don't know how, but I seem to love him more and more each day. He steals a little more of my heart every single day. Sometimes it's just a simple smile or one of the ways he shows he cares or takes care of me. He has shown me the definition of love in the emotional sense and in the physical sense. I never thought I would willing choose to let someone love me like that, but I have and I do. I know Eli would never hurt me and while my insecurities and self-doubt are still there, I know that Eli would never intentionally hurt me. Sometimes my subconscious forgets that and I have to fight back the memories, but Eli and I work through them together. He is such a special man and I am truly blessed to have him in my life and as my husband.
Who knows what else the future holds for us, but I do know that I can get through anything if Eli is with me. We've already dealt with so much individually and while we've been together, and now we're stronger. As long as Eli is with me, then I know everything will work out. He has the ability to take control of every situation, so I have no doubt that he'll make sure it all works out.
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Eli's P.O.V.
The last ten years have been better than I could ever have imagined. Dani is perfect. Our relationship is so strong and she trusts me more every day. She still has moments of fear and panic, but they are much less frequent now. I don't know if Dani will ever be completely and totally relaxed, but she's comfortable and happy with the way things are right now. We're both happy with our lives at the moment.
When we lost Scar, Dani retreated back into her shell a little bit. I think she didn't know how to cope with another lose and it nearly broke her heart. It nearly broke my heart watching her grieve like that. She had a special bond with that dog and he was more than just an animal to her. He gave Dani confidence and courage because she knew he would protect her. She knows I will take care of her, but Scar was by her side whenever I couldn't be. I will forever be in his debt for helping Dani and taking care of her like he did.
I finally convinced Arrow to join my team a few years ago. We're all getting older and I like us being a team again. I know Ash and Arrow have my back whatever happens. I am aware of the fact that I can't keep jumping into ridiculously dangerous situations forever. Something has to change and I have spoken to the Cap about it. He's up for retirement soon and I'm not sure I want to run my team under another Captain. I have some options, I'm just waiting for confirmation to see which path I choose.
We've just accepted to re-home two retiring dogs from the canine unit of the NYPD. The house has seemed so empty since we lost Scar, but neither of us have been ready to add another dog to the family until now. We've had my nieces and nephews over quite a bit, but I see how sad it makes Dani. I catch her watching me when I'm playing with them. I see the pained expression on her face when she doesn't know I'm watching her. She's still terribly sad that she can't give me any children. To be honest, before I met Dani I never thought I'd live long enough to have children. All my time in the Army was spent trying not to get blown up or maimed so I didn't really think about marriage and children. I saw that as a distraction that I didn't need. Then when I met Dani I started to think about it a little more. I knew it wasn't going to be something that would happen in the near future back then, but I did allow the thoughts to creep into my mind. I began to imagine what it would be like to have a little Dani or a little me running around. Before I got to think about it too much, that possibility was ripped away from us. Yet another loss we had to deal with. Life wasn't very kind to either of us back then.
Things have been far better since, but I know it still stings when we think about it. We haven't really been in a place to have children anyway. Life has been far too crazy with both of our work schedules. Dani did mention adoption, but I knew she wasn't in the right place to give up work to take care of a child. I would never have asked her to do that if she wasn't ready to go all in. I wouldn't want to raise a child when work is taking up so much of my time. If I have a child, then I want to be able to spend quality time with them. I don't want the most of burden to be on Dani. Parenting is about both parties helping each other and bringing the child up together. Maybe when things settle down then we can think about it again. Although, I'm not sure we'd be considered great candidates for an adoption agency. Dani's history is bound to be brought up and they'd consider me a liability with my job. I guess that's something to deal with at a later date.
In the Cap's last week of work, he informed me that my transfer was approved, along with my conditions. I put in for a transfer to train the emergency unit, or SWAT cadets for the NYPD. I didn't know if it would be approved, especially as I requested that Ash and Arrow go with me. I'd mentioned it to them and they said they'd follow me if it was a go. I think they're looking for more stability and a slower pace now. I never thought I'd see the day when Arrow especially would be looking for something a bit more quiet in life. If there's one thing I've learned in the last fifteen years, it's that life throws you surprizes and curveballs constantly.
Obviously, I discussed the change in career with Dani first and she was happy I would be taking on a safer job. She's supported me, even after I got shot. I've always known she worried about me coming home safe, but she didn't ask me to give up my job. I wouldn't have blamed her either. We've been through so much and the outcome hasn't always been great or favorable. I would have understood if she'd asked me to change my career.
My other option was to go back into the Rangers to train the new recruits. That would have meant moving and living on base, which I'm not sure Dani would have liked. I didn't want to move away from my parents and I certainly didn't want to sell our house. There are far too many great memories in that house and I never want to sell it. I'd be quite happy to die in that house as a very old man. Preferably with Dani right next to me.
A quick discussion with Dani, Ash and Arrow and the transfer offer was accepted. That day was a game changer in so many ways. The four of us were heading to mine and Dani's house, as had become the normal routine. We were laughing and joking about something that happened during the day when we got to our front door. Sam was standing there looking rather shocked, with a basket at her feet.
She was quick to explain that the basket was already there when she arrived and she didn't look in it until she heard a cry.
Needless to say we were all shocked at the turn of events and none of us were quite sure it was real. Dani must have felt the same way, because she looked into the basket cautiously.
I remember the shock on Dani's face when the baby started to cry. Instead of grabbing the baby, she retrieved a note placed in the basket. I picked up the baby and held them close to provide some form of comfort as I read the note over Dani's shoulder.
It read: 'You seem like good people. I want you to have my baby, because I can't. Please take care of him.'
I didn't like the thought of someone watching us without me noticing it. I hadn't any of our neighbours being pregnant, so it couldn't be one of our neighbours. Ash dialled the cops while Dani and I tried to figure out what the heck was going on.
After an investigation and a medical examination, the baby was determined to be a healthy baby boy with no way of finding out who the parents were. DNA was taken but it showed no matches in our system, so we had no way to trace any relatives.
So, that's how Dani and I ended up with our baby boy, Levi Aleksei Ramirez. Definitely not something either of us could have predicted but probably something we both needed. Life has given us another curveball and we'll get through it just like we do everything else; together. There is no one else I'd rather have by my side through it all. I'm so proud of Dani, the change in her and our life together. We may have our challenges, but we can face everything together.
The End.....
Author's Note: And that's the end :( I'm not completely happy with the epilogue, but I couldn't think of how else to write it. Maybe I'll change it at a later date.
So, I was thinking about a competition. I mentioned it in an update message, but I'm not sure how many of you guys got it. So, I was wondering if you guys would like to write a one shot for this story. It can be any character and you can make up any scene. The winning one shot I will publish on here after this epilogue. How would you all feel about that? If it's something you'd like to do, then let me know in the comments and I'll give more details.
I hope you liked the epilogue. Thank you all for sticking with me through this journey. You guys are so totally amazing and I could never have imagined my story would be so popular. I am so unbelievably grateful for each and every one of you. Your votes and comments have made me smile and have inspired me in so many ways. Thank you all! :D