Arrington Noel Cruz
September 19, 1991
The tour is on a two week break thank God so we got to go home. I was in my room just thinking about all that's happened this past month. Donald is slowly starting to get better but when he takes his pills it seems as if it almost enhances his possessiveness. I've been in the house for 4 hours and he insisted on staying but I told him I wanted to be alone. The look in his eyes let me know that bothered him but he still said okay. I think part of him wants to hurt me when he feels I'm pulling away but the other part yells at him to contain himself.
My pager beeped for the 85th time and of course it was Donald. I didn't feel like talking right now and soon my phone rang. I knew it was him so I stayed still in bed. He left a message on my answering machine.
"It's me, talk to me baby.. I'm getting a bit annoyed. You're not answering and I'm trying to keep calm. Maybe you're sleep, call me when you get up." I pulled my covers over my body and turned over to stare at my window. I heard the door open and soon Kayla's footsteps were heard. She opened my door and I turned to look at her.
She scrunched her eyebrows. "Umm.. DeVante is downstairs just sitting in the car. I walked the back way so he wouldn't see me but it looks like he's been here for a while."
I got worried and slowly looked out my window but not to where someone could see me and sure enough there was De's car with him sitting inside staring at my window. I almost felt as if he was staring at me but I know the way my blinds are, he couldn't see me. I looked at Kayla.
"He probably just got there an hour ago cause that's when his pages and calls took a break."
"Umm.. And that's normal?" She asked taking off her shoes.
"Well De has mental issues and he's possessive so yeah."
She looked at me. "I always wanted to date a crazy guy, but I was scared during sex he might fuck around and choke my ass." We both laughed.
"Sex is great, it's just I don't know... Lowkey I think he's capable of killing me, but something inside of him tells him not to."
"It's called a heart Ari. No matter how mentally deranged, I believe true love can help anyone in any situation. Just be careful, that man loves you or at least has a strong attachment to you. If EVER you wanna take a break.. Do it gently, but other than his psycho ways I think you guys are a good fit." I smiled. Kay always knows how to brighten the mood. She sees the good in everyone around and strongly believes in the power of prayer and the power of love.
I walked in the kitchen to start dinner. It was about 5 o'clock so I figured it's a good time to eat. There was a knock on the door but Kay said she'll get it. While putting the country fried steak in the oil I felt a strong presence behind me.
I didn't need to look back cause I already knew who it was. I took the steaks once they were done and put them on a plate to cool. I stirred the mashed potatoes and checked on my greens and gravy. I needed to get the flour to make some cheddar biscuits so I had to turn and see him. I didn't bother looking in his eyes and told him excuse me. I grabbed the flour but the bowl and stirrer were on the top shelf. Kay overly tall ass gets on my nerves as I continued struggling I felt a big hand on my lower back and my fingers were replaced by his big hand. He pressed himself onto me as he got what I needed. He kissed my neck and I shrugged him off. He handed me the stuff and I turned around still locked in his arms. I gently moved his arms as I walked to another side of the counter to make the biscuits. He stared at me while I worked.
I put the biscuits in the oven and cleaned up the area. Helped me out by putting the stuff away and I thanked him still not looking at him. I was about to leave the kitchen after turning the food off and he stopped me by pulling me to him. He lifted my head up so I can look at him. He kissed me passionately and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands started to rub and grip my butt as he went to work on my neck.
"Mm.. Donald stop. Not in the kitchen and not while Kayla is here." I said trying to push him off but he pressed himself on to my lower half and I felt his erection.
He looked me deep in my eyes. "I called you and paged you, no answer. I thought you were really done with me. I can fix myself Ari. I can go to counseling. I can be a better man.. I can-"
I stopped him but hugging him. "Donald I'm not breaking up with you I told you that. I just needed some space to think about everything. I'm not giving up on you so easy." Bitch cause you can't my mind screamed at me. I wouldn't dare try to break Donald's heart, I know just by the look in his eyes sometimes that he's capable of doing more than I can think of.
"What you thinking about baby?" He said bringing my face to look at his.
"Nothing, I just spaced out. Uh you hungry?" I asked. He responded by lifting one of my legs and pressing himself on to me.
"Can I put the tip in first?" I rolled my eyes as he grinded into me. It felt good, but his ass lying talking about can he put the tip in.
"Donald you know good and well you get carried away and I said not here. My best friend is here, that's rude. Now do you want real food?" I backed up off of him and I heard a slight growl come from him.
He took a deep breath and then looked at me. "Yeah, I'll take everything. Food smells great babe." He said kissing my cheek. I nodded and took out his plate and brought Kayla's plate to her room. She thanked me and I sat my plate and De's plate at the dining room table.
We ate in a comfortable silence till I spoke up. "Your 22nd birthday is coming up in 3 days. What you wanna do?"
He looked up at me. "I don't want a party I know that much. I just want small gathering with family and then a nice vacation with you."
I nodded my head. "Where are you trying to go?" I picked up our plates and started washing the dishes. Once I dried them and put them away I noticed I didn't hear De respond. I walked back to the living room and he wasn't there. I walked to my room and saw him sitting on my bed, I closed my door.
"You never answered me. Where are you trying to go?" I said standing by the door cause lowkey it looks as if his mood changed.
"I don't know. Maybe a nice island like the Bahamas or Hawaii." He stared at the wall and then looked at me. "Come, lock your door."
I was hesitant but I did as told. I walked up to him and the tank and silk shorts I had on he started feeling them before taking them off. I stood there naked in front of him. He patted his lap and I sat down. He started to kiss on my neck and rubbed on my clit. I shifted under his touch letting out a deep breath.
"Who's is this?" He asked putting two fingers inside me. I bit my lip. "Hm? I can't hear you baby."
I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep my balance. "Yours babe."
"Who do you belong to?" I got quiet and looked at him.
"Jesus." I pushed him off and grabbed my robe covering myself. "Donald I'm not into that whole owning people thing. I'm not a slave and I'm not a dog. When I say I'm yours it doesn't mean for you to own it means like I'm your girl, your woman, I'm only here for you." I sighed and walked to the door. He turned me around laying me on the bed.
"I'm not the kind of guy who you should hurt. I love you, I'm not trying to own you but you are mine. I got just the thing to prove it."
He got on one knee and pulled out a ring. I scrunched my eyebrows. "Donald.. What are you doing?"
"Marry me. We can go now. I want to marry you."
I stared at him and he's serious. "De, we haven't even been together for a year. I'm 18, I'm not ready for marriage. I love you, trust me I love you so much but I'm not there."
"So you don't wanna marry me?"
I shook my head. "No it's not that, it's just I'm not ready to be married. I'm young as hell, I'm just figuring out life. I can't be a wife to you now. I'm not there mentally. 4 years from now, yeah I'll be down but no. I'm not ready. I'm sorry baby."
He closed his eyes and pushed the ring towards me. "At least, wear it. Make me feel like I'm wanted. Make me feel as if you care about me."
"Donald you know I care about you. I love you."
"THEN WHY THE FUCK WE CAN'T GET MARRIED?" I put my hand up cause he knows I'm not with all the yelling. He took a deep breath. "I love you. I'm changing myself for you and you can't even be my wife?"
I sighed again. "Donald, I'm not ready. Why are you being like this? You've never been one to push me into doing what I don't wanna do."
"I just want you to see I'm getting better."
"Donald I'll wear the ring but we're not engaged. I'm not ready, okay? Besides you didn't even ask my father for his approval."
He cracked his neck and took a deep breath. He does that to stop him from yelling. "Pack your shit, you're staying at my place this week." I stayed silent and got up to get everything I needed. Even though he is getting better; the new him is a bit more scarier.
Once I was done I put on some sweats and he took my bag from me. I told Kayla I would be back next week and she told me stay safe. We drove in silence, the air was heavy.
He put his hand on my thigh. "You know I'm trying to change for you. I love you to death."
I looked out the window ignoring his creepy comment. When we pulled up to his place I got out the car. He grabbed my bag as I walked to the front door. He opened it and I walked in immediately going to a nearby bathroom cause trust me, DeVante Swing is about to unleash.
I heard him throwing what sounded like a glass. I flinched but made sure I kept quiet.
"Arrington get out here." He called in a deep calm voice.
I shut my eyes and put my hand over my mouth when I heard his footsteps. He tried to open the door but I locked it. He chuckled and his footsteps left the door but I knew he was coming. Instead of the door bursting open, I heard keys jingle and I mentally cursed at myself. Of course he got keys to doors in his house. He opened the door turning on the lights. He stared at me for a good minute. He came closer and I backed up to the shower door. He grabbed me and took me out the bathroom.
"Stop running." He said with gritted teeth. "Sit down." I sat in the chair and he stood up pacing. "If you were someone else, I would've been killed you. I'm not going to, but don't keep any promises."
"Donald-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WHEN I WANT YOU TO SPEAK, I'LL LET YOU KNOW." I flinched as he came close to my face. I put my head down hiding my tears, he hates seeing me cry. He lifted my face up. "Stop crying Arrington you know I can't handle that. I love you, or at least I want to learn how to. I feel like I should've never told you about my condition now you're afraid of me. How can you love me and fear me?"
I shook my head. I'm just uncomfortable that's why I'm crying. This whole thing is way past my comfort zone. I love Donald but I'm scared of what he's capable of doing and it's the fact that I can't leave even if I wanted to.
"5."
I looked up at him confused. "5 what?"
"I killed 5 people."
I remained calm but lowkey I was like hold up now.. 5 bodies? Nigga? You basically in a gang.
"Were they all women?" I asked him. He looked at me and chuckled.
"3 of them were women. 2 of them were men, the new boyfriends of two of them. The first one, it was an accident she kept hitting me and I just choked her till I got tired. The second one she wanted to play me, so I killed her and that nigga while they were in bed. The third one, I really wanted her to love me. She kept lying. She kept talking to other guys. Occasionally sleeping with them. I really was getting myself together for her and I came home to see her and a nigga in my bed. The bed her and I shared. I made sure I fixed them good." He looked up at me. I stared at him with a blank expression, I don't want him thinking I'm scared of him. It only frustrates him more when I'm scared.
"All I ever wanted was to feel loved and to try and give it back. I know sociopaths aren't capable of loving, we just have the idea but not the real emotion, but I just want to return the emotion. Do I regret killing them? No. Would I do it again? Yes. Nothing pleased me more than seeing them take their last breath.. But then I met you. You pleased me in ways I couldn't imagine. You were innocent, genuine, and eager to learn about music. You can hold a conversation with me for hours. You bring me to a climax without sex. I want to love you. I want to be better for you. I want you to be my wife... But I get that you aren't ready. Still wear the ring because I'm ready whenever." He came closer and wrapped his hand around my neck. He inhaled my scent and kissed my lips. "I'll do anything to keep you here with me. I want you to know all about me so I'm letting you in. Don't fuck with my emotions... I don't want you to be number 6."
I nodded and he embraced me in a hug. I closed my eyes and hugged him back. This man has some weird trance over me. I can't stop loving him.
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Excuse any errors