I wake up groggy and hot. Too hot. I haven't woken up this stuffy in a long time, and yet, there's something extremely comfortable about the position I'm in. My skin might be searing and desperate for a cool breeze, but I don't dare move. Because wrapped around my torso is Seth's arm. He's snuggled into my back in a way that makes it impossible to move. I wouldn't want to anyway because I wouldn't want to wake him. I roll over just enough to be able to get a glimpse of his face. He doesn't stir, thankfully. It'd almost be cruel of me to pull him from his sleep when he's looking so sweet.
I carefully pull my arms out from beneath the blankets, anxious to feel the cool air against them. My waist is pleading for me to do the same for it, but I don't. Instead, I just lift the blankets slightly, wafting some fresh air beneath the covers and sigh when the coolness hits my skin.
This man is a freaking furnace. I forgot how scorching his skin could get and when that skin makes contact with my own, it's like my blood starts to boil. I need a drink of water or something, but instead of moving, I glance down at Seth's sleeping form.
I can't believe where things ended up last night. I had never expected us to cross that point, but I have no complaints whatsoever. The fact that he announced his love for me was like a blessed flood of water over my achy soul. It revived me, and until then I hadn't even realized that I'd been suffocating.
With cautious movements, I shift my body slightly so that I'm facing Seth. His arm drops away from my stomach, but I don't mind. I'm actually grateful to have some distance from his skin of fire.
He moans quietly in his sleep and then rolls onto his back. I watch as he brings an arm up to his face, resting it on his forehead. His chest continues to rise and fall with relaxed ease as his mind drifts further into sleep.
Now that I've been released from his hold, I quietly slip out of bed, gather my clothes, and head to the bathroom. Within five minutes, I'm showered and fresh. My hair is still dripping when I reenter the bedroom and I hurry to wrap it up in my towel. When I return my gaze to the bed, I find Seth sitting up smiling at me.
He still has sleepy eyes, slightly puffy from a night of little sleep. I giggle at the exhaustion on his face, proud to be the one that put it there. When he catches my eye, he pats the bed beside him, ushering me back under the sheets. I obey, running and jumping into the empty space beside him.
Reaching over to my bedside table, I tug open the drawer, pull out some gum, and fling a piece into Seth's lap.
"Thanks," he says, his voice deep and gravelly from sleep.
I smile over at him as I watch him pop the gum into his mouth and chew slowly. His jaw clenches with each bite, and I'm momentarily mesmerized by the movement. I want to feel that jaw moving beneath my hand as his lips graze slowly against my own. But, instead of leaning forward to initiate another display of passion, I lean back against my pillows and stare at him.
My mind is buzzing. Last night was so completely unexpected that I'm wondering if it was part of Seth's plan, or if it just happened. I really hope it was his plan, because if it wasn't then who's to say that it meant what I hope it meant for him.
"You told me you loved me last night," I say, a grin taking over my face.
"I did." Seth doesn't look at me, but I can see humor lining the corners of his eyes as he lifts one arm and rests it behind his head, his bicep straining against his skin with the movement.
"Why?"
Now he's looking at me. Dumb question; I know. I feel stupid asking it the moment it's passed my lips, but there's no going back now. I just need to know why he chose last night to tell me. He had said he'd never stopped loving me. If that's the case, why'd he wait over a month to say it back?
"Uh..." He looks stumped; like he's not sure what kind of answer I'm wanting. "Because I love you." His words sound hesitant—unsure. I don't like that sound.
"Yeah," I say with a nod. "But why'd you wait so long to tell me?"
He runs a hand down his face, shifting slightly so he can face me a little better. Then with a sigh, he lifts his gaze and pins me with the intensity behind his eyes.
"I needed it to be real," he says after a moment.
I can see his mind working to come up with a good explanation, but when he doesn't go on to explain more, my face dips into a scowl. He doesn't wait for me to verbalize my dissatisfaction in his response before he's answering the question written on my face.
"I'm sorry if it hurt you," he tells me, "but I had to wait."
"You did?" I don't try to hide the fact that I'm thoroughly unimpressed with his answer.
"Yes!" He's clearly a little perturbed by my lack of faith in his words, but I just remain calm as he continues on. "I know you, Mercy. I know you!" He lifts one leg so he can rest the elbow of his arm on his knee, and then he rotates his torso so he's looking directly at me. "Had I told you that I loved you the moment you said it to me, you never would have believed me."
"How do you know that?" I question, annoyed that he thinks he knows me better than I know myself.
"Because," he sighs.
I get the feeling that he's frustrated that I've started his morning off with another tension-filled discussion. I just really feel the need to get everything out in the open. We need to understand each other and learn where we went wrong so it never happens again.
"If you recall," he continues on, "the very first time I ever admitted to loving you, you took three months to say it back. Three months. Do you know why you did that?"
His question throws me off, but I instantly know where he's going with this. I can't deny the fact that he's got a good point.
"Yes," I admit, running a hand through my hair and dropping my gaze to my lap. "Because I wanted it to be genuine."
"Exactly!" I can hear the relief in his tone as a gush of air leaves his lips with the single word. "I wanted it to be real for you too, Mercy. I've been dying to tell you how much I love you. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see your face when I didn't respond to you, but I had to do it." He shakes his head slightly and offers a tight smile. "I didn't want to risk causing further damage to our relationship by making you doubt my words."
I just stare at him, waiting for him to say something wrong. I'm just waiting for him to mess up. I'm waiting for him to say the exact thing that will somehow have us taking a hundred steps backward... but he doesn't.
"I knew that if I had said I love you back right away, you would have forever questioned if I was just saying what you wanted to hear or if I really meant it."
I'm still speechless. Mainly because I'm not sure if he realizes just how accurate his thoughts were at that time. Though my body ached to hear him confess to loving me the very moment I said it to him, I think a part of me would have been angry that he'd repeated it just to please me.
"I'm glad you waited," I say quietly, lifting my gaze to meet his. He just stares back, his eyes squinted slightly as he works to read my expression. "I'm glad you didn't say it back right away. I'm glad you waited, and I'm sorry for forcing you to say it last night."
"You didn't force me to do anything last night," he says softly, his eyes twinkling with hidden meanings.
I laugh when he lunges towards me with swift movements and drags my body into his lap. I'm facing him now, our faces just inches away.
"I do love you, Mercy," he whispers, his minty breath sweeping against my parted lips. "I've never stopped loving you. You're impossible not to fall madly in love with, and believe me when I say this... but I think you snagged my heart the very first time you kissed me on that stage." I chuckle into the crook of his neck, but quickly pull away when he continues to speak. "But, I do have a confession."
My eyes scan his face, worry weaving its way into my chest as it slithers into my blood system.
"Uh oh," I mumble, trying to add humor to the moment even though I don't feel it.
"It's about the divorce papers..."
My fake smile drops off of my face, and I'm instantly sobering as my eyes probe his face for any signs of teasing. I see none. I instantly prepare myself for his next words to tear my heart in half.
This is going to hurt...
"Remember how I once said that I used those divorce papers as a technique for myself?" he begins to say. "As a way of preparing myself for giving you up?
I nod, unable to vocalize my thoughts. I'm in a trance. A horrible, world-shattering trance, and I have no way of escaping the doom that Seth's words are bringing upon me.
"You remember how I said that they were my way of preparing myself to give you what you wanted? That if you wanted a divorce, then I'd be ready because I love you enough to give you exactly what you want?"
"Yeah..." I respond hesitantly, my heart beating bruises into my ribcage. I can feel the sting of tears traveling through my tear ducts, a tidal wave of emotion ready to break through and drown me in misery.
"Well," he starts to say, "I realized that I don't love you that much."
I balk as slivers of ice scurry into my veins, freezing me in place. "What?" I gasp after a moment, horrified to learn that he loves me... just not that much.
"See," he pauses to glance at me, and it's only then that an indecipherable flicker of emotion pools into this eyes—a look that has me questioning his intentions for telling me this. "You could get down on your hands and knees and beg me to sign away our marriage and it'd never happen. I don't love you that much... I love you too much." His fingers are suddenly in my hair, sensations of tingling warmth radiating from my skull down to my stomach. "Call me selfish," he starts to say. "But I love you too much to ever give up on you, even if it's what you wanted."
"Good thing it's not what I want," I say, a smile finally brightening up my face.
Then I'm slapping a hand against Seth's chest as I collapse into him, my body releasing all the tension he'd caused with his words.
"I hate you," I mumble into his shirt. His chest vibrates against my ear as he chuckles, his arms circling around me as he pulls me closer. "You scared me."
"Sorry," he laughs. "I just really needed you to understand that there's no getting out of this. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not. I love you far too much to watch you slip away. I may have made that mistake one time, but I never plan to lose you again." He stops for a moment, his hands lifting my face away from his chest as he forces me to look at him. "I'm just sorry it took us getting lost to truly find each other."
"Yeah," I nod in agreement. "But, I think we'll only be stronger because of it."
He smiles at this, bending to dot my nose with a whisper of a kiss. Then he's stretching his arms over his head with a yawn.
"I'm making breakfast," he suddenly announces, forcing me to remove myself from his lap as he slides out from bed. "Any requests?"
"Bacon," I say without hesitation. "Anything with bacon."
With a smile, he's pulling on a pair of sweats and exiting the room.
I lean over to my bedside table and snatch my phone up to see what time it is. Instead of noticing the time though, my eyes snag on the one missed call and three new messages from Emma. I hurry to click on them, slightly worried as to why she was so determined to get ahold of me. After reading through them all, I sigh in relief and then dial up her number.
"Mercy!" she yells as soon as she answers.
"Uh..." I'm shocked by her aggressive tone, but I shrug it off quickly. "Howdy. What's up?"
"Eh." I can almost visualize her shrugging on the other end of the line. "Nothing really. Just kinda missed you."
I can't help but laugh. "I miss you too," I tell her. "And I wanted to say sorry for the other day. I know you drove all the way out here just to check up on me, and I barely gave you five minutes."
"Yeah yeah," she mutters, trying to brush off my apology. "I understood. You were grieving. I didn't expect you to throw your arms around me and start dancing. Besides, it gave me a chance to bug Lightning and Mallory all weekend. Pretty sure they won't be inviting me over for another two years after the mood swings I slapped them with. Pregnancy is really underrated." She sighs and I feel my lips spread into a smile.
"Well," I say, ignoring her attempt at turning my apology into a joke. "I'm really sorry. And I plan to make up for it. I want to come visit you soon and see how you look as a fatty."
"Shut up," she moans, and I can hear her chomping on something through the receiver. "I'm not fat... yet."
"Uh-huh," I joke. "Keep shoving potato chips in your mouth, and you'll be adding those pounds on quicker than a baby whale."
"Ha. Ha." The line goes quiet for several seconds before she speaks again. "Also, they're not potato chips... they're Skittles."
No surprise there.
We chat a little longer and try to hammer out some details about when I should visit. I inform her of the fact that I quit my job, so I'll have all the time in the world in about three weeks. She even seems impressed by my bold move and genuinely pleased to hear that Seth and I are mending our problems. Once we've talked ourselves into boredom, we end the call and I scamper into the dining room.
The entire house smells like paradise, but when I spot Seth carrying a plate heaped with bacon, sausage, and waffles, I know I'm in paradise. I make my way eagerly to my seat and plop down, my face shining with glee.
He takes a seat opposite me and then pushes a steaming cup of ginger tea my way. I sniff the contents before smirking at Seth.
"You always know how to make the best ginger tea," I praise.
"Thank you," he mutters, looking partially bashful and a whole lot prideful from my compliment. "Now, the next thing to do is teach you how to make a decent cup of coffee."
"Not happening," I tease, dropping several strips of bacon onto my plate and shoving a bite of waffle into my mouth simultaneously. "Not that I don't want to make you a mean cup of joe," I mumble around my food, "but because I honestly think it'd be a hopeless attempt on your part."
Then I get to work eating my food. It's only when I've finished off my waffle that I realize how quiet it is on the other side of the table. I can almost feel Seth's eyes watching me in silence as I lift wary eyes up to meet his scrutinizing ones.
"What?"
"Nothing," he says, shaking his head as he hides his smile behind a forkful of food. "I just love you is all... a lot. And I promise to never make you doubt that again."
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You guys have bumped my story all the way up to #2 in Chicklit!!! All your support (votes, comments, shares) mean the WORLD to me. I wish you could see my face when I say that. I'm happy beyond words. Thank you all!!!
<3 Kari