I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
-Daniel Bedingfield If You're Not The One
As much as Blaise did not want to tell Draco about what Ginny had told him, he couldn't help but try to push Draco in the right direction. Of course he wouldn't say what Ginny told him, but it didn't stop him from using what she said to help them out.
Besides, there was something that had seemed to be wrong with his best friend lately. He had seemed to be a bit sluggish. Blaise had noticed that during practices. Draco would miss the snitch, something that he rarely did. Next to Harry, Draco was the best seeker in school.
He also seemed to be slacking when it came to his schoolwork. He grades in potions especially had dropped, despite Ginny being his partner. He didn't seem motivated to do hardly anything. And the past two weekends, he had even said he didn't feel up to getting out of bed.
Blaise had a feeling that Draco was getting depressed. He hadn't seen him down like he was since their 6th year, when he was put up to the task to kill Dumbledore. The only reason Blaise could come up with was lack of true interaction with Ginny.
"What's wrong mate?" he asked Draco as they sat in Ginny and Harry's common room. Harry and Ginny had entrusted them with the password, and they were waiting on the two of them to come back from their Quidditch practice.
Draco glared at his friend. "Why do you think something is wrong with me?"
"Because you're acting like an emo git." said Blaise.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a muggle thing. It's when muggle teens go through this angsty, depressed, ‘the world hates me and I hate it back’ phase. Harry told me about it."
"Potter would know." muttered Draco as he rolled his eyes.
"I'm serious Drayke. You're starting to scare me. It's like sixth year all over again." said Blaise with concern.
Draco sneered. "What the hell are you going on about? Nothing now is like it was then. I'm not being pressured to kill anybody!"
"No, but you are pressuring yourself to not act on your feelings for Ginny!" exclaimed Blaise.
"Merlin’s bullocks, again with this shit? There are no feelings. There isn't anything to act on. Shit, I just got used to considering her my actual friend." said Draco standing up.
"Now you know damn well that's not true!" said Blaise standing up as well. "You enjoy hanging with Ginny. Shit you act like a crushing firstie when you're around her. You would go mental if she didn't want to be your friend anymore and you know it."
Draco and Blaise stared each other down angrily for a moment. Finally Draco sighed and admitted defeat.
"Fucking princess." he growled at Blaise.
Blaise gave Draco a smug smile. "That's queen, bitch. And don't you forget it."
Draco shook his head. "Okay whatever. So I like the girl."
"You care for her..."
"Okay, fucking whatever, I care for her! What does it matter when she doesn't feel the same way I do?" shouted Draco.
"How the hell do you know that?"
"Please. I can tell she hates my ass. She probably only puts up with me because you two prats are bloody boyfriends now."
Blaise laughed loudly at this. "Nah. Harry and I actually talked about it. He's my boyfriend but not my boyfriend, you get it?"
"Is that gay talk for like your gay best mate or some shit?" asked Draco confused.
"Yeah, toshpot." laughed Blaise once again.
"Oh. Well good. Good. I really didn't want to walk in one night on you two playing hide the snitch."
Blaise fell on the floor rolling back and forth with laughter. Draco chuckled, and helped Blaise up when he was done.
"You sir are a comedian. But don't think that I don't know you're trying to keep me from talking about your situation." said Blaise getting serious again.
Draco sighed. "Look, Zabini, I don't know shit about love. You know how I grew up. Sure Mother loves me, but Lucius was an absolute prick to both her and me. He never properly cared for her. I wouldn't know what to do with Ginny. And besides, she doesn't feel the same way I do about her. She thinks I'm an arrogant prat remember?"
"Why don't you try asking the lady yourself Draco? You may be surprised by what you find out." said Blaise trying so hard not to giggle.
Draco eyed Blaise suspiciously. "What? Do you know something I don't?"
"No, not at all." said Blaise quickly adjusting his facial expression from amused to indifferent. "I'm just saying, you know, that she would know her feelings more than I would. You know?"
Draco leered at him. "Yeah...right..."
Whenever Ginny felt like she needed to think, she would always come out to the lake. There was a tree that provided just the right shade, as well as a swing to sit on, which Ginny liked most about it. She would sit and swing on it and think of a simpler time when she was a child and her only focus was having fun.
She sat down on the swing and watched the giant squid flick birds that tried to rest on its tentacles. She reflected over the conversation she and Blaise had a few days ago.
So what if she had started to actually enjoy Draco's company? So what is she, dare she say it, fancied him? None of that mattered if the feelings weren't mutual, and Draco had made it clear many times that even being a friend was a strain for him.
All of a sudden she found herself moving, as someone had given her a gentle push. She looked back to see Draco looking at her, his face unreadable.
She sensed that this was to be a bit of a quiet moment so she looked back at the lake and lifted up her legs as Draco pushed her on the swing.
Soon, Draco sat down closely beside her, and the two of them kept the swing going by kicking at the ground every now and then.
The moment felt peaceful to the two of them. Who knew that a Malfoy and a Weasley would be doing something as casual as sharing a swing? And what's more, enjoying each other's company on said swing in total silence.
Ginny gathered up some Gryffindor courage and rested her head on Draco's shoulder, causing him to stiffen up for a second before relaxing and laying his head on top of hers.
The pair continued to sit in silence like that for a few minutes. Finally, Draco began to speak.
"Growing up, I was alone a lot" said Draco. "Lucius was always taking care of some sort of business and Mother would be shopping or some shit. She would take me but I was bored by it, so sometimes she would leave me in the care of some of our house elves. I would wait up for her and I could always tell when she carried me to bed because she smelled like freshly bloomed roses, and it would always linger until morning on my clothes from her holding me close. I loved waking up to that smell. She wasn't allowed to show me affection. My father always told her that it would make me soft. But whenever he wasn't around, she would shower me with it."
"My mother and father didn't like each other much. Their marriage was arranged and Lucius as you know was a brute who would use and abuse my mother. The only time he spoke kind words to her were in public for show. Then, back at home, he would yell at her and call her the worst names you could ever call a woman. No matter how much I hate Pansy Parkinson, even I would have never called her some of the names my father called my mother."
"My mother tried her best to shield me from it, but I always heard.l, and sometimes seen. I knew what was happening. She was happy when I started Hogwarts because I didn't get to witness my father being a piece of shit to her. But still, I knew. And even now, after the war, its...well..." he tried to come up with a word but couldn't.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really don't know how to care about you. Sure, I was taught to be a gentleman and, by my mother, never to be physically abusive, but as far as real love is concerned, I don't know how to show that emotion. I wouldn't know what to do." he said lifting his head off of Ginny's.
Ginny turned and looked up at him. His face was emotionless, but in his eyes she could read every emotion he was feeling. Pain. Longing. Anger. Confusion. Hurt.
"You could try." said Ginny almost in a whisper. "I can show you."
"Could you really?"
"Of course. Draco, you're not that bad. You're actually a very loving person, when you allow yourself to be. Especially when it came to that one time..."
Draco scoffed. "How do you know I wasn't just using you? You could easily be just another conquest." he said with a smirk.
Ginny glared. "Is that what I am to you then? Just another notch to add in your belt?"
"Ginny, you know that's not true." said Draco, realizing his mistake.
"Then why the hell would you say such a thing?!" she asked feeling her temper rise as she got off of the swing.
"Did I not just sit here and tell you that I don't know what to do with you?" yelled Draco getting off the swing too. 'I don't know what this is. I never felt it before to be able to know what to do with it! All I know is that I don't want to hurt you!"
"Then don't fucking hurt me!" said Ginny latching onto Draco's waist, burying her face into his chest as she started to cry. Draco instinctively wrapped his arms around her, fighting back his emotions that he ordered to stay in the back of his mind.
"I'm hurting you right now am I?" he asked.
Ginny nodded, unable to speak.
Draco shook his head, let go of his hold of Ginny, and gently pushed her off of him.
"I can't do this." he said as he turned and walked away as fast as he could, leaving Ginny to watch him as he disappeared into the school.
Ginny sat back on the swing and covered her face. She sat there and just allowed the tears to flow through her fingers and onto the ground in hopes that they would take every feeling that she had of Draco Malfoy with them so she wouldn't have them anymore.
Later on, in her bed, she cursed those tears for not doing their job.